new here | ADHD Information

Hello and welcome!  You've found the right place for support.  I have a dd in 2nd grade.  She had to go on Strattera last October, added stimulants in May.  I'm glad your daughter is doing well academically.  That's a blessing, believe me!  Is your main concern her social abilities?  The best way to improve social skills is practice.  You can have her be involved in activities that provide more social outlets such as scouting, church groups, or sports teams.  You can provide subtle coaching to her to help her deal with social situations.  There are also social groups provide by psychologists, for example, to help with social skills.

her grades so far have been average or above average...with her specialty being spelling.  she started a new school last year and their math is "different" than what she was used to, so that was an adjustment, but she did fine.  sometimes i question her comprehension ability...but we did some workbook stuff this summer and she seemed fine.  she *fights* doing homework a bit...which isn't fun.  she pretends to not know how to do things at times:( when she actually knows how to do it. 

she is more on the immature side for her age, she has had difficulty with girls, particularly groups of girls, she does better one on one.  she is very social though, so she does seem to always find someone to play with...i just worry about the fact that i'd like her to form a great bond with one or two girls and i'm not sure how capable she is of doing that.  she gets invited to a few birthday parties a year...and my son gets invited to at least 20+...he's well liked by everyone....so it's hard to not compare as a mother...eeccckkkk!  she is a happy girl...or appears to be on the outside...but she does make negative comments at times about herself.  she is self absorbed, as most ADHD persons, she doesn't see things from others point of view, she lacks empathy, she cheats at games if she gets a chance, she lies a bit, and is arguementative too.  she butts into conversations, she walks ahead on an outing, and does seem to have dificulty focusing AT TIMES.  last year the only flag on her report card was in following directions.  she got a 2 instead of a 3;which was below average. 

she has a teacher this year that seems to follow up on things better, so hopefully that will be good.  i've been emailing the teacher too, once last week and once this week already. we haven't told her teacher that we *think* she's ADHD yet...

this years teacher has the kids in desks in a shape like a rectangle...shee is used to rows with nobody directly next to her, so this is something that she will have to adapt to.  my guess is that she is already being more chatty this year:(  over the summer she did start chatting more...or making constant noises with her mouth... 

she has/is involved with soccer, dance, gymnastics, and swimming.  we decided to let go of girl scouts...just too much on her/my plate!  last year she did well in dance, this past week she seemed bored and distracted:(  soccer she doesn't do well at, but she is having fun!!!!!  girl scouts was held right after school and that seemed hard for her last year...that was another factor in quitting that. i/we just keep plugging away to find something that she's good at to keep her self esteem up as much as we can.  i have the mommy guilts for the years that have passed where we have nagged and yelled a bit for her to get ready for school or ready for bed, etc...she probably couldn't help it.

today she didn't get up and get ready in time for the bus...and my son did!  he said calmly on the way to school in the van "i prefer taking the bus, over being driven to school"...it breaks my heart that he doesn't get to choose, she does to some extent.  i've decided to wake them up in time to make the bus...but i'm not going to nag, if they make the bus...great, and if not...i'll drive them.  but, i do feel sorry for my son....but the mornings are going better because i'm not nagging as much:)

she truly is a fun girl...full of enery...and a free spirit.  i like the fact that she'll play with anyone...and she doesn't seem to have the clicky girl personality, but i hope that she starts to want more friends...and i hope that she starts to get more competitive in something.  but, then again...she probably is trying more that i ever have imagined/noticed...and that makes me sad too! 

i'm working on the social coaching at home a bit more now.  i'm trying to help her read people a bit better.  but, i realize that this is probably always going to be a process:) 

i need to check into how/if we can switch her back to our other insurance plan...i wanted to give focus a few weeks also.  i guess i don't know which way to turn YET...pediatrician, school social worker?...a diagnostic center...

she seems relieved to know...i sat down with her at barnes and nobles and we went thru some of the symptoms, etc and she agreed that she had all of them.  we talked and talked...she cried at first...but then turned around and seemed happy to know that i/we *get it*..she truly has been trying and she can't control herself sometimes.  she is willingly taking the focus so far. 

okay...i wrote a novel:) sorry!

shelley    

 

 

 

 

Shelly,

 You could be writing about my own 9 year old daughter!! She's always been  a spirited, out of the box kind of kid and very bright. While she struggled with school here and there (mainly socially), no teacher ever flagged her as ADHD. Her pediatrician did, though, a couple of years ago. (We just recently got an official dx.) The peditrician thinks that she's done so well in school SO FAR because she's gotten by on her high intelligence. The social issue, though, is really beginning to catch up with her. My daughter doesn't do the clicky-girl thing either but really doesn't seem to "get" girls her own age. She gravitates towards older or younger kids and does better, in general, with boys instead of girls. And all of these things cause problems in school and with self-esteem.

