why won’t my son listen? | ADHD Information

When my daughter talks back to me she loses privilages and has the choice to earn them back by doing a special chore I assign and she decides  how long punishment lasts or by showing me good behavior and I decide when the privilage comes back.  I like trying to give her choices with positive outcomes.Having trouble with my son. He is 8. And he won't listen and he talks back to me all the time. He gives me no respect. If i would of talked to my parents the way he talks to me. I would of been slapped into the wall. He tells me it scares him when i yell. I said the only way you will stop is if i yell at you. My stress level is over the top. When i tell his father that i am going to send this kid to military school. He tells me yeah right. We are divorced. And i have my son 90% of the time. I work 11 1/2 hours a day. I am tired. And then i come home, Do homework and make sure my son gets in the shower. I get np child support. I support my son on my own. And i am the one my son thinks is the mean one. Its not fair i do everthing i can for my son. We are going to Disney World in Nov. His dad could never take him to a place like that. I saved up enough money on my own to do something special for my son. I ground him. I take things away from him. But he has never listen to me or he doesn't understand the word NO!. Any advice. Thanks NerakWhat are you two arguing about?It's possible that he's angry about the divorce and is feeling defiant.  Talking about it may help.

When it comes to backtalk, have you ever washed his mouth out with soap?  With my ds, you have to get his attention and that does it.  If something unpleasant comes out of his mouth, I assume a good dose of soap suds will clean it up.  It's good for curse words, but I've used it for sass before. 

I'm hard on my son.  I have high expectations and with some help and discipline and meds, he's met most of them.  As is the case with every parent here, there is no one else in the world that I love more and he knows it.  When he was 3, a friend of my mother's spent the afternoon with dh, ds and me.  Before she left she said "that little boy sure does know that he's loved!"  I think that's been part of the reason for his success.
I have found if I yell, my son's behavior escalates.  It is very hard for me not to yell, so I almost try to whisper.  One thing I have had to realize is life is not fair.  I work my tail off so my son can have meds (even though we haven't found a good one) and go to the doctor.  All he does is complain about going to docs, getting blood draws, and taking pills.  I have had to realize that since my son is only 8, and all the above sucks for him.  He does not realize how lucky he is to have access this stuff.  also remember that ADHD and similar kinds of kids mature much more slowly than other kids.  I have heard that the difference can be as much as 2 years.

It takes two to argue. When he talks back send him to his room. After 8 minutes, talk with him about your expectations and if he talks back, walk away and tell him you'll be back when he's ready to listen. Go back .. if he back talks again, leave the room without saying a word. Keep doing that until he listens. Eventually you won't have to talk about the expectations because he'll understand why he was sent to his room. When his time is up HE'S to talk with YOU with an apology.

I'm dealing with this right now too.

I am a single mom and my son and I have fought our way through his first
six years. He is intellectually quite advanced, but crazymom is right, he is
definitely socially behind. It is like arguing with the logic of an eight-
year-old but the emotions and behavior of a four-year-old. This sounds
wierd, but the way that I think about it is, he will be an adult longer than
he will be a child, and I couldn't live with myself in 20 or 30 years if I
hadn't done everything that I could to put him on the right path. He WILL
be respectful, he WILL learn to persevere, he WILL learn to take pride in
his efforts, he WILL be responsible and aware of the choices he makes. I
guess I would rather he hate me now, that I hate myself later.

ONE thing that I have noticed with my son... the times that we have the
most fun are the low-key Saturday afternoons, not the big trips. Sitting in
a field at the end of the runway watching airplanes take off and land is a
treat from beginning to end; the three day camping trip to Santa Cruz was
mostly high-anxiety hell, with about four magical hours total. It is
probably easier for me to say this with a 5 year old who doesn't know
what Disneyland is. When I make a decision about something my daughter wants or when I ask her to do something & she starts whining, complaining & drawing me into an argument, I stop myself. I tell her "heres my decision & heres why" (telling her the decision & reason) & then I say "end of discussion". She can whine, argue & cajole all she wants after that but I will not respond. Believe me, at first it was AWFUL! She got louder & louder screaming "PLEASE" & trying every tactic she could think of, but once she realized I wasn't getting sucked into the arguments, it has gotten better.