discipline for adhd child? | ADHD Information

I feel so bad for you!  I hear the care and concern you have for your son and his behavior. Is it possible that there are ODD issues here as well? When I read your post I immediately thought about a young man I worked with in daycare many years ago, Tony.  Tony had just about every letter diagnosis a person could get, with his ODD being most apparent.  He would willfully destroy property at daycare, kick his mother in the stomach after she said good-bye at drop off, lock himself in his grandmother's car and refuse to get out. He also instigated a nasty little game of show and tell in the library corner of our school-age classroom, which was very difficult to explain to the other parents. Tony wanted so much to form good and lasting friendships, but he was always on self-destruct mode. It was critical for his well-being and the mental health of the teachers dealing with this behavior that we were all sure to take it one day at a time.  Each day is a new chance to have a great day, to overcome that last bad day. We had to be sure not to carry consequences over day to day, because his behavior truly was not intentional, but a reaction of his disorder. I think that whatever you try, and Lord! I wish I had a good plan for you to try, remember to give him a fresh start every day. Don't let the consequences of past actions crush his determination to try again today. He has to feel like he has a chance to succeed. Oh, good luck to you. I know the sense of anxiety you must have. I have often felt, if I could just do something to help my son fit in his skin, I would give anything.

   Maybe your son is bipolar, but this doctor deals with so many kids with bipolar that are worse, that he's overlooking how serious your son's issues are. The things you listed seem pretty serious to me.

   Unfortunately, I'm in the same boat you are. I deal with ongoing behavioral issues with my stepchildren and nothing deters the naughty & defiant behavior. Nothing. We've tried everything and nothing helps. It's stressful & discouraging to deal with on a daily basis. I really understand how frustrated you must be.

 

   I would get a second and third opinion. I would keep trying different shrinks until you find one that can truly offer your family some relief & help..

 

  Good luck.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Is he still on Strattera?  If so, I'd take a good hard look at his meds.  Strattera is an SNRI antidepressant, and it can wreak havoc with kids, most notably with mood swings.  It can also cause depression.  If this were my son, I'd want to wean him from the Strattera (with professional advice, of course) to get a baseline read on his behaviors.

I would also recommend an evaluation by a board-certified child psychiatrist, who is the only professional qualified to diagnose mood disorders (anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder).  I have two children with working dxes of bipolar disorder, and your son's behavior sounds alarming, particularly for a 6-year-old.  A psychologist worked with my son for many months last year and completely missed depression in him.  Your son's behaviors could be the result of taking Strattera or they could be the result of the underlying disorder.  The only way you'll know is if you consult the proper medical professional.

BTW, your son probably can't control his behavior, and no amount of discipline will stop the behaviors until you get him stable.  Good luck.  

 

SmallMom38925.4683449074Just wanted to add:  Bipolar disorder is highly hereditary so if his biological father had BP, you definitely need to keep your eyes open to the possibility (and keep it in mind as med decisions are made because both stimulants and antidepressants can make kids with BP much, much worse).  Furthermore, my son's psychiatrist told us that nearly every child with BP first gets a dx of ADHD (as happened with my own son).
He's been off straterra for several months now, we figured it wasn't helping, so we all agreed to stop it.

As for bipolar disorder, we know it's always a possibility and at this age it's pretty much a judgement call. But the psychologist says he can't diagnose or recommend treatment for that, even if there are some warnings, since he doesn't meet the clinical definition at this point. He also says that he really is a lot better than kids he sees at this age who are clearly bipolar. I've listed the worse here, but he's also a sweet boy who wants to be good.

We may have more psychiatric trouble down the road, but right now he thinks, and we tend to agree, that the ADHD is causing the most problems. Anger we can all deal with, the impulsiveness and inability to focus is causing the most problems in school and at home. He's not getting in trouble so much for being angry, but for doing odd impulsive things like deciding to pee on the floor because it seemed like a good idea at the time...

We're waiting for our physician to get the psychologists report and decide from there. He may refer us to a psychiatrist, I'm not sure, but my experience with most psychiatrists has been that they tend to talk to you for 5 minutes, give you a prescription and send you on your way....
I agree with everybody here so far.  Get a good diagnosis, then get the proper meds, if that is what is recommended.  You also need to work on your relationship NOW.  He probably needs to hear some positive feedback once in a while.  Maybe he needs some one-on-one time, also.  Maybe you all could get into some counseling.  I agree that further punishing him probably isn't going to help.  He needs to be put on a behavior modification program where he is rewarded for good behavior.  Good luck!

we took everything away as punishment, but that didnt work, especially when there was nothing else to take away when he carried on being naughty

That's not true for all child psychiatrists.  Both my son and daughter go to different psychiatrists, who meet weekly with them for therapy and manage their meds.  My son's pdoc met with him and us for 6 weeks before he wrote a prescription in spite of the fact that my son experienced a prolonged intense manic reaction to Zoloft.  The pdoc wanted to make sure he got it right before introducing new meds.

