GIVE ME YOUR BEST TIPS- IM NEW TO THIS | ADHD Information
[QUOTE=n1Lady]OH...I ALSO WANTED TO RECOMMEND A COUPLE OF BOOKS ;
"DRIVEN TO DISTRACTION" ; RECOGNIZING AND COPING WITH ADD
AND "UNDERSTANDING GIRLS WITH AD/HD"
BOTH WERE GOOD STARTER BOOKS. NOW I THINK I NEED SOMETHING A BIT MORE ADVANCED, SOMETHING TO DEAL WITH DISCIPLINE AND MOOD.
TAKE CARE, DEANNA
[/QUOTE]
i just took out 'driven to distraction' from the library yesterday! the neuro suggested me & my daughter read it!
the reason i am hesitant to fill the prescription, is i guess i am afraid! i hear too many stories......maybe in the fall, when school starts.....
I dont have a girl or a teenager however, you may want to consider some Omega 3's and or magnesium. The Alternative section has lots of info on both of these but you may want to ask your doc before you add anything natural or not.
My son still take traditional meds in addition to the alternatives
ooops this article is for all adhd kids, i had 2 and mixed this one up with the other.
sorry. i posted the one for teens in a seperate post
THIS....I WILL BE TRYING. THANKS ALOT
DEANNA
HERE IS A GOOD READ, A GENERAL FOR BOYS AND GIRLS WITH ADHD-TEENS
Secrets of Better Disciplineby Peter Jaksa
Parenting guru Peter Jaksa on the best ways to cope with six behavioral problems common among children with AD/HD.
At times, all children resist the rules and demands placed upon them. Kids who have AD/HD tend to resist even more than others. To rein in rebellious, impulsive children without creating a power struggle, parents must be infinitely patient and persistent—and creative in responding to rapidly changing situations.
Here are six common discipline problems faced by parents of children with AD/HD:
1. My child absolutely re-fuses to do as he is told. Sometimes parents and kids get into a pattern in which daily tasks and responsibilities (doing homework, getting ready for bed, and so on) turn into battles. In most cases, the child eventually complies, but the conflict leaves everyone upset and emotionally burnt-out.
The best long-term solution for avoiding power struggles is to set up routines to help children get through daily tasks associated with schoolwork and family life. For example, parents must establish and enforce—calmly but firmly—regular study times for each child. It may take weeks until the child accepts these routines and follows them consistently.
2. My child doesn't care about "consequences." Whether it's withholding television privileges, refusing to let your child attend a party, or something else, consequences work best when they are imposed as soon as possible following an infraction of the rules. If you delay the imposition of the consequences, you're blunting their emotional impact on your child.
Consequences should have realistic time limits: long enough to teach a lesson but short enough to give the child a chance to move on to more positive things. The severity of consequences should fit the crime. Overly harsh consequences will encourage your child to resent the rules and your authority—and generate more anger and rebelliousness.
3. I can't believe anything my child tells me. All children lie sometimes. The lying may be mild ("No, I didn't take my sister's CD") or it could be a cover-up for chronic problems ("No, the teacher didn't give us any homework today"). Lying is especially worrisome when it involves issues of health and safety ("Empty beer cans in the basement? What empty beer cans?").
For children with AD/HD, lying is often a coping mechanism, albeit a counterproductive one. A lie may be a way to cover up forgetfulness, to avoid criticism or punishment, or to avoid dealing with feelings of guilt and shame over repeated failures.
The first step in dealing with chronic dishonesty is to find the reasons that underlie it. If your child lies to avoid consequences for irresponsible behavior, for example, you must monitor those behaviors more closely and discipline any act of deception. If he lies in order to cover up failure and shame, encourage your child to be honest—and provide appropriate help so that your child can overcome whatever he's struggling with.
4. My child doesn't take me seriously. There could be any number of reasons why a child fails to respect you or your rules. Are the rules clear? Important rules need to be put in writing. Does the child refuse to accept the rules because she considers them unfair? In that case, the child's objections, and the parent's reasons, warrant further discussion.
Ultimately, if you want your rules to be followed, you must enforce them consistently. That means not "forgetting" about them or occasionally suspending them because you feel guilty or because your child (or spouse) pressures you to do so. If you make empty threats, you're sacrificing your credibility and undermining your authority as a parent.
