Conflict Resolution | ADHD Information

Maybe that's my problem, not enough effort. I seem to have a limit and then bam, I'm over it.  I only seem to have patience with select groups of people. Children (especially mine), elderly, and my clients ( I work with people with disabilities). It's like after that it's all used up. I can do the walk away and take a break thing, but most of the time I get yanked back into it and there it is.

Certain adaptations for your co-worker may be all it takes to increase your ability to communicate with her. I know it sounds simple, and can get frustrating, but alot of my hearing impaired clients and their co-workers have found that taking the time to write things down when communication is a barrier eases the tension on everyone. I have one client who is completely deaf/mute and relies completely on written communication to function in the workplace. He used to do the same thing, nod his head as if he understood when he really didn't.

Actually, communication with the significant other is great. This actually came up because of issues with my mother. I just noticed that I start out okay, and most of the time do just fine, but if I am not "getting" what the problem is, or they aren't, I find myself frustrated really quickly.

I actually brought it up with a counselor, but he said I have good communication skills. (Obviously not.) So any tips for being patient in these situations?>

Well, I have trouble communicating with one person at work.

It may be partly language issues. It may be that the
other person is partly deaf.

I suspect the main problem is that she pretends to understand
what I said when she doesn't.

So, when I say "Do you mean X?" she says "yes!" and goes
on, and I think I understand, but later it turns out
she didn't mean X at all.

Actually we go back and forth -- I'll say "then do you
mean Y?" and she'll say yes, and then later
I'll suspect maybe she didn't mean Y, she meant X, and
I'll ask again "Do you mean X?" and she'll say yes,
and so on.

Maybe a cultural thing. I don't know.

We're trying to communicate scientific equations and
things like that, and it gets really frustrating.
I have to make an effort not to get angry at her.Sounds like your biggest 'conflict resolution' issues are with one person (a
significant other)...

Is this true?

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I heard something a while back that made sense to me:
"Men don't know how to communicate and women do it poorly."
(of course this doesn't mean ALL men and women - but it's a good
generalization)

I'd say that it's not ADD, and not you - communication is something
everyone should invest in learning. Have you talked to a therapist or
counselor about this? Taken any interpersonal communication classes?

AARRGH - my sister and me - AARRGGH.  I find that when people that I just want to relax with and have a laugh with, are all intense like and take everything personally, when really it is just me blowing off steam or unloading - they drive me nutso.

sometimes, what people say has no meaning at all in the long term, they are just releasing their mental dialogue.  Personally I believe there is not enough humour and empathy in conversations and people have so much more energy to argue than I do.

tothemoon, mothers are frustrating, no doubt about it, i could spend my life argueing with mine and my kids with me.  The way I handle my loved ones, is to assume that no matter what they say it comes out of love for me and they are just trying to be helpful.  A lot of smiling, changing subjects and laughter goes a long way with family.

You dont have to take advice, but it makes people feel better to give it.  Look at it like you are doing them a favour by sitting there listening and not commenting on the holes you see in their arguments.

Break it up with, Yeah I saw something like that on Dr Phil..... or Geez (pick another person) did this the other day.  Or even, would you like another cup of tea.

Anything, when you find you can stands it no more - change the subject.  This however does not work for me and my sister, but it is the only failure I have had so far.

My sister is relentless until she drives me to become so frustrated I yell and walk out.  Then she claims I scare her ....... FRUSTRATION.

I was wondering if any of you have noticed if/how ADD/ADHD interferes with good conflict resolution skills?

Personally, my biggest issues are:

1.) Getting absolutely frustrated when I don't understand where the other person is coming from, especially when they refuse to explain

2.) I cannot "drop it" until it is resolved. As in "we both messed up"isn't enough. I have to understand where we both messed up along the way to feel like I can keep from repeating mistakes.

Is this ADD or me?

tothemoon38258.7682175926tothemoon,

Hi! Ya, your mother is also a pretty significant person in your life. I see,
not THE significant other... ;)

I am sure that you have great communication skills, but that does not rub
off on everyone else very easily, does it? I'm sorry that frustration sets in
when you or the other 'doesn't get it'...

What helps me in those types of situations is: I ask myself, "Is this
REALLY important?"

and if it's personal issues, everyone just needs to be validated.
I've found that it is not really that necessary to understand a person as
much as having empathy for their feelings, regardless of how they got
there.
Does that make any sense?

At least you are trying to relate to others as best you can. Good for you!!

Good for all of you whom do this!