The very saddest story | ADHD Information

I need kind words.

I've posted before about my 12 year old at sleepaway camp.  Yes, a regualr camp that he went to last year and really wanted to go back.  Last year he did ok, had a few meltdowns but didn't really make friends but REALLY wanted to go back.  So even though my gut said send him to a more special camp, they were willing to take him and he wanted to go so I said ok

So this year, he had one meltdown in the middle of the 4 weeks and it was a problem getting him to stop playing his gameboy (but all the kids had them) so I'm sure he wasn't the favorite child of the councelors.  But he was having fun and yes, MAKING FRIENDS!!!! So the very last night of camp, before the morning we were supposed to pick him up and have a "parents" day, I get a call at 8:00 PM that I have to come get him.  What happened?  Well he was supposed to be packing and he was playing his gameboy so the councelor took it away and was kind of teasing him that he would erase his files, so Jake got VERY upset and tried to get it back thinking the councelor would do it and the other councelor tried to restrain him and Jake BIT him on the hand trying to get away.  The camp has a strick policy so they said at 8:00 on the very last night we had to get him.  I tried my best to get them to bend but they wouldn't

So at almost midnight we arrive and here was the saddest boy ever, not angry, not saying he hated camp, but saying how sad he was cause all he wanted was for us to meet his new best friend and get phone numbers and how he really made friends and that's what he was focused on.

I'm writing this with tears flowing cause my heart is broken.  Yes, you can't bite, yes the behavior was very wrong but the kids made friends, and that was such a big thing for him.  The fight wasn't with his piers, but with the college age councelors who don't have experience as child care professionals and certainly not special needs.  I'm praying he can call his new friend and the kid doesn't describe him to his mother as the kids who was kicked out of camp.

The last frickin night.....how sad is that. 

I would report the teasing for that is abuse and to me your son was provoked.  They totally handled it incorrectly so I would speak to someone in charge and make an official complaint.  I am not only hurt for you but pissed off.

Sadly, it's his words against the councelors.  I think my son gets too intense with his game and maybe they were kidding and maybe thought they were funny, but Jake, being the way he is took them seriously and got over anxious they would do harm to his saved files.

That's part of his disabilty.

Truthfully, he can be defiant and maybe annoying and certainly made the councelors work for their money.  So they might have been losing patience with him.

So now I have a very sad boy upstairs who definitely learned his lessons about biting.  And who is missing his friends.

And yes, depsite the fact that he really wanted to go back, I realize now it wasn't the right camp for him, he needs a camp with a trained professional looking out for him.  I have to look into another sleepaway camp for next year. 

The truth is he's in regular school and did so well in 6th grade, straight A's no major behaviour issues, and he's in regular classes with no aide.  He has an IEP but it's not that major.  So I guess I thought he'd be fine at this camp but I guess his teachers are a bit more experienced at handling "different" kids than the college age councelors.

Yes, everything jillette says, i agree with and camp should have the other boys details, surely handing over a phone number is'nt going to hurt any one, & you can explain to the other boys perents what really happened.I'm sorry that your son had such a bad experience  with camp.  I agree with the others that the situation was not handled appropriately.  Even if the counselors were only teasing, they should have not teased him (or any child) in that manner. 

Oh my, I am so sad for you and your little guy.  Don't have any words for you, other than what happened was just so not right.  I would have bit the counselor too!   

Hopefully, this last part can be "not tallked about" a whole lot. if you get my drift.  Please try not to deal with it too much in front of him.  Try to bring out the funnest parts, so that he will have more good stuff to dwell on from his time there, so that the incident does not ruin his experience.  If you make a big deal about it, he will remember it as a big deal.  Not that it was minimal, but you know what I mean?

But just so you know, now don't tell your little guy, but  we've got a line started, here, of us who are going to bite his counselor. 