We've been worried about the socializiation/finding other girls to be friends with thing, too. But over the years, everything she's tried - soccer, singing and dancing, gymnastics, acting classes - didn't go very well. The classes were too over stimulating or something. But my daughter has recently taken up marital arts and WOW, what a god-send! She's in constant motion and with kids who are all ages (and plenty of boys to hang out with). Her confidence and focus in class are amazing. I just thought I'd throw out the suggestion. I hear a lot of ADHD kids do well in martial arts classes.

As far as your daughter's reaction, I can so relate. We've been upfront about things with my daugher and I think it's the best thing for her. It's empowering for her to finally have a name for what she's known/experienced all her life. We've told her that her brain just works differently (faster) and there's nothing wrong with that but things may be more challenging. We've also been crystal clear that she is 100% responsible for her actions and that she will have to deal with the consequences; in other words, she knows her ADHD does not get her out of anything.

Anyway, just wanted to say welcome and good luck from one mom of a 9 year old ADHD girl to another!




HeyBoo38975.5156828704

thanks for everyones replies...and comments.  i am totally type A...anal...and organized, and hard on myself and my kids.  my house is 100% structured...and my kids are disciplined. 

as far as the bussing is concerned and i thank you for your comments...we chose to go out of district and i need to drive my kids do the bus stop 1/2 a mile away.  therefore, i cannot leave my other child home alone while i drive the other to the stop...make sense?  my other concern is that i truly would prefer NOT to have my kids ride the bus in the morning...it's a very long ride-almost a full hour, a loud stimulating ride...and everything i've read on ADD/ADHD says that this is hard on kids.  i figure if i drive them they each get another half an hour of sleep, no nagging or yelling on my part...and my daughter goes to school unstimulated...almost a win/win situation for all of us.  my daughter does put her clothes out in the morning and her bag is all ready to go...homework all ready, etc.

i do let both kids ride the bus home in the afternoon...it's a short ride:) they are the first drop in the afternoon since they are the first in the morning.  i do like that they get a chance to socialize on the bus...

i do sympathize with my son- of course...he truly loves the bus.  my husband heads to work well before the bus route begins:( 

i will start up some behavior management charts this month in several areas...but i know i can't handle all the areas at once:) :) :) :)  i would definitely like homework to go smoother at night...and i'd like to tackle a few of her social issues too...

we keep telling our daughter that this is no excuse, she just needs to try harder at everything:) but, she knows that it's not her fault now...which is good:) 

and heyboo...sounds like we are in the same boat:) i ran into a woman at school here that teaches marital arts class specifically for ADD/ADHD kids, we might have to check that out:)

shelley

 

has any of her teachers ever said to you about any problems that she was expencing at school, because i would discuss it with them first just to get there opions on your daughters behaviour at school, sorry i cant offer anything else the system in america is a lot diferant than in britain i see childrens behaviour all the time i think show some adhd sytems even down to my youngest brother in law,

but though he did well at school is very bright hes not a go getter he doesnt want to push for a better job or go out and meet the right girlfriend, but hes never been labled add/adhd its only mine and my husbands way of thinking that sometimes his behaviour is very like my sons,

i also belive some add/adhd sufering runs in familys i see a lot of things in reading these poststhat i belive are myself but because the britain looks at add/adhd i dont know if they would help me medicaly, though i have asked for a proper evaloutation of my daughter,

maybe talking to your family docyor might be of some help they might be able to help you decide the best route,

again sorry i cant be much help

Shelley,
I have a daughter(19) with ADD who just started college,  and a son(almost 16) with ADD in 10th grade,  and a son(14)with ADHD in 8th grade,  and a son(6) without ADD/ADHD. My daughter decide in 10th grade that it was getting too hard for her to focus unaided and went on dexedrine during school. My second child is not on medication, and my third is.  My children have always done very well in school  as far as grades and school work. They are very bright and in honors classes. My 14 yr old is testing off the charts in all subject except language arts, and he was asked to take the SAT's as a 7th grader because of it, and he won an award for his scores on it. He however, can't get out of his own way socially, can't read body languge or see the signals people give that they are getting annoyed, he doesn't see it until, quite literally sometimes, it hits him in the face.  His organizational skills are practically non existant. We are constantly working on this. I know what you are going through.

