About to just completely lose it!!! | ADHD Information

Dawn ~

Listen to the parents here!  I have totally been where you are as far as the rage issues go.  I've ended up with bruises from my 6 yr old daughter.  Check out Ogram's marble system.  We've done some work with it and the rages are far less often now.  Not gone completly but at least now I have a little time between to build up some new energy to deal with it.  Keep reading here and asking questions.  I know the first time I came here and started reading, I was nearly convinced that some of the people here lived in my house and were actually talking about MY kid!  This is like having your very own support group where you can ask those questions to people who really have lived in your shoes. 

Good luck to you!!!

Where do I start, the beginning is so fuzzy, I am in the middle of hell with my son, and I could not even imagine an end in sight!  Bear with me here, I am new to this forum, but have read some pages and posts, and feel some solace from other stories I have read.

My son is 5 and just started Kdg. a couple of weeks ago.  We have been trying to find some help with his ADHD for the last year.  We currently see a pediatric neurologist, a child psychiatrist, a child psychologist, a therapist, and his pediatrician for hopes of some answers and much needed help.  My son is out of controll behaviorally.  Focalin XR has been our respite for his inattention since January, but that seems to be wearing off.  But the inattention is not so much a problem as the uncontrollable rage that he at times can exhibit.  I don't understand this rage, and feel completely helpless in my efforts to get it under controll. 

Already the new teacher, principal and school nurse have just about had enough of him, as they don't know what to do with him.  The school psychologist is setting up for a complete case study of him, his child psychologist is going to be doing a complete neurological psycological evaluation next week, but I don't know what do do in the mean time!  I need to help this kid, but have no strength or mental capacity any more to come up with new things to say or do to get him to behave!   HELP HELP HELP!  I am ready to lose my mind!

Dawn

That's a pretty impressive list of team members that you are consulting.  That's a great start to getting him help.  What are they saying in regards to official diagnosis?

You'll find these boards littered with stories exactly as yours.  Rage is such a difficult emotion to handle in our kids. 

Is there any history, on either yours or the child's father's side, of any other psychiatric disorders.....namely Bipolar?   Has the team working with your son ever mentioned the possibility of Bipolar? 

Get ahold of the book The Bipolar Child to see if your son fits any of the diagnostic criteria.  Also....... get the book The Explosive Child by Ross Greene, PHD.  Lots of good strategies in that book geared towards parents of children who rage.

Has any of your son's medical team mentioned that if a child does have Bipolar disorder (either with or without ADHD), the use of stimulant medication can cause worsening behavior?  A mood stabilizer medication is often needed before the ADHD can be treated.

There are lots of parents on this board whose kids rage. Mine used to rage back when he was mostly 8 - 9 - 10 yrs old.  Anxiety was fueling his rage though, so we had to treat the anxiety before we could address the ADHD symptoms.

Good luck.  You'll find help here!     Okiemom

Yes, perhaps you need to try a different med.  This one isn't working.  The first 2 meds we tried didn't work out either.  Finding the right med is a roller coaster ride, emotionally.

You need to take care of yourself.  You need some "me" time.   If you are really ready to snap, maybe you should see the doctor also for some help to get you through this rough spell.  Just a thought.

Sorry you are having souch a hard time.  I believe that others here have also experienced the "rage" and they treated it with medication.  I suggest you call whatever doc prescribed the focalin and ask for a different stimulant medication that will last longer.  Additionally, you want to ask if there is something that can help with the Rage.

FYI, my son did not do well with focalin, concerta, ritalin, they made him grumpy and grouchy..he takes adderall and does much better but all kids respond differently. Getting the meds straight is very difficult and it took me half a year till we got it right.

You certainly have lined up the professionals -- have they come up with a diagnosis that seems accurate to you? I think that's where you need to start...and definately do some research on other disorders so you can ask really targeted questions of your professional squad.  I have read on this board that rage behavior sometimes occurs if a child is incorrectly dx with ADHD, when in fact they have something else. The rage is a sign of the wrong med being prescribed. I would also research the side effects of the meds -- maybe it's just the wrong med for your child.My son went thru the same thing and we would get respites where the drugs would work then they would wear off. we have been changing meds regularly and are getting ready to possibly change again but first we are checking with diffrent doc. Hope you have better luck.

  I understand completely!  You're on the right road!! 

Hang in there!  I'm keeping you in my prayers!

Let me tell you that all of these responses are absolutely WONDERFUL and helpful!  I am so glad I found this forum. 

As to some of the questions in return to my original post, there is depression on my husband's side that now I question may be complicating this a bit.  I will definitely look through some more of the threads here to gain some more information.

As for the "team" we are working with...  they are pretty comfortable with the ADHD dx.  (So they say)  But hopefully the neuro panel and the case study will shed some more light as to if he has any other afflictions coupled with the ADHD. 

This kid is smart, and so sweet, I hate to see him so upset and uncontrollable, because I know he is capable of so much more!  Thanks everyone, I will read more and try to gain back the perspective I have lost!

