Newly diagnosed and a bit overwhelmed | ADHD Information

Hi all,

 I've been lurking awhile and reading old posts. I really like what I see and hope I can join in here. My 9 year old daughter was recently diagnosed ADHD. Like many of you, this has been a long process. I'm comfortable with the diagnosis but feeling a bit overwhelmed. (I'm still worried about the chance it may be bi-polar. Although- in reality - she's been this way her whole life and it's more the impulstivity than range of emotions that ultimately sent us to seek help. And both of those factors, as I understand it, would suggest ADHD and not bi-polar.)

Anyway, what I could really use is some advice. My husband and I are trying to figure out what to tell my daughter. Of course, she knows there's something going on (and we have started her on the new Daytrana patch with good results) but we haven't exactally given her the label/words ADHD. So far, we've just explained that her brain works too fast and that keeps her from being able to make good decisions sometimes. She's so talkative and open that I'm sure she'd tell people and I guess we're worried about two things. First, we're worried she'll futher alienate herself from other kids. (They already think she's weird. Her words, not mine.) Second, we're worried about her grandparents response.

I have been following the thread about family problems - I can SO relate and nearly cried when I realized I'm not alone!!!!  I know we are going to have to deal with ignorant and judgemental comments from grandparents and other family very soon. I'm just now getting my head around everything and get don't want to deal with someone questioning and judging my parenting decisions just yet. Fortunately, we don't live nearby so we have some buffer time. But we are going to be going "home" next month, so....

Anyway, I guess I'm wondering two things: what have you told your child? And has anyone successful kept the info from grandparents?

I absolutely believe my daughter should be and deserves to be informed and kept in the loop. I guess I'm just terrified that she's not emotionally strong enough to deal with stupid comments from other family members.

Wow! My post is just all over the place isnt' it? Thanks for listening.

I have not told 90% of the family anything. Basically, I selected based on whether I was interested in having feedback from them. If not, they are out in the cold.

familywise,don't say anything and see if they notice a change.if not,if you anticipate problems just sayas little as possible.

i can't give you advice about telling your child as mine is only 4 but i know others will

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So far, we've just explained that her brain works too fast and that keeps her from being able to make good decisions sometimes. 


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That is a good start I believe. my son is 6 and he knows that something is not right his teachers at preschool put him in a whole different school then his home school  before he was even put on medication and for the family members I agree see if they notice a change

Welcome!!  My son is 8 and was diagnosed less than a year ago.  We always have had the same concern that it could be more than ADD (ie, bipolar) so far none of his doctors think he is bipolar but maybe has some mood problems like anxiety and depression.

He and we have always known he was "different".  Before he went on medication he said he was stupid and had no brain.  He is so oppositional and argumentative that I couldn't convince him he had a brain.  After being on Concerta his grades rose and so did his self confidence.  He quit saying he doesn't have a brain.

I told him right away what the doctor told me- that he had this thing called ADHD and went on to describe the condition and mentioned a few famous people with it.  He came to me one day all excited and said "what's that thing I got again HIV????"  Oh boy anyway I know that's not funny but you should have heard him say it

We don't have very many relatives and the ones we have pretty much know but it's not up for debate -it is our business and our call on how he is going to be treated.

My sister's son now 13 was just diagnosed.  She has teasingly called him her ADD kid his whole life.  Now he has actually been diagnosed and she doesn't know how to tell him or if she'll tell him.  That's her business of course but I told her I am here if she needs advice.

Good luck and again WELCOME

Ang

I have told my 10yo daughter that she has ADHD and is on medicine to help her with some of the problems that ADHD causes, and that the meds help her natural intelligence show through. Also I have explained to both of my kids that thier medical information is private and they should not share it with anyone other than parents and the doctor caring for them. They know that some of their relatives and friend's families may react negatively to the knowlege of the ADHD or the medication and I have told them that this is due to ignorance and that these people do not know more than the doctor. I did this because my husband's family and some friends are involved in a "religion" that does not believe in psychiatry.  

