How to introduce household chores | ADHD Information
How to introduce household chores to the ADHD child? I tried with her bedroom and told her it was her responsibility to keep clean and she did for 1 week and earned .50 cents and after that she could care less. We even spent a weekend home due to her not getting her room picked up and she still could care less arggg! Now her crap is all over the house and when I tell her if she does not pick them up they are mine and so I grabbed a garbage bag and did what I said and the stuff has been put away now a few weeks and she could care less. Any ideas for she is almost 7 and old enough to learn to keep the house clean.I think its better to give them specific tasks. Saying "Clean yourroom" isd too broad & sounds so overwhelming to them. With my daughter it works much better if I give her 1 specific task at a time. First I'll tell her "Put all your clothes in the Hamper". Once thats done I give the next task like "ok now, put all your CDs in their cases & on the shelf", and so on until the room is clean. Same with the rest of the house. I get much better results if I ask her to do specific things, rather than just "Straighten up the living room".Jillette, I was such a slob when I was little, I kept every precious little thing and it was just awfull the mess my room was in. When mom told me to clean it, I was just too overwhelmed. She eventually had to come in there and twice during my youth, would actually get in there with me and help me. We would go over every little thing together and she tought me how to organize, it took two weeks durning two summers for me to get it! Tools I still use to kep my house very tidy and weeded out. I would have learned nothing from verbal instructions only. Would it help your little one if you worked on chores together a couple of times, to direct her, have some fun together, and teach her? Being overwhelmed leads to sort of shutting down on the issue, and wonder if that is why she doesn't care? it's good you stuck to your guns on bundling up her stuff and putting it out of commission.
Misty's the one-thing-at-a-time method is definitely a good way to go!
calicorose38942.4452083333My kids always forgot about anything that was removed to "toy jail" sot that did not really work for us.
My girls are 10 and 11 and are just starting to get a handle on their rooms. There is visible floor these days. It is too much for them to go into a messy room and know where to start. They are doing better now that I have more storage space in each room. When I need to do laundry, I send them to do a clothes pick-up. Later the same day I send them in for a trash pick-up, then later a toy pick-up. They have to get the room clean enough for me to vaccum in order to get marbles. The rooms are still cluttered but much better than before. It seems my kids are way slower at getting the hang of "the clean room thing" than most of thier friends. This may be more of a parental issue at my house.
You could make it into a contest...time her for picking up all the toys and award prizes based on the time. Then do something fun for a break; and try another pick-up contest for clothse, etc.
My son could not define "clean". Our rules are: One activity out at a time,must be completely put away WHERE IT BELONGS before getting
something else out. I think in a large busy household this would be
impossible to enforce, but in our small duplex with the two of us, I am all
over him about it. Why is it that he can carry a ream of paper, six sets of
markers, a clipboard, a stencil set, scissors, stamps, and more all out in
one armful, yet five minutes later when he is bored he collapses on the
floor (I'm SO tired...) and when hovered over insists that he needs help,
and spills everything that he lifts? Grrr. Rules for a clean room: every
night I must be able to see all of the carpet, nothing on the dresser top,
nothing on the bookshelf top except his lava lamp. He pushes this every
single night.
Kind of off-topic, but does anyone have a way to get their kid to turn off
a light when they leave a room? I've taken most of the bulbs out, but its
getting dark earlier and it is inconveniencing ME now. And he still flips
the switch up when he walks down the hall, and never looks back when
he leaves a room.
mamagina
Have you considered requesting that your neice be allowed to work individually if she is finishing beforehand? In first grade, a lot of teachers have a reading nook and maybe she could look at (or read if she is at that level) some books while she waits for the other children to finish? IMHO asking an ADHD kid to just sit quietly and wait for others is just asking for trouble.
