Brand new and oh so confused.. | ADHD Information

rae, thank you for the info, i will search all i can. cheeky, there is a lot more going on thank what i wrote in my post, and i asked not to be judged. i am not looking for excuses for infidelity, as my husband knows about each one. i was looking for a push in the right direction, not a chastising. thank you both for taking the time to share ideas. i will follow up on rae's advice.

Topic: ADD and Hypersexuality  - please search this topic on our search engine and you will find a thread about some of our experiences.

If you have ADHD or are concerned you do - this may help. 

Lauren - ADHD or not - we all experience Sexual desires, we all fantasize, we all have wondered about different things and perhaps some of us have experimented.

Personally, I believe strongly in the sanctity of marriage, but when I was your age, I made plenty of mistakes and it is through those mistakes that I have developed a sense of what is right and wrong.  But because I have ADD issues, my mistakes were based on impulsiveness.

If you are saying you are having trouble acting before you think about something (impulsivity) this is a trait of ADD, if you are saying that you are having trouble reading or understanding your husbands emotional cues on how he feels about things (this is a trait of ADD), if you can't relax and sit still (this is a trait of ADD). If you are hyperfocussing (this is another trait of ADHD)  and what I feel you are doing regarding sex.

You describe many dysfunctions but without a proper diagnosis of your actual condition, you may be stuck in this land of confusion indefinately.  If I was you I would see a pyschologist/pyschiatrist and investigate what is going on.

You obviously feel tremendous guilt regarding your behaviour, you need to have that dealt with and go forward.

 

hello all. this is my very first post, and i haven't quite decided if i really belong her at all. i don't know much about the ADHD thing, altough it's a big joke where i work that everyone's a doctor, and of COURSE i have ADHD. but that's not the reason i'm here. it's the hypersexual thing that brings me around. that, and i'm way too ashamed to talk to my friends about it. i hope i start in the right place: i'm a 24 year old girl, and married. my husband is a great guy, save for the part about him not understanding me and all. that said, i have way too many hang-ups with my sexuality, my need for sex, and the reasons behind my wanting sex all the time. i really have known for a long time that i'm bisexual, and i actually prefer women to men. the problem with that is i'm married to a man, and it doesn't seen right or fair for me to feed this other side of me. but when i fantasize, it's about women. i don't know how to deal with this or how to feel. my husband knows about the bisexuality, and thinks it's cool and all, but he's seeing it from a a man's point of view, and wondering when he can watch. ha ha. the other problem is that i am CONSTANTLY, ALWAYS thinking about sex. not only am i always thinking about it, i've acted on my impulses several times extra-marital. (please don't judge me..) my mother is manic-depressive, and suprise suprise, has a long history of suicide attempts and promiscuity. she always made me feel that if a man didn't think i was beautiful, then i was nothing. being older now, i know that that's ridiculous and immature, and she is indeed sick. but i was still affected. if a man shows me even a flicker of interest, it doesn't take much more after that. my husband is not that kind of guy. he could go a month without so much as kissing me, and not because he doesn't love me, but because he has other things on his mind. i only wish it was me. i've been on prozac and zoloft for depression before, and it has helped me. i've been off it for a few years now, and i can control the depression to where it isn't suffocating. but this sex thing makes me feel like a bad person. every man or woman i see, i wonder how likely it is that we'll end up in bed together. i know this is rambling, but please understand, this is the first time i have actually addressed these issues out loud. i guess i need to hear from someone going through the same thing, or close to it. i really need an empathetic friend right now.

Okay, you're not sure if you're ADHD or not. So I'm not sure what it is you want to know. The behaviors you describe I don't believe are caused by ADHD. This is a support group for people struggling with ADHD, not looking for an excuse for infidelity.

Honestly, I don't understand why you're here.  

My first imediate question is did you discuss this subject matter with your husband? Why or why not did he help answer your questions? 

Next as I read your post and was thinking you might be bipolar. You then mentioned your mother was manic depressive which is called bi polar today. Like someone else said, go get tested is great advise.

I also think that because many ADHD people also suffer from anxiety and depression including bipolar that symptoms get confused.

The key problem with confusing bipolar and ADHD is treating the dissorder. Bipolar people have great success on mood stablizers. ADHD people tend to not require mood stablizers. Bipolar people in my opinion have many more extreme experiences then people with only ADHD. I know this from personal experience.

Regarding your bisexuality. In a quick read of you I can pick up you are neglected by your husband. The phrase "he has a lot going on" is simply an excuse of evasion. Face it, at that time "he's just not that in to you". You already know this because you yourself said "you wish it was you".

There is a book out called "he's just not that in to you". It's by one of the writers from "Friends" or "Sex In The City", I forget. It discuses the phrase "he's got a lot going on" and it's interpeted to "he not that in to you" in which I agree. I see so many men that need coaching to be a better suporter for their wife that get caught in a rut.

