Lost & Lonley | ADHD Information
Thanks for hugs
I have suffered from bouts of depression when things get too much but it's not on-going, Their is a "daily Instance in my house since I can remember wether it be kids excessively fighting for my attention, temper tantrums,
The little one is only 6 and a carbon copy of her sister when she was younger but I just put it down to them being who they are, my little one is never in bed before 11.00pm unless she is unwell, 1.30am this morning, although the 6 year old acts her age it and she does have lots of friends, she can say and act inappropriately and think nothing's wrong with it,
the 16 year old has a small circle of friends but cannot interact socially appropriate outside of that circle, they both are the "clowns" looking for the centre of attention when with friends, they can have a give-take conversation but only if on a one to one, not good at eye contact, The older one acts no differently in 70% of situations than she did when she was 7, 8, 9..
My worries are that with me spending years with the older one thinking she was difficult, badly behaved, defient, lazy, childish through choice and my reaction trying to discipline, react, accordingly to anyone of the same age always covering up for her behaviour from others as I thought I was a bad parent, has left her feeling, misunderstood, depressed, lonley, angry, hurt and unloved, I want to help the little one before another ten years of whirlwinds of arguing, shouting, desperation and my marriage failing,
Their has not been a day go past in the last ten years that me and eldest haven't had a cross word, although a lot of fun and good times mixed in, I wake every morning thinking fresh day, new start, it'll be better today, and some days it is.....
Me, i'm a story for another time....but on whole, strong, happy anf resigned to the fact along time ago the stuff in my head was just part of who I was......although as hard as I tried over the years to change things about me, I couldn't. Now I see a light, I feel really relieved, I'm frightned I don't get the right help......I have trouble speaking to docs and the like and always forget what I want to say, so i've started writing everythin down to take with me, and when I look at it all I think, crikey I could write a book.....
I am 37 year old investigating ADD/ADHD in myself, 16year old daughter, my 6 year old.
Basically all my mothering years, I always thought why can't I be organised, be on time, discipline my kids, make them feel good about themselves...and list goes on.
after 3/4 tough years with the eldest not wanting to go school, temper tantrums, not doing anything I asked, appearing lazy, insomnia, I started to think maybe there was mor to it, I somhow strated looking at ADHD and not only did it describe my daughters traits, but also me. I put this forward to a psyciatrist who my daughter was seeing at the time and she kinda off brushed it off saying I don't thinks so,
It put me off, I basically went way thinking I was just a crap parent, then little one came along and now she's had her first year at school and end report is, spelling, writing, listening cause for concern, can't sit still and concentrate, needs support class next year, At home I can't even get her to look at homework, unless no-one else is in.
The more I read on this forum the more I am 99% sure we all three of us have ADHD/ADD realted things going on, I just have no one to talk too.
I at the moment finding it hard to focus on what I want to say, so if anyone has anything to ask so I can focus an answer, does that make sense. everything I want to say is up in my brain somewhere just can't put down what I want to say.....
Hey, I've had similar problems most of my life. You're not alone. I have multiple issues, ADHD is probably one, hardly the biggest. A few questions:
1. Look at your children's (and your) family tree. Are there any psychiatric problems, diagnosed or maybe undiagnosed going on? Any substance abuse? Do you feel you may suffer from depression or a mood disorder aside from ADHD?
2. How are your children's social skills? Can they make friends? If so, are they prone to being too talkative and annoying or silly? Are they absolutely socially clueless? Do they act inappropriately for their ages? Can they hold a good give-and-take conversation? Make good eye contact? Have good imaginations?
3. Have your children ever been totally evaluated by a NeuroPsych (they are the best testers of all. My son and I both had evaluations last year, and finally got answers).
What concerns you the most about your children? As for you, if you are that overwhelmed, I highly recommend getting on a waiting list to see a NeuroPsych to see if you do indeed have ADHD. In the meantime, you may want to see a Psychiatrist to see if you have any mood problems, which can be debilitating (I know first hand). I have a form of bipolar (Bipolar II) and I can't organize, and before meds had "racing thoughts", restlessness, impulsivity out the yang (would both anyone with ADHD to shame), moodiness, and I didn't feel I could handle anything. Sometimes I'd burst into tears. You need to take care of all of you, not just the kids. One last thing: See a different Psychitrist and take your daughter to a different one. He doesn't sound like he's helping, and there are bad apples out there. Many! Sometimes a switch is the ticket. (((Hugs))).
MomWI38909.1886805556i got my books on ADHD and ADD through the intrnet on the amazon site.the psy gave me retilin but i had a bad reaction to it so i had to stop,now i have an other appt to get concerta..even in america the first one they try is retilin and then others if it doesn't work.