ADHD does not have a patent on anger, impulsiveness and inattention.  In fact, we're now questioning whether my son ever truly had ADHD, when in fact his symptoms might always have been part and parcel of his mood disorder.  Unfortunately, symptoms change and grow as the child changes and grows.  My son, too, is a really sweet kid, but unmedicated, his mood disorder takes over and he can become angry, aggressive and even violent.  It is hard to predict what your son will be like at age 13 (my son's age).  Keep your eyes open.

 

I'm hoping someone out there has some discipline tips or ideas that may help us, we've pretty much run out of ideas and have already taken about everything away from our son that we can...

A little background... My whole family has adhd except me, but my wife and daughter are innatentive, whereas our 6 year old son is clearly impulsive/hyperactive. He's what you would call a classic difficult child... His problems came out in pre-school, where he would frequently have tantrums, refuse to do work and disrupt the class. They were going to hold him back from 1st grade, but we started him on straterra and saw an improvement, and he graduated doing reasonably well. When he started 1st grade, however, it all started again and the straterra didn't seem to do anything.

We had problems through 1st grade with angry outbursts at home and school, refusing to comply with instructions in class, not doing homework (and lying to us, saying he didn't have any), disrupting class, etc. They had a card system at school, where you pull a card each time you don't do what you're asked or misbehave. We started a consequence system at home, where 1 card meant no video games, 2 cards meant no tv and 3 cards meant no playing with friends. This had no impact and rarely a day went by without a card pulled. One exception was for 2 weeks before christmas, he did great, because he said he didn't want a lump of coal. That showed me that he can control himself if he wants, but motivating him to do so seems impossible.

Recently we've had greater problems with outbursts of anger, throwing things, destroying things, etc. We've also had several incidents of innapropriate sexual contact with boys at summer camp and his friends in the neighborhood. We became concerned because his biological father committed suicide several years ago due to severe bipolar disorder. We got a psychological referral and have worked with a child psychologist for diagnosis and treatment recommendations.

The psychologist did not feel that he has bipolar disorder, at least at this point he does not meet the criteria. He also says that he has seen a lot of kids in his office who are clearly bipolar, and that our son isn't like them, that their anger and outbursts are much more intense and lasting. He said he feels the main problem currently is the ADHD with some warning signs of depression, and he recommended we try other medications as the straterra wasn't helping.

So that's where we are today. He's at a summer care program at the YMCA and has been a nightmare the last few weeks. We've had to deal with the following issues recently:

- intentionally destroyed a board game (made him use his money to buy a new one)
- intentionally urinating on the floor
- touched another child's penis while changing for swim time (we forbid him from swimming after this)
- scratched holes in a table using scissors
- pulled out a handful of hair from another girl when she tried to take some cards from him
- intentionally threw a frizbee on the roof
- swore at the counselors

all this in the past week.

Right now he's lost TV, video games, swimming and playing with his friends. I've got no other privileges to take away from him, he comes home from camp and basically sits around in his room until bedtime. I've having a hard time with logical consequences for his behavior as well, I mean, what's a consequence of yanking out a girls hair? Yank out his hair? Probably not...

I think we're being bitten by the impulsiveness, he seems to have these things pop in his head and he acts on them with no thought. If he doesn't stop to think about what might happen, he'll never be able to control his behavior. But I have no idea what to do about that. I mean, he understands that these things get him in trouble, but he says he doesn't know why he does them.

Any tips that have worked for anyone out there?

Plan the same rutine everyday even for the week end, no changes unless prior warning.

Be consistant

Set rules, just a few at first then add more as he gets use to it, praise for GOOD behavour, ingnore (as much as you can) for BAD behavour.

Try charts, marbles system, sticker's & time out, Which you may have to supervise.

Always tell him you still love him, (sometimes)- "i say im not happy with you, BUT i still love you"

Remind him he clever & grown up, good idea, wow, look at what you done, your being good etc.

All of this works for me, we have more good days now than bad.

Some kids odd is so bad no matter what you do they have to learn on there own ways. We both were this way as a kid. Remember the behavior can be related to eating stuff they have a allergy/sensativity issue with also. Sadly removing stuff they want doesn't work as well either. I hear give them example of jail can help out.

Boy it doesn't sound like it's been a very fun summer for any of you !  As hard as it is some days, you have to try and find anything positive to say. 

- I like the way you are......using your inside voice.....walking feet.....sitting..(depending on age.)

I have read that for every negative comment, you need 5 positive. Some days I know that seems impossible. 

Is there anyway you can get a break for a few hours, so everybody comes back refreshed ?   If not can you spend a half an hour doing something you child likes to do ?  I find after my son and I have had a blowup, (after some time has passed that I'm not still angry) I try to do something with him. He needs that reasurance that I still love him.