You have a lot of issues going on in your life that I think need to be addressed. A good therapist can help you sort through all your issues. Perhaps, you may need meds for some symptoms, a sounding board for other issues, a coach for yet other issues and mutual therapy for your husband and yourself.

Your husband may think the "bisexual thing" is cute however he is in for a rude awakening if it ever got started. Intoducing a 3rd party into a marriage without all the issues sorted out in my opinion is "relationship sucide".

 

WAKI38257.7082060185 Off topic (sort of)...

Oh, Cheeky...this is a risk, but I'll chance it. I am just like you inside.  Here's a big 'ole hug before you read the rest (((((((((Cheeky))))))))))

Your responses are a learning lesson for me.

Do you see that your original reply was antagonistic and inflammatory and then defensive later? It has an angry tone and I have seen a couple of your other posts that consistently have the same tone.

Note: I understand this. I am SOOO familiar with it, so I can separate your message from the tone.

I thought Rae offered a respectful, thoughtful, logical response. Sounds like lauren-nicole is lost and feared a response like the one you gave.

Based on me, I would guess that your response comes from anger/hurt at having crossed paths with a person like this in the past; which leads to a firm stand about morality and taking it out on someone in a way that can almost be justified? Or, maybe a fear of loss of control on the boards...it becoming "party talk"? Or, a habit of using an angry tone.

I know this habit because I grew up with it and struggle against it and it keeps coming out again and again. You should HEAR my dad, and my half brother and sister. They don't even know how NOT to talk in that angry tone about anything. Seriously.

I have a Communication degree with a minor in acting (this is NO accident) as I grew up in a communicatively challenged family.  I learned so much--mostly to learn to have many tricks in my communicational bag. Now, I am trying to master the impulse control thing. I am in hot water currently about this as I write.

Since studying this so much, I have thought that acting would be a good therapy method (I don't know if it is used) just for a person to take on another role and scripted words to see what it feels like to respond in a different way. My natural inclination is to talk in a growly manner...HI DAD.

My sister is always spoiling for a fight in every sentence that she utters. She turns EVERYTHING into a reason for her to pull an attitude. I think I have heard the term "oppositional defiance" and I think that's what she is for sure. She is likely to haul off and say "No" before she has heard the end of a sentence, or to say "What? WHAT DID YOU SAY?" or to just disagree no matter what. Ugh...I am like that too and I hate it. 

I think my dad DEFINITELY created this in us. He was ADHD, had an angry countenance, talked incessantly, had a "bastard list" that everyone eventually made it onto.  He also would not praise us to our face, but talk the others up. Hello jealousy. (We figured it out one time when my 1/2 bro. said "you are his favorite...he talks you up all the time." First I had EVER heard of this.)

I cover for it a lot at work or in situations where it is not in my best interest to show my true self, but I come home and rage about things.

Anyway, I will understand if I am now on the bastard list, but I think it's important to air some of these ugly things that seem related to ADHD in order to help us. Cheeky, I used your posts as an example, but could have easily just walked over to the mirror. 

I hope to WANT to tame this beast inside of me...I think. My anger always feels so justified that backing off from it feels like a defeat or something. I don't know.

HELP!

bb
bluebird3838252.6486458333

I'm not chastizing, I'm telling you what I think. Did you ever think you may be bi-polar? Please get tested.

Rae, she never mentioned any of those symptoms, just her hypersexuality. And isn't it true that you don't even know if you're ADHD or not?? You seem to like to cause conflict between people, especially me.

cheekydeeky38252.4558449074
I thought Rae offered a respectful, thoughtful, logical response. Sounds like lauren-nicole is lost and feared a response like the one you gave. Right on, Bluebird. At this point in time, I can only handle one issue at a time. Presently, my sexual problems are what is suffocating me. I came here for the anonymity, aside from the fact that I do possess all those charming traits that Rae outlined (thank you for having the ability to read between my lines, Rae). As I said before, I'm very much ashamed of who I am right now. Yes, I will go to a therapist, yes, I will probably be diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. Yes, I will take my medicine like a good girl, but right now I want someone to understand what it is I'm feeling and assure me that I'm not the lone ranger here.

Bluebird,

No worries, I'm not mad. What you said about me was true. See my PM.

lauren-nicole, Whether or not you have ADHD it sounds to me like you need to talk to a good therapist.  They should not be judgemental and I hope will help you figure out what is causing your hyper sexuality.  Also, maybe couples therapy is in order so you and your husband can communicate/understand each other better.  Either way I applaud you for recognizing your need to get some help.  We are only lay people dealing with ADHD.   Though you addressing this issue at all was a great first step.  You need to talk to someone that can really help you.  -Gettingagrip-