Teenage friends going overboard!!! | ADHD Information

I agree with hanginindere. Have other people you know look after them to be
sure that theyre not doing anything bad.

we also had a teenage boy show up at the house drunk, and he passed out at our front door (he ended up with alcohol poisoning and was treated at a local hospital, where his mom thanked us for "helping him").

then...

The boy that came with alcohol poisoning was out in our neighborhood making noise (because he was drunk), and a neighbor brought him to our house for help (she has no kids -- it scared the heck out of her -- she didn't want to deal with it alone). I think she was looking for support from me, and she ending up calling the police once she brought him here. He rarely comes around these days, but I do feel for him. He has a very rough life...

and

calling obsessively during the day - sometimes 8 times in a row (even after we tell the kids that they can leave a message for our son)

then

As far as the kids that call a lot -- I know those kids and (I think) their behavior is just more selfish and demanding than evasive; my son doesn't always call back right away or answer their calls (sometimes he's just not here), and I believe they think it is okay to hound him.

I'm confused. Are you saying your son doesn't have anything to do with these kids or not? Are you asking for advice about what to do with a pack of kids running wild in your neighborhood? Your post is titled "Teenage Friends Going Overboard," so I thought these kids were friends of your son's. You second and third posts make it sound like they aren't friends, just a group of teenagers who are hanging out in the neighborhood.

lillian38933.992650463

Sounds to me like you need to talk to the parents of these boys. I know that can be a delicate subject sometimes, but I would think that if you approached the conversation with concern and not as tho you are attacking the actions of their children you may get results. Might actually make some new friends out of it Sometimes if parents or a parent are working they may not know how the kids are acting while they are away. (They may assume the kids are being responsible) ~Good luck~

From my experience, I had to tell the kids the rules. Nobody over after 9. Nobody allowed to call after 9 (I'd turn off the phone). It worked after a while. My daughter was also a followeer and she got heavily involved in drugs. I would make a super-effort to watch my son, if I were you. I tried watching my daughter but naively didn't believe she'd ever get involved in drugs, even if her friends did, because she'd always been a good kid. Now that she's clean, she's told me stories about herself and her friends that curl my toes--she was doing everything from pot, to alcohol, to ecstacy, to heroin. We didn't have a clue, being the goody-two-shoes I was as a teen. She took drugs mostly at night when I was sleeping (I'm a day person), so I didn't see her at her worst, although we did eventually see big behavioral changes. From my experience, you can talk to the parents, because we did try, but almost all of them just didn't seem to care. I guess if they'd cared, their kids wouldn't be running the streets. In some cases, like ours, my daughter sneaked out of the house through her window, but, once we knew, we'd check her every night, even way after she went to sleep, and called the police if she was gone.

Lillian: Unfortunately, I tend to ramble when trying to explain. I'm sorry that I'm confusing things.

The "late visitors" want to hang with him, but my husband and I have discouraged it. He sees them here and there at daytime activities (lots of kid shoot hoops in our local park, ride bikes around town, etc.) but we don't let him out to hang with them after curfew. The "obsessive callers" are his friends, he hangs with them, and those boys are now starting to occasionally hang out with the group that never goes home at night.

Auntnette and MomWI:

Thanks for your input. I guess speaking to parents could go either way. I know a couple of them, they seem nice, but are just not available for their kids (it seems). I'm going to a neighborhood block party this afternoon, and some of those folks will likely be there. I wonder if I could just "slide" the subject into the conversation. There are other adult neighbors that are aware and frustrated about this, but their kids (as far as I know) are not part of this group. We've talked about it in the past.

As far as our house goes, there is almost always an adult here; unfortunately, the times my son has had to stay alone, I've found out later (from him) that kids have tried to come in and won't listen when he tells them to go (if he's really being honest w/me...he might be trying to pull the wool over my eyes. He does have a rep for lying to us).

For years, we've been watching our son very closely in school and at home and will continue to do so. Hopefully, this will help him.

We do live in a very small town. It appears many people know each other and look over each other's shoulder, to put it nicely! Not always good but maybe helpful in some situations. Tongue

.IMac38944.5235648148

LOL!!! This is one heck of a social neighborhood. You've got kids hanging out in the park all day, a pack of kids running the streets at night, and block parties. Holy Toledo, where do you live???

lillian38934.3002199074ADD/ADHD kids tend to be followers. In this case it's a matter of hammering home the message that he has to think before he acts and make good choices. I'd also police this kid within an inch of his life. Know where he is at all times, what he's doing, who he's with. If these kids are coming around to hang out, it's because they're buddies with your son. Threaten to call the police the next time one drops by late on a school night. What kind of grades does you son get? If they're sliding, then he's probably involved w/drugs. It sounds like it's time for you to get tough. Is the town so small that everyone knows everyone else? I'm trying to get an understanding of the social situation because it sounds really unusual, in this day and age. When I was a teenager, I spent my summers in upstate NY, in a small town of less than a 1000 people, and all the kids knew one another. It's a completely different social situation in small towns like that. Is this what your town is like?

