House Clutter and ADD | ADHD Information
[QUOTE=bluebird38]You should see my house. Holy Maria. As soon as I decide to get down and dirty and thoroughly clean one area up, another area mysteriously springs a leak.
[/QUOTE]
"grin"
You said it Bluebird. Sounds like my house!
I can totally relate. I know I am not just dirty. I want things to be very clean. I do the same whirl wind clean ups and when I do, I am such a perfectionist I wear myself completely out. I always swear it won't get like that again. Right now my car is piled so high my husband asked if I had forgotten to pick up my daughter from daycare. I said no, she is just lost in the piles of junk. My grandmother made me clean out my "play house" last week. I still have not taken all of the boxes out of the car. I feel completely overwhelmed and have basically given up. I haven't even bothered to pick up the trash in it...what would be the point. Putting all of that stuff away is very overwhelming to me. I am extremely embarrassed about all the crap, but anytime I consider starting to put it away, I start thinking of what else I need to do instead. My house is usually fairly clean, but I can totally relate to the laundry. I often do laundry, but never put things away. I have baskets of clean cloths that end up wrinkled and needing to be washed again. Tons of socks that need to be matched, etc.....my house looks clean, but beware of opening any drawer or closet. I am now married to a neat freak and it is causing a lot of problems. I am seriously considering getting a house keeper. Mentally, I can't think of any better way of spending my money. It would be such a relief to come home and not have to feel guilty all of the time. I wonder if she would clean my car also haha........I did learn that if I do something else to distract me, like talking on the phone while I am cleaning, I have it done before I know it....otherwise I am concentrating on how much work needs to be done and I end up giving up.........I have kind of an odd question,
Does anyone here ever suffer from house Clutter. My ADD gets in the way of me staying organized at work. But, embarrasingly so, it seems to stem to my home care as well. I am not proud of this, but my home is a train wreck. The kitchen floor usually needs sweeping, the laundry piles up all over the place, clean waiting to go in draws and dirty waiting for the washing machine, there is papers everywhere and nothing is in its place. Cups and glasses all over my computer desk, and mail all over the kitchen table.
When I com home it makes my heart sick to see it, i hate it, but its like a tidal wave of mess overwelming my mental well being and energy, I becomed drained, and don't even try to pick it up. Each day it gets worse and worse, I am embarassed to have anyone over my house, and if anyone comes over I meet them outside. My family when they do come over, has made some comments to me and my wife that we need to pick up the house. It hurts my feelings, but I don't say anything, I want to tell them how hard it is for me, but when I say it to myself it sounds like I am just being lazy, I mean they do it.
There is no odor in the home, if something starts smelling it goes to the trash or wash, I hate bad smells. BUt it just looks horrible. As for hygine, I keep myself very neat, because its easy and I have established routines, shower, shave, brushteeth, and so one each moring. But with my home, because its randomly gets dirty, its impossible to form a routine on what to clean each moring.
And when I get home at night, i am so strung out from trying to focus during the day, I am pooped and not up to tackling anything mental.
I am not a dirty person, I don't feel that way, I'm just overwhelmed..I know that sounds like a cop out.
Usually what happens is it gets so dirty that me hating it, overrides everything else, then BAM... I start cleaning, and I sweep through the house like a tornado, and it is spotless when I'm done, sometimes 10 hours later. It stays that way for some time, until one day my 11 year old son will trash the room, or my life will get complicated in some fashion, and I will loose the energy to maintain the neatness..
Then I fall slowly back to clutter, Hating it.. :(
I wish I knew why that was ...... Is it ADD, or is that I truly am lazy.
Just Dave38253.5802430556I would say it is part of ADD. I do the same thing but not as bad in the downstairs area but in my bedroom i have laundry everywhere.. clean is on section of the floor and the other section in dirty.... Does your wife help pick up or does she have add as well??Same here. I have piles of paper everywhere. It takes me a long time to find something I am looking for. I can never get the house completely clean even when I try. I run out of energy. It is either the upstairs or the downstairs that gets cleaned and that infrequently. My husband took over doing the laundery because he said it took me to much time to get it done (OK by me). We are very opposite, it sometimes causes friction in our marriage. It is definetley ADD. -Gettingagrip-
It sounds like you definantly are running out of time in the day for a non Adhder and plus on top of all the stuff that has gone on in your life you also suffer from ADD. I normally try to work on one room at a time and then when it is clean i move on until i loose focus.
My mom takes care of my father who is sick and has parkinsons so they decided to hire a housekeeper 1 time a week to do some stuff. If you can afford one that could help a great deal once you have straighted it all out 1 time have one come in just to keep it tidy.
Of course we all can not afford on so that is why our houses are a war zone at times
You pretty much describe what my house looks like on a daily basis. I clean once a week (Saturday) and by Sunday it is a wreck again. We also have 2 dogs and 2 parrots which definitely add to the clutter.