.IMac38944.5543518519.IMac38944.5545833333Indeed that is very sad, and the councelor should be reported, even if it's the child's word against his. I urge you to please get this child tested b y a NeuroPsych. He may well have ADHD, but his reaction to the Gameboy and teasting, while most kids would probably cry, was over-the-top, and the biting, no matter how desperate he felt, is age inappropriate. Again, I urge you to see if he has ADHD or more going on and a NeuroPsych actually tests for that. My son is Gameboy addicted and, even if a camp counselor took it and threatened to erase his games, he'd sob to himself, not bite (mine will turn 13 in a month--he has mild ASD). Biting is a strange reaction for his age, no matter how provoked. I'm glad he had som fun and, again, urge you to take him to a NeuroPsych as the poor kid sounds like he could suffer from more than ADHD. I wish you and your sweet little guy the very best. MomWI38920.8102314815Totally disagree. It is VERY inappropriate for a twelve year old to bite for any reason, frustration or not, no matter WHAT'S wrong with him or how badly provoked. And, yes, it is assault at a certain age. I wouldn't be mad at the kid--heck, I'd be ready to choke the counselor, BUT I'd also want to know for sure what's wrong with the kid, why is the obsession SO STRONG that he bit. Most kids, if they responded at all (many would just keep it in and cry to themselves later) would, if they acted out at all, meltdown. Even my ASD kid, who has a videogame ASD obsession that's way beyond "normal" kid obsession, would never have struck out at him or bit him. He would have had a meltdown. This parent needs to know why her son has this obsession that is so extreme he bit, which can get him AND her in trouble with the law. If this counselor chose to report him, and he sounds mean enough to do it, the kid could be reported to social services and then you have a mess. Any kid who handles even extreme frustration that way needs an evaluation. And any kid who is that obsessed over Gameboy (and I know about THAT first hand) is probably teetering on something behond ADHD. Maybe not too, but there is no harm in having him seen by a NeuroPsych and lots to lose if not. Better to be safe than sorry. At the very least, perhaps the NeuroPsych can identify issues and maybe help the child learn how to deal with extreme agitation in a better way. He's not 8. He needs to deal with obnoxious, mean, cruel people better than biting them. THAT is not at all normal for a twelve year old kid, no matter what. Raised three to adulthood, and have Lucas there, with his PDD-NOS. Guarantee you it's not a normal reaction, nor is his need for the Gameboy. Good luck to mom and I hope this counselor is reported and terminated. I may have called CPS for child abuse on this so-called "counselor."I'm in line with Calicorose so I can bite the counselor, too.  I agree that you should complain to the director.  I'd discuss it with your son and say that you do not approve of the way the counselor handled the matter.  I think he showed great immaturity by taunting your son and I'd communicate that.  One thing I think it's important for parents to help their kids learn is that adults make mistakes.  I would not want my ds to grow up thinking that just because someone is an adult that means he/she can do anything they want and get away with it.  He may not feel so sad if he sees that although he had a part in this, the adult was also responsible for the way this turned out.

I'm so sorry this happened.  Hugs go out to you. 

Mellow, you know, no, it was wrong to bite, but I really feel for the guy. Set this up: 

Maybe he was too overwhelmed about packing and had such a great time all week he didn't want to think about leaving and packing.  Typical ADHD kid burries his thoughts in the GAmeboy to avoid thinking about the inevitable. 

 1. His favorite game was THEN TAKEN from him. 

 2. THEN he got teased by his superior. 

 3. THEN he was GRABBED by another couselor. 

That's a lot if you think about it, and my blood is boiling as I write!!.  If I put myself in that very same sit, I'd want to bite too, seriously.  It's not innappropriate or strange response at all, by gum they talk about it in self-defence classes!  PUsh came to shove for him, and I would be in the gammut of emotions from those three occurrances myself! Not that I would bite, but for a young guy who already has challenges AND was totally overwhelmed, it's completely understandable.  Sounds from his reaction he knew what he did was wrong.  If bitiing is not the norm for him, I wouldn't think it would be over the top at all. 

I'm sure his friends will continue to want to touch base with him if they had a great time during the week. 

We have had to deal with immature counselers too this summer, it must be a bad week. 

I'm sure by now he knows it was wrong to bite but that doesn't excuse the counselor. I would report the counselor's behavior. I don't care if it is your son's word against the counselor's. The counselor was wrong.

I would also bring up the fact that the kids were there for camp so why were they playing with Gameboys? That isn't camping, its being babysat in a cabin or tent. If they have personal time, it should have been made clear to the kids that whatever they were doing was to be put away at a certain time and the likelihood of a fight over the gameboy would have been lessened.

I think they need to train their counselors better. Any situation with many kids needs trained adults whether the kids are in a regular camp or a special needs camp.

if I were you I'd report the counselor of teasing and restraining your child because what if that happened to another child and something worse happened if they haven't been trained to deal with children they have no right restaining a child either. the coordinators of this camp should keep a watch on things...NeuroPsyhs are not usually in the phonebook. I never heard of a NeuroPsych until two years ago (so my kid went misdiagnosed until then). They are at University and Children's Hospitals. I was able to make an appointment without a referral. I have to add, I really hate idiots who pick on kids with special needs--they are the lowest sort of humans, especially those who would taunt a child. Sadly, these people exist, and our kids can get into trouble for reacting to them. If they hit them, they can be whacked with assault charges. I'd like to take that counselor and choke him myself, but then I'd go to jail...there's no law against pathetic, sad, moronic humans who pick on kids. Sadly.

Thanks for you all regarding your posts.  Honestly, my son does get angry and impulsive, but honestly, he has not biten anyone for as long as I can remember.  So something was going on that was major where he felt so "trapped" and just exploed.  It was more than just the gameboy, believe me.  I've taken this away from him many many times, and he uses he doesn't bite.  And if someone was threatening to delete my important computer files and held me back so I couldn't stop them, I might kick and bite too.