We really do have a lot of social activities around here (small town in Pa.)!!! I also think that my son is a people pleaser and we've encouraged him to be less of a follower and more of a "leader."

Well, I was reading your post and said to myself, "These kids are drinking or doing drugs," then you made the comment about the alcohol poisoning. Yep. Fifteen-year-old kids don't have any business showing up at a friend's house at eleven in the evening on a school night, to meet each other and "hang out" outside, unless they're scoring. That's why they are there. They also don't have any business calling eight times in a row, refusing to leave a message. Sounds to me like they don't want you to know who they are?

My advice is to keep a very close eye on your son. I hate to tell you that, but I was no angel , and certain behaviors are dead giveaways.

Mom WI: Thanks for your input.

About my son's friends -- he befriends so many kids; all different personalities and behaviors. I was the same way as a teenager; not such a good idea, I think, in retrospect.

My son was in counseling earlier this year because of academic challenges as well as peer pressure, and I believe the male therapist focused a lot on encouraging him to make wise choices. Hopefully, (cross my fingers) this sunk in; however, my son is more of a follower, and we'll see how he faces future challenges. He seems to be more comfortable with making better choices these days. You just never know, I think.

There's a group that hang out in our neighborhood till all hours of the night, and I just don't get it; I mean, why don't their parents care?? I'm starting to think that things are going to get worse around here before they get better. It wasn't always like this in our neighborhood. By the way, we do have a curfew which is not enforced. Some neighbors have talked about having a parent meeting, bringing it up at a council meeting, or speaking with police about it.

Thanks for your response and for listening.

Thanks, Lillian. We really need to continue to keep a close eye on things with him. It's really exhausting sometimes; that is, we have a lot of teenage boys in our neighborhood now, and things are escalating, as far as teens "making their own rules."

One positive note - football will be kicking into full gear (practices, etc.) and he and some of the boys are involved in this. The coaches really have them tow the line, one of which is my husband.

Thanks...

I haven't posted much since joining this site, but I have read and benefitted from the information exchanged.

Over a long period of time, our family has supported our soon to be 15-yo with ADD. He's made some strides, and we're pleased with and for him.

My problem is that I find it particularly difficult to deal with situations involving his teenage friends that affect the whole family. I DO like kids, and we've had many kids to our home over the years; also, my husband and I have been involved in sports and church programs that support and attempt to help kids. Beyond that, we have had situations come up within the last year that are just out of control. Examples: Kids literally calling the house at all hours of the night, coming to the door late at night on school nights (after 10 p.m., sometimes 11 p.m.) for my son to come outside and hang out, calling obsessively during the day - sometimes 8 times in a row (even after we tell the kids that they can leave a message for our son); we also had a teenage boy show up at the house drunk, and he passed out at our front door (he ended up with alcohol poisoning and was treated at a local hospital, where his mom thanked us for "helping him").

We've dealt with these situations by reinforcing our house rules with our son (in by curfew at 10 p.m., break the rules - lose your privileges, etc.), by insisting to these guys to do their visiting and calling in a reasonable time frame, and by speaking with other adults in the neighborhood, etc. However, once one situation calms down, others come up to replace it...

As far as these kids' parents go, I haven't really talked to the parents, other than the young man, who ended up at our house with alcohol poisoning. I am pretty much reluctant to approach the parents, as I don't know how I would be received. Some of these teenagers have little supervision, and I think that is a big part of the problem. Confused

Kindly impart some words of wisdom! We've been through the teenage years with our grown daughter, but, obviously, there are differences between the sexes (or at least just differences between the "individuals").

Maybe this stuff just comes with the territory...

I have two grown sons. Neither had that happen. My daughter did, and she was doing drugs. How did a kid come to your house with alcohol poisining? Are you sure he has good friends? He sounds like a good kid, but I wonder about kids who can hang all night and their parents don't care. Reminds me of my daughter...I am terrified of the teen years myself, but here is another prospective could your son be meeting the wrong kind of kids due to just wanting friends or trying to please others for friendship? Just a guess.