Dawn...... what seems to be your son's main trigger for rages.  Can you describe a recent incident?  Does he rage both at school AND home?  Has he always raged, or is it more closely tied to the start of the Focalin or other med?

You mention the school and admin is starting to get really frustrated.  Have they made any statements to you about doing a functional behavioral assessment?  The reason I ask is I'd hate the school, while you are having your son privately evaluated, to try and label him as "ED"  emotionally disturbed.  Don't let this happen.  He's probably too young for them to try and take this route yet, but be aware that kids who have uncontrollable rages at school often do get categorized by the school in this way.  What you do want, after you get your child evaluated, is check into getting him on an IEP (Individualized Education Plan)   at school to help accomodate his ADHD.  The category should be OHI....Other Health Impaired,  not ED.

I feel confident that your support team will be able to find out the root of what is going on.  Hang on and don't give up hope.  You will get help!

Okiemom

As to when he rages is a very good question...  because he does not normally have these types of behavior at home.  I have not yet made a connection between the Focalin and the outbursts.  He has been on Focalin since January and the outbursts got better for a while, but then resurfaced around June.  We switched his Preschool/Daycare and for the summer he had a few minor problems, but it has now flared up again.  Now that I think of it, maybe it is transitional problems that may work itself out (I could only hope) but things are not good right now, and each outburst seems more extreme.  I know the last specific time was because he was working on a project and the teacher told the class time was up and they had to move onto the next activity, but he was not finished.  Only problem to this is that I had just talked to the teacher on Monday about his attentions problems.  She told me that he already knows the things that they are doing, so he in a sense gets bored and then does not finish things.  So after this discussion with the teacher I talked to my son and explained that even if he know what the excercise is, he always needs to finish his projects.  I really think that he was confused because I told him one thing, but the teacher was saying another.  Needless to say, I have felt HORRIBLE ever since. 

The school district said they are not going to test for behavioral issues, only learning disabilities, we will discuss an IEP after their case study is done. 

Just a side note...  this forum is EXTREMELY helpful, as all my friends think I am a terrible mother because I cannot get my kid to behave.  They just do not understand, so I don't have the support around me.  I know the moms and dads that say my son may just need a good "beating", but I couldn't possibly bring myself to do anything of the sort!  It is nice to be able to talk with people who understand where I am and have an open mind of these types of kids.  All I know is I want to get this under controll FAST because I have a 4 year old who is picking up on his big brother's habits quicker than I can try and fix them! 

Dawn...... parents of NT (neuro typical) kids just have no clue as to what we have to deal with.  It is sheer ignorance on their part.  Don't let these comments phase you....just plow ahead to get him help.  You are doing the right thing.  You don't beat any child...much less a child with a neurological difference.

Since the raging doesn't seem to go on at home much....... sounds like the school transitions are at least one trigger.  Our kids can have so many problems with transitions.  Dr. Ross Greene, author of The Explosive Child, calls these kids "chronically inflexible".   My son was much more inflexible when younger.  He has really grown out of a lot of it.  Sill has some, but not NEAR the level of inflexibilty he used to.

I bet when your son is tested, if they do full scale IQ testing, and not just psychoeducational testing, he may test gifted.  Sounds like he's just bored and not challenged and is frustrated.  I personally didn't wait for the schools to get the ball rolling for my son.  I had a neuropsychological evaluation done at a local teaching university, who did both IQ and educational testing.  IQ testing is more related to logical thinking and reasoning....and they can do both verbal and non-verbal IQ testing.  Psycho ed testing is more academic oriented.  The school will look at some of the verbal scores, compare them with performance (timed) scores, and if there is a huge spread......it may indicate a learning disability.   Remember......a child can be gifted.....and still have a LD.  A great website to learn about testing is www.wrightslaw.com and www.ldonline.org

Good luck!    Okiemom

okiemom38982.6233796296Can I get in here under the WONDERFUL umbrella?  Welcome Dawn!  Try the marble system and you can look into 1-2-3 Magic, too.  They both do well for kids.  I've always been very strict with my ds and I think that helps with the ADD.  He knows what I expect of him and he lives up to my expectations most of the time.  We've had some real success using Daytrana, which is a ritalin patch.  (There's a thread on the medications board called "daytrana anyone."  Ds uses a 30mg patch where he used to take 40mg in pills.  There are no low points in his day (his words) when he can't focus.  I never had anger issues with him as much as emotional upset problems.  He got frustrated very easily and would get upset and cry.  It helped when we'd go over the next day and I'd tell him what he could expect.  Rehearsing like that really worked well and I'm now working with him so he can begin to be an advocate for himself and not lean on me as much (ds is 13). 

Make sure your discipline is reliable (your son knows what to expect) and consistent (he knows he can expect it when he doesn't follow the rules).  ADHD kids need structure and routine, and this will help.  Don't listen to your friends' advice on how to raise your son, they have no clue what you're facing.  When you begin to envy their nice, quiet children, remember that you'd never want  to have a Stepford child, you'd much rather have an interesting kid!  We're glad you're here, hang around and remember you're not in this alone, you have a lot of company and a lot of help!