Not focusing | ADHD Information
.IMac38944.8515162037 [QUOTE=quixote] ...had to point out that he was holding a ballpoint penand a stuffed turtle and there was not a shoe or sock in sight. He looked
down at his hands and seemed genuinely surprised at what was there...
[/QUOTE]
I love it! What a wonderful image!
[QUOTE=quixote] I am terrified that he will be allowed to have a driver's license in eleven
years. They ought to require a doctor's note... [/QUOTE]
Over the last ten years I had similar thoughts over various issues...but especially driving. Ds did get his license after he was 17. He has turned out to be a very good driver, although this is limited to being on medication. (haven't seen him drive off meds and the possibility is a concern.)
He has made good choices about whether to drive or not depending on how he feels. He seems pretty in tune to himself. I am glad he waited. There is supposed to be a lot of growth in neuro connections between 16-17. I saw great improvement in his driving ability at 17, altho he had hardly been behind the wheel for about one year.
In the last couple of years he has reminded me not to worry about different things and that he will be able to do it. Given time he has proved me wrong multiple times and with that experience I have the confidence now that he can do whatever he puts his mind to do.
The children of the parents on this board are so lucky to have parents that are so involved in trying to understand and support them.
You guys are great!
jfla238899.4259027778jfla2- how funny. What is it about shoes & socks? My son will not look at
what he is doing... I have to tell him to look at his foot, or he will hold out
the open sock and wave his foot about three inches away from it while he
stares at me or something else. I also have to remind him "two hands". He
usually forgets the left because it's thumb is lodged in is mouth, always
before & after meds.
One morning I sent him for shoes & socks, he went and got something
from the right place and proceeded to the right shoe-putting-on area,
and when I called "socks" etc. as I was brushing my teeth, he gave the
right responses. (Oh yes, our duplex neighbor just loves us) When I came
in and said " You are supposed to be putting on your shoes & socks" he
screamed "I AM!!" I had to point out that he was holding a ballpoint pen
and a stuffed turtle and there was not a shoe or sock in sight. He looked
down at his hands and seemed genuinely surprised at what was there. He
had been "out past Pluto" as the last psychologist put it.
I am terrified that he will be allowed to have a driver's license in eleven
years. They ought to require a doctor's note...
this i a big problem with ADHD.. before you ask him to do something make sure you have his full attention... and then tell him what needs to be done... with my daughter who is now 18 we still can;t tell her to go clean her room.. instead we have to say sarah go make your bed, then sarah go pick up the clothes on the floor, and so on... i think you get what i'm saying.. i wish you luck and welcome to the board...
Hi TrixiCat, Sheri gave a great one, to give only one direction at a time. I'm this way, and I carry a pen and pad with me at work for this very reason. I am constantly writing things down. This is a basic survival technique for ADHDers. He will probably be getting an agenda in school, if not get him one and teach him how to use it. For chores, use a timer, because they get lost in the time and don't know how much has passed. Time stops in the shower so the timer is great to give them an awereness that time DOES keep plodding on! Either way, I find I still have to prod my son some. trixicat, I resolved this regarding the mundane daily things -- get dressed, get out of bed, etc, by using ograms marble system. Search under username ogram.My 9 year old daughter is the same way. She has to be told every little step to take to get something accomplished. She gets in the shower and takes a long time because she gets sidetracked playing, drawing on the shower door glass. Don't worry, just take it a day at a time.I have a 6 year old son who is on both concerta and strattera. This is probably a basic question, but I need some guidance. When I ask him to do something like take a bath, get dressed, etc. he gets distracted and starts playing and has to be told at least 5 times and be stayed on top of. Is this something I am going to have to live with and accept it as being part of his ADHD or are there ways of dealing with this. Even when he gets a shower he somehow finds ways to play or write his name is the steam and draw pictures, versus actually showering.
I don't want the solution to be automatically increase his meds.. Any help here?
trixie, I think we have the same kid. He does the same thing in the shower but it is typically after he has washed his hair ( the steam is better for writing ) our problem is after the shower. I have his PJs and unders out for him and all he has to be is put them on. He will do this if I stay with him but if I leave and return I will find a half naked kid sitting on the floor playing legos. I think that I just need to eliminate distractions and have him dress in the bathroom.
