Family problems | ADHD Information

It is your choice and you need to tell that family member hey he just woke up when you saw him that explains why the dopey look.

The family member said they would give it time but if they continued to see him dopey they would fight me tooth and nail to get him off of the meds. My husband thinks the meds are great and is enjoying our son more. I am going crazy. How can a family member tell me what to do!!!!!!.

Considering that the family member is not your husband, I don't see how this person can tell you what to do or fight you on this, unless the family member is the child's biological dad, and the husband to whom you are referring is the stepdad?

My husband is the biological father. It is my husbands mother who is upset that her grandson is on meds.Wow, I would be really offended. How disrespectful and nervy. If the family member is not the father, I would tell the person that I am the parent, and he/she has no right to tell me how to parent my child. That's the bottom line. Only the parents get to make these kinds of decisions. If this person is related to your husband, then he needs to do it. If he/she keeps it up I would severely limit their time with the child, and remove him/her  from the authorized daycare pickup list, etc. Draw the line in the sand. i would deny the nosey mother in law access and tell her where to go

I receive some of the same reactions from family members on my ex or soon to be ex side of the family.  They feel that it is just a boy thing and that his dad's and my being separated is the problem. Wrong.  I think we have to do what our hearts and brains tell us is best for our child.  We gave them life and it our job to provide our children with the best quality of living we can .  Stick to you beliefs and tell mom in law, you and your husband, are the decision makers in this matter.  She needs to be educated on the whole process.  She may not have anything to compare his behaviors too and feel that his are normal.  When in actuality they are not.  Good luck!

My son Alex was diagnosed with ADHD this month also and I have had a similar reaction from my mother-in- law. She does not believe in ADHD,thinks it is a diagnosis create by pharmaceutical companies and doctors together and  says she wonders what effects ADHD medication will have on "children". She  speaks very generally and says that ADHD is the only a name for bad parenting,but of course says she is speaking about children today,not  about our son Alex.  My husband and I decided not to let her dictate her views to us anymore and we will no longer keep her informed or discuss Alex's treatment with her. My advice, ignore her because you are doing what is best for your son and no one else should tell you or your husband how to raise your son.  Ya know, sometimes the grandparents just don't need to know everything.  It's really not their business.  Especially if it is a hot issue, such as ADHD meds.  In the future, you should set a few more boundaries with the in-laws.  They don't need to know every detail of your lives.  Good luck with them.

[QUOTE=NoTellin]Wow, I would be really offended. How disrespectful and nervy. If the family member is not the father, I would tell the person that I am the parent, and he/she has no right to tell me how to parent my child. That's the bottom line. Only the parents get to make these kinds of decisions. If this person is related to your husband, then he needs to do it. If he/she keeps it up I would severely limit their time with the child, and remove him/her  from the authorized daycare pickup list, etc. Draw the line in the sand. [/QUOTE]

   

my mother in law was really interfering when my daughter was born(not adhd)and she really p**me off by going to my health visitor and saying i was a bad mother because i was working full time.so i told her she was not welcome in my house and she was not allowed near alana.i told my husband he could go and see her.after some months he asked me if he could take alana with him and i let him but only for an hour.

she apologised and never did it again,she was pretty scared of my reactions after that

as for family,my son is not on meds as he is too young yet but i am on concerta as i am ADD.My mum and sister went mental and started shouting at me down the phone,they are in france and it is a little bit backward about ADD/ADHD especially in adults.i did not phone them until they got worried and phond me and i refused to discuss my treatment.

scotmama38951.1171990741

Life at times stinks. My son was diagnosed with ADHD on the 7th of this month. He was placed on Medication on the 10th. And life has been so much better since. He is less impulsive, he is not fighting with peers, he is listening better at home, and is finally showing emotions.Then on Thursday a family member said the medication was making him dopey. I nor has daycare seen him dopey. This family member then criticized me for my parenting. I spoke with daycare and she said on the day that this family member saw him he had been up from his nap for only 15 mins. The family member said they would give it time but if they continued to see him dopey they would fight me tooth and nail to get him off of the meds. My husband thinks the meds are great and is enjoying our son more. I am going crazy. How can a family member tell me what to do!!!!!!. I am keeping him on the meds unless I see that it is hearting him.