I have had a lot of support also for jude ,he is being seen by a child psychologist,a paedatrician,an homeopath and a behavorial worker.we get help with homestart,capability scotland and carer scotland.at his nursery he is closely monitored by an educational psychologist and they provided an extra nursery teacher for him.
jude has been diagnosed before 4 which is unusual as here they won't diagnosed it before 5 and medicate before 6.unfortunately his impulsive and hyperactivity are so pronounced they decided to make an exception.
jude also gets disability allowance and i get carer allowance as unfortunately i can't work as no childminders or private nurseries won't take him.
so i am quite happy with the care and support we get here.
I hope that in a few months I will be able to come back to you with the same report....
fingers crossed
Right, I know they don't medicate easily, but it's hard to get diagnosed beyond ADHD too. It may not BE ADHD. If I were given Ritalin, Concerta, anything like that I wouldn't do very well. I like our mental health system above other countries, even though it's not very good, which isn't saying much for worldwide mental/neurological healthcare services.Definitely find a new doctor and get some evaluations for all of you. AD/HD is highly hereditary. I wasn't diagnosed until I was an Adult. My brother was diagnosed as a teenager. My mom is undiagnosed, but I'm certain she has AD/HD as well, which she agrees to also. My son was originally diagnosed with AD/HD, but he has a lot of other things going on and they think he probably has Aspergers (which almost always has ADHD symptoms with it). I also have a little one (3yrs) that has a lot of sensory issues and may fall on the spectrum herself, although I'm really not sure, but will be getting her evaluated as well.
Anyway, I was very hesitant to get evaluated. Felt like I would be ignored and not taken seriously. The first doctor I went to completely blew me off. Said any attention deficits would have been picked up a long time ago
. I found a different, competent doctor who said I was a "Classic AD/HD female". I fit almost every single one of the diagnostic criteria. Even if he would have diagnosed me with something different, I would have trusted him on it, because he listed to me, spent a lot of time with me, and was very thorough. A doctor should never brush you off.
So find someone else. It's amazing how much medication can change your life, and the people that have to live around you as well
. It's done wonders for me. I feel like I can finally be myself when I'm not swallowed up in a fog. It was well worth the time it took to find the right doctor.
Good luck!
Thanks for the kind words, I can't tell you how it feels to speak to people who understand, adhd and associated aren't as much regognised in UK than in US as I am led to believe from my research, I ill take my first step again tomorrow by contacting a health visitor I know see how I get on, luckily our Healthcare system the NHS is free, so i'm lucky in that respect.
I just want us all to get the appropriate help for our needs,
thank you all
HI THERE.
ITS MY FIRST TIME ON HERE.
MY 12 YR OLD HAS ADHD.
2 YRS AGO MY CHILDREN WAS TAKEN INTO CARE BECAUSE MY SON WAS IN SO MUCH TROUBLE AT SCHOOL AND SOCIAL WORK IN SCOTLAND SAID IT WAS MY FAULT. IM BACK IN ENGLAND AND NOW KNOW WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY SON AND NOW GOT ALL 3 CHILDREN BACK.
I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG AT AN EARLY AGE.
hi silent screamer
where abouts in scotland are you? if you dont mind me asking.
i was in banff
We are in Stonehaven !!!
And do know some of the point s you mention. Me and Scotmama talk on here with the other mums and dads and it is good to air somethings.
hi scotdaddy
i lived in peterhead with my partner then moved to banff.
i heard stonehaven was a lovely place to live in.
be glad to chat with you
Hi i'm in a village on outskirts of Edinburgh, Scottdaddy Stonehaven what a lovely place to live, I've stayed in the hotel on the high street, and had a drink in every pub.....
jolly jo never been to Banff, where do you live now?
hi
im back home in cheltenham england.
wish i was in peterhead.
lovely place to live in.
cant stand cheltenham even though ive live here all my life except 4 yrs in scotland, my kids miss it to.
when was you told you children had adhd
WE haven't been been diagnosed yet, i'm just got a foot on the path...
I don't know cheltenam at all, My hubby from Wolverhampton near Birmingham we lived their for bout 7 years before here
No doctor should make you feel that scared or look at your like you're crazy for writing things down. It can't hurt to try somebody who may be more understanding. Maybe you can explain your fears to a nurse who works for the doctor, even before you make an appointment. There has to be a kind psychiatrist out there who understands where you're coming from. I do. As for the kids, try to re-evaluate them and see what is said. Again, I like NeuroPsychs--they cover a wide range of disorders and do intensive testing. You aren't a bad parent. A bad parent doesn't care about his/her kid. Some kids are just harder to get along with. I'm sure your little one knows you love the oldest, and I'm sure your oldest knows you love her. Two ADHD mimickers, which either could have, are early onset bipolar and Aspergr's syndrome, and a NeuroPsych can test for ADHD and beyond, something most professionals don't take the time to do. Most just sit and talk and make a diagnosis based on that. At least for my own son, that alone wasn't very useful and lead to two wrong diagnoses. It's never to late for anyone to get help, including yourself. Keep in touch and don't give up. Somewhere, somebody can help all of you as long as you keep looking around. It just takes longer for some of us. MY THINGS LOTS CAN'T AFFORD SOMEONE LIKE THIS. I HEAR THOUGH THAT UNIVERSITIES WILL EXCEPT BASED OFF YOUR INCOME.MomWI you're so right, why is their a problem, it angers me so much that they'res such a lot of people out here in the UK who will go undiagnosed properly, you go to the docs they listen to bullet symptoms and dish out anti-depressants, it's a disgrace, their should be stricter guidelines, I can asure you that I am now determined not to let go until a proper diagnosis is made, you have all gave me so much confidence to carry on with this.....