graciepoints38946.8471296296At 7 telling her to clean her room she knows what you mean, she just doesn't care enough. Find something that she really cares about and let her know that when she has her room clean she can have it back. Or, until her room is clean she will go to school and that's it. You can't tell me that this child doesn't know what "clean your room" means. Sure she does. But is cleaning fun to us as adults? And it never will be to this child either. Some of us clean when angry, I'm one of those. Some of us clean out of bordem. NOBODY actually likes to clean. I have actually done this, I don't let it get to the point where it will be a pain to clean. Clothes are picked out for the next day. Toys are picked up before going to school. I wonder if that mother that took everything out of her childs room; did it work? I saw that Dr. Phil episode and thought of doing that, practically have. But my point, this child is old enough to know what her mother is telling her. FOR SURE. Whether she wants to do is really up to the child. Nothing happens, no tv, no gamecube, no nothing happens on week ends unless my child's room is clean. Of course I dont expect the way I would clean it, just put things away usually works well.
my neice (6yo w/adhd) absolutely does not care if her room is clean, does not care what toys you take away, what privileges are taken away, none of it matters, no matter what we take away from her for not cleaning or misbehaving matters to her. She always seems to find something else to entertain her self with, or will just keep bugging us until we find somthing for her to do. And heaven forbid we should actually give her a time out because then she will throw a temper tantrum so bad that the neighbors have even given us dirty looks.
I honestly am near my wits end with her, if we let her do everything she wants then nothing that needs to get done actually does, and if we try to force her to conform and do something that needs done she starts screaming and yelling or will simply ignore what we tell her.
Dont get me wrong though she can be a wonderful child, she is incredibly smart, very imaginative, quick witted, and loving. But then in 2 seconds she becomes arguementative, arrogant, and just plain rude.
She just started back to school last week. She has been in trouble with the teacher twice already and was already sent to the principal once. This year though she isn't getting into trouble for not doing her work its that she is finishing before the others kids and then disrupting class. This is an improvement over kindergarden where she would refuse to do her work or say she didnt know how to do it. This year so far her work has been almost perfect.
Sorry for rambling on i am new to this and i think i just needed ot get that all out.
I find makeing sure each room has a trash container/hamper help a lot. Clothes out night before. Hw before dinner. Each drawer also has a assigned iteam that must be in there daily. Helps with orginization. Make redo what's not exceptable to you.
If I could we would have a game room that way bedrooms are cleaner!Play place only. Here we parents do not pick up after our kids. They have to do that themselves.
I have a big problem with this one too. I hear that routines are great for ADHD kids. We have been working on this with my son. He has to pick up toys in his room before he goes to bed. Clothes are laid out the night before so in the morning he is to get dressed and make his bed before breakfast. It does work sometimes. Although this morning was a nightmare! He did not want to do his routine, and as a result lost ALL privaliges. After yelling at me and acting very disrespectful to me, (did not care about his room) I followed some Dr. Phil advice. I dropped him off at school and came home to strip his room. The only thing in there is his bed, furniture, and some books. We will see how ist goes when he gets home.
Also there is a great website on organizing and developing routines for you home, www.flylady.net I cannot tell you the amazing diffrence in my home from this site. I hope this helps someone.
Hi, I am new to this type of thing, such a dinosaur, as my kids would put it. But I am just so frazzled I really need to know I am not alone. I now have three sons--count 'em, THREE--who are ADD or ADHD. My youngest is 5 and I don't want to repeat the bads things we have done(yelling, nagging, mostly) with the older two. I'm afraid of what it has done to their self esteem. Anyway, I don't know if my small bit can contribute, because as of today I could jump in my car and go for a looong drive, but what I found on a Google search has helped a bit. Look under "job charts", www.latitude.org (hope that's right) for free printable SIMPLE charts. My son just started them and he LOVES them. I guess coloring in a dot or a leaf on a tree is a tactile thing and the chart is visual which helps.
Can someone please tell me that I am not a bad mother and that my kids are simply challenged in a different way than most others?
At 7, the most success I have had is with specific tasks, but even that is not reliable. I finally just gave up, and cleaned up in there for him. Now it's his job to keep it clean, i.e. clothes in the dirty laundry, books in the bookshelf, toys and games in their proper places, etc. it's one of those things that I have to check every other day to make sure it is being done.
We have a hard time getting the boys to help, becoz the baby does'nt pick up toys to put them away why should they??
In the end its easier & quicker to pick it up ourselves.
