Feeling Really Hopeless | ADHD Information

my son was the  same way and  im getting him into  the special needs daycare also  right now  im taking fmls due to  he doesnt start right away ,but yes i agree with the  man above take one day at  a time  and be pateince . I take atavant for  aneixietyI  have towards the  situation it helps me calm down to  deal with  him hes only 4 ,just tunred 4 in july ..so  i know  how  you feel ..just  pray alot and  take it  one  day at  a time ....good  luck you can do it!! we all are

The Spec. Needs Preschool should help your son a lot.  I work in exactly that in my state.  All of the children that act as you describe your son gain some control throughout the year.  Really, only a few children don't show signs of maturity, progress, etc. after being in the program, and they are the ones who can't....Severe mental retardation, Severe Fragile X Syndrome, etc.  I'm not saying by next summer life with your son will be a piece of cake, but you should see definite improvements.  Get to know his teacher, support her, spend a little time in the classroom if your schedule allows.  If you can learn the things she does that hopefully help, you can implement them in the home as well.  Then any progress that was made during the school year can continue at home, over the summer as well.

Please, please, don't misinterpet my letter.  I am in no way saying you are doing a bad job parenting your child and need a professional to get him turned around for you.  Many of the kids I work with come from wonderful, intellegent, loving, families (sadly, many also do not) that have tried everything they can think of.  Also, the educators don't have some magic wand to change your child into a compliant little person...It's just that that's what we are there for.  We can dedicate 100% of our time with your child, to your child and the others in the class.  We don't have to worry about doing laundry, running to the grocery, the bank, mopping the kitchen floor, etc.  Also, we have many people in the building who are able to help us (this is common the first few weeks of a school year) for a while if we have a particularly difficult child we need to attend to.  They will come in and work with the other children on the days activities so we can devote our time to the most needy or difficult children.  Honestly, every child I have worked with (and I promise you, I have had many that are as you describe your son) that has PDD-NOS, Asperger's, Autism, ODD, etc., has made significant strides in the Early Childhood Spec. Ed. program.

At home, I know this is difficult, but try to give him as much structured time as possible, with as little unstructured time as possible.  A bored child will act up.  I know this is difficult to do when you have household responsibilities, maybe a job, whatever, but it will be your best bet.  In the beginning, you will need to sit down with him and interact in the activity the whole time....Building legos, crafts, coloring, etc.  In time, you should be able to get him started on an activity and then step away and just supervise while he plays.  You could then watch him as you're also folding laundry, doing dishes, etc.  Involve him in your activites when possible.  Three year olds can tear up the lettuce for a salad while you are cutting up a cucumber.  They can help you strip the bed and carry the pillow cases to the washer, etc.

Also, you said he Eval. was vague, so if they didn't explain it, I'll try.  PPD-NOS is on the Autism Spectrum.  For an Autism Dx, the child has to meet 7 of the criteria.  For an Asperger's Dx, they have to meet 5 or 6 of the criteria.  I believe for the PDD-NOS Dx, they have met 4 of the criteria.  Also, these Dx's can change throughout the course of the young child's life as he reaches (or doesn't) certain age appropriate benchmarks.  You are correct that they don't like to put labels on the real young kids unless it is just "smack me in the face" obvious.

Good luck.  I really hope things start to get better for you soon.  Please keep us posted!

MamaBear

 

MamaBear38958.508275463

hello my son is now 4 and he had a lot of the behavior you described a year ago,he still has it but not as bad also it is still a problem.

if he has a sleep problem,tackle this first as it makes a big difference once they have a good night sleep.

behavioral therapy helped us a lot.you have to be consistent in  everything you say and do.

you have to take care of yourself first and learn to chill out(seriously)i used to fight with him 24/7,then i decided to just ignore small problems(he pees outside so what)and concentrated on the big ones one by one,no shouting,no smackingjust go to his eye level hold him firmly and speak in a firm low voice.bad behavior is rewarded with time out in a room,if you have to hold the handle ,do it,make sure he can't harm himself and that this room is one you don't mind getting destroyed(this is from our child psychologist)

his behavior is a lot better now and also we have bad days,we also have good days and our relationship is a lot better,don't despair,the psy also says that he is more mature now so it helps.

unfortunately he still has no sense of danger to himself or others and will run away,try to jump out of windows ect...just make sure your house is extra secure and watch him like a hawk.i lock my front door from the outside and go throught my garden,lock the gate with a padlock,then i get to my house throught the back door,the only place he can go is the garden,i still have to watch him as he will try to climb the high gate but at least i can relax more.we also changed all our windows so now they have locks on,you need a key to open them,i can open them a little bit without worrying that he will jump.

persevere in taking him out and get him as much things to do as you can.

