New Member - Looking for Help | ADHD Information

Hi everyone,

I'm new to the boards here.  My 7 year old son has not yet been diagnosed with ADHD, but I have had several teachers bring the possibility and probability to my attention, and have urged me to investigate further.  The whole thing scares me, but I want to do whatever I can to help my son should he need it.

I will tell you a little about us and our situation:

The problem was first brought up back in September 2005, when my son started Grade One.  His teacher noticed that he wasn't willing to do his work on his own, and needed constant attention to complete tasks.  He was also very fidgety in school and needed several reminders to be quiet and pay attention.  It continued through the year, and his teacher and I had several discussions about it.  The major problem with this, is that I didn't see, and still do not see, any problems at home.  I never had a problem getting him to focus or do his work when he was with me, so I thought perhaps it was just a bad student-teacher mix, and I decided to take it one day at a time and see what happens in the near future.

My son started summer school this week, and the summer school teacher is having the same problems.  She has advised me to see a pediatrician and do some initial tests.  I am still not convinced.  I think it may be just the fact that he doesn't want to do the work there,  or maybe I'm not seeing what they're seeing.  The idea of my son having to go on medication is a little intimidating, too.  I was just wondering if anyone has any advice for me.  Thank you so much..

Welcome!

How does he read?  Does he have any problems with math or writing?

How does he get along with peers?

Does you have any problems at home -- defiancy, won't go to sleep, aggression toward siblings (if any)?

I do not trust pediatricians to diagnose complicated childhood disorders.  They don't have the necessary skills or training.  I would recommend an evaluation by a neuropsychologist, who can assess for many things, including learning issues.  Trouble attending in school does not necessarily mean ADHD.   Neuropsychologists can be found at children's and university hospitals.

 

Definitely get an evaluation done. You not only need a physician of some sort (neuropsych or behavioral specialist) but you should also pursue an evaluation through your school districts special ed office.  Once you have the evaluations done, both you and the school will have a better idea of how to best help your son. NOT getting the evaluation will do no good whatsoever. Since you are not seeing a problem at home, where it is a quiet familiar environment, it might be something other than ADD (like a language processing problem). That's where the school district's evaluation will come up.

Once you have a diagnosis (if there is one), you and the school can then come up with a plan to help your son. Maybe he needs to be in a smaller or an 'inclusion classroom. (An inclusion classroom is a regular classroom with two teachers - one regular, one special ed). Or maybe he'll need extra help with reading or other areas. Maybe he'll need a behavioral modification plan (chart with stickers at school or whatever).

Eventually, you may end up with medicating your son, but it is definitely NOT the first thing you should try. But the first step is to get him properly evaluated.

I'm sure you're feeling upset, overwhelmed and 'why me, why my child'. You should read 'Welcome to Holland' and know you're not alone. Follow this link:

http://www.our-kids.org/Archives/Holland.html

Good luck

 

My son is the same. Fine with homework, and fits your son's description at school. Homework is short, school is long. 30 minutes does not compare to 5 hours of drill work. I spent an entire day sitting in the classroom taking detailed notes of what my son was doing. That helped me see what was happening and compare him to the other kids. He takes a huge amount of the teacher's time to remain on task.

I got a neuro-psyche eval. Get your eval first before requesting the school to evaluate him.

You don't have to use the meds, and they cannot ask you to, but they can do manipulative stuff like constantly sending him to the office, or calling you to pick him up, or just not trying hard to keep him on task so he doesn't learn as much. Non-verbal pressure. You might want to visit the Alternatives board. Maybe omega-3 and magnesium supplements would settle him down enough to finish his classwork.

NoTellin38905.3994560185Agree with ladym, and I'd go to a NeuroPsych. Pediatricians do not know much about all the childhood disorders and have no idea how to test for LD problems. The ones who do the best jobs at that are NeuroPsychs (not regular psycologists or Psychiatrists). It may be nothing, but it's like any check up--if your kid has a sore throat you want a strep test to see if he has it. To me it sounds like you have a good kid who really does have some issues at school which make it hard for him to work on his own. Could be ADD, could be other stuff. Best to run the gamut of tests. I personally had such bad luck with the school districts we've been in (all three of them got my son wrong, wrong, wrong) that I'd never trust the SD to diagnose my kid. They also have their own agenda. They want your kid to have nothing wrong because it cost them $$$ if there's something going on. Make a NeuroPsych appointment--you can find them at university and children's hospitals and see. Don't panic. He's not putting holes in the walls , but before you medicate (and my son was on twelve unecessary meds) make sure you know why he has trouble attending in school. It could be ADD, and it could be an LD and it could be an ADD mimicker, and stims can make certain disorders worse. Good luck :)

Find a good qualified doctor and have him evaluated. No harm in getting the evaluation done. Then you will know either way. If he has it, not getting an evaluation is not going to make it go away, but he will be suffering with an undiagnosed disorder. If he doesn't have it, then he doesn't, and you will know for sure.

