What would you do? | ADHD Information

I called the school nurse and told her today. She was going to let the guidance department know hopefully they will help him. I told her that maybe he just wanted a snack or something but I felt they should know this way they could be sure he had lunch.Do you think you could be a postive example for this child?  I mean, do you think if you express and enforce your homes does, don'ts, rules, good actions, bad actions , and correct him when he needs  to be corrected, that it would maybe touch base with him?  The reason I'm asking is that maybe the child is looking for attention, and wants to be around someone that has a "normal" per say, life.  He maybe acting out because he does not know better... now. Maybe as he gets older, and with your son's good manners and your wonderful normal family,  it will rube off on him and he'll remember the family that gave him a tad bit of attention that helped him be a better person.  Now I'm not saying that is the best thing to do.  From what i take this child is already damaged and maybe outside help is  more apporiate.  AND I totally understand your issue with the child and your son and ADHD.  It does not take much to impress and talk into an action (whether its right or worng) with ADHD child.  I just wanted to throw that thought out there.    I'm sure you'll make the right decsion for you and your family.  The problem is that they are in the same class. If they were not in the same class, I'd say put your child first and stop them from interacting. But since they are in the same class, you might want to try to make this work.

I think talking to the teacher and not having them sit or work together is a good idea.  And limiting the time he plays with your son at your home is good too.  Maybe not everyday but a couple times a week or so.  But if you do not want to call children services tell the school what you know about his home situation and maybe they can help him or give you the right road to choose.  Alot of children who can easily go the wrong way do so because we all turn the other way and do not want to get involved.  And in getting this boy help it will make him a better person in the long run.

Darcy

I have decided that I am going to talk to his teacher and explain that I do not want them to sit near each other or be paired up for work. I will let them play together and stuff but mostly under my supervision. He will only be allowed to play here not at the boys house. This boy is very disruptive in the class and my son has told me when he is near he bothers him. I hate to be this way but I also have 2 older children and I can see where this boy is headed. Hopefully a miracle will happen for this boy.

 

why dont you just call the child protective agency? I"m sure that this kid
doesnt enjoy his life anymore than you enjoy having him over. In my
oppinion, he shouldn't be living with those parents.

Yes, if your son continues to be a follower, your issues will be a lot bigger.  There's no doubt about that.  ADHDers come in all shapes and sizes, but I do think it is quite common for them to want to help others.  Many parents on this board have discussed the compassion their ADHDers have, that their kids are the first to push a wheelchair to help a child or to want to take in the stray animal they found on the street.  The ADHDer who cannot fit in with peers often will play with younger children, leading and helping them, being a "little teacher," if you will.  In fact, I used this common trait of ADHDers in the classroom, often choosing the ADHD child to be my classroom helper, to sharpen pencils, hand out papers, help straighten the room at the end of the day, be the line leader in the hallway.  I have found that one of the best ways to get an ADHD kid on your side in the classroom is to let the child lead and help. 

Perhaps, you need to turn this situation around with your son.  You need to stress the importance of his being a good role model for this other boy, helping your child become a leader in the friendship instead of a follower?  I don't know.  Just an idea. 

lillian38967.4301041667This is my problem the only boy around my sons age to play with in my neighborhood has alot of problems. I usually have to import friends. This boy has been in my sons class since kindergarten three times, they are in grade 3. This boy can go all over the place alone, i do not allow my 8 year old to run the neighborhood. We live in a rural area with traffic that flies by our house is one factor and abduction. This boy come from a family of domestic violence,drug,neglect. The children have been remove for the home and returned on occasion. Yesterday he came over and said he was here to play. I reluctantly let him stay, while he was here I had to tell him not to roam my house, break my picnic table, not to break toys. He brought an inappropriate movie rated pg 13. Told me he was hungry because the power was turned off at home and the food spoiled. I feel bad but my son has enough problem with adhd and does not need any more influence getting in trouble. Well I gave the boy something to eat and at 7 I told him to go home. He asked when he could come back if today was ok I told him no we were going out. I lied. How would you handle this. I tried to explain to my son that this boy is not a good choice as a friend but he does not understand.Hi.  Well, IMHO, it is your prerogative as mom to decide with whom and when your child plays.  If this child and his family are bad news, then don't allow your son to play with him.  However, you probably don't want this child to become an enemy, either!  So, since your son likes him, perhaps limit the playtime and schedule it.  And set boundaries.  Good luck!

Dealing with a child that has ADHD is hard enough, but perhaps you and your son could be a positive influence on this poor child.  CPS is not a bad thing either.  They could look into the power being off and no food.  I know the saying, about the apple falling from the tree, and so on.  Maybe you could set boundaries and rules and influence him.  Sometimes it only takes a little to help.

Does this child influence your son's behavior?I feel bad for the boy and I will help him any way I can. But on the other hand I need to put my childs best interest first. Yes he does influence my son and that is the biggest problem. Last years teacher told me usually when my son is in trouble the boy is usually involved. That has been the case in the past  when they are in the same class. I don't understand why she put them in the same class knowing this. My son not a problem child yes he misbehaves but at school he has reading problems and that is our biggest issues. I am afraid that if he continues to be influenced my problems will be bigger. Because of his reading his self-esteeme is quite low.

Whats the general condition of this child? He states there is no food, that the powers off, obvious lack of supervision- Is he dirty as well? I would, as hard as it would be, call child protective services and make a referral.

In this state child protective is not always child protective.They have major issues. The boy was clean but looked tired. I think I will call the school nurse and let her talk to the boy. Maybe he was just telling me this to get some attention or something.

My son came to us as a foster child, at the age of eight, one month from nine.  He did not have any friends, when he first came to live with us, so I was bringing in kids from the old neighborhood, where he had lived with his previous foster mother.  Some of those kids came from "marginal" families, and I talked to my son very openly about this, and my son was able to understand it well.  He understood that "V" behaved the way he did because of his family, and this behavior was not acceptable.  For example, when "V" cussed, which he did, I reminded "V" that cussing wasn't allowed in our home, and I discussed this with my son, explaining to my son that "V" cussed because his parents did.  I never kept "V" from coming to the house, even though he cussed, broke things, and threw tantrums.   We had to replace a toilet, after "V" flushed some styrofoam thing down it that swelled and could not be removed by the plumber. 

Today, my son will not have anything to do with "V" because "V" stole some things from WalMart the last time they were together.  My son said, "I'm not getting in trouble with the police because of him."  That was my son's decision, not mine.   Interestingly, I found my son has stolen some things from WalMart, when he first came to live with us.  He took travel size shampoos, toothpastes, and soaps.  The psychology behind this was obvious.  He was preparing to be moved again, and he would have what he needed, when that happened.  Sad.  Still, my son's morality obviously has changed with the environment he now lives in, for he won't have anything to do with "V".

So, this child is coming to your home.  Well, I think your family could be a positive influence on him.  Unfortunately, we did not live near "V" for him to be able to spend more time around us.  I wish he had lived closer.  I also think your son's behavior will only be influenced by this child, if your son does not understand the child's behavior is inappropriate and why it is.  You can discuss this in a compassionate way with your son.  He's not too young to understand this.  This child is coming to your home for a reason, and I would bet it is because he feels safe and nurtured there.  Personally, I hate to see him turned away.