SS, I truly don't get it. Maybe they think us crazy Americans are too quick to label our kids. I don't know what I'd do if I lived elsewhere. I know I'd love the UK--so much about it seems so great, and, being politically on the liberal side, sometimes I don't feel I fit in here--but I could never survive the mental health services across the pond! I have bipolar and my son is on the austism spectrum. If all they did was give us Ritalin, we'd be in a funny farm, both of us! Again, I don't think our country is the greatest in all areas, but I do think we top the charts as far as mental health and neurological problems. And, although I do feel everyone should have insurance, I'm glad I can dump a bad doctor and find a new one myself. If I have to save up for it, so be it, but at least I have a choice. I sure wish I could be of more help MomWI38910.4247916667Thanks lady m, encouraging words, Im really beginning to wonder what it would be like to get the right medication and not feel how I feel. My mum has the same traits, I can see some very prominently in her but she would laugh at me Ithink if i said to her, I don't talk to any of my family about it, although I want to get into a conversation with my mum about how i was when I was age up to 8 before then I can't really recall, I block it out for some reason, only thing I remember is my dad throwing my readin book around the livingroom because I couldn't get it, do you think I;ve blocked out some issues here. i don't know!!!
Scotmama how right you are about the doctors here in SCotland, they DO NOT like you telling them what the diagnosis is, I will try your way although I was speaking to someone last night who went through the same with her son and One particular doctor at the surgery was very supportive, so I'll try that doc see how I go.
by doctors in other countries who still seem stuck in don't medicate/use behavior mod mode. I feel bad for those across the pond who can't seem to get the right dx. and services. I do wish you luck doctors here in scotland don't like their patient coming to them and tell them they think they have something.
we actually were in denial with our 4 year old until he went to the raeden centre,the more we said no ,the more they said he had ADHD.
the same with me,the health visitor pushed me to go to the psychiatrist,she even talked to my gp.when i was there when he said so you thought you have ADD.I answered no(big denial problems here)and after tests turned out i have ADD.
first i would ask for your health visitor to visit telling her you have some concerns(don't mention ADHD)then tell her some of the behavior and maybe her problems at school and ask her for some advice.
for yourself go to your GP and tell him you feel depressed and tired as you can't sleep,you are overwhelmed,if he offers you sleeping tablets or antidepressants tell him you'd rather see a psychiatrist.when you see the psychiatrist,again don't say you think you have ADHD.
Enroll the help from your health visitor for all of you.once one of you is diagnosed,the ball will get rolling
i was lucky i have a great health visitor (well a bit pushy also) as i was in denial for both me and my son.
GOOD LUCK
i disagree,when jude went to the raeden center for the week,he was tested for being on the autistic spectrum.and they don't prescribe retilin easily either.concerta is also available as i am on my way to get it.
the only difference is that docs here refuse to medicate children until at least 6 year old.
i forgot ask to get transfered to an homeopath to get help for the sleeping problems.melatonin and passiflora comp helped jude sleep better.a very good one is the DR GIDER at the camphill medical centre in bieldside
i am the one who posted that last post,i keep forgetting to log out scotdaddy
actually I think our health service is not as clued up as across the pond, although what make a hell of a difference is coming on international boardslike this and through reading and researching and knowing whats availiable,
if I hadn't come on her or the internet and went to doc and doc had said ritalin and thats that I would have trused that, but hearing varied stories, sharing views and opions puts a new spectrum on things,
it is our job here to make sure people know about it, I went into Borders bookshop at the weekend and they had one book on ADHD, I think it's the journy you take, if it's one that puts you in touch with clued up interested individuals, great, my journey and the twice i've mentioned AD was met with looks that said, mmmmmmm, and dropped,
and I hate myself for being so back into my shell, head in the sand, they must know what they are talking about additude, really all because I'm not good at expressing myself verbally, i get tongue tied, forget the point, forget key important scenarios etc etc....
I'd find myself a new doctor and get some diagnoses and help for all of you ASAP!