Michele, you thank you for your response. You brought something to mind that I have been thinking about also. I know behaviorial therapy is important with ADHD kids, but what does the therapist talk about. We tried it for several months and found after a while my son had nothing to say. And then I found I had nothing to say. My son is not one to open up so it made it more difficult.
thanks.
Delays are not part of adhd. If delays are happening most likely your child is miss diagnosed. This is part of being asd more likely. Asd kids develop slower than the normal population. We've only had a few sessions so far. But can you believe, I didnt recognize my sons anger until therapy. How blind was I? His bad behavior was causing my fussing was causing his anger.....We are learning how to communicate, bonding techniques, and I am now recognizing my sons moods. But I always seem to notice something different in him. Such as tics. It always feels like two steps forward one step back.
Capd can be the cause of why your child is haveing trouble also. They can't do a 3 step request. Hi, As I read through the feedback to your query, I started laughing. 
Which quickly turned to crying. 
I cant get over how similiar my situation is to so many others. I am a single mom of a 6 yr old boy. I knew being a single mom was going to be challenging, but I felt something wasnt right, I kept thinking, being a parent should be more enjoyable than this. Then he was diagnosed with adhd.
Yes, getting him to complete one task seems next to impossible. I always catch myself getting into an uproar. Of course, this doesnt solve anything. After all of the trial runs with medication and therapy sessions, I still find myself with this feeling of running in place. I cant imagine what is going through his little mind.
I am just learning the baby steps to all of this. I probably dont have the best advise as of yet. But hang in there.
OMG, the shower stories are great. This is a crazy time of day around here. Our DS is 7 years old, and showers can take 30 minutes plus (he forgot what he was supposed to be doing in there) or 30 seconds (he forgot to do *anything* in there).We do everything you all have described -- put the clothes in the hall so he won't get lost in his bedroom, yell step-by-step directions into the bathroom (Shampoo! Rinse! Dry off! Brush your teeth ... stay in the bathroom ... brush your teeth ... stay in the bathroom ... brush ... bathroom ....)
I wonder what he would do with a list. It'd be nice not to be the prompter for a change!!!
My mother says I have amazing patience and she can't figure it out since I was the most impatient child ever.
quixote--did the doctor(s) tell you exactly what the connection is between ADHD and being unable to potty-training or having delayed potty-training?I just got used to it thinking it is part of my daughter the way she is and accepted it. It is hard most days but love gets us through.
Thank you everyone for your comments. It made me feel better that most of you are experiencing the same thing. I have learned to have the patience of a saint with my son, but it can only go so far.
In regards to your comments, I do end up breaking down tasks into smaller portions, but I still find I have to stay with him to get them accomplished. I guess the goal in all of this is for us to make certain routines as simplified as possible for our kids and teach them over time to do for themselves and do what works best.
One person said their child can accomplish his tasks by looking at a list and checking off things. I have thought about using a magnetic board and when my son brushes his teeth, as an example, he can move a magnetic for teetch brushing from the to do list into a completed column. I think though we need to also keep in mind that all of our kids have varying forms of ADHD, some more severe then others, plus personality plays a role also. What might work for one person will not work for another.
One last thing, where can I find information on this Ogram marble system. I tried googling it and can not come up with anything.
Thanks.
http://www.adhdnews.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19898& KW=ogram
Things improved dramatically post med. It's already been mentioned about patience, breaking tasks down and simplifying the directions and their space. Even easier was simplifying the direction to just mentioning the noun when he was distracted from the task. Instead of "put on your socks", just "socks" might be enough. It seemed to distance me from being the one telling him what to do. It helped me relax about it too. Ds used to forget to use his left hand for tasks sometimes. Then I'd say "left hand" to remind him that he had one. No big deal just draw attention to the item simply.
An egg timer made for the shower (5 minutes) helped give him a sense of time in the bathroom.
Somewhere along the line I adopted the thought that if he can get these things together by 18 then we will be alright. It helped lighten things up. It's been a long road and he is doing great. I couldn't be prouder.
At some point they figure out what works for them. My daughter had the same issue who is ADD and SI--but, now that she is on strattera, it's better. What she has explained to me now that she's on meds and is more clear is that before she was medicated, she couldn't feel when she was supposed to go, so she learned to just hold it constantly in fear of having accidents..don't know if this relates to your situation, but it made a bit more sense to me. That said, she is also now on ddavp to stop constant bedwetting...she's 9 1/2.
denmom--interesting you should say that. My son has claimed that he cannot feel when he has to go, it's almost like it takes extra mental effort to address it. I have to insist that he maintain an awareness of it, or he backslides.
jfla --that is a GREAT memory. Thanks for sharing a fond ADHD moment. "sitting on the floor, happily stretching his sock between his teeth and toes" -- I'm going to think of that when I'm falling asleep tonight.
