Vent #2 - I was banned! | ADHD Information
I CAN'T BELIEVE I WAS BANNED FROM A WEBSITE.That's like me coming in here and saying I was kicked out of a bar. This does not happen to me. OMG! It's ridiculous.
I have been a member of www.depressionchat.com for nearly 2 years. I am such a regular that I could have been a moderator by this point.
It is a massively rules-oriented website and the moderators are way over the top about it, but it was kind of a handy website. The chat worked nicely and there are quite a few nice people there.
Well apparently, I must have really singed someones hair because I got this really nasty email today telling me "A ban has now been placed on your account due to your continuing to disregard and mock the rules of the site. YOu obviously knew the conversation was out of bounds yet continued it anyway. You agreed to these rules upon your registration and have been reminded of them on several ocassions. If you have any questions please contact webmaster."
What? Continuing? This is the first time I have ever had a problem. Sheesh.
Then, it says...
"Any user who is banned is denied permission from any further access to the chat or message boards. This is not dependant on username, it is based on the user who is denied access. Any future attempted use will be documented. If the user is found to again access the site, they may be charged with trespassing. We reserve the right to declare choice of venue. The user will also be responsible for all lost time of Pro Health, Inc. employees at 0/hr per person, and all legal fees associated with any legal dispute."
What the heck? They are threatening me legally if I try to return? It's not even worded professionally--more like a "wanna be" hardass.
Here is what they said my "infraction" was....
They have a rule that no one under 18 is allowed. A person came in last night and at some point admitted they were 16. I actually said, "I hate to be the one to mention the over 18 rule..." (or something like that). The youngster said something like, "LOL. Ok, I didn't know." But, they seemed like they were so genuinly down that I didn't want to get nasty or ignore them. What if that was the difference between life and death for someone? Maybe they were seriously on the edge? So, I asked, "What is bothering you the most?" This person went on to "let it out" a bit and then they left the site.
Holy Moly. I guess I would rather be banned for being kind or a "sympathizer" than praised for being a heartless bitch.
Two things:
1. There was no moderator. I am not a moderator, so I don't think I should have to do their job.
2. What was I supposed to say? It's a conundrum of guessing since they don't provide a script for us (the user) to say when someone is breaking one of their rules.
Lord.
It was so stupid and petty, and being a reader and a writer, I could tell it was written by someone who is all about loving their almighty website authority and not incredibly literate. Know the types? Probably a reject in normal life. (Ok, that was uncalled for...I may have to edit that out later.)
Cheeky, you out there? LOL. Now is your chance to smack me a good one for being grouchy and annoyed.
But, if any riled up ADHDer feels like avenging me a little (you know how we are... hee hee), feel free to go to the site (the chat or the boards) and speak up for "bluebird38" - you will, of course, be promptly banned (especially if you post the URL to this site) and then you can join my outlaw club. Just LOOK at me, I've turned to crime.
I did write a short note in response and said, "This appears to be personal. I have low expectations that the person responsible for this can find it in themselves to tell me the real reason I am being banned.
I suspect it is an irritation with me and that they are looking for any possible excuse, since I am a senior member, have encouraged people to make purchases at this website to support its existence, as well as purchased things here myself, and have in general consistently encouraged new users to be aware of the site rules when they have blatently tromped over them.
A simple polite warning or suggestion would have sufficed and would have been proportional and appropriate in my opinon. I would hope that if this is the case, the person will not hide behind "the rules" but will have the courage to be honest...not for my benefit, but as a challenge to themselves. This is a nice site, but life does goes on..."
Ok...I've purged. Thank you.
bluebird3838253.4146064815Thanks SB.
It's so embarrassing to actually BRING this subject up in my real life. LOL!!!!!
I feel like people look and me and go "WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? A website? You're upset about a website? You're having an issue now with a virtual person? I didn't realize how seriously screwed up you are--you're one of THOSE." Aye yae yae!!!!!
