Frustration! | ADHD Information

Ok, so I have a son who will be 6 in a few weeks.  He was diagnosed with ADHD 4 months ago and suggested that his father and I put him on Concerta.  We decided not to and to try the fish oil method.  It seems to have worked a bit for us, but the child psychologist who had been treating him since May, saw him yesterday and doesn't think so.  He said he was more worried about the depression that seems to be creeping up in my son's little life.  He holds grudges and his feelings are overly sensitive.  The Doc mentioned Oppositional Defiant Disorder!  I almost cried.  I am in Nursing school and do know about that sort of thing.  My ex (his father) refuses to even talk about medication.  The Doc said he would give him one more month of observation since school starts back up next week.  Then we need to get more aggressive in his treatment.  The problem I have is that my son is almost an angel with his father and the complete opposite with me.  We haven't figured out why, maybe he is just more comfortable with me.  I asked his father what he suggested we do....he didn't really have an answer.  Be believes our son is able to control his actions due tho the fact that he acts so differently with us.  My son starts the first grade next week and I am so worried about how he will do.  I know this sounds like tons of rambling, but it's things I needed to get out. 

Hi shellylouck and welcome. Your a caring,  loving mom  and when our children have these challenges in life, many times it's quite a journey before we discover what tools and treatments will help our children live quality of live. Depression is not uncommon for the child who is truly Adhd, especially when the disorder goes untreated or the treatment given isn't effective. Oppositional Defiant Disorder, while referred to as a disorder, IMO is more of a label attached because the child doesnt comply and adhere to rules and instructions. In Adhd, children don't comply because they are impulsive and distracted, not because they are intentionally defiant. In Adhd, the child acts before thinking so its an impulsive act, not a defiant one and when ADHD medication is effective the supposed oppostional defiant disorder disappears because the medication allows the child the ability to make a choice rather than act on impulse. Children with ADHD don't intentionally disobey.

 The dignostic criteria for ADHD is that the behaviors have to be present in two settings...ie....at home and in school and these children are not able to control their behavior in any setting. What I suggest you do is observe your child's behavior in school and if his difficulties persist in the school setting as well or your child doesnt exhibit the behaviors in school that he does at home, I recommend getting a second opinion by a clinican trained in the field of making a differential diagnosis. Did your child have difficulties in pre k or kindergarden? There are many reasons why children act out and getting a second opinion is always wise as misdiagnosis does occur as ADHD can also look like a depression disorder, biploar disorder, a thyroid disorder, allergies, just to name a few. However, there are definite distinctions with every disorder and thats why its important that a doctor is qualified to make a differential diagnosis. With regard to medication, I highly recommend you get a second opinion to confirm or deny a dignosis or ADHD or perhaps something more going on. Once you get a definitive diagnosis, if medication is recommended, have your  ex husband sit down with the doctor so that the doctor can explain to  him the role of medication and the pros, cons and benefits. Please know that you are not alone and once you pinpoint the problem, the right treatment for your child will make all the difference. There is help and there is lots of hope so hang in there. Hugs to you

Luvmykids0238940.5608217593

Hi and welcome.  You sound like you are on top of things with your son's behavior.  My dd also started 1st grade unmedicated last fall, and I remember how anxious I was about it.  For us, the first two months were a disaster.  There were so many academic demands placed on her and we had major homework battles.  She would come home and I would basically have to reteach her her lessons.  So in her case, it became obvious that she needed help paying attention in class or she wasn't going to learn.  Long story short, evaluations, IEP, meds.

He is turning 6 in a few weeks.  That means he will be one of the youngest kids in 1st grade.  That combined with social immaturity that goes along with ADHD may be a double whammy for him.  You may want to talk with your psych. about that.  Again, JMO. 

Good luck.  I hope you can get some good advice here.  Let us know what happens.

