Not medicating, looking for support | ADHD Information
Hi everyone, new here and we have decided at the time being not to medicate. We just got diagnosed this past summer by a psychologist, social worker and a child psychologist who specs in ADHD. The psychologist suggested meds, the social worker didn't and the child psych who specs in ADHD didn't really say one way or another, but told me to talk to our primary doctor more about it.
After much research, reading other stories and discussing it with my husband, we have decided against medicating and if left up to my husband, never. I am more on the fence and willing to try maybe sometime in the future but my husband is dead set against it. It is just too scary to think that he might get tics, problems sleeping, lose appetite and weight, get overly emotional when "coming down", get upset stomachs, feel dulled....those are all side effects I have heard other people say they have experienced while either on meds or finding the right one for their child. My son is healthy and happy right now, I can't imagine putting him through that!
I thought I found another board that I liked but I felt the pressure to medicate. One mother asked me "would you send your asthmatic to school without their inhaler?" Well, no, she could die. But my son isn't going to die from getting out of his seat or building a robot instead of making a pattern (both things he got in trouble for today). I just need to find a place where I won't feel pressured and I can make the decision in my own time wiht support and help from others.
Right now we are supposed to have a conference this week about his IEP. The teacher has been emailing with me so far but has been a little rough on his behavior from what my son is telling me, he is 6 but I have to question whether I am getting the full story on why he is getting his card flipped. They get color coded cards that are changed from color to color when they get in trouble. You start on blue, then changed to yellow-green-white-pink. White means no recess the next dayand call to parent and pink means principal. My son has been on green the past two days and we aren't happy about it. The last two years (4K and 5K) we struggled with the colored card system and it really hurts his self esteem because he says he is trying so hard and still gets his card changed.
Anyhow that is where we are at the time being and I hope that this board is a good match for us :)
What sorts of problems is he having?Most of his problems are in school and not as much at home. He can't sit still at carpet time, talking out of turn, getting out of his seat, talking too much, making noises, not wanting to do homework but he seems to do the work in school...those are the main ones. He's not acting out, hurting others or throwing regular temper tantrums (although he does get frustrated and has had meltdowns when he is trying but still gets his card changed). Everyone is also saying he is advanced is all the academic areas and I actually think he is reading on a second grade level instead of 1st because his reading is that good. I'm amazed each time I sit down to read with him. He was diagnosed as moderate ADHD by both psychologists.Your scenario sounds a lot like mine last year.
If I could go back in time, I would talk to the teacher about targeting one specific behavior and have his "card" relate only to that. He should be rewarded if he succeeds. I would ask her to use a non-verbal cue. If this did not work, I might make one more attempt. If it failed again, I would probably go to the principal stating that the teacher/child are a bad fit and I would like the principal to observe my child in class and then move him to another teacher who is more suitable. I say this because after struggling all year (and it was torture) with the teacher, I discovered when the year ended that the teacher did not like to use rewards in her class, and would not do it. Well, my son like most ADHDers, responds to rewards. This year, he was placed with a teacher who uses rewards. I have not been called or received a negative note. My son claims that he's gotten "good behavior" cards every day. The only explanation for this is that this teacher is a good fit for my son, and the teacher last year was not. He's not medicated now, nor was he last year.
You might want to spend an entire day in the classroom and check things out for yourself.
I am really considering the "entire day in class" thing with my son. He's with one teacher all day, except music and PE......I want to see if she is doing the reward thing like I asked. http://www.adhdnews.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=13546& PN=1
Here's a thread you should look at. It's from the alternatives board and is about a book about crawling. It sounds weird at first, but buy the book and read it.
About meds. In anything, "never say never." There are non-stimulants like Strattera on the market and my ds has just started on the patch. It's an even release system for Ritalin and we've gotten very good results. One of the benefits is that the dosage is lower than you'd have to use if you were taking pills. One thing I had to weigh when it came time to consider meds is how frustrated my ds got when he couldn't do something all the other kids were able to do. At times he even had the reputation for being the "bad kid" who nobody wanted to hang around with. As your ds progresses through school, you'll find that teachers are less and less likely to let behavior like his go. The have other kids to teach, not just yours. As kids get older, the academic stakes get higher as well.
Try also omega 3/fish oil. It often helps with behavior.