No, no doctor has been willing to equate ADHD and our potty problems,but I think it must have been that he couldn't carry out a plan. He knew
the process (feel pressure, stop what I am doing, go to the bathroom, pull
down my pants, etc) but he would get distracted. He also had sensory
issues before meds; he didn't acknowledge most kinds of pain, never
complained of being too hot or too cold, and he was SO clumsy and
uncoordinated. He was probably having trouble reading the signals that
his body was sending him when he had to go. I remember about a month
after starting meds, before dinner his eyes got real big and he said "Mom,
something is happening in my stomach!" He was pretty scared and
worried, and finally I got him to describe a gurgling growl... hunger pains!
He had never felt them- or never noticed them- before.
I think your idea of a list may work someday, but for the last year he has
had a writing/copying obsession and would be compelled to copy the list
five or six times and get more upset and distracted. This obsession is
starting to wane, so by fall I may start trying some sort of task cards.
Sensory issues and obsessions... yes I've had him checked for AS, but I
am told no. Only time will tell on that one, I think.[QUOTE=NoTellin]Is this really what parents are generally experiencing in the home, even with medication?? Can we have a few more parents weigh in on this?[/QUOTE]
My son is almost 13, and even getting him to TAKE a shower is a milestone. Don't get me wrong, he's not a smelly slob by any means. He just would rather do other things. His non-ADD older brother (almost 16) sometimes has 2 a day, so you can imagine how impressed he his with his little brother.
So when he does get
around to it every few days, I still always have to remind him that his
time is up and that he doesn't need 20 minutes to shower. Often at that
point, he still hasn't even washed his hair. Arrrrgghh.The checklist is imperative for my son, at least for chores. It doesn't have to be as detailed, step-by-step as it was pre-medication (10 months now), but it still makes everyone's lives easier if we use one. I'm not sure if it's the satisfaction of the physically checking something off or crossing the item dramatically off the list that motivates him, but I suspect that's part of it. I suggested to someone recently that you could use some kind of system of pictures (for younger kids or just those that respond to visual cues better), featuring the child themselves: in one, they are putting on their socks; in the next, they are putting on their pants, etc. The whole routine could be there (teeth-brushing, packing backpack, making bed, heading out the door, whatever), with your child - especially one who likes to look in the mirror - starring in all of the shots. A magnet or velcro "checkmark" (get creative here) could be used by the child to check each thing off.
Granted, they'd probably tire of it after a while, but it might get a habit started... who knows?
As a side note, we just got the results from our school psychologist, after much testing, that as well as the ADD (inattentive-type) that my son has, he has one very clear LD - a processing speed delay. As many do, he's above average in most subjects, but he needs longer to make his point and do his work. Couple that with distractions (he officially gets separate space to do his work now - YAY!!!), as well as being left-handed, and it explains SO much about the last 7 difficult years of school. It feels like the potential cracks he was doomed to fall through are disappearing. What a relief!
PB
Very interesting quixote. When I was having the potty training difficulties, I spent a huge amount of effort on it. I read books, I was on the "potty training" chat rooms, I tried every suggestion anyone (normal) ever suggested, I even talked to a clinical social worker two times a month strictly on the topic for an entire year (when I told him to hit the road; he was convinced that it was a control issue). Nothing worked. I concluded after being on this board and seeing the issue come up over and over at a certain age that it was connected to ADHD. My son also has sensory issues, but not officially SID. He kind of sounds like your son--clumsy, no complaints of hot or cold, didn't recognize hunger pains--these things are gone now, and resolved by age 6. He has very good motor skills, which confuses the issue. But I'm wondering if it was a combo of ADHD (impaired focus) and sensory issues on the fringe but not obvious, that caused the potty training issues. I have learned to be more patient than I ever thought possible, because I
finally accepted that my son's brain is wired much differently than mine,
and it is up to me to keep him here on Earth and teach him our ways. I
spent a year and a half punishing and battling with this kid; I never gave
an inch, but consequences never worked. The day we got the right dose
of Adderall was the most amazing day- my son could finally use the
potty. I had been punishing him for choosing to not go, when all along he
needed this tool (meds) to do what other kids could do on their own. I
fully expect him to learn all of the same life skills as any other person,
but I know that it will take a lot more time and effort.