Why locked out of Adders.org?
Hey Bluebird,
I have recently had a thread locked on Adders.org and received a reprimand.
I, like you, prefer to use my own ethical framework, but also similarly, I am willing to edit posts etc... if asked politely.
SB.
How does this relate to ADD?
There are some things we can "hyperfocus" on, and a particular local issue has got me very involved, however much this may bore others.
Our constant distractability makes us more likely to dip in and out of forums, and possibly to post with a frequency which some moderators may regard as excessive.
We tend to express ourselves better on the Internet, rather than with "real" people, therefore are we more likely to frequent forums regularly?
Not me Ideaspring 
. Really!!!, No I mean it. I never regularly visit .
And Bluebird - poo poo to them. Their Loss! I am sure you will find a better forum soon to fill the void.
hi bluebird,entirely sympathise with you and sb.
i almost stopped using adders.org shortly after joining when i saw moderators and 'advanced members' responses to a posting of sb.
the preciousness of their responses and their 'i am the teacher and you will be the pupil' sort of control is anathema to me.
i have not responded to a reply re a posting of mine to their 'expert' as although it would not be rude i do like to get my point accross especially when i have included information which has been misunderstood or ignored thus leading to quite lengthy postings at times to ensure i give as much background as possible for them to act upon. i feel this has been criticised and ignored.
one thing ritalin has done for me is to curb my immediate furious response to narrow minded, arrogant, fragile egos such as 'experts' have, therefor i have not bothered to respon ie i no longer flog dead horses and will not trouble this expert again.
sad isn't it when things come to this?
see you,
jhaz
Just use a new e-mail address and rejoin, that's what everyone one else does. :-) But, do you really want to go to a site where they threaten you with cyber tresspassing? Like some old hillbilly standing on his property waving a shotgun.Thanks Waki, I love it.
I just went to their site and re-read their rules. I only says that legally you must be 18 to use their site. You cannot swear, talk about sex or politics, etc.
It says absolutely nothing about protocol when someone else is in violation of a rule. It does not provide any direction whatsoever as to how to handle a situation like that. How on earth was I supposed to know what to do?
The way I see it, I was punished because a moderator was not there to deal with it.
Now I need to say a swearword...
(dumbasses)
Ok, I was in a real "mood" tonight and decided to verbally wail on someone a bit. If this person is a dim bulb, it will be lost on them, so I just did it for my own satisfaction.
Subject: Contesting a Membership Termination
Another thing about my account being banned. I just re-read your rules in their entirety... **It says absolutely nothing about how to handle a situation when another user is in violation of your rules.** Where in your rules does it state the protocol that chatters should follow if another chatter is under 18? How do we know OUR judgment matches YOUR judgement if your preferences are NOT EXPRESSLY STATED? "Common sense" varies from person to person, gender to gender, and culture to culture. It is ignorant to think that we all share "common sense." If we did, rules would not be needed in the first place. To punish a person for not sharing your same values is to express bias and predjudice. Literally, rules are also supposed to stand alone regardless of whether or not you like a person; otherwise they are a sham and meaningless. In other words, you do not have to like me, but to be respectable you need to show integrity with regard to your rules system...not just interpret them according to whim. So, again...what rule did I break? I am over 18. I spoke to someone out of kindness; my intent was good, and they left before I could suggest that they find a website for their age group. According to your rules, I am under no obligation to mention a rule, ignore a person, tell their where to get help, etc. If my membership was terminated solely due to breaking a rule, as your emails have emphatically stated, then I am challenging that. I would like the specific rule quoted to me that I broke. If you cannot handle challenge and my membership is not reinstated based on pure logic, then I will most certainly know that you are not operating from sound reasoning and a strict adherence to your rules at all. You and I will both know that this IS personal, and you may as well not pretend otherwise. If that is the case, this is your private website and that is your privilege, but it is anything but respectable. I admire most when a person of authority, of any kind, demonstrates intelligence and holds themselves at least to the standards that they expect from others, and who can admit when they have made a mistake. Best of luck to you, bluebird38 They cannot get a charge slapped on you for tresspassing. If it were me, I know I'd go back and post exactly what took place and have a poll taken. It sounds like they may have blocked your IP address. It sounds like the person who blocked you has some serious personal issues going on. It's sad actually.[QUOTE=WAKI]They cannot get a charge slapped on you for tresspassing. If it were me, I know I'd go back and post exactly what took place and have a poll taken. It sounds like they may have blocked your IP address. It sounds like the person who blocked you has some serious personal issues going on. It's sad actually.[/QUOTE]
Sure that they cannot charge? I have no idea either way.