To runninonempty: I've had epilepsy, both siezures and petit mal, all my life and have done exhaustive research on it. There are diets that have been shown to help epilepsy, but nothing "cures" it. Many people outgrow it, some do not.
Another thing about the patch, if you take it off and try to re-apply it, it won't work. They are considering classifying it as a non-restricted med so docs can just call in scrips. It also can't be crushed or in any way converted into an abusable drug.
Oh thank goodness! Finally I don't feel so pressured or judged for our decision.....that attitude has made it harder and I thought I would find acceptance because they have been through it too. I told my husband that it's like we are in this huge crowd of strangers, we need help but have no idea who we can trust or befriend.
So to answer some questions....
The last psychologist throughly went through some of his behaviors to see if he thought he might have aspergers or something. His noises typically are like fighting noises or his own theme music for when he is fighting little figures with each other (or his fingers in class since he doesn't have the figures). He doesn't mimic or do OCD behaviors.
We are using a few different systems in home. At homework time, he gets 1 M&M for completing like one line of work or practicing one letter...whatever it might be. He probably gets about a handfull of M&M's when it all said and done with. That has helped a little with homework time because he gets to work for something and it's a fast reward. We are also doing marbles for his few chores he does each day and he is enjoying seeing his accomplishment in the jar. He has chosen to work towards a game that is coming out this fall but he is about half to his goal already.
In school, we have voiced our opinions the last two years that you don't sit out a child who could have adhd but they told us that they mainly needed a diagnosis before they could bend the rules for him. It wasn't really recess perse either, but he would have to sit out room playtime and sit at his desk....still not good who needs to move. And it's a school wide reward system, not a teachers. They basically start with 4 points each day and start on the color blue. When they get their card changed once then they lose 1 point, changed to the next color down, then another point.... I believe he should get to EARN the points instead of getting them from the beginning and then losing one. When he loses one and it changes colors he gets pretty ticked and upset because he feels he is trying hard.
We might have to ask about the seat thing...they have tried that before at carpet time but he ended up playing with it too much the teacher said.
He has had speech problems which is why we have an IEP but his speech problem is almost nonexistant now and they mainly keep doing speech so that he can work in the small class environment a few times a week.
His eating is horrible, I won't lie. He prefers the traditional bad kid foods. We have tried healthier foods, talking to him about fruits and veggies, we put them on his plate but he doesn't care if he goes without dinner or snacks. Doesn't phase him one bit. He will just continue not eating until he gets something he enjoys to eat and he is already a skinny kid! So we had given up only trying to give healthy food or bargaining with him by saying "if you eat this then we can have this later" None of that works and it just seems to turn into a dinner argument....
Hope I have answered questions for everyone. He is a happy and healthy child and that is the way we want to keep him even if he means some ripples in the school setting. I hope I am strong enough to let the school know that in no uncertain terms that we won't be bullied into medicating to make their job easier if this is the route they choose to take. We have to make the decision on our own and in our own time....
Oh and yes, I am up at 2 AM typing this due to I have been having problems sleeping. Right now I am also looking for a job, first time working in 7 years! So between my son and looking for a job, I am pretty stressed. I have had my doctor put me on Lexapro to help since it worked wonders in the past when I quit smoking but I just started it today. I think if I have my head on right then I can help Isiah better and be a better mommy. But I told my friend that I feel kinda hypocritical that I will do meds to function better but I won't let my son try them (not like he has a clue he has a choice). I just keep telling myself that we have to try other routes with Isiah before we go right for the meds because that would feel like we are getting the cart before the horse. It's not like he doesn't feel good, he feels great and is the happiest little guy at home and in school too, until he gets his card changed or starts feeling frustrated. I am hoping through our meeting that we can change this card system somehow without much of a fight from the school....
voxpopulli38973.011412037You might check out the Alternative and Complimentary Meds section of this board. Diet and behavior modifications are not the only options when it comes to trying to stay off meds. Some of us use supplements (Omegas, Magnesium, etc.) to help balance out the brain chemistry instead of using medication. There's lots of info on that section of the board. Welcome and I certainly don't think you are crazy for trying to keep your child off meds! We have successfully been able to do that so far![QUOTE=voxpopulli]He can't sit still at carpet time, talking out of turn, getting out of his seat, talking too much, making noises, not wanting to do homework but he seems to do the work in school...those are the main ones. He's not acting out, hurting others or throwing regular temper tantrums (although he does get frustrated and has had meltdowns when he is trying but still gets his card changed). Everyone is also saying he is advanced is all the academic areas and I actually think he is reading on a second grade level instead of 1st because his reading is that good. I'm amazed each time I sit down to read with him. He was diagnosed as moderate ADHD by both psychologists.[/QUOTE]
If he can't sit still, trying a disc o'seat. It's a seat/air cushion that allows slight movement in the body while sitting. It helps. My son uses one.