I found this site, by recommendation from my therapist that I find other groups and parents with similar situations.  My name is Kerry, I am 28, I have one son, Evan who is 3.  Trying to make a long story short, I always knew there was something "different"  with Evan since the day I brought him home.  Finally when he was really delayed in speech, my pedi recommended Early Intervention- which helped tremendously.  He received Speech and OT from them, for nearly a year.  He still wasnt "acting" quite right developmentally and i was suggested to take him to Rhode Island Hospital for an eval.  That was last September.  His diagnosis on his paperwork says this-  developmental delays with characteristics of PDD-NOS.  Sensory disorder also.  Its vague, they said they dont like to label so early-  which i can understand.  His last appt was April and they are still watching him, and she wants to see him back in Jan.  They say he is too "social" to have autism.  Which he is pretty good with eye contact, etc.  He is very smart-  ABC's, Numbers, shapes, colors, etc.  I did get him into the special needs preschool here, and he is starting next week (I had to fight alot for that).

Here is the thing.  My son is completely OUT OF CONTROL.  Im not kidding, and im not using that lightly.  We cant take him anywhere, people dont want to come over.  He is constantly throwing toys, WANTING to throw them at our heads.  He wont even play with the toys, he just throws them everywhere.  We have a brand new house and the walls are a MESS!!!!!!  He pushes other kids, especially one particular little neice of mine.  He runs away from us, to the point that he can NOT come out of his stroller at all if we go somewhere.  He has run into the street b/c we couldnt catch him in time.  He has run out of the house, now that he knows how to unlock the doors!!  He jumps on top of u, even after you tell him to stop.  He will smack and kick u.  He's broken numerous things around the house. The thing is, he thinks all of this is hilarious!!  Laughs even during time out!  Speaking of time out-  we've done time out, taking toys, even smacking him on the butt (which is totally NOT me and i dont like it, but i was willin to try anything), we've put him in his room, made him come in (from outside, etc).  NOTHING and i mean NOTHING works.  He just runs around in circles, and loves to do "bad" behaviors.    He will throw forks or anything at people in resteraunts, to the point that we really only get take out now. 

 

I see a therapist who suggested he had ADD, and for me to get help now, b/c he is getting so much negative reinforcement now.  Ive called about TWENTY and thats not an exaggeration, (2-0) places and I didnt get anyone willing to help.  They are all booked and not accepting new pts, or they dont take them under 5.  I called his developmental pedi in RI and she gave me more numbers of people who wont accept him either.  I finally found ONE child psychiatrist in Providence who will see him but i have to pay out of pocket-  he doesnt accept any insurance.  I made the appt anyway b/c im totally and utterly desperate.

I am so just so mad that you can not find anyone to help u.  I feel so hopeless that we have to live like this.  We are really at our wits end.  I could really go on and on, but I am drained.  Anwyay i wanted to vent....thanks for reading.

I feel for you in what you're dealing with with your son.  My 6 year old daughter isn't quite at the extremes your son is but I can understand the feeling of hopelessness.  I found this board awhile ago and most of the people on here are in the same boat.  I have a few friends that I can talk to but most just don't understand just what happens in my home.  They seem to have all kinds of advice but none of it is helpful.  My advice to you is to take the time to read some of the different threads on this board and you may find some new ways to deal with the daily struggles.  My daughter was just dx yesterday as ADHD (inattentive) adn ODD.  I had never even heard of ODD before coming on this board.  My parenting toolbox was empty as far as dealing with my daughter and I felt so alone.  After reading some of the other posts on here, I'm almost convinced that some of these people live in my house!!!    Keep talking and keep reading, there is tons of experience here that is tried and true...

 

 am so just so mad that you can not find anyone to help u.  I feel so hopeless that we have to live like this.  We are really at our wits end.  I could really go on and on, but I am drained.  Anwyay i wanted to vent....thanks for reading.

 

Try calling a pediatric neurologist. I finally did that with my son, it he is awesome!!

I know what you are going through!