You are not lazy. And it's nothing to be ashamed of. You have to decide what is important to you. We only get so many hours in a day.
Besides, no one ever laid on their death bed saying "gee, I wish I would have spent more time on housework." 
That's my outlook on the whole housework thing.
My wife has Severe Depression (some suicidal attemps) and post traumatic syndrome from an industrial accient as a nurse, so she isn't exactly piping with energy and often will create even more clutter on top of mine. She has just started working again after seven years, and I am very proud of her. MY son has ADHD, so he is all over the place, playing with everything and anything all at once, so picking up after him can be exaughsting as he is a wirlpool of clutter.
Really the only one doing any house chores in the house for the last couple of years has been me. I do all the cooking, all the cleaning (when I have the energy) All the bills, I do all the food shopping and handle the care of the pets, who are little clutter gathers themselfs, one dog, 3 birds, 13 hermit carbs and a salt water fishtank LOL. I keep my wifes spirits up when she is down, and hug my son when he needs a rock to hold on to. Plus I have my 50 hour full time Job where I am a Supervisor and handle 15 employees. I am not trying to sound like superman, for I am not, and failing horribly at the cleaning, and I look at my feet when my realitives mention something. Something has to give, I just don't have any more to give...So if I have to give, I let it be the cleaning and try to keep my sanity. I suppose I could give up my self time, I like to read and do things on the computer and relax at night when i can. BUt admitingly I am selfish about it, and cherish those small moments of peace.
On the possitive we are a very happy family, we seldom fight at all. We love each other and God very much, and pray often. (he gets me though) But I am ashamed some times how my house looks, and i try to delve deep to draw on energies that are running low....
I Don't do drugs or alcohol, other than some wellbutrin
FOr my ADHD and my own depression that I had for
Years.
I am greatful for a loving son, and a loving wife, They are both special and take special care, but I wouldn't trade them for anyone.
Corney I know...
Wow! sounds so much like my house and life! Hang in there! It sounds like you have reasonable priorities, and housework isn't high on the list. Sounds reasonable to me. (I try to tell myself that, anyway)
Having a happy family with food on the table and a place to live is what is really important! Good job!
My house is the same way. My husband is constantly yelling about the house but I work full time and we have 3 kids. It is our biggest argument.
Oh, I kind of do the basket thing too! I have smaller baskets in my kitchen, dining room and one for dog toys in the dining room. Then I go through the kitchen basket once a week. The dining room one occasionally and once a week I put all of the dog toys into their basket.
One thing I am trying to do is adhere to something I read in a book called F.A.T. It stands for File Act or Toss. So I've been trying to handle my mail that way every day. If it's junk it goes in the trash right away, if it is a bill, it goes on my desk, anything else I put in the kitchen basket and deal with it on Saturday. My kitchen basket isn't nearly as full anymore since I toss the junk right away.
I used to have a cleaning lady every other week. But we can't afford her anymore due to cut in family salary. 
I'll tell ya, it was the most wonderful feeling in the world to come home on those Fridays to a clean house!! Gawd I miss that . . . 
i get very frustrated with cleaning and tidying up. where do i start? where do i move things to in order to clean? i i only do it when the clutter gets so bad i can't think or if i am having a visitor who may not know me. anyway when i do clear up it only lasts a day so what's the point? stop worrying - you have excellent priories with your family, work and finding your own space.
I did like rae's idea and if i had a big enough flat i would employ it!
enjoy your life and ignore the mess and people who are hung up about it!
jhazYou should see my house. Holy Maria. As soon as I decide to get down and dirty and thoroughly clean one area up, another area mysteriously springs a leak.
Just Dave - I used to be like that, but I am not anymore. Cleaning is a learnt behaviour, it does not come naturally. I was really messy until I met my husband, who is a bit of a neat freak (but really he just hides all the mess in cupboard etc).
What you could try is go and buy about 10 cheap laundry baskets and leave them around your house. When you have stuff in your hands and are about to put them down - throw them into one of the baskets.
When people visit - put all the baskets in your bedroom and shut the door.
One day you might actually feel like sorting out the baskets. But if you dont - dont stress (at least you know where to find everything)
Just Dave:You're handling a lot: helping your wife, doing your work,
looking after your son, and the house on top of that.
I really think the first step is to learn not to feel
bad about the mess. At least, not deeply bad, not
ashamed. To move from "I'm ashamed -- I should ..." to
"I would prefer the house to be cleaner." A statement
which is calmer and less emotionally charged.
I find the books "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy"
and "Ten Days to Self Esteem", both by David Burns, are
really good for learning not to feel those intense emotions. I think both you and your wife could benefit from doing
the written exercises in these books. She can do it to
overcome depression; you can do it to move from "I'm ashamed of the mess" to "I hope I will clear one half of this desk today."
The next step is dividing it up into small steps.
A really important step, I believe, is to learn to
feel good about small amounts of cleaning.