Use tangibles. Have the teacher use a talking cue (tennis ball; fidget) and the only person allowed to talk is the one with the object in hand.
or Give him some sort of chewy. Maybe it'll help him fight the urge of talking out of turn if he has something to chew on (tubing, coil necklace..)
What kind of noises is he making?
Also, it kind of sounds like he's not being challenged. Maybe he's speaking out of turn because he KNOWS all the answers.
[QUOTE]White means no recess the next dayand call to parent and pink means principal. [/QUOTE]
NEVER give a child with ADHD 'no recess'. It's cruel and it will not help with the problem at hand. Also, why are they waiting to give the consequences for the next day? They should be given them right after the undesired behaviour. Doesn't sound like his teacher knows what she's doing with regards to childhood behaviours.
voxpopulli.....My son is just like your son! Dillon just turned 7 in Aug and is in 1st grade, again. His reading has greatly improved this year, but his math is not so good, getting better. In class he talks too much, he's hyper, does not stay focused, etc. But there is no violence, and at home he is doing well with the marble system. It's made homework so much better and there is little to no defiance. His teacher is supposed to do a reward system for him at school too, hopefully it wil help. They do the turning card thing in his class too, Not so sure I like that idea. I told his teacher to focus on his good behavior, not the bad, and he will try and please her, hopefuly she will listen. I am not medicating Dillon either, I am going to wait, if it turns out he absolutley can not learn, I may try them, but I am doing all I can not to give him meds. The only avdice I can give you is read the marble system thread! It should work well with your son.Well wlecome to this site - i hope it works for you - i've been on and off here for a while and do like it alot (it doesnt show in my post #s b/c i forgot my log in - who is the one with ADHD at my house?)
Anyway - I tried meds and they didnt work for my son - but going without is tough, it takes alot of patience, sometimes accomodations at school, and a lot of hardwork for the whole family My son is Hyper, makes noises, fidgets and generally is just BUSY some part of him always has ot be moving - we worked with the school to find non-traditional reward/consequence systems and it has helped his self-esteem. Good luck with your IEP.
i wish you the best, it wont be easy but you can vent here if needed!
Did he ever had any odd, quirky behavior, speech delays, or social deficits? Have you considered a NeuroPsych exam to figure out exactly what's going on. Psycologists are very prone to diagnosing wrong. Not saying he doesn't have ADHD, but he could have a mimicker and Neuropsychs will test to find out. Does he ever echo what he hears on television or what you say? Do you find him a kind of quirky kid or is he pretty much a typical kid with a poor attention span?I thin you're smart not to medicate yet. Often the ADHD diagnosis turns out to be wrong and then the poor kid was on stimulants and he didn't need them. Plus there are school accomodations.
Hello my son is 5 and we've known about his ADHD since he could walk LOL seriously he was diagnosed at 4 but I always knew since he was always on hyperdrive he also has sensory issues. I applaud you for not jumping into meds. Personally I tried Ritalin for 2 weeks only 5 Milligrams and all my son did was cry and he lost his smile and spirit. I'm not saying all meds do that but it scared me into not doing it again soon. Anyway recently I finally hit the library and RESEARCHED all alternative meds, reasons why people think food is the reason for many developmental issues etc...and found it interesting. He's not on any diet I just use common sense and got rid of the garbage in my house. It's not easy ESPECIALLY when your child is accostumed to having what he enjoys. When you see your child daily you don't really realize the impact of the diet since it's a slow improvement but tonight was my daughter's birthday and he was allowed cake for the special occassion and all I can say is OMG!!!! The behaviors came back in seconds of eating the cake...hitting his sister, impatient, throwing things when not getting his way, impulsive etc...after he got punished and calmed down he and I chatted and he said "what about Halloween" LOL (too cute that he thinks of these things) I told him special times call for special treats but not everyday so I won't be a stickler for it but I do like the results we have had so far. I will just replace what he enjoys with healthy alternatives and lay off for birthdays and holidays.