When you start talking about your getting ready for school issues I would ask you why you don't have consequences for your daughter. I may be mistaken, but it sounds a little like you are letting her use that as an excuse. I know there are things they can't help, but if she can't get ready in time, she needs tools to learn how to. It is an important life skill we are talking about. I would start by making sure she sets out her clothes the night before, and had her bookbag and whatever she needs for school ready, and then get her up as early as necessary. She has to take responsibility for dealing with her ADD and how it affects her life. I use a timer here. When you get up and go in for a bath or shower, you get ten minutes on the timer, they can see the timer and know how much time they have left, when your time is up, your'e out, on to the next project, teeth? breakfast? make a chart if she needs it, have her set her timer and when it goes off move on to the next task, checking that one off the list. Why can't your son still ride the bus? You may be used to them riding together, but when your daughter was 7 she didn't have an older sibling to ride with her did she? You can still put your son on the bus, and take her when you are ready. He shouldn't be punished for her actions, that will breed resentment.  You might decide she needs more of a consequence, for example if she misses the bus from not following her schedule, maybe she can't play video games that afternoon, or watch tv, whatever. ADD kids need structure and discipline even more than kids without ADD. I know you don't want to punish her for what she can't help, but she can help the things you are talking about with the right tools, and she needs to be made aware that she may have ADD but that doesn't give her an excuse for not behaving or whatever, it means she has a responsibility to find out how she works and what she needs in order to get done what she needs to get done.  There are many creative ways to deal with the problems from ADD. It is a very hard job for both parent and child, I know.  Having a reward insentive and punishment consequence for things helps a great deal. The more structure you can provide the better. You will have to remind and possibly nag, it's part of the job usually, but charts and check lists help take the burden off you, and give the child responsibility for their own actions. They need to know in advance what will happen if they do not follow through, use their tools and get their jobs done.  Also a small reward for getting it done is good, be it stickers or extra time on the computer or whatever, maybe a sticker for each day she gets on the bus and so many stickers earns her,  something..? Positive reinforcement is also very important. There is no magic pill, or way to make it work. It is trial and error, you figure out what works for you and your family as you go. Read  a ton, get ideas, and let your daughter help choose which things will help her meet her responsibilities. Any of the things you mentioned, doctor, therapy, diagnostic center, all great places to start. Get all the help you can. Social issues are a big problem for my 14 yr old with ADHD as well,  and it breaks your heart as a parent, especially with the other kids not having that trouble.  I hope I do not sound judgemental, I am  not trying to, I want to encourage you. It is not easy no matter what you do.

i am a mom of a dd that has not officially been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD, but i've enjoyed reading all the posts on this site.  i had pre-eclampsia severe with my daughter when i was pregnant and i went into HEELP syndrome and almost seized on the OR table.  my husband remembers my OB talking to us about the chances of our dd having ADHD or similar problems because of her traumatic birth and last trimester, ie. i was on bedrest for well over a month and she was a 4 pounder. 

i'ver read about 8 books in the ADD/ADHD field and i'm 99.9% sure that she has it.  we always thought that she was *spiritied*...but now i know better, she fits pretty much all of the catagories/symptons of ADHD. 

school has not flagged her YET...she is a smart girl.  academically smart...not socially smart.  she is in 4th grade right now.  i just don't know which direction to turn..unfortunately we just switched from a medica insurance plan where mental health and all would be covered to another medica plan where it isn't covered:(  go figure, right?!?!?!?  my husband is self employed and the kids are older and not in all the time to see the pediatrician, etc so we decided to make the application WELL BEFORE i read the books:( 

now... i have plenty of friends with kids with ADHD...all boys though.  so if anyone has advice regarding girls i'd love to hear it, my dd is 9 years old. 