Thank you for your replies!  Its great support, especially when I think I have lost my mind with him!  He had a hard time in Kindergarten.  Very smart child, but very busy.  His behavior kept him from doing the fun things they do in school.  And distracted the other children.  We had talked about keeping him back in Kindergarten, but we were afraid of how my son would feel to see his friends move up and not him.  Because he is so smart, one of the top 3 in the class, we didn't want to deopardize that.   We have him in karate lessons hoping to help curb his energy to that.  For an almost 6 year old, he had a very busy schedule.  My mother says he has learned to be non-stop from me, as I keep very busy. 

Out next appointment with the pyschologist will be on a day that his father can attend!  I sometimes feel like I hit a wall with him when I even mention the word "medication". 

I have read the threads on Omega...which gave me more insight to it.  And was just saying something about the magnesium yesterday...might have to run out and get some!

You might also want to check out the Alternative to Meds section of this board.  Omegas are a great place to start, but there are other things as well (you might check out the Magnesium thread).  Good luck and welcome!

Update:

So far my son has been in school for two weeks and already ahs spent the day with the principal or in time-outs (which don't work!).   Apparently he cannot be still at all in class and got bored with it that he started mocking the teacher!  He is in first grade!  And was sent to the Kindergarten class!  My ex actually said today that we may need to look at meds...  We have had him on fish oil all summer and has been on Magnesium for 2 weeks.  I feel like my head is going to explode with all the reading I have done to avoid medication.  We are looking into the Feingold Program as well. 

I know I'm not but I start to feel like we have let him down by reverting to meds...He is such a sweet, bright, loving and respectful child, who just cannot control his actions...or be still.

Still looking...... 

shellylouck,

I have had the same problem of my son not exhibiting the problem behaviors for certain other people.  In our case he was not being as impulsive in school as he was at home and therefore his teacher would not accept that he had a problem (made geting help from the school difficult).  It can be very frustrating when others just don't believe what we know to be true.

As for a possible reason he doesn't act that way with your ex, kids this age will often get it into their heads that they are in some way at fault for their parent's failed relationship and that "if they are just good enough" the other parent will come back to live with them.  Just my 2 cents.  Good luck

 

Well....thanks for all the support!  I just got into it with my ex (and we usually get along very good).  I think he believes his son is not ADHD.  If he does, its not a problem.  So far, when I ask my son how his days are at school, he says they are good.  However, the behavior with his mommy isn't so good.  We went to eat the other day for lunch with a friend and I was so embarrassed!  My son was climbing up the booth, and wouldn't eat his lunch, then threw a fit because he couldn't have ice cream.  But later in the day, he behaved so well.  (He has been on Magnesium for 3 days and fish oil for the summer).  I talked to his dad about the Feingold Diet.  I think it's worth trying, but he doesn's see spending money on something that may not work.  Whats the harm? 

I'm just even more frustrated and start to think my son isn't the problem...that its me...then I start to doubt my parenting skills.  This message board allows me to vent....

THANKS FOR "LISTENING".

My son was also diagnosed with adhd and odd when he was 5, the odd seems to be linked to the adhd and for us when the adhd is controled the odd is also controled, we were told that there isnt much we can do for the odd..we redid kindergarten cause he was not maturity, size, and learnign up to par with the rest of the calss..seemed to do better he is now 7 and in the 1st grade (2nd week) and seems to be doing so much better, we are on methlin liquid 10mg and I only give it to him for school..at home i can deal with the behavior, as for your EX ask him to come to an appoinment maybe the doctor can explain things to him..if not if you have custody you have the final say what you feel is right for your child.

 

God Bless and dont give up there is light at the end of the tunnel

Steph

BUMPI'm curious if you have witnessed your son being an 'angel' with his father, or if his father has just said this. The father may have a different definition of angelic behavior than you do.I have not actually seen it, but he says that he does not have this awful behavior.  I asked him yesterday if he really thinks our son does not have a problem.  He said, "Well, I haven't seen it".  This frustrates me even more.  He was awful at my mother's, very direspectful and rude.  I have him working on a workbook and it took all day just to do 4 pages!  Numerous times his father gets onto him for the way he acts with me.  Once again, very frustrating.  Today is the first day of 1st grade and I'm very worried...