Anyway my point is don't every rush into anything without an open educated mind I know meds can be a vital tool for some children and for others just diet and therapy does the trick but I am glad I took the diet way I am falling in love with my son again
OH and to add the woman on the other board who compared Asthma to taking ADHD drugs, if she did her research there are studies where children were cured of various diseases including Asthma and Epilepsy from a diet and doing things in the home for the child. It takes research, and someone who is determined enough to follow it strictly with monitoring from a doctor but it has been heard of. And nobody should judge your choices you are trying to do what you can with your childs best interest at heart. So continue what you are doing and don't do anything without enough knowledge and pray for the best
my son is 4 and we also are holding off the medicating,here in scotland the doc won't medicate until 6 anyway and even if he did,i like you would rather wait,if he needs it when he starts school,then be it,but until then,we will try everythingelse.
i will only say this about medication,althought there is side effects possible,you could have none,i am on concerta for my ADD with no problems except loss of appetite to start with.but like i said i am with you for not medicating my son yet.
we are trying homeopathy,massage therapy,behavioral therapy,play therapy.
i hope you don't mind me saying but is it M&M's the sweeties you are giving him?if yes you should try ogram's marble system,it would be so much better,sweets are not very good ,especially this ones,full of colorants and preservatives.
you need to be more consistant also with the change in his eating as it will benefit him,it is going to be a struggle to start with.rewards for good behavior are the key ,not bribing or negotiating especially for an ADHD child.
Ok, sounds like you're doing all you can. Be aware that, even with improved speech, one day you may re-visit Aspergers when another professional evaluates him or he gets older and other stuff comes out. Keep an eye on him, and don't rush to medicate. It isn't a quick fix for anything. Just keep up the school interventions. I am always amazed when people think if you "Just up the Concerta" all will be well. Meds alone are never the answer to any disorder. Some kids react worse to meds than off of them, and stims an cause aggression and are abused by teens (my 22 year old abused them during her teen years--she put them in a pillcrusher and snorted them--very popular abused drug). Since then, I've been "iffy" on stims, since she got them mostly from kids who had alleged ADHD. Granted, the kids weren't taking them as directed, but teens are prone to being rebellious (I've raised three!) I do think this particular child has ADHD--maybe that's why she abused them. Not sure. At any rate, aggressive interventions are your best line of defense, usually received from school. If he starts being "quirky" or has poor social skills I'd take him to a NeuroPsych to test him for ADHD and beyond. Don't take the word of parents here. See the Big Guns (psycologists without the neuros often don't know much beyond behavioral mod). Good luck! pammar38973.1482986111
Susieb--I don't think I said never, my husband did but at this time I agree no medication because there are so many other things we can try first. My husband needs time to adjust and learn more. I knew about the patch and I have heard that it causes tics in some kids, that it takes up to three hours to wear off and may not enter the blood stream as fast as a pill would. Again, none of it sounds good to me and that is why at the time, we are not ready to do medication.
Fortunately as Isiah gets older he will learn more about all this and can start forming his own opinion about medication. Right now he is just too young to help in those decisions. If a teacher gets less patient and not willing to work with us then we will cross that path when we reach it. For right now though, we have a meeting set up for Friday.
Welcome to the board! I think you will find a balanced view on this website. For many of us, medication has been a lifesaver. For others, it just didn't work out. For others, it was a complete disaster.
My son is 13 (gifted + ADHD Primary Inattentive, Dysthymia (low grade depression), and generalized anxiety)... so I am quite a bit futher down the parenting path. At your son's age.......we too vowed to try all approaches without medicating. Unfortunately.....by age 9....our son was in a complete crisis, even with all the proactive therapies and non-med approaches we were taking. His out-of-control anxiety was taking the form of constant anger (non destructive anger), saddness, zero self esteem, social withdrawl, constant crying, oversensitivity, and suicidal ideation (non-specific). In 4th grade at age 9, we reluctantly tried antidepressants.....and it really helped him emotion wise. It, of course, did nothing for the inattentive ADHD issues. We reluctantly started stimulant trials in 5th grade. It immediately helped him. Unfortunately, the social problems my son had accumulated from 1st grade thru 5th could not be undone......and he still struggles socially today. Right now we treat my son with a combination of medication, cognitive behavioral therapy, school support (IEP), and Omega 3/Melatonin supplements. In addition, I am in therapy MYSELF to better understand how to best diffuse the power struggles I sometimes get into with my son.
