social problems | ADHD Information

I am new to this forum and have a 6 year old son with ADHD. He is in kindergarten and I am already seeing a long road ahead for him socially. He is already being allienated by peers at school and in the neighborhood. I've read things that say "pair them up with kids that have really good social skills" I would love to do this, but the kids that have good social skills (and even the ones who don't) don't want to be friends with my son. It is killing me to see him struggle so much already. He rarely gets invited to birthday parties, etc. and he is just now starting to understand that he is being rejected and alienated. I can see the hurt on his face. It breaks my heart. It's getting to where I can't leave him alone with friends, I have to constantly be there to help and remind him to be in control (of his emotions), share, talk kindly, etc. but it is to no avail. And even if it helped, I can't be there with him in every social setting. I'm worried and sad for him and am looking for some advice as to what I can do to help him.I just got off the phone with a local MFCC. She gets groups of four ADHD kids together that are the same age. She meets with each first to see if they are a good match. When she gets four that are a good match, she conducts group social skills therapy for six weeks. She creates situations that will invoke common conflict, and works through it with them, teaches them to read emotion on faces, how to manage frustration, and so forth. I found her by calling a private school for chldren with severe behavioral problems. I also found another social skills group by calling a language and speech center. I will probably do both if they don't overlap. Your son is the perfect age for this! His self-esteem is probably still intact. I would try to locate a social skills class. NoTellin38890.8829976852 Thanks for the suggestions and encouragement. Today was a good day for him at church and home, so it's easier to feel encouraged on days like today. I'll start searching for local social skills groups. Hopefully I can find something close by. Thanks!My son had the same problems in his early elementary school years I never knew of social skills classes then, but Oh how I wish I had!! They probably would have saved us a lot of grief. He is 14 now, and doing great with the social aspect of his life. His therapist is helping him out somewhat with some social skills training. Hopefully things will work out for your son the way they did for mine. My daughter is in a social skills group, and so far,it has been promising--they do work on conflict resolution, knowing what makes a good friend, and how to read social cues. We found our group through a woman who does learning disability testing. Good luck! My daughter is the same and was getting social skills help at school with her IEP now summer is here she does need more. Where can you find these places for help with socialization? I have my girl in dance every year plus summer activities to help her meet others but we still end up with nothing. My daughter is the friendliest and is oblivious to rejection she does not get it but I do for her and yes it hurts. You are not alone.I found one at an ADHD clinic, a language center, and with an MFCC.You also might try to find younger friends for him. Many kids withADHD are immature and do well with younger kids.If you use a speech therapist or an MFCC, I would suggest meeting her/him first with your child to see what they focus on. I met with an MFCC, and I'm going to go ahead with it, but my son won't get help on the most problamatic areas. She's honing in on expression of feelings and minor anxiety, which is not what is causing problems in the classroom. So I'm going to pursue other classes as well.What is a MFCC? i, too am looking for social skills
training for my six year old and have not received any
help through his school. Does anyone have the
name of a certain social skills training program that i
could ask them to use? Thanks!Daniel's social things come from church and scouts. Parents also alleniate kids by not including all kids at school to b-day parties. Here you don't have to invite the whole class. They allow kids to invite who they want. My written invitation!Boys exell at different rates anyhow than girls just ask your dr. Most girls exell faster than boys anyhow. Most ladies I talk with our not sending their sons to k until age 6. Reason being aloud to mature a little more. RN

[QUOTE=bitdo]... we have been giving him fish oil for the past few weeks. No help yet, but they say it could take up to 3 months to help.

When your son is on his meds, what kind of changes do you see as far as socially?[/QUOTE]

Hi Bitdo:

I personally would disagree with the fish oil taking 3 months to work. My older, non-ADHD son recently had a concussion, and it affected his focus, memory, interest and participation in class. One of the few things we could do was have him take fish oil. One of his very observant grade 10 teachers noticed the improvement within a week, so we told him what was up. He also shocked my son by pulling him aside one Friday and asking "you've forgotten your fish oils this week, right?" He had, unbeknownst to me. That TOTALLY impressed upon all of us how much this stuff helps. Wow.