Like you said, the person is whacked. Thanks for the validation!!!
Anyway, I'm getting a lot of reading done and not on the net so much. (Translation: I'm getting a life again) So, maybe this is good.
Just for kicks to throw this issue around a little more because high tech intrusion is becomming more and more a legal issue.
There is some history with internet trespassing. If you would like to understand more in depth for kicks about tresspasing law it can be found under Section 61 of the Criminal Justice and Public Order Act 1994. Simply search the phrase and you will read about trespassing. The section I quoted is regarding land trespassing. The theory could apply in an extreme case.
In 2002 Intel had a case of trespassing on their server. Most people believe cyberspace is "free and open." In most cases it is. For Intel to win that case they had to prove that the person was "disrupting its business by using its property". I'm sure also if your bored you could also search out this case.
Why I earlier said they can't press charges is because first of all it was an open forum "assembly". Second your intent did not cause any loss. Third you did commit an act of intrusion on personal private property, it is a "public message board".
In summary if you want the last say so to that "jerk" tell him he is infringing on your consitiutional rights specifically being the first amendment.
First Amendment: Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.
You were peaceably assembling....
Isn't law great?
Did you send that to the moderator or did you post it in the forum? What is the forum by the way, please post a link for me. WAKI38258.4360532407
i feel like i'm coming out the closet BUT
yeah i can understand exactly why you would be uspset bluebird that is ridiculous times a million.
you had already stated: yo your age aint cool here..what did they expect you to do? write a post saying " i will not acknowledge your presence here as it will be an infraction on post rules for this website. since i've agreed to said rules i shall not be able to carry on a polite bit of chit chat and sympathize with you and your underage deppression issues."
what in the world?
yes , moderators of forums (not all mind you) tend to be of a sort of person..like when i waited tables. all the worst waiters became floor managers and they lorded it over you even though you could run circles around them with efficiency, consolidation and pace. these are a certain class of ppl it is always best to plainly DISREGARD.
and as far as getting upset about a website, these places are obviously more than 'just' that. even if a relationship isn't as well defined and accepted b/c we're conversing on the web and that comes with a contingent of assumptions it doesn't mean this isn't genuinely helpful , encouraging, and a great relief. if anything its better than most options b/c you don't have to be embarrassed about whatever it is thats ailing you.
yeah i tend to post a lot, and at lenth..so thats why i go on hiatus. as i've done recently from here. my growing irritation with myself and my posts plus my inevitable boredom factor makes me dissapear for awhile..
nothing like a good issue to bring me back!
sumi
Hi Sumiah, nice to meet you and welcome back.Thanks for the post.
Word(s) for the Day: HALL MONITORS
Hey, starting your own thread is one way to talk at length and even fall in love with the sight of your own words! (Ok, the correct message board is encouraged--I should have probably put this one in a different area of our site. Wonder if I can have it moved?)
I sent it to the webmaster/tech support and to the main email contact. I cannot access or post in their forums any longer.
It's www.depressionchat.com. There is a link to the chatroom and to the message boards.
