need help

To me, not necessarily.

What types of discipline is being used? Can home and daycare use the same approach? Time out or naughty chair.

She should have an IMMEDIATE consequence EVERYTIME for the infraction.  She should be told what the infraction is and what the consequence will be.  She should be held accountable for her actions AFTER her time out too.  Did she throw the crayons, then after apologizing, she should go pick up the crayons and put them away.  Did she kick someone, then after timeout she should apologize to that person.  Just my opinion :)

ROUTINE is crucial for any child.  Same thing everyday.  Bedtimes, what's allowed, chores (to give her something to be proud of) ect..

It sounds as if she is acting out for some attention, either negative or positive.  Is she getting quality positive parent time?

I know it seems are to spend quality time with a pain in the neck kid, but you have to make yourself do it, maybe a nice bedtime routine and tell her it will be like that everynight IF she has a good day at school.

I get more positive behavior out of my child if I praise, praise, praise him, even for the little things, like getting socks and shoes on, so we can get out the door in the AM.

Try it.   Make sure she is getting enough sleep.  Let us know what's up!

I don't think your daughter's issues have anything to do with discipline.  And I'm not sure they have much to do with ADHD either.

I would strongly second cr12345mr's suggestion to have your daughter evaluated as soon as possible.  A neuropsychologist (found at children's and university hospitals) can test for many childhood disorders, including but not limited to ADHD.  A board-certified child psychiatrist can evaluated for mood issues (anxiety, depression, mood disorder).  I'd recommend having both evaluations. 

Is your daughter in a public or private school?  If she's in a public school, she can't be kicked out.  The school should hold a meeting to determine ways to accommodate her and help her succeed in school.  She may be eligible for a 504 plan or IEP once she has a diagnosis.

Good luck.

If the meds don't resolve all issues at school, you still have the right to request a Comprehensive Evaluation to see if your child is eligible for services. They cannot just complain to you; they need to do something about it.

Thank you all again...She did see the doctor and to some shock I was told she has bipolar disorder. I had accepted the possiblity of adhd but bipolar never was a thought, one is because i dont really no anything about this disorder. so she will start meds soon. and when she gets older behavior therapy. i cried and then cried some more. then i wiped my tears and said ok this is it and we are just going to have to deal with it. i feel better now knowing what it is so that i can finally help her. and i promise my self and her that this will not beat her. she will over come and learn to deal with this with help from her family and that she WILL be ok. with that im gonna go cry alittle more

They can move her to an alternate location, but they must provide a free public education. But usually to be moved to an alternate location, you need to be suspended 10 days during the school year, and then a board has to decide if they want to move the child. It's a long process. Right now they are just pressuring you and threatening suspension. It doesn't mean they are going to kick her out.

When is her bday?

Ask the principal for a Comprehensive Evaluation in writing. Get a private evaluation also. 

Definitely have her evaluated. Don't blame yourself. When you say you've tried everything, I believe you. That's typically what most of us do when we have difficult children, but are good parents. We try anything and everything. Trust me, NT (NeuroTypical) children are just not that difficult. They may test, they may push, they may be hard, but they do respond to "something". They also, are generally not that difficult in every setting. They may be difficult at home, but angels in school. Or angels at home, but a little difficult in school.
What you are describing is far beyond just being difficult, far beyond 5 year old behavior, and she needs to be evaluated. Just my opinion!

Hang in there!