As far as my ADD son, the changes we see are hard to describe, but when on meds he comprehends better what people would consider socially acceptable and what they wouldn't. It's like he's able to preplay in his head what he's thinking of saying or doing, then extropolate what the response might be, then adjust accordingly. When he's not on his meds, it's like something gets lost in the thought process. Make sense? Me, DH and older son can all tell whether he's on meds or not based solely on what he says and how he says it. It's like a maturity toggle-switch.

It does sound though like you do need to get an official dx. This is complicated stuff, and treating the right thing is so important. But the fish oil is certainly the right start, IMO!

PuckBunny, My son is not on medication as of yet. In fact, he has only had a unofficial diagnosis from the counselor we are meeting with. So we're not even sure if it's ADHD alone that we're dealing with. With research we've been doing lately, some of his issues fit under that category of Asperger's rather than ADHD. The only neurophyc. is booked out 4 months, so we just wait... That was a long answer to your question. So no meds yet, but we have been giving him fish oil for the past few weeks. No help yet, but they say it could take up to 3 months to help. Until then, we've got to try to find some social skills classes for him because whether it's ADHD, asperger's or something else, he needs so much help socially. When your son is on his meds, what kind of changes do you see as far as socially? The problem I see when I observe my son in social settings is that he either withdraws completely, or he tries to interact, but just doesn't know how to do it appropriately, and so he ends up irritating his peers with too much touching, hitting (not in anger, just out of lack of knowing how else to interact), or too much "in your face". It doesn't matter how much I pull him aside and remind him, he goes back and continues as if he didn't hear a thing I said.

IMAC, I agree with you totally that even though he's 6, it's like having a 3 year old. Except worse, because the expectations are higher the older he gets. I have a 3 year old daughter and she is leaps and bounds above him socially, emotionally, etc. He's more demanding on my time than even my 8 month old. It's becoming exhausing. As for help from his teacher, I've talked to her a few times and she has said she notices only on some days there are minor problems, but in her opinion, she didn't feel like it was even anything to worry about. I realize this is only her opinion, but I get confused because I don't know if she is sugar-coating everything (she is that way a bit) or if the issues aren't as bad at school as they are at home and in the neighborhood. I do know, he hasn't connected with anyone at school or in the neighborhood, so in my opinion, there is a problem. He starts first grade in just 3 weeks and he has one of the best teachers in the entire school (thank goodness for little miracles!) Hopefully, with her help, we can help him to connect with even 1 or 2 kids. I realize at this point his self esteem is still mostly intact, and I want to intervene and help before I feel like it's too late.

Bitdo, it sounds like your mother's intuition is probably correct. Hang in there. I arranged play dates for my daughter that I knew she could do well. Like ChuckyCheese Pizza parties and Discovery Zone. She could run and be loud, and fit right in. Of course she needed to learn social skills too so the skill building exercises others have suggested would be a good idea as well. .IMac38944.7126041667

[QUOTE=bitdo] He is already being allienated by peers at school and in the neighborhood. I've read things that say "pair them up with kids that have really good social skills" I would love to do this, but the kids that have good social skills (and even the ones who don't) don't want to be friends with my son.[/QUOTE]

Bitdo: You don't say whether your son is on medication or not. When my son went on Adderall, it was like the social-cue blinders had been removed, which was enlightening and painful all at the same time. Of course at age 11, there's not much chance of ever working your way back into the realm of totally "accepted" - the hierchal structure is firmly established by that age. I wish he had been dx'd earlier, but better late than never I guess.

I also had a heart-to-heart with his teacher, and she spent some time observing who she thought he'd be a well-matched with. She made some suggestions, and then I had to PUSH my son to approach these boys and interact with them (years of rejection takes its toll ...) Turns out she was absolutely right, and he's actually made some new friends recently. Hallelujiah.

The days when my son is not on his meds (we've taken a few breaks since school ended), I've observed him making some really socially-inept comments to people. Yikes. The change is quite fascinating to watch!