HOW TO DEAL | ADHD Information
Homework was a HUGE battle in our home 2 yrs. ago, when DD (now 10) was in 3rd grade. DD is an ANGEL in school, but the complete opposite at home. Had a wonderful teacher that year, who I really don't think necessarily believed everything I told her about DD's behavior, but worked w/ me on solutions none the less. At the time, I suspected ADD, but no Dx yet; and teacher didn't really see it because she was only thinking "hyperactivity" and DD is inattentive only.
Anyway, what the teacher suggested to me was "Do not let it be a battle" When you tell her it's time for homework, decide how long you feel it should take and tell her that's how long she has (of course if she starts on it right away, is cooperative, but it takes longer, that's OK). If she does not do it, or doesn't do it w/o trying to argue w/you, you put it away and tell her she has lost the opportunity to do it for that night. Tell her you will be sending me (teacher) an Email at the teacher's request letting her know DD refused to do homework that night and that the teacher said she will deal w/ it and DD will pay the consequence at school the next day. Although it is usually not recommended to take recess away from an ADHD child (because they need that time to release energy) I gave permission to use that as a punishment (and stay in to do homework from night before), BECAUSE...I knew recess was the only thing DD loved about school and it would never happend more than 1 or 2 times before she wised up and got her act together. Fortunately, once I started doing that at home, the battles quit and I never did have to send that Email. DD is very obedient at school and did not want her teacher to know she was giving me such a hard time at home. I guess this might only work if child is well-behaved (at school) and cares what teacher's think??
That teacher gave me so much support that year. You should talk to your son's teacher and see if she has any suggestions for you.
Best of luck. I admire your courage at getting out of your bad relationship. I know it must be extremely difficult for you, but you are putting you and your children's safety and well being first....Kudoo's to you!
MamaBear
Does your son have an IEP? You can address the homework issue. Does he have an LD problems? It's been a while. Maybe a new evaluation is a good idea to see what's going on. Talk to the SD.
I had a very difficult night with my 10yr old son. For some background he has ADHD and has been on medication since 1st grade. I know how many people feel about medication but I see the diffrence and so do his teachers when he is on it. I can't say I buy into all the food adversions and such for remedies. I am a single mom now with another son 4yrs old and one on the way. I am separated from my abusive husband and have recently made many changes in myself and in my life. I am trying to look at everything with new eyes and ending my marriage took wonderful support groups so I am here to try this. I find myself at the end of the day sad by the day my son and I had. I don't want it to be constant battles. When I split with my husband I brought him to counseling and we had a great summer together and tried many diffrent approaches to discipline. Now with school and homework beginning I found once again more hurdles with my son. The horror of the homework had begun and tonight the escapade went on for 2 1/2 hours until he finally went to bed with it unfinished!! I admit that I lose my temper and I am ashamed that I can't keep my patience but I can't take the constant crying and winning and complete unwillingless to even try. There is no way to get threw to him and I don't know what to do. I admit that I want to talk to the teacher and say after all day there is a limit to how much my son can do but when I see NO effort on his part the answer can't be just not to do it. I can't teach him that when something is difficult you just thow your hands in the air BUT what do I do??????? Please help me- I want life to be good with my son not a battle.Ok, first things first. DO NOT BE SO HARD ON YOUR SELF!!! We are our own worse critics. Take a breather and remember if you are well rested (mind body and spirit), you will be fine. You are in the right place. I'm adhd, 34 and have a 8 year old boy with sever adhd. My mom and i sat down over the weekend and just spoke about how she felt the same way you do when it came to home work. Looking back now, I can say there are a few things I know about studying with adhd. It is the total opposite way to do it. If what you are doing isn't working as well as you would like, try a different approach. kind of like a back door, so to say. With my son (though he is younger than your son), does better at home work when he stands than sits. if he fidgets, that is fine with me. i remember being trying to study. my mom would say, sit still over and over. I find with my son, if he fidgets, he is not focusing on sitting still. He is focusing on his studies. Sounds strange, but I've played with that idea with my son. And he does better if he is standing or laying down. Now, i'm not saying jumping or clapping, just try a different approach, if that doesn't work, try some thing different. You might want to sit down with him and ask how he feels and what works best for him. Then build up from there. Most adhd children feel so left out of the "loop" and need to have a feeling of control and giving him a bit of that might just be what he needs. Give him choices and work with him on finding what is best for him. Call his teachers and ask what they think and what they see that works in the class room. find a middle way to work with him, not on him. I know easier said than done. I hope this helps. keep posting.