Shellylouck, don't feel bad about the meds.  I felt the same way, and still wish there was a way to take my son off Risperdal.  It doesn't seem to be working completely, but it's worked better than the stimulants (I also give him fish oil).  I tell myself that if my son needed meds for a physical ailment, I would not feel as guilty.  What made the decision for me was when a daycare teacher said to me, "It's sad seeing him go up and down the hall looking for someone to play with, and no one will play with him because of his behavior."  If you have to use meds, you tried everything you could.  Look at it this way -- long-term effects of medication (any medication) you just can't truly predict, not with absolute certainty.  But some of the things your child does not in relation to behavior can seal his fate for a long time if his self-esteem is impacted.  So while I hope to one day take my son off the meds, I hope more he can be a productive member of society, use his abundance of smarts and have friends and a family. 

I hope this helps you.  Believe me, I have to tell myself this stuff constantly, because I hate the meds. 

    I am going through the same thing and I have felt so alone I am getting no help what so ever the teacher is telling me that he has optional defiance disorder and I know already though not diagnosed that he has adhd. He is a wonderful child at home but at school he shows so much anger and he knows what he is supposed to do we talk about it 100 times before and 100 times after school ,he knows he just won't do it. I don't like the idea of meds I hated taking meds as a adhd child my self. I don't know what to do I have talked to his teacher she is no kind of help at all I have even talked to the principal and he is no help the other kids don't like him and i have had to get on to the school many times for marks on him or kids that do things to him but he wont tell the teacher he tells me when he gets home by the way he is in kindergarten. I am a single mother so ya know I don't have many people to talk to with this. I will conceder meds but I am not sure what's going on is adhd, i think a lot of it is he just doesn't like how things are and he wants to do what he wants to do.  All the same breath maybe he can't control his self I don't know. I am thinking he should see a child philologist? Thanks for your help terribley lost concerned and confused.

shellylouck

You may not need to use a stimulant....many children do quite well on Tenex (guanfacine) alone, especially the primarily hyperactive ADHD children.  so a search on the internet about this drug.  It is a Blood pressure med that is used with a lot of success for many ADHD symptoms like hyperactivity,impulsivity, aggression, anger, etc...Look in the medications forum for a thread called "tenex", it is 5 pages or so long.....I will post the link when I am done here.....this med may be enough for now at least to calm him down and help him to stay calm in the class room.  Worth a try at least...

And do not feel that you have failed as a parent if meds are needed, the best parent in the world cannot change brain chemistry....

be right back with the link....

 

Here it is...

http://www.adhdnews.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=24770& PN=2

Just wanted to chime in about guanfacine.  Right before Thanksgiving when we started dd on guanfacine, dh and I were at her school helping out with their class parties.  DH stopped by the nurses office to give her an update on the meds dd was on so she could have it in her files in case of emergency.  As they were talking, the nurse told him that the kids in the school that were on guanfacine just took guanfacine alone, not a guanfacine/stimulant combination like our dd is on.  We thought that was interesting and also maybe we can work toward eliminating the stimulant eventually. I think the guanfacine has minimal effect on focus/attention, so for my son who is primarily inattentive, (with a few anger/aggression issues)I don't think it would be enough.  However, for children that are primarily hyperactive, and whose grades do not suffer due to the ADHD, guanfacine is sometimes a good fit.  Shire is even working on a slow release form that would be longer lasting, and a more even release throughout the day.  It is awaiting approval from FDA, I believe....

Shire's studies for ADHD used thier long acting guanfacine alone, and they should get FDA aproval for it later this year (2-4mg/day). Thier studies showed that for some, guanfacine alone can work. There are also studies showing guanfacine + methylphenidate is better than methylphenidate alone. The early guanfacine studies indicated that guanfacine is not as effective on attention as the stims but more effective on frustration threshold and other behavior issues.

For my daughter, we tried guanfacine alone at school the first couple of weeks and she did just as poorly as unmedicated (Fs on a project and the first spelling test). Once we added the Concerta back to the mix, she has had all As and Bs in the spelling tests and no more Fs (or Ds) on any assignment.

So, I think like all meds: everyone responds differently.