Here is a good example: He still has to be told to step back from doors
that open outwards, like our front door. I have started asking him to open
these doors when possible. He knows to pull them, but at first he would
pull them into his face or toes. He is learning to step back when HE opens
doors now, but still has to be reminded about half the time to step back
when I open a car door or the front door. Half the time is a big
improvement, and I bet in a few more months he always remembers.
Now we are working on grabbing- he watches me cook from across the
counter, and grabs at any implement I set on the counter, so I can never
set down a knife or peeler or grater. I put out a wisk or strainer,
something interesting but harmless. he gets a snitch of his favorite
ingredient if he doesn't grab at it for two minutes. Not going well so far,
but it has only been a week. By Christmas he might get it...
Baby steps.My son will be 6 in October, and I can't even envision the day that I trust
him to bathe himself. He is finally dressing himself, but I have to put his
clothes in the bathroom or the hallway, because his room is too
distracting. He puts his shoes & socks on in my room in the morning, and
it is usually a five minute ordeal of re-directing (on a good day) or
threats, like "put on your left sock right now or you will lose the granola
bar in your lunch", and so on item by item until the whole job is done.
The very worst distraction for him is a mirror- he cannot be reached at all
then. So I only have one in the house, above his head.
Since I have accepted and learned to work with my son's limitations, I
have started doing the same things at work (I supervise 28 men, and at
least four are ADHD) and I am getting good results. I remove distractions,
break down assignments into smaller pieces, use clear simple direct
language (instead of "Could you please..." it is "Do this now." with a
pleasant smile) Their energy and creativity are assets, and they tend to
not panic when we get really busy. Gives me hope for my son...
Is this common for ADHD kids, 6 and up? The range on this post is all the way up to 18, with the parent giving the child minute broken down instructions for something that is typically one instruction.
Is this really what parents are generally experiencing in the home, even with medication?? Do many of you set out clothes and give kids instructions in the shower? And tell them to put each clothing item on, one at a time? Can we have a few more parents weigh in on this? I guess I just rather stunned.
The parents in this post must have amazing patience. I don't know how you do it.
[QUOTE=NoTellin]trixicat, I resolved this regarding the mundane daily things -- get dressed, get out of bed, etc, by using ograms marble system. Search under username ogram.[/QUOTE]
Now if I can just figure out how to use that marble system on myself. 
I know it is more difficult with kids, they are so dang fast! But if it helps any...
Getting distracted doesn't go away. We all have to cope with mornings and evenings unmedicated, whether we take meds or not. I do as much as possible the night before, when I have enough time to meander my way through. I shower, find clothes and put anything that needs to go with me in my car.
My morning routine is simple. I get up in the morning and I grab clothes and head straight for the bathroom. After that, I simply don't leave the bathroom until I am ready for work. I make a beeline for my purse, keys and to the car. If I stray AT ALL from the routine, I am doomed. "Uh, I'm late because I stopped to watch the cat eat breakfast???" Sigh.
The important thing for me, was knowing when to give up. Not throw in the towel, but simply accept that what I was doing wasn't working. That allowed me to move on try something else. 10 out of 10 ADHDers agree... trying harder doesn't work. It is trying "different" that works.
Best wishes!
Hmmm...so I take it this would not be a typical experience: this morning I went next door and wrote down a list of 5 "getting ready" tasks for my son to do while I was gone. I came back 20 min later and they were done. When I walked in he handed me the paper with each completed item checked off. There must be some ADHD kids who can do this (right??) b/c my son has this dx and is unmedicated.We can all get things done, trouble is it is inconsistent. If it is something we are excited about, or really motivated to get right we can do it. Things that fall into our "comfort" zone become unreliable.
Some people can use and follow a list, could be your son is one. Me? I can follow the list for a day or a week, but about week two, I forget about the list... or start losing the darn thing. So then I have to switch to emailing or calling myself... you get the idea.
NoTellin, that would be UNHEARD of in my house! Id 'be lucky if he hung on to the list long enough to even look at it! If this was a regular occurance in your home, i'd say you were very lucky!