It could be that he is not so much hyperactive, so just being able to expel energy as needed at home, makes him not so fidgety. I was not an obviously hyperactive child, but I was "busy". I was always in two or three sports at a time. Always playing, preferably with boys, and I think it's because they were always higher energy. I don't believe I was ever viewed as hyper-active though. I talked out some in class, and was told I didn't take things seriously enough, etc. I was different at home, because again, I was just busy. I didn't realize though how "not calm" I am until I started on medication as an adult. My mind is extremely busy off of meds, and I always have a foot moving, or a toe moving, or twirling my hair, always doing "something".

The inattentive part of ADHD may be pretty easy to miss at home until they are older. Usually you will start to see more of the inattentive issues around 3rd grade when the work really becomes much more challenging. Then you suddenly see these kids just fall apart.

It could be sensory based too. Some children have sensory issues, and while they do fine in a calm environment, they can't handle high stimulation places like school. How does he do in stores? Does his behavior get less predictable, more emotional, touching things all the time in stores? Those would be clues to the possibility of there being some sensory issues.

It could be a number of things, and may be nothing, so it's always just best to check it out, especially when you have two different people that are very familiar with children, telling you that something is up. Trust me, you don't want a child to go undiagnosed if they have a disorder. It causes them to struggle needlessly. It's better to know, so that you can come up with a treatment plan (and that doesn't have to be medication), then to ignore it and have him struggle if he does have something going on.

Good luck

 

IMac, "confused" isn't the right word. Antagonistic and sarastic would work though. Keep your snippy comments to yourself. NoTellin38909.3686342593.IMac38944.7100694444Not my problem. Move on.

WOW!  THANK YOU SO MUCH!!  This is all so new to me.. I have so much to learn and don't know where to start, but I learned so much from all of you already.. probably the most important thing is that I'm not alone, and with this whole thing scaring me half to death, I can't tell you how comforting it is to know there are others out there going through the same. So, first of all,  I thank you all for that. 

Smallmom, you asked about my son's academics.  He is at a Grade One level, which is right where he should be.  He has no trouble reading, and gives a good solid effort with writing, i.e. sounding out his words and such.  But what I do find with him is that he does get frustrated easily. He can DO the work, but not without a lot of coaching and cheering and help along the way.  He gets along fine with his peers and he is very social.  Not really any agression or anything at home, but defiance.. definitely! 

Nekochan, thank you so much for the link to "Welcome to Holland".  That was the most beautiful thing I've read.  I thank you for the reassurance as well.  It really helps to know that I'm not alone.

NoTellin, you raised a good point about school being a full day and homework being only 30 minutes.  He often does complain about that - that he just spend 5 hours doing work, and now he has to do more.  Thank you for the advice on the meds and the alternatives.  I had some previous knowledge on the omega 3, and this was one of my questions - whether or not I should try that first.  Thank you, too, for the heads up on the manipulative manners the school may take.  This is a big concern for me as well.

Ladym, your description of yourself as a child matches my son's.  He is VERY busy.  But it is the fact that, as you said, some kids "fall apart" at a certain stage due to being overwhelmed, and this is what scares me.  I want to do whatever I need to do to ensure my son is happy and healthy and well-adjusted.  And if there is ANYTHING I can do to help him, I want to do that NOW.

MomWI, thanks to you as well, for the advice, and for sharing your experiences with the schools and with the medications. It sure gives me a lot to think about.

Again, I don't know how to say thank you enough to each of you.  You've given me so much information and have brought me some peace after the constant spinning in my head.  I will do the eval.  I need to know for sure.  And I feel a bit better now going into it, thanks to you all! 

 

You can go to a child neuro-psychologist, a behavioral pediatrician, or a child psychologist that specializes in educational testing. Getting a referral from you pediatrician is probably the best way to go. Good luck to you, I'm so glad you found some help here. I've had to dive head first into the alternatives b/c my son cannot take stimulants, so come visit us on the Alternatives board!.IMac38944.7097685185