I really feel for you.  AMEN SISTER!!  lol  I know what you're going through is hard.  If you EVER need to talk about any of this stuff.....get in touch with me.  I'd be glad to talk to you!  It's NEVER an easy decision for a parent to put a child on medication.  In fact, for me it was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make.  It was the RIGHT decision though for my son and for my family.  Only YOU know what is the right thing to do.  Listen to your heart.  Unfortunately there is a stigma attached to giving a child meds.  I did not tell my own parents that my son had been put on meds.  Luckily I live pretty far away so on the next visit the could not get over how much better my son was acting.  After they asked and out of necessity...I did eventually tell them that he was on meds.  After seeing the difference...they too knew it was the right decision.  I still make it a point to not discuss with anyone my child's meds unless it's a need-to-know kind of thing.  I feel it's no one's business but ours.  You do what's right for your child.  If your family or friends can't support your decision as a parent...then you need to surround yourself with people that can.  Don't let anybody make you second guess your parenting.  God Bless YOU!   [QUOTE=scotmama]i would deny the nosey mother in law access and tell her where to go[/QUOTE]

Been there and done that! lol  You sound like me.  Problem is...how do you get her to go there once you've told her where to go? lol

My favorite saying is....     If SHE'S up here....then who's running HELL??  LMAO

I totally feel for you with the disapproving grandparents, but in this case, it's my own parents, not my inlaws, who have never said word one to anyone about my DS's ADD or meds, probably because they know that DH has ADD/AS and was never diagnosed as a child and flunked out of college when he could no longer get by on his own considerable intellect and had to actually sit down and try to CONCENTRATE.  Ha!

Anyway, my parents are of the opinion that all mental disorders are nonexistant and can be resolved if someone just tries hard enough.  But they will give DS meds when he sleeps over as I have made it VERY clear to them that this is our decision as parents whose responsibility is to do the VERY BEST they can to give DS the best possible chance for success in life.  For right now, meds are it, since he is ADHD Impulsive and there's very little therapy can do for impulsivity, since it requires that you think about how you are going to react ;)  Then again, they are also sceptical that I am clinically depressed and have to be on meds as well, but I think the situation may become a little clearer for my mom when my meds began to lose their effectiveness and I went through a period where I was drinking every night, alone, and basically suicidal.  At my age, they can no longer write off such behaviors as a child's surliness, teenage depression or postpartum either. 

Sorry this turned into a thing about me, but I just had to get it off my chest.  Regardless, if you want your mil's buy in to the concept of ADD, be forewarned that the longer you successfully medicate, the less likely she is to believe.  After all, she will see a kid who is in control and no prob whatsoever, what could possibly be wrong with him... 

Finally, one word of caution, make sure to keep an active dialogue with your DH about DS's condition, treatment, etc. especially if your mil continues to oppose, as her opinions of treatment, etc. may slowly trickle into DH's mentality and you definitely want to avoid opposing both your in-laws and your husband!

Best of luck!

graciepoints38952.3002083333I am a little outraged that someone could think that we are bad parents because we have to work a full time job.  I am a single mom and really my only options are to work at least one full time job or go on welfare!  I put my youngest (undiagnosed but have assessment appt in a week!!!) in daycare when she was 5 weeks old because I had to go back to work.  I'm glad you were able to stand up for yourself with your mother-in-law.        I was put in a similar situation with my older brother when my oldest (12) was little and didn't talk to him for about 2 years.  Now he's making some grumbling noises about me having Kaylee tested.  We'll see how that turns out. 

