MY DAUGHTER IS 14, DX WITH ADD IN APRIL. SHE IS ON FOCALIN. SHE ALWAYS HAD ISSUES, AND WE ALWAYS MANAGED, BUT THE TEENAGE YEARS HAVE BEEN EXTRA ROUGH. MY QUESTION IS, DO ANY OF YOUR KIDS HAVE A "COLD" ATTITUDE ABOUT THEM?
WHEN I LOOK AT HER, SHE SEEMS SO ANGRY, AND COLD. LIKE SHE FEELS NOTHING. THIS REALLY CONCERNS ME. SHE IS SO ABRUPT, FAST TALKING, QUICK TO STAB BACK WITH A COCKY RESPONSE. AND WHEN SHE BEOMES ANGRY....WATCH OUT. SHE HAS NOTHING BUT HATE IN HER EYES, SHE TELLS US IN A FIRM TONE THAT SHE HATES US. SHE DOESNT WANT TO LIVE WITH US. ALL THIS OVER NORMAL RULES. LIKE TODAY'S EPISODE WAS CAUSED BY US MAKING HER SET 15 MINUTES ASIDE TO DO HER SUMMER READING BOOK.
I AM SO DISHEARTENED. DEANNA
As a teacher of this age group, I see this as being somewhat common in all children. This age is going through a lot emotionally, hormonally, etc. Instead of showing how bad, crazy, etc. they feel inside they normally act like they do not care. Try to make sure your daughter knows that you are there to listen and not always tell her what to do. You may want to talk to her about what your teen years were like, or that you went through the same thing. Most teenagers feel alone, and that no one knows how they feel.
If you still are having problems she may need someone trusted that she can talk to such as a family member, adult friend, or a counselor. Don't give up on her, and most importantly show her love.
Sorry I forgot one thing. If this started happening after the meds, you may want to ask her how they make her feel, and talk to the doctor about the changes. I am not familar with this medicine, but that could be the issue.WELL, IF YOU ASK HER WHAT WE CAN CHANGE TO MAKE HER HAPPIER, SHE WOULD SAY, "NOT TO LIVE WITH YOU! I MEAN IT!"
SHE CANNOT HANDLE THE BASIC RULES. DO YOUR HOMEWORK. SHE WILL SIMPLY IGNORE COMPLETELY EVERY RESPONSIBILITY SHE HAS. SHE IS WILLING TO LET THE WORLD CAVE IN AROUND HER. AND SHE DOESNT SEEM TO CARE. THAT IS ONE OF OUR BIGGEST STRUGGLES.
I AM TALKING ABOUT A 14 YEAR OLD GIRL WHO WANTS TO "DO IT ALL HER WAY, OR NO WAY AT ALL" THAT IS IT IN A NUTSHELL. AND IF YOU FORCE HER TO FOLOW ANY RULES AT ALL. SHE BECOMES BELIGERANT. ITS A TOUGH SITUATION. I PRAY ITS A PHASE, SO FAR ITS BEEN 2.5 YEARS OF THIS PARTICULAR ATTITUDE. I PRAY IT CHANGES. DEANNA
Sounds like a typical teenage girl. I pulled this stuff, and I don't have ADHD. Some just go through a faze where they hate the world. I'd talk to her. Maybe she is unhappy at school, and there is some social issue that you are unaware of that is causing the issues. Find out of there is something that you can change for her. She may need some suggestions or interventions. I know that when my brother was moved to a new high school, he became a happier teenager. Those years are hard ones.HI ALL. THANKS FOR THE RESPONSES. IT MEANS ALOT. MOST OF THE TIME I FEEL LIKE I AM DEALING WITH THIS WELL, THEN I HAVE A SET BACK ONCE AND A WHILE. I NEED TO GET BACK ON TRACK AGAIN, AND START PRACTICING BETTER ADD PARENTING. I HAVE TO PERIODICALLY REMIND MYSELF OF WHAT I AM DEALING WITH HERE. ITS ALL TOO EASY TO GET LOST IN AN ARGUMENT, AND LET IT GET OUT OF CONTROL.
TO ANSWER THE QUESTION ABOUT THE MEDS. NO, SHE WAS THIS WAY BEFORE THE MEDS. ACTUALLY, ITS A TOUCH BETTER WHEN SHES ON THE FOCALIN. I WILL KEEP PLUGGING AWAY. I WONT GIVE UP ON HER OR MYSELF. BUT I CANNOT TELL HER ABOUT MY YOUTH.....YIKES! I WAS VERY BAD, AND NAUGHTY. I DONT THINK IT WILL HELP. THANKS AGAIN, AND ALL OF YOUR ADVICE IS GREATLY APPRECIATED. DEANNA
Here's some things I tried:
1. Set up a time to talk to her. Can we talk about something tomorrow when you get home from school?
2 Stay on her side no matter what. Always act happy to see her and love her unconditionally, no matter how snotty she is.
3. Don't force her to do things. If she doesn't want to read her book, let her face the natural consquences. At this age they really need to start transitioning, within limits, to making their own mistakes.
4.Teach her what the appropriate emotions should be. Say, "I am afraid you'll feel like a slacker and really bad about yourself if you don't read your book. I know I would!" Don't tell her what to do but give her your opinion.
5. Teach her that everyone makes mistakes and thats okay. Teens even make bigger mistakes. Tell about some of your screw-ups as a teen. Then tell her the important thing is how you handle those mistakes. Give examples. This conversation may need a scheduled time.
Good luck, Been there done that with my Adder, she is 18 and off to college!
Oh yeah, they get nicer the older they get.
I'm wondering too, as someone asked, if this was after meds started? If so, you might want to give her doctor a call. Maybe she needs a medication adjustment. It happens.
I think that this can be pretty common teenage behavior too. If it's out of hand though, definitely find a professional to talk to her.
I'd sign her up for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and start a reward system.