Hitting | ADHD Information

Regardless of what your Psycologist said (we had so many who were wrong--they often just don't "get it"--not educated to look for certain things) more is going on with your kid than ADHD/ODD, and I'm glad you're going to the child study. My guess is you come back with the big picture, and a way to get relief for yourself (which you desperately need) and you're beautiful, sweet, precious little one (honest, she should be in commercials). Hang in there. It's hard, but you know the Study is coming up. I wish your hub would get help. Sounds like something is wrong with him that could be the key to what's wrong with your daughter (genetics are powerful). If your daughter parrots what he says (and I'm NOT sure that's what you meant), then that's more symptoms of ASD. I know you're confused. I've been where you are. I only hope your child gets help and your hub as well. He doesn't sound like much fun! I'm extreme, but if my hub hit my kids, I'd threaten to call CPS. Nobody touches my kids that way, not even Dad.  (((Hugs))) MomWI38925.1963078704If I was in your hub's place, I do not think I would be comfortable with your brother counseling.  Nothing personal.  I would be more comfortable with someone who did not know me.

[QUOTE=MomWI]Regardless of what your Psycologist said (we had so many who were wrong--they often just don't "get it"--not educated to look for certain things) more is going on with your kid than ADHD/ODD,

Isn't it possible that this learned behavior has nothing to do with a diagnosis and everything to do with old fashioned misbahavior?  Maybe your daughter is just misbahaving. There are millions of kids out there who misbehave every day and have no mental issues whatsoever. Perhaps she's picked up on being treated differently, whether on purpose or inadvertently, and she thinks she'll get away with it. When I worked with kids, I would get hit by children who knew that nothing was really going to happen to them. Now, I'm not saying that kids go around hitting and that it should just be accepted.  BUT, I am saying that childhood hitting is normal, it does happen even with kids who have no clinical issues, and that the likely source of this aggression is her dad, who seems to be modeling this behavior.

And I certainly wouldn't attempt to gainsay someone else's professional opinion, especially since I have not had that professional training myself. 

Will your husband try cognitive behavioral therapy. He's the actual source of the problem.

Jillette, I would encourage you to keep on with the idea of family counseling or therapy.  Men can often be very hardheaded when it comes to kids with differences or difficulties.  They can be in denial about them.  They can see similarites in themselves that they are afraid of  or do not want to admit or deal with.  Maybe they don't see these things as a problem.  They want things to be perfect and if they are not they can have a very deep desire to want to fix them.  They can be so overwhelmed (silently, deniably) that they shut down if they don't have the wherewithall to "fix" the issues.  Go into a cave of sorts?  Does any of this sound familiar with hub?

Could be your little one is just going through a normal phase that "normal" kids go through, though with much more intensity, because she is so intense in the way she goes.  Stay firm and keep your lines in place.

You need to find a way to take care of yourself, so that you can be the best mom you can be, despite not having full support at home.  You do need a break.  Could you and your daughter maybe have a "day out" or something like that to reconnect on a more fun, unconditional, quiet level?  I used to enjoy those moments with our son when our family situation was very difficult.  Before it tore apart.   Those moments, days, saved me from myself.   

I understand and have been through some of what you are experiencing, on a less intense level of course. I hope something gives for you soon, in a favorable way, or you may make it have to some way, so you can be your best for your girl.   Sorry to ramble so.    

My daughters new thing is hitting now she hit me 4x in the past two weeks.  The first time she said "it was for my own good", the second "it is not a hit it is a love tap", and last "I was trying to get your attention.  All the above was said to  her by my husband who is still un-diagnosed and will not do anything to help himself and has low tolerance for our child. My husbands first reaction to any mis-behavior is to spank and to cover it he has said the above statements she is now repeating.   I am at my wits end and it would appear he just does not get it and when he cannot control himself how can she.  Sorry  my vent went off topic a bit but I have had it and it helps to understand where it was picked up.  The hitting occurs when very frustrated or if I tell her NO.  I am torn I feel like my life is a mess.  I do not want to tear her world apart yet I cannot take it anymore and to add to it I do it all NO HELP nor many breaks.  I am giving her a time out and she has to earn back a privelage for each occasion, any other ideas welcome.

My job is also getting to me too stressful handling cases others in constant crisis and they think I can wave a magic wand and make it better heck i cannot make my life better.  My life is in crisis.  Thanks for being here to vent.

My brother is a minister and wants to counsel us only I am the only one who is talking to him and spouse has not returned his call.  my brother said he will be nuetrol.  When I reminded him to call my brother he yelled at me so there is that answer.I am glad you have an evaluation scheduled. Sounds still to me as though this child is beyond ADHD/ODD. Maybe so is hub and she inherited for him. Try to hang in there until the evaluation. (((Hugs))) By the way, your daughter should model. She is THAT beautiful. .IMac38944.5524884259.IMac38944.5526851852

I don't think any of us can say what jillette's daughter has or has not...

 My son was a hitter(angry hitter/biter) prior to his diagnosis and everything was ruled out other than ad/hd for impulsive behaviors and reactive hypoglycemia which can cause some of the impulsive behaviors .  He is so much better.  He is still working on learning his space and my space etc... and at times in play, hits in a play like way(he is working on this in play therapy).  This time though I know it is just because he is having to learn the concept of boundaries.  He isn't doing it to be intentionally mean. Things get better everyday.  It just takes patience and work to find the right diagnosis and get the right help.

jillette, I'm wondering if your husband might be more receptive to working with someone outside of your family.  Even though your brother might be a great person and trained professional, it might be somewhat hard for your husband.  He sounds like he is scared to some degree. He might just need someone outside of the family to confide in.

Keep your chin up ... I know it can be hard.  My soon to be ex was very similar to your husband, I think.  I had to move on.  But that was my choice and it isn't necessarily the choice for everyone. 

My brother was going to refer us to someone he knows for free for the counseling only he has to call my brother back to say yes he is interested.  I am hanging in there.  When I forgot who mentioned dealing with the endocrinology that hit a nerve for I am a diabetic and pray daily she does not inherit it I have  had it since I was 17.  I have shared the craziness in the home with her psychologist so he is aware the hitting is the new one.  I see the psychologist alone in two weeks for further diagnosis.  I will then post the results and will continue working with the hard headed one.  My husband is a nice guy only needs help.So sorry to hear you are having a crisis.  I seem to be having one every couple weeks or so myself.   Anyway, regarding the hitting...you read The Explosive Child, I believe.  Decide beforehand what is worth having a knock-down-drag-out over.  Such as safety issues.  Pushing to the point of a meltdown is a lose-lose situation.  Some things you have to let go.  Easier said than done, of course.  I wish I could follow my own advice!   You know what to do, it is just a matter of having a clear enough head to do it in the heat of the moment!  So good luck, anyway.  My dd was having some hitting issues at the beginning of summer, but we haven't had any for quite some time, knock wood.  We have been trying to not engage in power struggles, FWIW.  So hopefully, your dd's will subside, too.Disorders are not caused by how the parents raise the kids. It's all in the wiring differences. Our Np did say some asd kids do have behavior issues. It's hard to day cause lots of kids could careless what the punishment is. I hear reward the good ones. The older kids get the harder kids become. Remember though kids can and will do what we parents do. All kids need discipline! It's just hard to find what will work.

Yes I have read the explosive child book.  As for crisises that is what we are all here for to vent and share advice.