5. My child overreacts to just about everything. Heightened emotionality is a characteristic of AD/HD. For kids with the condition, failure doesn't just discourage—it devastates. Criticism doesn't just hurt—it cuts to the bone. While most children might protest a bit about being disciplined, kids with AD/HD might react with intense indignation and anger. Disciplining an emotionally over-reactive child becomes risky when the child's reaction may trigger World War III.
Keep in mind that chronic overreaction to discipline—particularly when intense feelings of anger or frustration is involved—may not be the result of AD/HD. Is the child overreacting because she feels criticized? Unloved? Inadequate? Helpless? Overwhelmed? Are your expectations unrealistically high? In some cases chronic anger may indicate childhood depression or bipolar disorder.
6. My child won't listen to me. Is there a parent anywhere who has never had the experience of trying to have a serious conversation with a son or daughter—only to be met with indifference ("who are you and why are you bothering me with this stuff right now?")? If the conversation involves a matter of discipline, you can be certain that your message isn't getting through.
If your child tunes you out on a regular basis, do a self-check. Have you become too negative or critical toward your child? Do you focus too much on problems and not enough on solutions? Has conversation turned into a series of lectures, instead of a give-and-take? No matter what your child's age, it can be helpful to involve him in the process of establishing the household rules and setting consequences for breaking them. A child who feels included in the making of family rules will be more likely to respect them.
By Peter Jaksa, Ph.D., president and clinical director of ADD Centers of America in Chicago and past president of the Attention Deficit Disorder Association.
HI, YES OUR DAUGHTER SOUND SO ALIKE. BUT WHEN THEY GET OLDER LIKE MINE, THE MORE YOU DICIPLINE THEM, THE MORE THEY RESNT YOU. THE PUNISHING DOES NOTHING. IVE BEEN THROUGH EVERY TACTIC I CAN THINK OF.
NORMALLY THE TEENAGE YEARS, ALONG WITH PUBERTY IS A REBELLIOUS TIME FOR NORMAL KIDS. BUT FOR US, ITS QUITE A DIFFERENT STORY, AND FOR GIRLS, ITS EVEN MORE DIFFERENT. THERE ARE TOO MANY MOOD ISSUES. TOO MUCH MOTHER DAUGHTER CLASHING. AND ITS SUCH A STRUGGLE. I AM QUICKLY LOSING HEART.
MY DAUGHTER TELLS ME SHE HATES ME OVER AND OVER 
SHE SAYS SHE WANTS TO LIVE ANYWHERE BUT HERE. AND THIS IS ALL BECAUSE OF NORMAL DISCIPLINE. AVERAGE DISCPLINE. NOTHING OUTRAGEOUS.
IN MY ATTEMPT TO HELP HER, BY TAKING HER TO COUNSLERS, MEDS, AND TRYING DIFFERENT THINGS AT HOME, SHE SEEMS TO BE STILL PULLING AWAY.
WAHT DO YOU DO??? IF I HAD THE FORMULA FOR SUCESS, I WOULD BE THRILLED AND GLADLY SHARE IT. I AM STILL SEARCHING. I'LL LET YOU KNOW IF I FIND IT.
DEANNA
If the rewards have worked in the past, keep trying that approach. With ADHD kids, you have to change it up every 2 weeks or so to keep them interested. Maybe for 2 weeks you motivate them with money, then change it to a special activity she would love, then change it again. Also, have short-term rewards in there, also. Long term rewards don't work very well. Also, talk with her about what she would like for a reward. Maybe that would help her to buy in to the reward system. Laurapalmer,Can you tell me a little about your 14 yr old daughter? I also have a 14 yr old daughter recently diagnosed with ADD and given a prescription for Adderal XR which I have not filled yet. Can you tell me how she is socially and emotionally? I always thought that ADD was more of a school work related issue but I am finding that is not always true. I appreciate any input. This is all so overwhelming.Deanna,
Thanks so much for sharing your story. You cannot believe how much it helps to hear that I am not alone because I do feel alone in my neighborhood.