As long as you are doing what you feel is in your child's best interest, and you and your husband feel satisfied with his progress, do not even give what your mother-in-law is saying a second thought.  I would tell her that this is a parents decision-not a grandparent's, and I would totally refuse to discuss the situation any further with her. As has been said by several of the others, I would severly limit her access to your child, and remove her from the pick up lists at school and daycare.  I would be concerned that she might try to negatively influence your son's attitude concerning his treatment if she is allowed to spend time alone with him at this point.

Many good words of advise.

However, just so ya know, you can be damned if ya don't medicate too.  It ain't any better on this side of the fence over here.  

Bottom line, as well said by many, you do what is in your heart to do, and peeeshaw the rest best you can, and hold yer head high.

 

[QUOTE=steppingstone]

As long as you are doing what you feel is in your
child's best interest, and you and your husband feel satisfied with his
progress, do not even give what your mother-in-law is saying a second
thought.  I would tell her that this is a parents decision-not a grandparent's,
and I would totally refuse to discuss the situation any further with her. As
has been said by several of the others, I would severly limit her access to
your child, and remove her from the pick up lists at school and daycare.  I
would be concerned that she might try to negatively influence your son's
attitude concerning his treatment if she is allowed to spend time alone with
him at this point.

[/QUOTE]
exactly! I feel your pain on this.  I'm in the process of getting my daughter diagnosed and every time I bring up ADD/ADHD to my brother and sister-in-law, they say "Well, we don't think that's the problem because we just don't see that when she's with us."  The person she is with them and the person she is with me and the person she is at school are all VERY different little people.  Hopefully you'll be able to get your mother-in-law to understand, if not, I have to agree with the others that maybe you should just limit contact.  You're the parent and you have to do what you believe is right.  I expect that I will be in your shoes soon so hopefully some of the suggestions will help all of us.  jagmom.....you don't have to explain or justify the decisions you make for your child to your in laws or anyone else. If you and your husband are on the same page and if the medication is providing your child with quality of life which is the goal, no one has the right to agree or disagree. It is clearly negligent and down right irresponsible for people to voice opinions when they have no knowledge on the subject and feel they have gotten their psychatric degrees based on what they read in the newspapers or see on television. If fact, with the exception of you and your husband, no one even has a right to voice an opinion unless you ask for one and if you do you set yourself up to be met with blatant ignorance and for the most part, people like this dont strive for accuracy and accurate knowledge, they strive to be right. Your motherinlaws influence is toxic where your child is concerned and if she doesnt learn her place and keep her uneducated opinions to herself, I would seriously think about putting boundaries around your home. Just because she is the grandmother doesn't give her the right to sabotage any and all efforts you and your husband make to provide your child with quality of life.Hi. First of all you are his parent and not your family. What you say goes. How dare your family to say that. My son is 8 and has adhd. He has been on medicine since he was 3. And some children will be dopey. Until he adjusts to his meds. He just went on them for God sake. If your son is not reacting to the meds believe me you will  know. Don't let anybody in your family be in charge of you. Stay strong. Tell them that he has to get ajusted to the meds and everything will be all right. Good luck to you and your son.

#1 you are doing what you think is best

#2  A Dr out rules your mother-in-law!

 

I didn't want my son on meds when he was younger, but once I saw how it helped him have a better life I got all for it!

As for the dopey remark, it takes time for their bodies to get used to the meds. If he still seeme dopey after a month if you haven't already iw ould talk to dr!

We just recently told our inlaws (including sister in laws & brother in laws) that our 7 yrs old has ADHD. A psychologist we recently started meeting with advised us to tell them as I guess I was hiding it. I would come up with excuses for his behaviors and/or hyperness or avoid some social situations with them. I guess I just didn't want them to think that some of his actions were intentional or that he was just a fresh boy. Anyway, they appeared supportive and understanding but, I can't help but wonder what they are thinking or saying about the meds. I give it to my son because he needs it to succeed in school, with his friendships and in social situations otherwise the adhd symptoms can really negatively impact him in all these areas.  I guess it can be hard for some people to understand that if they are not living with these symptoms on a daily basis. I give my son the med so he can succeed and that is what I have to keep telling myself.