I had a really fun surprise this morning though. One of my favorite online buddies apparently noticed that I haven't been coming into the chatroom like I usually do. So, he went to the message boards and opened up one of my old posts. Then, on a whim, he clicked on my profile and found that I had sneaked my email address in there a long time ago.
One of their rules is that you cannot post URLs or your email address anywhere. So, that IS something that I could have legitimately been banned for. LOLOLOL!! I thought for SURE I was going to get busted on that one. The reason I put it there, though, was because there was a threat from "on high" that they were shutting this portion of their website down saying that it was not profitable for them.
A lot of people have been there awhile and sort of panicked that they would not be able to keep in touch with the friends that they made if the site got shut down, so they asked if they could go ahead and exchange emails. The answer was "no." So, I decided to take a chance and slip it into my profile and hope that it went unnoticed. hee hee hee
So, actually, now that my buddy (the only one I really thought was a shame to lose) contacted me, I REALLY don't care what happens with them. When he found out what happened, he said he was totally outraged and agrees that it must be personal.
My best guess is that I think I may have either possibly been too chatty or accidentally ignored somone in the chatroom--hello ADHD. Possibly another casualty of my condition? But, I have always treated all chatters with respect and ALWAYS made a conscious effort to listen to others and to not preach or try to solve their problems. So...oh well. I'm happy--sometimes you get good, unexpected surprises.
bb
Dear bluebird38: Yeah, something a bit like that happened to me once.
I figure it's because people who get depressed tend to think twisted,
negative thoughts. I hope no one is offended if I say this -- maybe it
will help if I mention that I tend to get depressed myself, though I'm
not doing too badly just now, and that I'm just paraphrasing what the
author David Burns says in his books.
For any horrible action, there is a twisted logic to support it.
Logic is not the right word.
There is a thought process that it is possible to think and to feel that
one is convinced -- if one is in the right frame of mind, or should I say the
wrong frame of mind.
Depressed people will tend to think those sorts of thought processes.
David Burns' books, as I keep mentioning, are great for learning how not
to think that way, at least not as often -- and to get better from depression
in the learning process.
What happened to me was that I posted on alt.support.depression.
I hesitated a lot before posting. I waited until I felt that it was the right
time (which happened to be when I was more depressed than usual).
I prepared a post with care: on-topic, relevant, designed to be as useful
and helpful as possible; trying to be concise, not wasting peoples' time too
much, etc.
It was a list of ways to get better from depression.
I was flamed horribly. I was insulted, sworn at, blamed, accused, called
names, you-name-it. By numerous other posters. At that stage, not one stepped
in to offer me any sympathy or defense.
Of course, being depressed, I was rather vulnerable. The whole thing took
me by surprise. I felt I had to post again to try to work things out; just
trying to forget about the whole thing wasn't working very well for me, especially
in my depressed state.
Here's where ADD maybe comes in a bit: perhaps there was a lack of
social skills involved, on my part. I didn't know the right way to start
posting in a new forum. I've learned from the experience.
I had thought that proper Netiquette was to post on-topic and to try to make
one's post useful and at least as good in quality as the other posts in the
newsgroup. Also I thought being assertive (saying what you mean) was
good. And not using swearwords and not insulting people.
Nope! That is not the right way!!! Amazingly.
Apparently, the right way is: to read the newsgroup for a while; then participate
in some off-topic threads; tell some jokes; then publicly admit to being depressed
or having been depressed in the past; and maybe, just maybe, after having
been accepted in the group, mention ways of getting better from depression,
perhaps in the context of "this worked for me."
You're not supposed to post good-quality posts. That gives people the impression
that you think you're better than them. You're supposed to post junkier stuff so you
look like them. I've learned to edit out words like "Thus" from my posts,
and change "it is" to "it's", etc., on all newsgroups, to try to fit in a bit better.
I was rather amazed at being told I was supposed to have posted off-topic!!
I was told I should have read the FAQ before posting. I didn't -- but it
wouldn't have helped. Actually, the FAQ contained lists of things to do to
get better from depression, not too different in character from my list.