[QUOTE=ogram]Ok, first things first. DO NOT BE SO HARD ON YOUR SELF!!! We are our own worse critics. Take a breather and remember if you are well rested (mind body and spirit), you will be fine. You are in the right place. I'm adhd, 34 and have a 8 year old boy with sever adhd. My mom and i sat down over the weekend and just spoke about how she felt the same way you do when it came to home work. Looking back now, I can say there are a few things I know about studying with adhd. It is the total opposite way to do it. If what you are doing isn't working as well as you would like, try a different approach. kind of like a back door, so to say. With my son (though he is younger than your son), does better at home work when he stands than sits. if he fidgets, that is fine with me. i remember being trying to study. my mom would say, sit still over and over. I find with my son, if he fidgets, he is not focusing on sitting still. He is focusing on his studies. Sounds strange, but I've played with that idea with my son. And he does better if he is standing or laying down. Now, i'm not saying jumping or clapping, just try a different approach, if that doesn't work, try some thing different. You might want to sit down with him and ask how he feels and what works best for him. Then build up from there. Most adhd children feel so left out of the "loop" and need to have a feeling of control and giving him a bit of that might just be what he needs. Give him choices and work with him on finding what is best for him. Call his teachers and ask what they think and what they see that works in the class room. find a middle way to work with him, not on him. I know easier said than done. I hope this helps. keep posting.[/QUOTE]
Ogram, your post just reminded me of my daughter! When I "drill" her on her spelling words, she is often down on the floor, feet over her head, doing "backward plows," bicycling her legs, etc. It does not seem to effect her performance a bit, but it really drives me nuts!
You poor thing you have alot on your plate so it's understandable you are having trouble coping with him right now. He might be acting out due to the seperation and jealousy of the pregnancy (even older ones get jealous) my 12 year old is disturbingly jealous of her 5 year old brother I think she also has a bit of ADD without the hyperactivity.
In the past I just sent my 12 year old to school without homework (and a call to the teacher) I wanted her to suffer the consequences of her actions and it helped since the teachers dissaproval of no homework. ALso now she's 12 and wants computer time...she gets NONE untill homework is done and approved by me. Same with my son, TV goes off and he gets nothing untill homework is done...if he battles me enough a note to the teacher goes in the bag explaining the truth why and he goes without. This also helped and he's in 1st grade. Trust me I got tired of screaming and begging for them to do homework before I did this and it only takes a few times before it clicks that mom will not baby me into doing homework and realize they need to be responsible if they don't want to be embarassed in school the next day.
Do you feel your son is just being difficult or that homework is too hard for him, after a full day of school? Many kids have modified or "no homework" in thier IEPs. You can do that. We personally didn't want to destroy our family life or our relationship with our son over homework wars, so we laid it out that homework would only be as much as our son could handle and, eventually, the IEP reflected changes. No way were we going to war every night. I'm not convinced your child is trying to be "bad." Many kids struggle just to sit through school for six hours. The added school hours of homework are just too much for some kids, especially those who are sensory sensitive, frustrated easily, or LD. Perhaps he should be tested further to see why he struggles. Sometimes just standing up or taking breaks (which can be helpful to some kids) is ineffective for others because, of course, all of our kids are different and not all kids raise cain over homework for the same reasons. It's worth it to try to find out what the problem is. I'm unconvinced that "he's lazy" covers it. That's simplistic. It's probably very hard for the precious little one, even if it drives you nutspammar38973.2058912037