I tell you this story NOT to try and pressure you into medicating your child. I think the cautious approach you are taking is VERY wise. This is a BIG decision. What I do, however, ask you to do is keep an open mind about medication. It sounds like you have an open mind. That's great. Remember.....what works for one child, may not fit another child. That holds true for any therapy and/or medication you read about on this site. Some experts feel the best approach is what is called the multi-modal approach to treatment.... therapy, school support (IEP/504), parental training, medication (for some, not for some), and the consideration of alternative approaches such as vitamin supplements, diet, neurofeedback, etc. Don't pin all your hopes on just ONE approach. There is NO magic therapy or pill or diet.
Good luck on your beginning journey with your child. Stay on the boards. You will read things that will offend you sometimes, but by and large, you will get great ideas and support here! Okiemom
okiemom38973.4572800926Thanks for taking up for me Dillon, I felt the same as you did about her post and that is why I'm no longer responding to it. I could understand her attitude if I really was sitting on my hands but she hasn't the first clue what I am doing, what I am reading, who I am talking to, what appointments we have done or continue to make. I know what I am going to do though...not jump into a decision that I am not comfortable with because some stranger thinks I should.
I always maintained from the beginning that I was open minded about meds but I am not going to put the cart before the horse. It sounds like you are on the same page as me and hopefully we can share our experinces with each other. Who knows, by the end of the year Isiah might be trying meds but right now I am making my own decisions and not being swayed by heated debates. I just graduated with a double major in human services and psychology so I have some background on this topic not just from my latest experiences from my own son. I'm by no means saying I am an expert but I am also not a "noob".
The latest update is that we have an "intervention meeting" on Friday morning with the school psychologist, his two teachers, principal and both of us. We went to open house tonight and the whole staff seems pretty supportive of us but we will see how this year progresses and how Isiah does once the newness of school wears off.
Thank you all for your support and sharing your stories with me! I hope that I can continue to learn from you guys and share my experinces with you 
Another thing I've noticed is that dads refuse medication and then it's the moms who read and research and bring up the subject of alternatives. They're the ones that scurry around and get the vitamins and fish oil and start the regimen. Doesn't anyone else get fed up with the sexism of this? I'm not a rabid feminist, but this makes my blood boil! The idea that one has the right to forbid a treatment but has no responsibility for coming up with answers.
Lord, I'm still waiting for the post that begins "dh wants to give him meds, but I'm totally against it."I'm sorry I came across the way I did. It often takes two or three posts before I manage to communicate effectively.
Full disclosure: I give my son 40 mg of Strattera and 30mgs Ritalin (patch) daily. It's what works for us!
She said she was open to the idea of meds down the road, and I'm sure if her and her husband talk, he will understand if the child truely NEEDS meds. Don't want to get flamed here, just sounds like you are forcing meds at her right now. Thyat's not what she wants, and I know how she feels.
Her child is alot like mine, they are not self destructive or hurting any one else. And....they are still very young, and boys, they might mature with a little time. Not like they are going to commit suicide or kill anyone right now.
What about all the talk of high suicidal rate of people taking ADHD meds? I hear that all the time. And about the depression.....danmed if ya do, damned if ya don't.
Sorry if I stepped out of line here, I am no expert, just learning too, and new to this board. But I have the same feelings about whether to medicate or not at this point, so I can understand.