It didn't say a thing about starting by participating in off-topic threads and
all that. If I'd read the FAQ, I would have posted essentially the same thing.
I had seen other people entering newsgroups with a message like
"Excuse me, I hope you don't mind if I post here, but I'm a ... and
I have a question ..." I had thought those messages looked really
wimpy and unnecessarily meek. Now I see that they were using
a form of politeness as insurance against what happened to me.
I don't think you can tell just by reading a forum that it will treat new
posters like that -- unless you hang around long enough to see other
new posters like yourself, and unless you're able to recognize what
qualities of the new posts are going to be considered disruptive. It
would never, ever have occurred to me that being on-topic or being
a well-polished post would incite flames!!!
Apparently they did not want to be told by an outsider how to get
better from depression. They did not want to have the impression that
I was better than them, or that I thought I was better than them.
Anyway, that's my story. Bluebird38, I'm really sorry you were
unexpectedly cut off from your friends like that, and glad that the person
you really wanted to keep in contact with managed to get in touch with you!
I'm not sure if I've put my email address in my profile here; I'm trying
to be semi-private, using a nickname so I can say things I might not want to say under my own name. But I mention my web page frequently, and it has my
email address on it.
(However, if I disappear for a while it's often just because I'm busy or
whatever.)
I don't like sites that don't let you put your email address. And if they then
ban you -- well, that's really bad.
There was another forum -- I forget where it was, but it was bought out
by drug companies, and when you register it says you have to understand
that you might get banned if you say things to make people feel guilty for
taking drugs or if you say that ADD doesn't exist. Well, I wouldn't want to
say those things, but I'm sure the things I do want to say would get interpreted
by the moderators as meaning that, so I just didn't register in the first
place. I'd rather not encourage those sites. Though it's really, really sad that
there are these sites where people can discuss things but only pro-drug
views are allowed!!! (And with big money controlling the whole thing!!!)
Teresa Gallagher also has an ADD web discussion forum
somewhere on http://borntoexplore.org.
Hi Bluebird, I don't go to chatrooms to much b/c of all the crazy rules and how somebody can take what you say the wrong way. I wasn't banned, but I was warned about being perverted!
I was in a Parrot chatroom yrs. ago, one that I had been to many times. One night someone asked " does anyone own an Amazon Parrot" I do, so I answered. They wanted to know how old, how big, and her weight. NO PROBLEM, so I thought. She was 16 at that time, very large and weighs 100.18grams. Very big Parrot a real oven stuffer. Well someone said "you'll be banned" if this "perversion" continues" What perversion I asked? It turned out the moron thought I was a guy discribing my privates! Appoligies excepted, but I never went back! some pple need a life!
bluebird38,i would support waki and the idea of a return to the site to set up a pole to get people who use it to respond. with this you can appoach those who are actually responsible for the site. my own reaction would have been well! that's the end of that. Say a public goodbye to the users of the site. say sorryi am not allowed back because,;
Oh Latina...that is TOO funny! I love "it's a real oven stuffer."
Ryan, good idea but I can't get in. Actually, it's been about a week and now I don't care anymore. Thanks.
Seems like every company has a person like that working there, and it is usually the one that no one really likes, but someone you sort of have to flatter once in awhile because you need something from them.
Scarier yet is when they decide they want to befriend you.
Then, you are privvy to all their screwed up thoughts. And, they feel
proud of telling you about all the mean little things they do to people
they don't like (which is pretty much everyone). EWWW.There is a lady at work who is the BITCHIEST woman you have EVER met. She is SO incredibly snotty and barely has control over herself. I could go on for days. She is our one and only customer support person and is SO proud of herself when she belittles a customer. Don't even get me started about why she still has a job.
In her recent review (she ALWAYS gets bad reviews about attitude), she was once again told that her manner with customers is not appropriate and that people have complained. Her response? (yes, she ACTUALLY had the nerve to say this)...