emotionally, my daughter also gets angry easily, she definitely has all of the same traits as your daughter. My daughter also makes up very detailed lies about many things such as being in a car accident and having to go to the emergency room all night which never even happened. There are many other lies too. she also has a boyfriend that does not help her self-esteem. my husband and I have decided that we are going to close that door because she is just emotionally immature and there is also a trust factor. We have rules about the computer that she must ask before she goes on. I can't tell you how many times she will just go on the computer withouth asking and then when I confront her she just says she forgot or "sorry". It happens over and over again. you would think it would be so easy to just ask. we usually let her on so saying no all the time is not an issue. if we let her out with friends and say to be home by 8:00pm and she is late she will not call to check in and then wonders why she is loosing privledges. I told her yesterday, out of fustration, that she alone holds the power to change her behavior. she knows the rules and the trust mush start at home. if the trust is not there then she cannot expect us to trust her outside the home. i was once told that dating and socializing are a priviledge that can be easily taken away. i don't want to make my life a living hell with my daughter but she cannot control the household. i have two other younger children and they need attention also. it definitely takes its toll on the whole household. i never know when i wake up in the morning if she is in a good mood or a bad mood.
n1Lady - is your daughter on any type of medication?
laurapalmer - why are you hesitant about filling the prescription?
Thanks so much to everyone. This is fantastic.
she is newly diagnosed also....they want her to go on strattera.....but i'm not sure about that, we'll see.....she did horrible in school this past year, but graduated.....she is very unorganized & gets easily frustrated by my 9yr old w/aspergers.....what are the probs you're having with your daughter?
how my daughter is socially and emotionally is.....a bit of a mess. socially, she is very very immature. which is a classic sign of adhd. her responses to things are inappropriate, and in school, her teachers are soooo frustrated with her.
emotionally, she gets angry very easily, everything to her is an insult. everything is hugly overdramatized. ex; if i say dont do that....in her mind i screamed and yelled. if is say...please make better chices....she says i am calling her stupid. she goes against everything i say. she enjoys verbal fights. i say black...she says white. also, she gets lopst in her own conversations. she cannot remember what she said a couple minutes before, its like talking to the riddler.
i will write back late this morning. i have alot to share but cannot at this moment because i must take my older daughter to work. be back shortly.
deanna
CHRISTINA HAS JUST STARTED FOCALIN 5 MG A FEW WEEKS AGO. NOW IT HAS BEEN INCREASED TO 15 MG.
I AM SITTING HERE TYPING AFTER I JUST FINISHED CRYING (AGAIN). A FEW MORE OUTBURSTS JUST OCCURED WHILE I WAS OUT WITH HER AND WHEN WE GOT HOME. IT SEEMS LIKE THERE ARE MORE BAD TIMES THAN GOOD. SHE SEEMS COLD. DO ANY OF YOU SEE THE SAME THING? I HOPE IM NOT THE ONLY ONE. SHE SEEMS LIKE A STRANGER.
WHEN HER WORST BEHAVIOR BEGAN, AND WE DIDNT KNOW SHE HAD ADHD, ALL THE EXPLAINING, TALKING, INFORMING, YELLING, PUNISHING, GROUNDING, ECT ....DIDNT MAKE A BIT OF DIFFERENCE. THAT IS WHAT THE MEDS ARE SUPPOSED TO PARTIALLY HELP.
YOU HAVE TO FIND A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT WAY OF DISCIPLINING. PUNISHMENTS MUST BE IMMEDIATE IMPACT, AND SHORT DURATION. AND THE MEDS ARE A MUST. ONE OF THE HALLMARKS OF ADHD IS THAT ALL THE THINGS THAT WORK ON NORMAL KIDS, WILL NOT WORK FOR ADHD.
YOU MUST NOT GET CARRIED AWAY IN ARGUMENTS, DONT GET CAUGHT UP IN "TRYING TO WIN" THE ARGUMENT. IT MAKES THINGS WORSE. I SOMETIMES DO THIS UNINTENTIONALLY, OR OUT OF HABIT.
BUT IT IS SO SO HARD. BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE SHE CAN ACT THIS WAY AND ESENTIALLY GET AWAY WITH IT. THAT I HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT "THIS IS JUST HOW SHE IS". THIS FOR SOME REASON IS VERY TOUGH FOR ME.
SHE SEEMS SO COLD AND UNFEELING TOWARDS ME. AND I LOVE HER SO MUCH.
I CANTR EVEN DESCRIBE MY DAYS WITH HER AS "GOOD ONES" OR "BAD ONES"
HER MOOD SEEMS MONOTONE WITH BOUTS OF ANGER.
THANKS ALL. KEEP UP THE INFO AND ADD ON. ALL YOUR EXPEREINCES WITH YOUR TEEN DAUGHTERS ARE HELPING IMMENSLY. ALL OF THE SUDDEN I DONT FEEL SO ALONE. DEANNA
OH...I ALSO WANTED TO RECOMMEND A COUPLE OF BOOKS ;
"DRIVEN TO DISTRACTION" ; RECOGNIZING AND COPING WITH ADD
AND "UNDERSTANDING GIRLS WITH AD/HD"
BOTH WERE GOOD STARTER BOOKS. NOW I THINK I NEED SOMETHING A BIT MORE ADVANCED, SOMETHING TO DEAL WITH DISCIPLINE AND MOOD.