Susieb,
I've tried that also I mentioned to or kids doctor that my DD is not focasing in class last year and she said since she's starting a new year in a new class room new teacher that it takes about 3 months before but since her dad and brother are ADHD she said give her a call and she'll refer her to my DS doctor. but with the room situration my daughter does the same thing just sitting there on her bed not doing anything to clean her room it takes 3 days to get her room done and both my DS's rooms my youngest is 4 and he's going down the same road as my other DS having the same temper as him. Hitting kicking that same type of thing throwing a fit in the store I have to put him in a chart and as soon as he throws a fit. or my other DS or DD wonder off it's time to go I don't get the shopping I have to get done done and it's harder when I don't have a vehicle sorry I'm blabbing hope everyones days is going good.
Our house is always a mess. I wish we would get rid of the toys here no one plays with them. No time to play when school is going. Hw/chores. Each thing needs it's home. Messes here to Daniel are fun. Keep each job easy to do.
Our kids avoid any list/schedule they are given!The rule is no fun until hw/chores done. Clutter is a big problem here. The kids know what to do they just won't help much. Daniel is better than Dara.
OH man, bedrooms are bad news. My ADHD son's room is a tornado. When he leaves the house for a night, I take a garbage bag and clean it myself. I then expect him to keep it clean (yea right!!)
Taking away something, really doesn't matter, he could care less. Don't say "clean your room", it's too vague, too overwhelming, they don't know where to start. I go with him and monitor him and say, put all the books away, put all the cd's away, put all your clothes away, make your bed... ect.... I have his drawers labeled for him one for shirts, one for pants, one for pj's ect... I think that really helps him.
Also, when he "cleans" his room his way, he really thinks it's clean. Like all the newspapers in a pile on the floor or all the cars stacked in the corner. SO, I guess everyone's perception of clean is different.
But, I find that once I do the super clean sweep, and I go in with him every day or two to TIDY up, it stays more clean and organized that way.
Once, I let it get out of hand, it goes down hill from there.
ADHD kids have a problem with organizing.... so having an organized bedroom or an organized household for that matter, really helps in my opinion. You have to teach and show them, not just tell them.
Good luck to all!
Hi I am new to this forum. But my son is 9 and has ADHD and Aspergers. I know from experience that, his room will always be a little messy. If he is sent to his room and told to clean, he will just play with what is on the floor. I have moved on with him for chores. When he has been in his room for 30min, I know his room isn't done but I have him take a break and help me with another chore, mowing the lawn, or dishes, trash, sweeping. He enjoys the break and enjoys the other chores. I think it has something to do with the fact he enjoys being relied on for the house not just his room. When we are done he goes back to his room. wornout,
It has almost been a week since I cleaned out my sons room. I wouldn't say its been great, but its getting better. He is finally learning that in order to get a toy back, he has to do what is asked of him. This is also a great way to get rid of alot of broken or unused toys. (out of sight out of mind) I will say that will out all that stuff in his room he has been going to bed with out any trouble (no TV or toys to mess with) and has been sleeping very well. I do like the fact of not having a tv in his room, but since santa clause brought it to him I can't keep it from him forever. It will be one of the last things he earns back.
Also, like you, I find that a routine or rules help. Clothes are laid out the night before, get dressed and make your bed, eat breakfast, brush your teeth, there is a certain order for the way things are done. Give them a list and put it in a sheet protector and have them mark (with a dry erase marker) each one off daily.
3boyswADHD,
I checked out the website in your post, and it is some sort of french culture thing. I don't think that is the one you were trying to post. If you can find the right one let us know.
ivanhoe,that's what I do I don't pick up the toys in the living room I tell the kids if it's their toy they need to put it in there spot because we have company come in the living room and they don't have to see toys all over the living room I get the living room cleaned in 30 minutes and 2 hours later it's a mess again
their rooms it makes me want to cry but they are going over to their grandma's tonight so I'm going to clean their rooms and making more space because I'm tired of seeing that way I also do what you do with labeling their dressers I put a hamper in the company bathroom and a trash can in the hallway for them to put there clothes and trash in. I also have a day where they put the clothes in the laundry room so they don't overflow.