we're being careful right now and not going to the pediatrician, we don't want her flagged as ADHD YET.  we might want to switch back to our old indurance plan or do something so that diagnostic testing, etc is covered in the future.  as far as school is concerned...she's done well the K-3rd year, although i didn't think she had the best, accurate teacher last year and she might have *slipped* threw the cracks a bit.  she's bright...but she tests a teacher a bit:)

many of my friends tried ritalin and adderral without suffering thru the side effects on their boys/children...so even without a formal diagnosis i ordered focus and brightspark after reading the testimonials and listening to friends.  we started my dd on focus last wednesday and so far i haven't seen any positive results.  maybe we'll add the brightspark next week?  since she hadn't been on a previous meds prior the natural remedies person on the phone suggested just starting with focus first. 

my dd is a sugar lover...she craves sugar.  and it seems to affect her so i've cut that out for the most part.  i'm also trying to add the healthy smoothies and protein meat for breakfast, etc.  altering the diet a bit, even though in all honesty i thought she was a good eater prior.

anyways...i just thought i'd say hi.  and share my story with you.  i'm not sure whether to start up the whole topic at school or go for a diagnostic testing right off the bat with a specialist.  with or without insurance paying for it. 

i have a son who is 7 also, no ADD or ADHD symptoms, but a normal pregnancy for the most part:) 

thanks for listening:)

shelley

 

 

 

 

I don't see anything wrong in girls getting along better with boys or vice versa, as a child I always found boys easier to get on with the girls were, they seemed to listen better and talk rather then scurrying in groups giggling/gossiping about things that really didn't interest me at the time anyway. (I don't have ADHD). I think that side of things depends on the type of person we get on with better as well as any medical problems.

As for ADHD running in familys, I've read it does, and my nephew has it as well as my son... Though my nephew is very intelligent and has made it to grammar school, my son has multiple problems with his and doesn't really manage in mainstream schooling.. I'm trying to push to get him into a special school and it's totally heartbreaking to watch him struggle.

Anyway welcome hun - from one newbie to another

Louise

Add is definately genetic.

Shelley, yes that does make sense about the bus. The bus is a problem for many ADD kids, many kids period. If not riding the bus works for you that's great. The way you explained it the second time makes it sound like your son will not be able to resent your daughter for it, it is your decision, and that is good. I didn't mean to sound critical, more of a sound board of ideas. I didn't mean to imply that your kids were not diciplined, I meant to tell you how I have handled a similar problem, and share ideas. I'm sure you already use positive reinforcement as well, it's kind of a mom thing , and you sound like a wonderful concerned mother, and that is what will make the difference in her life more than anything else.  It sounds like you are already doing everything that I had thought of, to try to make your morning easier. Nobody can do it all, at once or otherwise, and I'm sure you are harder on yourself than you need to be, all us worried mom's usually are. Tackle one thing at a time as you can. One day at a time is many times too long around here, sometimes I have to take it one hour at a time or minute by minute. We are far from structured as we should be here. We try awfully hard, (and when I say we I mean me and the kids, I am a single mom) but we have me ADD and three teens ADD or ADHD, and my six year old has special needs, he has an expressive language disorder that they can't find a reason for. They have eliminated many possibilities, I can tell you what he doesn't have, but not what he does. He is a sweet quiet boy and he can't talk or at least not very much, and he has a tremor and some poor muscle tone. He is not autistic, not mentally retarded, he does not have any number of neuromuscular things wrong, the list goes on like that. Many tests and doctors and specialists over the years of his life,  and therapy-physical, occupational, and speech, but no answers. Anyway he is the only one not ADD, and it is amazing to me, I had never had such a calm child. The teens are always needing to go and do something, sports, work, school things, friends, library...it's hard to be structered at all when our schedule changes as fast as it does. Your daughter is lucky to have you in her corner. She will need all the encouragement and positive reinforcement you can muster, ADD can be very hard on a young(or old) ego/psyche. I am a newbie here too. I recently went looking for something like this because of the stress of dealing with my ADHD son and my worries and concerns about him.  Even if we knew it all(HAH) it would still be hard, because we have to deal with ADD all the time, dealing with everything that goes with it.  Hang in there.
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