"I don't know why you're so concerned about what they think of ME; you should be MORE concerned about what I think of THEM!" LOLOLOLOL!
Oh yes work collegues. Back in the dark ages when I had a job in the main stream work force - there was this girl who drove me INSANE. We constantly argued. For some reason, she believed she was my superior, yet I answered directly to the state manager. I could never understand her dillusion. She was a bulimic, so the toilet constantly smelt like vomit - aaaarrrghh and even though I pitied her for this, I still couldnt bring myself to be friendly towards her.
She pulled a 'sickie' one day and went into town and was the victim of a stray bullet in the spine during a shootout with police and some bank robbers. She has been in a wheel chair ever since!
The combination of emotion, Relief to never see her face again, guilt that I could not get a long with her, a bit of 'well she shouldnt have been pulling a sickie'.
I became pregnant not long before this and left also, - I often wonder about this chain of events in my life and I still dont understand why fate threw us together.
Rae7038261.0752662037Bluebird38, you could get in if you used a different computer, i guess.Some public libraries have computers that people can use. Maybe you could
use a friend's computer or something. Anyway, it's not worth the trouble.
It was unjust. Someone shouldn't just set up a forum and control who
is allowed to communicate with whom, like that.
Rosina,
I have come across this and your idea of going back from another computer, He He!
love it, new name for you, "Rogue".
You are right to encourage Bluebird38 to forget it.
gess! social insecurity in such an extreme form is so sad and the person who did this
is showing real signs of it.
[quote=ideaspring]How does this relate to ADD?[/quote]
It doesn't, but it felt so crappy not to have my usual outlet. So glad I found new friends. Thanks for listening.
[quote=Rae70]And Bluebird - poo poo to them. Their Loss! I am sure you will find a better forum soon to fill the void.[/quote]
Thanks Rae.
[Quote=jhaz]the preciousness of their responses and their 'i am the teacher and you will be the pupil' sort of control is anathema to me. [/QUOTE]
Okay, I had to look that word up. LOL. But, yah...that is annoying.
[Quote=Username]one thing ritalin has done for me is to curb my immediate furious response to narrow minded, arrogant, fragile egos such as 'experts' have, therefor i have not bothered to respon ie i no longer flog dead horses and will not trouble this expert again. [/QUOTE]
This time, the Ritalin didn't keep me from responding, but it made my response surgically precise and definitely cutting. I know, "how immature," but I was in a bad mood and felt like making my point. They responded back with an impotent message, which was like the perfect volleyball setup for me--I just smashed it back hard to my own satisfaction. Don't think I'll be getting a "Good One!" from them anyday soon. LOLOL.
Okay, what have I been doing since I can't go to my old chatroom? Reading books. Well, what do ya know? I haven't spent as much time on the internet lately and I have been learning the rules of English grammer. I never knew that personal pronouns (especially the difference between nomitive and objective pronouns) could be so important to understand.
I used a memory technique to memorize an entire table of irregular verbs and their conjugations (bring/brought/brought, drink/drank/drunk, etc).
[Quote=shinsetu_hito]Just use a new e-mail address and rejoin, that's what everyone one else does. :-) But, do you really want to go to a site where they threaten you with cyber tresspassing? Like some old hillbilly standing on his property waving a shotgun. [/QUOTE]
Thanks, but it's based on my unique computer address, not username. In other words, I already tried. hee hee hee Plus, I couldn't think of enough mayhem to cause that would give me much satisfaction.
And I don't need to upset myself any further. You're right. It is in the "not worth it" category.bluebird3838257.1348148148
Thanks, but it's based on my unique computer address, not username. In other words. . . .
Oh such a newbee . . .
did you delete your cookies first? It's impossible for them to know unless you left a cookie installaled or they banned your whole ISP.
I'll join for you send me a private.