what’s a parent to do or say | ADHD Information

he probably really didnt want to hurt him. He probably just wondered what
would happen. When i was a kid i pulled a cat's tail . I didn't do it
to be mean. I LOVE animals. I just wanted to see what would happen. Maybe
it is the same concept.

Impulsivity isa big part of ADHD. My son was 8 when I first started to wonder. He would do some really stupid things, and couldn't even really verbalize why. He just DID THEM. If you son doesn't really have a mean streak, maybe that's just what he said to come up with an answer for doing something, impulsive. I hope the little one was alright. Did your son make it better with the littel one?

And again, please think about punishing physical harm with physical harm. Just something to think about. Cool your self off before administering punishment. It's the hardest thing to do, and it's got to be very frustrating at times at your place, but you need to be aware of the message you are sending unawares. I hope the weekend brings a bit of a reprieve for ya!

calicorose38947.9099652778I have a real problem that happened with my adhd child. I just want to cry. I run my own in home daycare with a friend. Today we were doing the beads that you have to iron so they stick together. My son begged me to iron his. I told him i would do it at nap time. Well i got busy and forgot. So i did it after snack. My son is 8. I finished ironing his. When i gave it to him, I said be carful it is still hot. I caught him putting the hot beads on one of the kids i babysit for who is only one. The baby started crying. And he was holding his hand. I was so mad i lost it. The first thing i said was i can't believe you would do that. I didn't raise you to be so mean. I almost cried. I took him by the hand. Spanked his butt up the stairs and said you sit here until your father comes. We are divorced. I said you are grounded from riding your bike at your dad's house. He begged me to take the play station away and not the bike. After i calmed down i sat down to talk with him. I said you like Colby why did you want to hurt him. He said i wanted to get a reacation from him. How come my child would want to hurt a 1year old? Any advice on this subject would be appriated. I am so hurt. ThanksHere we do 3 times I tell you and this iteam for play is taken away. Ex.game boy,Tv,computer time.The 3 things this generation loves to have. Great suggestions IN A Box

[QUOTE=nerak] I took him by the hand. Spanked his butt up the stairs and said you sit here until your father comes. I said you are grounded from riding your bike at your dad's house. He begged me to take the play station away and not the bike. [/QUOTE]

I'm not a saint when it comes to giving my son appropriate consequences for his actions but I just wanted to address a couple things to you .. if you don't mind.

As someone else has already mentioned, spanking is not a very helpful technique. It just teaches our children it's ok to use our hands when we're upset. Also, being that you're running your own daycare, I'd be really carefull using this method around other children. If their parents hear wind of it, they may react. Being that the child was only 1, you may have scared him with your actions as well. Just wanted to point that out.

Secondly, when giving out consequences, they should somewhat relate to the problem at hand and at the time the problem occured. What does the bike have anything to do with the bead incident? Nothing. You also delayed the punishment for when he's at dad's. It should have happened during your care. Changing his environment was a good idea (sending him upstairs). Careful with the name-calling. He's not a mean kid. He was impulsive. His choice of actions were not smart but it doesn't make up for his entire character.

Hope you understand where I'm coming from.. and believe me, I've made TONS of mistakes too! LOL

INaBOX38947.9468402778Hi nerak. I can certainly understand why your upset but please consider the fact that children with adhd act on impulse. They act before thinking and their actions are not premeditated. Your child wanted to get a reaction which doesn't necessarily mean he wanted to hurt the baby. Also consider the fact that children with adhd have maturity lag of two to three years. Of course such an act should see consequences as such an act could have caused a lot of harm to the baby but because these children act on impulse, they have to be watched constantly. When my son was that age I didnt have enough eyes, arms or legs

Please dont think what your child did is a reflection of your parenting skills or that he was intentionally mean. Impulsivity is a core symptom of ADHD. Is your son getting any type of help to manage his symptoms? Please know that you are not alone and this is a great place to vents. Hugs to you

My son used to do some mean things to animals, mainly frogs! I think we all think dumb things for sceince but we know not to try them! I believe adhd , they do outloud what they wondered! I didn't believe in spankings because i was abused. But I see where you are coming from. It was someone elses child and you were afraid what would happen to both children.

Thinking about ADHD and impulsivity, I have a very early childhood memory of seeing a very pretty butterfly, which were plentiful in those days in our old neighborhood. I just grabbed it and tore tore his beautiful wings off of his body and carried on with my business. My brother looked at me shocked and asked me why I did that. All I could say was I don't know. I didn't think about that it had killed him, or that no one would ever be able to appreciate his beauty again. I don't have a mean streak. It still brings me terrible sadness today, even as I write this. I just don't know why I did it. Now we never see any butterflys in that old neighborhood. It's all my fault.

Anywho, just sharing a story on impulsivity. Scuse me, I got to go blow my nose now......

NERAK:

I DON'T BLAME YOU AT ALL FOR SPANKING YOUR SON. WE DON'T BELIEVE IN SPANKING, BUT SOMETIMES IT IS WARRANTED; AND IN YOUR CASE I THINK YOU FELT IT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO; WE ALL DISCIPLINE OUR CHILDREN DIFFERENTLY. I MY OPINION THIS WAS A SAFETY ISSUE AND COULD HAVE RESULTED IN SOMETHING HORRIBLE. THANK GOODNESS IT DIDN'T FOR YOUR SAKE. I KNOW YOU FEEL BAD FOR HAVING TO PUNISH YOUR SON, BUT DON'T; I FEEL THAT KIDS WHETHER ADD OR NOT NEED TO KNOW LIMITS. YOUR SON KNEW THAT THE BEADS WERE STILL HOT; SO NEXT TIME I WOULDN'T TRUST HIM TO HANDLE THEM THAT WAY. IF THE BEADS HAD NOT BEEN HOT THEN NONE OF THIS WOULD'VE HAPPENED. YOU REALLY ARE A GREAT MOM AND THE WAY YOU CHOOSE TO PUNISH YOUR CHILD IS REALLY YOUR DECISION; NOBODY ELESES. SOMETHING TO REMEMBER: IF YOU PUT YOUR CHILD IN A DANGEROUS SITUATION HE MIGHT TAKE IT TO EXTREMES: AS HE DID. JUST TRY NOT TO PUT HIM IN A SITUATION THAT HE MIGHT HAVE THAT CHANCE. GOOD LUCK WITH THIS ONE BECAUSE WE'VE DEALT WITH THE SAME SORT OF ISSUES WITH OUR 8 YEAR OLD AND THEY ONLY GET WORSE.

I can understand when in anger and being upset it is hard to be perfect but I can agree with Inabox as well. I too have lost it in anger and reacted the same way so I am not a saint. What our psychologist told us is if you get yourself into a mess you need to get yourself out of it. Is there a punishment that fits as a natural consequence? For example without your son can loose a privilage he so loves and can either earn it back by showing good behavior and you decide when he earns it back or give him a chore to do to show forgiveness, maybe make something special for the baby, do something nice and special for him and that would be his punishment and your son can decide how long his punishment will last. I mean if he does the something special it can take him 1 hour or 1 day the child decides and it gets put on him not you as the punisher. Just an idea.