Parenting and adult ADD question | ADHD Information

My first post:

"Pre-pubescent disipline  Dealing with that 'tone' of voice.

The 'tone' that comes from your child that says 'my parents are friggin' idiots!'. It's the tone that you can't ignore. It comes from both male and female children. The tone that says disrespect. The tone as a late child, pre-teen, that would have gotten you whooped so hard you would see into next year. The tone that says insolence.

I realize that part of it is emerging hormones, developing their own identity, etc. But.... You can't let it stand otherwise you're dealing with a teenager doing guest appearances on Jerry Springer.

How have you dealt with it? I realize I have to deal with it now before he gets much older and/or bigger.

A girlfriend/acquaintance said hit them where it hurts according to the child. With her oldest, it was a financial fine. That will work very well with my oldest (9). He is all about the money. But my 6 yr old is watching and taking lessons from the oldest.

  A post later on: I wish all I ever had to deal with from mine was a sassy tone or a nasty look. He's had anger issues since he was a small child. He's angry at himself, angry at the world and the only answer I could ever get out of him about his anger is "I don't know" why I'm angry. He went to a child psychologist when he was 6 and the doctor told me he was a manipulator and he was bored. The doctor did an IQ test on him and he was on 5th grade level in the 1st grade.

He used to destroy things in his fits of anger and my daddy would replace whatever he destroyed. I guess this is the manipulator coming out in him. If it wasn't what he wanted, he'd destroy it because "papa" will buy what I wanted to begin with. He's on his 6th automobile since he was 16. Wrecked all of them except the one he's currently driving. Before he wrecked them if he got mad, he'd kick them or pull the sunvisor off or take his fist and bust the stereo out of the dashboard. That has stopped, see below!

Now that he is an adult, 23, his anger has subsided. He lost his job 2 weeks ago and I've seen a bitter side to him lately but not like he used to be. Oh and he stopped destroying things when he found out it would come out of his pocket to replace it. He's been to college some but never sticks with anything he starts. He has now decided he wants to do something in the music field. He is an excellent drummer, taught himself and I was amazed. He's really awesome.

All I've ever wanted for him was to be happy but I could never achieve that for him because we all know happiness can only be achieved within ones self.

Long and I'm sorry. Thanks for letting me share.

My response to several like this above: The anger and inability to control emotions issue are very very common among children and adults with ADHD. You might want to look into it. Or suggest it. My son, while not angry all the time, does have a difficult time getting control over his anger. He has hit, choked, bitten, thrown, destroyed things in fits of anger. ADHD isn't just about paying attention. It's about self-regulating, self-control, and neuro-transmitters not working.

Planning disipline ahead? I have to. So that I can be prepared with a response/strategy when anger and disrespect rears it's ugly head. Otherwise people could get hurt (see above). Put two ADD people with hair-trigger tempers in the same room and I'll show you emotions so hot you would be calling the fire dept.     Someone's response:
If the other ADD person you are referring to is yourself, the playing field isn't quite level. You are an adult, you are aware of your diagnosis and you have tools at your disposal to help you deal with your emotions.     Someone else's response: I am really not a fan of ADD as an excuse for bad behavior. Your responsability as a member of society is to take ownership of your behavior. I don't care how old you are.

The reason you need a plan of action is not to avoid escelation. An adult should be able to control thier own level of anger or leave the room. You need a plan so the consiquences are swift, appropriate and consistant.

Find what works for your child. Forget their lables and think about what motivates them. When Tummy went through the hitting phase, I would take a shoe or a sock everytime he hit someone. Worked like a charm. He likes to wear shoes. What do your kids like to do?

Sorry that was so long but I only put in the significant ones.

Are these people speaking from complete ignorance of ADD? That it is an 'excuse' for bad behavior? 

I was really pissed off when I first read it. I chose to ignore the specific posts and realize that they probably couldn't tell that I was speaking metaphorically ("somebody's gonna get hurt"). 

Would y'all have gotten pissed?

You'll have to cut and paste for us to comment - it requires a password!!! 

This isn't actually a question but kind of wondering how y'all as adult ADDers would take this as well.

I post on another message board. Mostly it is composed of women, very irreverant, funny women.  No real agenda or bonding element other than we all used to be on another message board (Sweet Potato Queens for those of y'all that might have heard of them). 

Anyway, I posted a question about dealing with children sassing their parents. Disrespect. Using that 'tone'.  And disipline.

I'm going to post a link to the thread on the other board. It may or may not let you in. If it doesn't I'll copy and paste the important points.

Gah! It would help if I actually put the link in.

http://z7.invisionfree.com/ExTaters/index.php?showtopic=9891 &st=0

 

ADD&Proud38959.3696064815

Oh, if you are able to get in. I am AV8.  And the significant points are on page two.  They regard ADD and two people that have ADD being in the same room and what happens.  I found some people's remarks... a tad snotty... good word.

I wondered if it was just me.