When we were going through the diagnosis period, I gathered a ton of information from NIMH, CHADD and other sites to refute what my husband was being told (as well as educate myself). I even had to gather information to show him that the informational website he had been sent to was out-of-date and outright false. He now does not discuss any of this with the friends, but I keep a 3 inch stack of research articles and consensus statements just in case.

I have told everyone that is active in son's life about what is going on.  He is 8 &  spends a good amount of time with his grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.  & they need to understand how to treat him, understand his meds, etc.

We went through various meds trying to find what works best for him, most having negative side effects with the end result of us taking him off the meds. & attempting to treat him through other avenues.

He knows what his diagnosis is, he seems ok with it.  Whether or not he discusses it with his friends, he hasn't said.  However, if your child starts to develop issues with school & has to be taken out of class due to an IEP, 504, etc., the kids will know that something is going on with her.  So I think she needs to be prepared on how to handle the class reactions, etc.  My son personally thinks it's cool that he gets to go to a different class.

When we first put our son on meds, I got the comments from family & said if you think you can do better & "fix" him, take him for a month in the summer & then tell me how you think things should be handled.  Nobody has taken me up on it & they have reduced their comments.  Although we still openly discuss what is going on in his life & how things are going.

Our kids are stronger than we think sometimes, have faith in her.

Hi and welcome.  I wouldn't confide in family members that are unsympathetic to ADHD.  It really isn't your job to educate them, anyway.  As for telling your daughter, you probably know best.  I told mine right away since she was only 6.  I thought maybe there wouldn't be as much embarassment about it at such a young age.  You could tell your daughter about all the famous people that have ADHD like MaryKate and Ashley Olsen, etc. so she doesn't feel like she's alone.  In our case, our daughter has some family members and friends in the neighborhood that have ADHD and are open about it.  If you have an ADHD support group in your area, it might be good to join it and commiserate with other parents.

My son was diagnosed with ADHD at age 5.  We have discussed the fact that he's unable to control his impulses.  We told him the medicine helps him to make better choices.  He completely understands. 

My then 13 year old daughter was very anti-drug of any kind.  She wouldn't even take a tylenol for a headache.  She went on and on about how we shouldn't give him medicine.  Then she realized how much easier he was to deal with when on his meds.  She has since come to understand that sometimes medicine is a good thing.  This is great because she was recently diagnosed bipolar, so she's on 3 different meds.  I've been on meds for 10 years and NO ONE in my family wants me to skip my meds.

I have come across some people that believe I'm wrong in medicating my kids.  I usually just say, "Then it's a good thing they're my kids and not yours, huh?"

 

Hello and Wow, this post hit home for where I am right now.

My son is going into 3rd grade and has been on Adderallxr since the beginning of 1st grade.  I was lucky that the first med.  We tried he had success with it.  But, I am starting to wonder if it is still working.  I also wonder if it is the cause of his moodiness, although he has always been a moody boy.  Like "heyboo"  I have looked at symptoms of bi-polar but he does not seem to really fit that and like her child the impulsivness shows most.

I have not come out and used the term adhd with him yet.  He does know he has trouble calming down and we call his meds. a vitiman.  He does know this vitiman helps him calm down.  We took him off for some time over the summer and when we were away and he was really acting up he said, that is because you did not give me my vitiman. 

If anything my son is loaded with common sense, so I will not hold anything back from him, but I feel children grow up so fast and have so much to worry about  that I don't want him to worry about the term adhd yet.  I will take this as it comes for now. I do say all of your explanations to your children were wonderful and most of all truthful.

As far as family goes.  My side of the family knows and is very supportive.  When he was diagnosed I told my mother in law and she freaked out and said the @#%$? teachers should leave these kids alone.  Obviously a very ignorant statement.  She also said, "You are not putting him on anything are you."  I just said no (to me a lie to protect my family (and one my husband was fine with.)  Now when she asks how he is doing I just say fine. 

My biggest fear about sharing this with anyone is the ignorance people have.  Just like everyone who forgets something says they must have Alzheimers, people now say they are add or adhd.  They really have no idea. It is sad that the phrase is thrown around so much.

I have rambled at this late hour and may have not helped anyone, but you have made me feel better.