Advice please | ADHD Information

Thanks for the support!  I think this is causing ME more anxiety than dd!

cr12345mr - I have the same rule as MamaBear for my ds - once he starts a sport or activity he has to consider it a commitment and stick it out until the activity is over.  It has actually worked out.  He only decided once not to play a sport after the first season and that was football.  He sticks to lacrosse, ice hockey and drums year after year. 

Here is an update.  She played her first game Saturday at 12:15, so the meds should have been in full effect (20 mg Ritalin LA).  She did better than at practices.  But she was still having attention problems.  Should I consider upping the dosage?  I figure if she isn't able to pay attention playing soccer, then she also is having issues in school.  Today in the a.m. we were going over spelling words, and she is so freaking distractible it took forever to do 20 words.  And yes, she had taken her medicine.  I was ready to pull my hair out.

 I definitely wouldn't pull her out after just two practices.  That can set the stage for a lifetime of "quitting" whenever things don't go exactly as she feels they should. 

Our rule is our DD can try whatever sport, activity, group, etc. that she would like, but once she joins, it's a commitment that she must stick out for that season, year, etc. (whatever the timeline for activity is).  She doesn't have to do it again the following year if she doesn't like it, but she WILL play that whole soccer, softball, etc. season, or remain in school band for that year, etc.  In doing that, we are just trying to teach her to give things a chance before deciding you don't like it, teaching her that she made a commitment to a team or group, so others count on her participation as well, WE paid money for her to join the team, bought equipment etc.

As far as the mean girl....Just explain that although her comment wasn't nice, there are several other girls on the team, so try to forget about the one mean girl and try to strike up conversations with the others.  Just encourage her to smile, greet the girls when she arrives, etc.  It takes time when no one knows one another, but I bet by mid-season she is chatty & giggly with a few!

You didn't mention her age, but my DD is 10 and I can't believe some of what she tells me about girls at school.  Little girls can be mean and it starts young. "So & so" is her friend one day, but the next day she (so & so) won't speak to DD because DD was playing with or talking with someone else....?  I tell her to just be friendly with everyone and some may have a problem with that, but she just needs to learn to let it be "their" problem.  The world is full of mean people, but also full of wonderful people.  Strive to be one of the wonderful ones!

 

I truly hope everything works out for your DD!

 

 

 

cr12345, have you tried any other stimulants?  I would talk to the doc before increasing the dosage. My son has been on ritalin, ritalin la concerta and focalin and we would increase these when they did not seem to work but really we should have switched him totally to a different family of stimulants.   When we switched him  it  was amazing to see that he was actually able to focus and complete his assignments.  The med was Adderall ( some kids do well on this and others do terrible)

Also, I as far as the "mean" girl goes teach your dd a few come back lines that she can use on this girl...today I taught my son "I'm rubber you're glue what you say bounces off of me and sticks on to you"....needless to say he has been saying it and cracking up all day.  I think he can't wait to use it.

My dd has just started soccer.  She has had 2 practices so far.  She has gotten very negative about it because there is a little girl on her team that called her a "loser".  She doesn't even know this girl.  In fact, all the girls on the team didn't know each other in advance, so dd is not in an "odd girl out" situation.  Anyway, dd is so upset that the girl was mean to her.  She also thinks everybody on the team hates her.  But they don't even know her.  DD doesn't have any weird behaviors to make people instantly not like her.  So because of these erroneous assumptions on her part, she is totally demotivated to play.  She does a terrible job at practice.  She is really disengaged most of the time.  The league is noncompetitive (no scoring), so there isn't any pressure.  It is a just for fun team.  I already emailed the coach about it and he hasn't seen anybody be mean to dd.  He did think she had "attention span problems".  I didn't tell him about her ADHD.  To me, it should be pretty obvious.  The practices are from 6 to 7.  I have given her a booster ritalin at about 4, but maybe it wasn't enough.  What do I do?  Do I pull her out?  Do I give it some more time?  She hasn't started fighting with me about not wanting to go yet.  It is just at the practices, she shuts down.  Any advice would be appreciated.  Thanks in advance.

I wouldn't pull her out. I'd just keep encouraging her to participate. Is there anything more the coach can do for her? to lift her self-esteem? Maybe he can address the entire team about what teamanship is all about .. no name calling! If your daughter is not complaining (yet) then maybe she DOES like the game but is feeling insecure. Be supportive and hopefully she'll snap out of it.

You may want to role play with her about what she can do/say the next time someone approaches her with harsh words and/or actions. Just an idea.

That's great!  If you are not seeing any overdose effects yet, it sounds like you have found a therapeutic dose for her.  Let us know how the next soccer practice goes.
Good Luck!

Yes, we tried Strattera and Concerta before Ritalin LA.  While on the other meds, her personality changed for the worse.  I was really scared for her, so we switched her.

Anyway, the dr had given me a prescription for RitalinLA 10 mg back in June in case I needed to up the dosage.  So I filled it yesterday and gave it to her this a.m. along with a 20 mg.  Today I gave it to her while still in bed!  Oh, the morning went so well, it was unbelievable.  There was absolutely no fighting with her sister (a miracle, really) and generally a good attitude with everyone.  Maybe a fluke, maybe not.

Hi cr12345mr,

I was just wondering how the soccer was going w/ your DD and how the increased dose of Ritalin LA was working out?

Hope everything is getting better.

MamaBear

MamaBear38971.8154166667

Speaking as a mother of a child with severe ADHD and cyclothymia, I feel for what you child must be facing.  Kids can be cruel and not have a clue they harm they are inflicting on another's psyche.

 

Now, the other side... speaking as a soccer coach.

My team this year was 7 and 8 yr olds (forgive me I don't know your DD's age).  This is also supposed to be a non-competitive non-scored league, but let's get real, most parents keep score and the kids DEFINITELY keep score.  My son started at age 4 and out of the 11 kids on his team, only one girl had not played before and most kids had played 3 yrs in multiple leagues.  (My son has played on 7 teams and his 8th starts in Oct -- he is 7)  Cassie really wanted to do well, but appeared to be "in left field" just b/c she felt so behind the curve.  He own anxiety about making a mistake made her a wreak on the field.  She had just started to get into a confident state when her family missed a huge chunk of games while on vacation.  She came back worse than ever b/c she lost the confidence again.

Try going out and doing extra practices in the yard.  Just helping her learn to dribble and pass could be a TREMENDOUS boost to her self-esteem and allow her to feel confident with the ball.  Plus, every kid loves to play in the yard with the parentals!!  I never played soccer and had no idea how to coach it, and even though we have "won" every game for 2 years, my son would rather mess around with me in the yard than anything.  My son LOVES it when I miss the ball or pretend a header knocked me silly...  it allows him to see that it's ok to make a 'mistake' and soccer is still fun.

Now that I got so long winded (as always), let me totally agree with the post above.  The coach CAN and SHOULD address it with the team.  He doesn't have to single her out, but a talk about sportsmanship can never be a bad idea.  It's hard to keep ears on 10-11 kids and just b/c the coach didn't hear it doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

 

Oh what the heck... 2 more thoughts..

We too have the rule that once you start something, you see your commitment thru

and

We use it as motivation... like right now we are in football.  Practice is Wednesdays, spelling tests on Thursdays...  if he wants to play football, all spelling words better be flawles by practice... 

futhermore, if his behavior is out of control, he is given the chance to fix it or miss practice.  He still has to go and WATCH practice tho and explain to the coach why he is not able to join in.  We haven't gotten to this point yet, but we've come pretty close.  Obviously for my little athlete, this would be a last resort, but I would see it though if I had to.

 

 

Sorry so long!!!