TAKE CARE, DEANNA
I'd like to recommend another book, also, called From Chaos to Calm. It is a very good guide on how to discipline and motivate ADHD kids.Your 14 year olds sound like my 8 year old. Everything is dramatized. I repeatedly ask her not to do things like go on the computer, and she does it over and over. And her response is always "i don't know why I did it, I think I forgot."
I am constantly having to say "no' to her, and this makes her lie and try to do things behind my back. She is all over the place, she is always into something.
I try to find things that she can do that will keep her attention, but it's so frustrating, because I will take the time to come up with something (like a craft or art project) and 3 minutes into it she is either trying to change the plan, or telling me what to do.
I really want to teach her to cook, but she is out of control in the kitchen. She cannot wait 1 second for me to give her the next steps. She is spilling things and pouring things into the wrong bowls, and telling me how to do it. She just gets so excited and cannot control herself (impulse control)
Talking about the attitude... mine will shout things lile "you're ruining my life" because I NICELY (emphasize nicely) tell her that she needs to wear jeans instead of shorts because its cold outside. She slams doors, throws toys, bangs her head against the wall, screams at the top of her lungs.
We try to go on family walks with her, but it is so dramatic. When we first leave she is really excited, but 5 minutes into it, she's saying "my legs hurt, i'm hungry, I have to go to the bathroom, I'm gonna pass out". We just tell her she's ok, and keep walking (we try to ignore it).But then she will SIT DOWN and refuse to go anywhere. We manage to get her home, one way or the other, but t is not fun (it usuall involves kicking and screaming and leaving out neighboors to think we are hurting her). One day last week she actually stopped in the middle of the road and yelled "i'd rather get hit by a car than have to walk home with you"!
I used to be a teacher, so I am very good with discipline and being consistent. I can tell you that we have tried everything with this child, and punishment doesn't work! I am not a bad parent, she simply does not respond to punishment of any kind. She does respond to a token'reward system. But the problem we have found with that is she gets bored with the rewards before she even earns them.
I am worried about puberty because she seems to be acting like a teenager already! What do I have to look foward too?
buggabug38891.4830787037HI, I AM NEW TO THIS SITE. I AM A 36 YEAR OLD MOTHER OF A 14 YEAR OLD GIRL WITH ADHD. I AM ALSO A WOMAN WITH MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS. I HAVE WAY TOO MUCH TO BATTLE RIGHT NOW AND YOUR BEST TIPS WOULD BE APPRECIATED.
I HAVE TO SAY...... AM SOOO EMOTIONALLY EXHAUSTED RIGHT NOW. IM SCARED, UPSET, AND PRETTY OVERWHEALMED. THIS IS QUITE A ROLLER COASTER RIDE. AND SINCE SHE HIT PUBERTY......GOOD HEAVENS!!!!! WHAT AN IMPACT THAT HAS ON GIRLS WITH ADHD.
IVE BEEN READING, READING, AND READING. ITS TAKEN ME A WHILE TO GRASP HOW I NEED TO CHANGE "ME" IN ORDER TO HELP HER.
ALSO, AT TIMES......I CAN RELATE TO WHAT SHE IS GOING THROUGH. SOME OF THE SYMPTOMS OF MS ARE COGNITIVE IMPAIRMENT, SHORT TERM MEMORY, CONFUSION, HAVING TROUBLE FINDING RIGHT WORDS, TEMPERMENT PROBLEMS, EMOTIONAL ISSUES. I GUESS THATS WHY WE CLASH SOMETIMES.
ANYHOW, I JUST WANTED TO INTRODUCE MYSELF, SAY HELLO, AND LET YOU KNOW YOU ARE ALL APPRECIATED.
PS..ANY ADVICE IS CERTAINLY WELCOMED. TAKE CARE, DEANNA
I am pretty new at this also. Ive got a 3 year old almost 4..
July 4th she will be 4! We were recently diagnosed with ADHD. This is a good board i have found out to post on. Got a question ask it.!
welcome! i'm 37, with a 14yr old add daughter! i hope you find some helpful ideas here!
laurapalmer38890.8619791667