Disipline

link to ogram's marble system thread:

http://www.adhdnews.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19898& PN=1

I started this and it is a “hands on” discipline program that most ADHD kids will respond to.  ADHD kids need to participate in their discipline.  They do well if they are able to have hands on and participate in.  If they can see it, they will respond to it.  This is what I do.  I keep a log, but he is the one to add and remove the marbles.  I am also ADHD, so this system works for me to keep consistency in our home.

Marble System:

I have two "PLASTIC" containers.  I have "in" on one and "out" on the other.  I have a List of all the good things that he is supposed to to, like chores and reading books, homework with out a complaint and working on left over worksheets his teacher gave us, and I add to it when I think about new tasks he should be working on.  Each one has a value.  The most value is 10 marbles for reading a book.  Cleaning his room is 3 marbles and keeping it clean is 5.  I have every thing from brushing his teeth, to picking up any trash that might be in the yard, to picking up sticks, to helping me pull weeds.  After he gets 100 marbles he gets $30.00 and he has to put $10 of it in his savings.  Now, if he does something wrong he has to take out marbles.  If he gets sassy or talks back, he takes out 3.  If he argues he takes out 5.  To keep track of what goes in and out, he has to write it on the paper.  That way he cannot put more marbles in there than he should.  I have not had to argue, raise my voice, spank, or even tell him more than 2 times to do something.  I will remind him ONE time for a warning and then he has to take marbles out.  We are doing this instead of an allowance.  If he reads 10 books in a row he will get his money and we start all over.  But, I don't think he has figured that out yet.  lol  At the end of each day, if he doesn't have to take any out all day, I let him put 3 in to reward him for good behavior.  This has been the best system for my son, yet.  I don't have to raise my voice and it's much easer to keep consistency when I don't have to raise my voice or put him in time out all the time.  This way he can see his progress, and he takes great pride in counting all the marbles he collects.  After he has mastered a skill, it moves off the list, and we add a new one. 

(cc-M.R. 2004)

   My name is Tonie I have a son with ADHD. My husband and I are having disipline problems. Does any one have any suggestions?

Hi Tomtomsmom,

Please describe your son (age etc), what you have tried, and any meds or other treatments? There are lots of people here with many different experiences for you to draw from.

  My son is 12. We have tried grounding and taking things away, however these actions just make matters worse with My son's tantrums and he  just cries and yells.  When we tell him not to raise his voice he yells he is not raising his voice.  Last year we went to an ADHD coach that helped alot. I think I am going to have to call her and get an appointment.  I just wished my husband could remember what the coach told us.  Such as getting his undivided attention before we tell him what he needs to do.    Do you have any suggestions?

Our 10yo daughter was getting really bad about doing homework, refusing to go to school and having tantrums when told "no". One thing I always remember is that a child that has a good rapport with their parents will try harder to please the parents than one that has lost that rapport. I worked really hard at changing my parenting style to expect smaller improvements and heap on the praise for minor accomplishments (as though she were a younger child). I learned to calmly tell her that when she calmed down and was ready to talk, I would be there for her (as opposed to yelling back and escalating things, due to my frustration with her actions). Then I would praise her for calming herself down and handling things maturely. My husband started seeing me have some success, and started the changes himself. We were also seeing some success with a behavioral plan for work at school during this time. We started the marble system this summer (to extend the school behavior plan to home behaviors) and are having good success with it. My kids can earn more money with this than on their old allowance system and my out-of-pocket is no different because I make them buy more of the things they want with their own money. My daughter recently started Concerta and we are seeing positive results, including better compliance, less impulsivity and she now reads (she hated to read because it was too hard).

I do not know how well the marbles work as kids get older and what complications puberty is adding for your son. I saw massive father/son fights when I was younger, as my brother tried to establish his independence from my dad. Your ADHD coach should be able to help with some of these issues. Is your son on meds of any type? Also, is it possible your husband has ADHD (which makes parenting an ADHD child even more interesting)?

tomtomom,

there is a computer program called "Easy Child" that is similar to the marble system but all of the point counting and allowance calculation is done on the computer.  We have this program and it worked quite well while we were using it. We don't seem to need a formal system at this time but I will sure pull it out if behavior gets to be a problem... I think this program might be more appropriate for the older child