No, I'm not forcing meds on her. I was the one who provided the link for Anni's thread about crawling. Have you looked at that thread, vox? I'm calling her on abiding with her husband's decision when her son is obviously having problems. The problems will only get worse and I'll bet that the phone number the teacher calls is mom's not dad's. I lived with an "absolutely no meds" dh and it took a lot of tears and arguments before he saw that maybe his decision suited him more than it suited our son. My dh tried all the arguments on me: add is over-diagnosed, he's just not being challenged, ritalin is over prescribed, ritalin has bad side-effects, all medicating will do for him is put money in the pharma companies' pocket. None of these arguments addressed ds's problems. They all had to do with my dh's inability or unwillingness to accept that his son had a problem. I did all the leg-work to get a dx and took ds to the pdoc to get a prescription. You know what ds the first day he took meds? I picked him up at school and he got in the car and said "I like myself so much better on these pills." Before this, I would have described my ds to anyone as a happy kid. Now I really wonder how happy he was before we got the dx and started treatment. Fortunately, dh is now on board 100%.You're not going to medicate your child, fine. But you need to have valid reasons for doing so. "Ritalin can have bad side-effects" is not one of them. "Ritalin has bad side-effects on my son" is. "We don't want to medicate our son" is not a reason. "Alternative treatments are working" is. The deal here is not what you want to do in an ideal world. The deal is doing what works in the real world.
And there is not a "high-suicide rate" among those who take meds. Dillonsmom, you make it sound like ADDers are jumping out of windows everyday. Read the permanent thread about the Strattera warning and you'll get an idea of the scale of the problem. In no way is it "high." The problem is also among people who had already had problems with depression and suicidal-ideation. That doesn't sound like a problem here.
Sorry if it sounded like I tought all ADDers where suicidal, did not mean to sound that way at all. Like I said, I am new to researching all this, there is alot to learn. We all have our opinions on meds, I'm the type that only takes Aleve when I have cramps, I use homeopathy for everything else. I would be willing to try Dillon on meds, if it would help him focus and make school work a little easier on him, that would be great. But like I said, I am going to wait a little longer, see how things go this next school quarter. My kid can function and is happy, so I am not sitting on my hands right now, I am reading, and trying many different things to help him, if I see it does not work at all, I will go the distance to help him.
I am going to have a battle with my husband too......he is 100% agaist medicating Dillon in any way, shape and form. I have already had BIG arguments with him just explaining how it might help Dillon, he won't hear it. He's the type that has been ADHD his whole life, but you could not tell him he is, I can see it clear as day, but if I said he is, OMG, he would jump through the roof. He just does not understand what it is, even if I could explain it too him, his attention span is so small, he would not get it, it takes him a while to get a joke! He turned out to be a successful man, good hard worker, makes good money, and is very smart in a lot of areas. But he has taken tests and failed many times, he can not read and retain. Anyway....my mind goes in 100 different directions and I get off track, sorry. Susieb, hope you wil forgive me, just sounded like you where jumping on her and I felt bad because she came on this board hoping that would not happen, sorry if I mis-read your post....forgiven
Some meds cause side effects in some kids, but you know what? Some meds are beneficial to kids without causing side effects. You do your child a disservice by not exploring all options. My ds has been taking meds for 5 years and any time he had a side effect, we took him off the med. Maybe that med wasn't right for him, but we continued to try to find the right one.
Just as there are horror stories about med side-effects there are horror stories about non-medicated adhders. Remember Kurt Cobain? He was ADHD and wound up self-medicating because, as he put it he "felt like I had a hole in my gut." Eventually he killed himself. Those stories are legion because self-medicating is a big problem, especially with teens. Go to the adults with adhd board and ask for a show of hands on how many wished their parents had medicated them earlier.
Just as you get tired of the "give him meds" people, I get tired of the "meds are evil" people. The important thing isn't whether or not you use meds, it's whether or not the kid can function and is happy. And I disagree with pammar. There's always something more you can do. Now's not the time to sit on your hands and not do anything.
One nice thing about holding off on meds, while educating yourself on ADHD and the treatment options is that you will not find yourself second guessing starting meds if you ever feel you need to. When the symptoms are not awful, you have time to work on behavior modification and alternatives (and just plain maturation with time). Then if a time comes that you decide that you need to try meds, it will be a bit easier to go through finding the right med and optimization. You will find lots of information on the different ways others are handling ADHD with thier kids at this site, as well as support while you go through your journey through ADHD. Good luck.
Did he have an iq test in his evauation? Our school won't test for the gifted classes unless a parent requests they be tests. Since his reading is very good he may be gifted or advanced and being bored in class will just get him in trouble - I know I've been there! My daughter is ADHD and gifted and has a combined IEP to cover both. We tried meds but didn't like the results. We are now using Omegas and a token system similar to the marble system and have cut out the junk food. Its a rough road but well worth it. Good luck and hang in there!