consequences for bad behaviors | ADHD Information

I'm sorry to say but the list provided sounds so negative .. no, no, no, take, take, take. (sigh) You do that all day long and everyday of the week .. poor kid!

How about trying some positive consequences:

Chores (age appropriate); gardening (weeding/lawn mowing); write a letter/ a poem; clean the damage (if applicable); help out siblings with various tasks; .. etc (just from the top of my head)

Just IMO

EDIT: When my son gets into his 'mood' I have him jump on the trampoline. If that doesn't work, I send him to his room to play quietly/independently (change the environment). I choose the activity for him to do. After 5 minutes, if he follows through with my request, I allow him to choose his own activity to do for another 5 minutes in his room. If he follows through again, I allow him out and we talk about the situation. If he DOESN'T follow through within the first 5 minutes, I give him another 5 minutes. I set the timer. It works quite well. The first time I did it, he was in there for a good half hour .. complaining and such. But now he's understood the process and if he wants to come out of his room and do the things HE wants to do, he cooperates a lot better .. not an angel but better.

INaBOX38961.9367708333A good plan I always try to stick with is the Natural consequence something to go with the crime.  For example not picking up the toys then she would either loose them to she shows she can pick them up and I have her practice picking up one thing at a time (psychologist recommended) or she herself would step on them and hurt herself (definetly natural especially if it hurts).  Sometime you have to get creative for my girl wiped her nose on a teacher at summer camp I made her make her a special I am sorry card and decorate it.

We picked the behaviors that were the most important to us, and as she got better at those things we added more. We are useing Ogram's marble system and it also works as allowance (as she earns more money, she has to pay for more of her own things ). Do not think of it curing things they cannot control, but as a tool to improve to the best of their ability.  We use it for completing homework and staying on task at school, in fact this was originally a behavoir plan that the school helped us set up to get her on track at school. Although the plan helped quite a bit, it was not enough by itself and we started meds this summer. We will optimize the meds when school starts and keep the plan in place to teach the positive behaviors. It helps us parents be more consistant.

I might have to try the positive reinforcement too. I have been taking away TV and desert for bad behavior in school, but he does play with his clay or something instead and says he still has fun. What am I supposed to do, stick him in a padded cell with NOTHING? I can't be that mean. But taking away tv or whatever is not working. I will try the positive thing......

I was also wondering something. If the talking, not staying on task, wriggling in seat stuff is ADHD and it's something he can not control, how do you discipline something they can not control? It would be like disciplining someone with toretts every time they tic! So what to do???

Our daughter got to where she did not care what was taken away, so we shifted to rewards for good behaviors. This has worked well with our daughter. 

Later bedtime, more TV, more video game time, special desert, go to movies and cash.

It has the same outcome but is positive reinforcement which has really improved her cooperation with the family.

vickie38961.6516666667

ages 5-17.

Early bedtimes

no computer time

no videogames

no tv sent to their room

no phone time

no shopping with friends

grounding

no car use

no time with friends

Home early on weekends

No friends over

additional chores added

write appology letter

Came from Total transformation book.

 

alright. Thanks!

I have worked really hard at the positive behavior thing the past 2 days and WOW, what a difference! Everyone keeps asking my what happened to Dillon? I got the marbles for the marble system and he is really taking to it. He said when I bought the marbles "I thought in my brain I better be good for mom and earn some marbles".......he is so cute. He is so willing to help me now, he earned 5 marbles for helping me unload hay and sweep out the truck bed and help unload groceries, then he earned another 6 at the Rodeo tonight.....my family could not believe how well behaved he was. The best ever and we have been going to this Rodeo for his whole 7 years.

Now I am feeling like I was alot to blame in his bad behavior. Maybe I was ignoring the good too aften and he was just getting my attention for the bad, and that was better than nothing in his eyes. If this keeps working I will be so happy. I am going to ask the teacher to try some kind of reward systen for him in class, maybe she could try it with all the mis behaved ones. This is cool!

So how do i diciplin myself? No, i know it sounds stupid but im serious!

Reward yourself! Set a goal, if you accomplish it, reward yourself with something that pleases you. I have not read enough of your posts to know how you are, so really, I can't say, but this works for me. I work hard, own my own business, raise a child, keep the house, feed and care for all the animals, my days are hecktic and I feel overwhelmed most days. Too many things to do and not enough day. But, I make sure and take time for myself, reward myself. I ride my horse, it's my best therepy. I shop, go to lunch with a friend, whatever. All work and no play.....I would go INSANE!

Just a thought...LOL

Congratulations DillonsMom. I am glad you are seeing results.

Candy, DillonsMom is right you deserve a reward for doing well. It is too easy to constantly be down on yourself.

Hehe....I don't know how to take that. Was it a good idea for you, or a "yeah, thanks, heard that a million times"?   I just know rewarding myself is the only thing that keeps me going, and it seems to be working for my son. Hopefully, with the mable system and uping the EFA's, his behavior will keep improving. I have kearned alot form this board in a short time and I want to thank everyone.It means i think that its a good idea and ill try it. Sorry for the short postings
and if they dont make sense my meds are wearing off and i cant focus too
well right now.

Oh...that's OK. I am too long winded, even tired! Hope it works for you. Somedays, the only reward for me is this computer at night for an hour after everyone is sleeping. It's peaceful for me. I don't even know why I pay for TV, I never watch it!!!!!!

I know that the week or whatever it's been since joining and reading on this site has helped me so much. I don't dwell on my sons behavior as much, I understand him better now, I can explain his behavior to people better, and I have many thing I can try with him and hopefully keep him off meds. I am very happy I found this site.

Today my four year old peed on the floor!  No he does not have a toilet training issue.  He claims he did not know it was coming!  Still we do not Pee on the floor!  So he had to apologise to all his brothers for not respecting our home and he had to help clean it up.  In addition he helped vacuum the kitchen.

We talk alot about being a strong family and there are things that strong families do.  They keep each other safe and respect each others things.  Families do fun things too like have icecream bars (Dairy free of course) and watch TV.

When they step too far out side the respect area they lose family status.  They do not get desert or to do the fun stuff.  We decide together what they must do to get family status back.  My sons really seem to "get" this philosophy.

I have lots of kids and lots of chaos so my consequences must not require lots of time from me!
[QUOTE=BL Moretti] Today my four year old peed on the floor!  No he
does not have a toilet training issue.  He claims he did not know it was
coming!  Still we do not Pee on the floor!  So he had to apologise to all his
brothers for not respecting our home and he had to help clean it up.  In
addition he helped vacuum the kitchen. We talk alot about being a strong
family and there are things that strong families do.  They keep each other
safe and respect each others things.  Families do fun things too like have
icecream bars (Dairy free of course) and watch TV.When they step too far
out side the respect area they lose family status.  They do not get desert
or to do the fun stuff.  We decide together what they must do to get
family status back.  My sons really seem to "get" this philosophy.I have
lots of kids and lots of chaos so my consequences must not require lots
of time from me!
[/QUOTE]
Maybe it really was an accident. No kid really wants to wet his pants.
Trust me!It was not an accident.  He was naked from the pool and I really think his brother the adhd one put him up to it.  I was shaking out suits and coming behind them gathering towels etc.  It was really funny, hysterical... till mom came in...  Then accusations were flying.  The family status thing is great cause there is no yelling.  Just repairing the damage and making amends. 
My worst problem with this kid, and I had it at about the same age with all of them, is he is throwing things at other people!!!  The worst part is he has a good arm, very accurate!!! LOL! I had a good arm too! LOL! After my mom was done punishing me, all i
had was some clothes and a bed. LOL!