For example, say you clear one-quarter of the kitchen counter and wipe it clean. Then I think it's really
important to look at that one clean quarter of the counter for a few seconds, and force yourself to smile, and
think to yourself, "I cleaned part of the counter. I feel good about that." At first this may feel very forced
and strange, but with time it gets more natural.
Again, those books by David Burns can help with that sort of thing. You need to learn to push aside the thoughts
like "...but the rest of the house is still horrible!" and
just firmly say "I feel good about this clear section of counter." Period. No buts.
Then it becomes easier to do some cleaning again another
day, I believe. Rewarding yourself, rather than punishing yourself.
My house is kindof messy, in an owning-too-many-things sort of way. As the children get older and I have more
spare time, I think I'm gradually learning to establish routines and
keep things tidier.
Getting more sleep helps, too, I find. I have energy to
tidy up on weekend mornings (though I'm often busy shopping or whatever). I don't have that energy
weekday evenings after work. That's OK.
I've been limiting my time for reading, computer etc. -- not to zero, but trying not to cut into my sleep too much either.
I enjoy washing dishes. I think it's partly because there are
no decisions to be made. Just a stack of dishes -- wash one, then the next one. It's soothing. Maybe I find
the running water soothing, too.
However, I usually don't have time to wash the dishes, so my husband, who doesn't have a job, does it.
We manage OK. Our house doesn't look great for inviting guests in, but
it serves our purposes to live in day-to-day without tripping over somebody's shoes too often etc.
I had the same problem due to depression and add. The depression has been extremely helped with meds.
I've come to the conclusion that i will never be cured of add in which i base my complete life around systems.
I carry a note pad with me at all times. To clean my house I am a member of a couple groups on Yahoo. One is the flylady system (go figure I am a guy) and the other is a cleaning house group.
Everyday they prioritize one thing to do. For instance I had to clean out a closet last week. This week I had to clean the lightbulbs outside. Point being if you do it in small pieces with other people you get it done. I have systems for keys, shopping, cell phones, garage, car, etc... I used to let dishes pile up. I now only use 1 set unless I have company. If I am going to eat I clean the only set i work with. I plan out my meals, freeze portions, and have a system that allows me to eat and prepare a well balanced very nice gourmet meal in very little time. Bills are paid on the internet, most are repeating payments. My pets are included in my system and they know the routine. Mail goes in certain dated slots. I have a master to-do list thats current, My bathroom is set up so that each time I leave it, it is just as clean as I entered. Anything that does not have a place gets thrown away. In the career world I deligate my weakneses to my administrative assistant and I use my strengths to lead the company.
Trust me when I say there are none of you who had it worse then I did. All of your storys together do not mount to what a problem I once had. I was so messed up I had purchased my cemetary plot, completed my last will and testiment, had my suit picked out for when I finally ended it all. I was unbeleavebly close to finishing the job.
I was lucky to have come across a message board called psycho babble. It motivated me to keep trying other meds and saw other people who made it.
I found the correct meds, then started excercising and eating right went from obese to very in shape and healthy (lost 70 pounds). I now have the time to go to the gym everyday. Bought all new well fitted clothes. I then came up with all these systems. My life is really on track. I hit rock bottom but am now on top of the world. I will never go back there.
Remember this: There are 4 types of people:
They know and care
They don't know and care
They know and don't care
They don't know and don't care.
I have learned that people with ADD care but do not know how to deal with it. The key is systems, systems and more systems and use other people to motivate and work with you. I hold my self accountable to have people over for dinner at least once a week.
Another huge key item that saved my life was sleep. I lived on 4 hours a sleep at best per day for 15 years. I now take a sleep aid and have found the correct one after expermenting with probably 20 sleep aids. I now sleep a solid 8 hours per night. This sleep enhancement is a huge percentage of correcting how you feel.
I still continue to work with meds to solve this ADD dissorder, however, my life is no longer put off until tomorrow. My life is now organized more then "normal" people because I use systems that work for me. These systems have gained me at least 6 hours more time per day. (I gained 42 hours a week just by being effecient).
The reward to systems is a clear head, inviting company over, extra time and lot's of it, low anxiety, increased self esteem, it's endless and contagious. We are creatures of habit, the problem with ADDers is we have too short of an attention span to form a habit. Form the habit to fit ADD, don't conform ADD to fit a generalized life because it can't be done.
Trust me, people (normal non ADD people) will look at you with envy wondering how you manage to do so much is so little time.
ADD can be a blessing, it's just a blessing in disguise and you have to un-mask it. Learning to work with your ADD and use it as an advantage has to be a way of life. ADDers have amazing creativity, sensitivity, multi-tasked, quick thinking. Some of the greatest people in history had ADD. USE IT TO YOUR ADVANTAGE!
Sure your mind will race with thoughts, sure you will feel at times your overwhelmed, sure you will continue to work with meds. However if you have systems, sure you will feel a lone at times, but after the panic is over, everything will be okay...
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