I agree with the fact that there was a lot going on, the last day, the very wild and unstructured last day probably exhausted and overwelmed him, and the packing task was probably overwelming to him too.  And the fact that only 2 or 3 boys in the bunk were going home at the end of first session and had to pack and the rest could go out and play.

But honestly, anyone who's read the explosive child could easily see how this could have been avoided.  And the councelor, knowing he was going home the next day, was probably not trying that hard.

So yes, we did talk about it a lot and funny cause my son is a straight A student, no aid in class, regular public school, regular classes and not once have a gotten a call about behavior like that. 

So in some ways it was a good lesson for him that maybe will help him the next time he is angry.  He knows very well what he did was wrong and yes, he is getting 'banned' from the computer games for a while as a punishment.  And it was a good lesson for me when looking for camps for him in the future.

The strangest thing is last year, he came back from the same camp, loving his councelors but feeling like the kids didn't like him.  This year, he came back not loving his councelors but having made friends and feeling like he was liked and part of the bunk.  So oddly enough, in some ways, he feels better about himself.  Isn't that strange???  He's mostly sad cause he couldn't say goodbye to his friends.

And by the way, in the past I looked for a neuropschy in my area and honestly, there isn't one.

If anyone knows of one in the northern New Jersey area, let me know.

I was driving with my son today and told him about this incident. I wanted his feedback. He said, "Wow, that was really mean." I asked him what he'd do and he sort of asked, "Call the police?" I told him the child bit him and my son said, "He deserved it." From the mouths of babes :)This is so sad. People don't care about these kids, so why would they care if he ever has a friend in his whole life? People need to wake up and try to put themselves in others shoes, but they never do. All they are thinking .. IT'S A JOB AND I GET PAID FOR IT. good138922.535787037

[QUOTE=CMRsmom]if I were you I'd report the counselor of teasing and restraining your child because what if that happened to another child and something worse happened if they haven't been trained to deal with children they have no right restaining a child either. the coordinators of this camp should keep a watch on things...[/QUOTE]

Yeah, if it would do any good. Like in school, if you tell about a teacher, everyone (asst principals too) will make you and your son's life . Believe me, it has happened to a friend of mine.  

  I also think a different camp would be a good idea.

 

  And I agree with MomWI that biting is not an appropriate way for a kid to respond to feeling frustrated. Was it acceptable for the counselor to tease one of the kids ? Absolutely not, and that inappropriate behavior needs to be addressed as well.

 

  I think it's really important when our kids have any types of issues to teach them how to respond to situations/people/their feelings in an appropriate manner. 

 

 My kids also have an issue with biting (9 yrs. old) and it's unacceptable in our home. They can't go around biting people, because they're angry. There's no good enough excuse for them biting at this age, unless of course, someone's trying to kidnap them. In that case, they can scratch, bite, etcetc...to protect themselves.

 

  In the real world, biting will not be accepted or tolerated. If they bit anyone at school, they'd be suspended and we'd be held accountable for them harming another child. When they grow up and go out into the workforce, they can't bite their boss or coworker's because they get angry. They'd get fired.

 

  Anyway, I would write a letter to the director of the camp and send it certified. That'll let them know you're pretty upset about this incident and that you mean business.

 

 

wow, I have to agree...the more I think about it...yes it's ok to take away a kids gameboy when they were playing during clean up time, but the gameboy should go AWAY, in a closet or something, not played with by the couselors, or even pretended to be played with by the councelors.  Even though he lost his privleges to play it, it still belongs to him and nobody has the right to it without his permission.

I've taken his gameboy away plenty of times but I have never held it in front of his face and pretended to mess up his files.

But again, if someone teases a child and the child hits (or bites) back, the hitter is the one in trouble.  But my son does not bite regularly so that part doesn't concern me so much.

As far as the camp, I think writing a letter will do nothing but bring up bad feelings for myself and my son.  In some ways it was a lesson to my son that he needs to think of other ways to deal with anger.  If this happened in the middle of camp, I'd write a letter with the home of getting my money back, but since it happened the last night, no good can come from it.  Besides, it's my son's word against the couselors cause the other kids were not in that room.

I did tell the camp referal service that I got the camp from so hopefully they may not recommend it so highly.  In the end, it may be a good camp for mainstream kids, but that's about it.

Also, the director is a man..and I think if it was a woman, who was also a mother, things would have been different.  He had absolutely no empathy whatsoever.

Mellowdancer, I'm sorry about the bad experience your son had at camp.  Just one thought when you're searching for a new camp for next summer:  You might want to find one that doesn't allow any electronics.  My daughter, who has bipolar disorder, attends an all-girls mainstream overnight camp in Maine.  No gameboys, IPods, cell phones, etc. are allowed to be brought to camp.  In fact, the bunks don't even have electricity!  What I like about the camp is the "back to nature" feel and the good values it promotes.  Something for you to think about. 

BTW, the director of my daughter's camp is a man.  And he is wonderfully empathetic.  He is the one who made it possible for my daughter to attend a mainstream camp!