My son was doing well in school last week (first grade), earning high points on his daily behavior sheet. Then he and his sister had visitation with their day last weekend. Well, one weekend day anyway -- he was so busy getting furniture for his new apt. (we're newly separated) that he spent Saturday taking the kids along on that adventure, then didn't make it out to pick them up on Sunday. The kids were difficult Sunday, as they usually are after a visit. I spend the week "debriefing" them. So my son, who's obviously missing Dad, starts talking about his father in therapy on Monday and begins a meltdown. He tried to calm himself down a few times but became upset when he started talking about his father again.
Then he became more clingy in school, crying a lot, being more defiant in school on Monday and Tuesday. Today, a classmate teased him, telling my son he had no friends but his "girlfriend," another classmate. Well, my son became p.o.'d and hit the other boy. The boy hit back, and they both ended up in an in-school suspension. At least my son did.
I'm not sure what to do. I talked with him about controlling his anger, and he can tell me what he should have done. And he knows the boy (who is older; the class is SE with 8 students in Grades 1-3) doesn't have a lot of friends himself. But he made a bad choice (impulsivity) which is really his biggest problem.
I took away his TV privileges, but I get sooo frustrated, because we make progress, then there's a backtrack. Dad is too busy working to help out; when he moved out, he dumped the majority of the child-rearing on me. Visits are every other weekend, and he will call. But inconsistency is Dad's problem, and my son thrives on consistency.
Since my son has therapy, in-school intervention and one stable, dependable parent, so that's the good news. But this school program (it goes through 6th grade and includes students with ADHD, ODD, bipolar, ED) has a number of kids that like to hit, push, tease, etc. One child on the school bus has told my son, "I'm going to kill you." He's a 6th grader. I told the program administrator about that, and she will look into it. She and my son's teacher appear genuinely helpful and often seek my input and that of my son's therapist. But I'm very concerned my son will pick up more violent behavior.
Any thoughts or strategies I can use or suggest to his teacher? My son is supposed to get a 1:1 aide, but the person they chose did not make it through the process, so they're still looking.
Its always hard on kids when their parents break up. They tend to not only miss the absent parent but also blame themselves. Because of your son's special needs (for consistency, etc) I'm sure its even harder.
I do think that if the teacher can't control the behavior of her class, the school needs to provide her with an aide. There are laws against harassment in school, even among spec ed students and they need to protect your son better.
Maybe its time you made an appointment with the principal and asked what they are planning to do about stopping the harassment. Let them know that it is hurting your son and you want something done to adress it immediately. You also need to let them know that its a violation of special ed law to not have an aide in place when its in the IEP. They need to look more aggresively for one.
My heart goes out to your kids. I know how tough it was on my daughter to bounce back and forth between her father and me even though she had a stable home with me and knew how much she was loved by both of us. She also would come home miserable and take days to get back to normal.
Thanks, Barb! Although my son had a very good day at school today, judging from his point sheet, we talked about the kids that bother him. A fair amount happens at recess, when the teacher is on break, and someone else has playground duty. Some happens on the school bus, probably less happens in the classroom. The teacher and program coordinator don't seem to know anything about what happens outside the classroom. I told my son very pointedly to tell his teacher if he is teased, pushed or hit. From his perspective, it happens a lot. I know he has done some of these things as well, but I worry about his safety. I will talk to the program coordinator again, and he has a periodic review coming up next month as well.
I had to remind them that one hour of counseling per week was in his IEP, and they are supposedly complying with that. But the 1:1 aide is actually not in his IEP, although he worked with a 1:1 classroom assistant last year (an aide had been promised and never materialized). They have an aide slot and want to dedicate it to my son. I am thinking about pushing for the aide to actually be in his IEP, but I admit I'm worried he'll become too dependent on one person and not take full advantage of the classroom.
Thanks again!
It doesn't matter who has playground duty. Whoever is watching the kids should be paying attention to them and notice a lot of the teasing that is going on. You need to tell the principal.