New to ADHD | ADHD Information

Hi all

I am happy to find you all!  Here's our story...Our daughter, Shelby has always been unique...always.  From a toddler, we saw a developing daydreaminess, non-focused child. I attributed it genetically to myself in that I always daydreamed as a girl. and let it go at that.

Preschool came, and I attributed her "dreaminess" to her being totally extroverted, (loves talking to new people, very outgoing, not ever shy,our little diplomat), and not interested in academics, but social situations.

Kindergarten...here we go.  Shelby had two teachers who were partnering together and they did an assesment of her for ADD, where she showed strong signs (borderline) of having ADD.  Not being able to focus, spacing out...no signs of hyperactivity to a certain extent. They were cautious about "labeling" her, but at the same time, really didn't give me an indication of worrying, either that, or I totally stuck my head in the sand and thought I knew her much better and again, I thought she was just interested more in the social aspects of going to school and seeing her friends...gads... 

We'll pass by 1st grade, only because nothing else was mentioned except that she wasn't doing well, falling behind on reading and went through a program where she was being evaluated on her progression through 1st grade.  Again the head in the sand.

Now, here we are a month into 2nd grade. The first week of school was back to school night where we put down our thoughts about Shelby not being able to focus, etc.  A big red flag dangled about Shelby's teacher, and the second week was a voicemail as well as different notes on unfinished work, etc.  WOW.  We made an appointment with our physician to rule out any physical abnormalties, not to mention that since Shelby had been  4, she would on and off have some major headaches leaving her screaming in pain.  We were told to bring some kind of documentation from the school about her being unable to focus, faling behind..we had the teacher put it in writing and brought it with us to the Dr. appt as they asked...WOW again.  Wake up call.

We went to the Dr. and was told that WE needed to see the School Psychologist and have her assessed, and that this was required before she could do anything....needless to say, I was pissed off!  She essentially told me that it was all mental and that she could not do anything.  What really pissed me off is that she would not even evaluate her for anything that may be physical.  My husband went back to talk with the doctor and needless to say, we have changed our care to someone else.

Now, where we stand is that Shelby was assessed by us and the teacher in question of having ADHD, inattentive.    We will again see a physician this Friday to rule out physical abnormalities, or at least (what I am hoping) to get a referral for a psychologist or psychiatrist to do more tests.  I want to make sure that the school is not taking the easy way out (which I don't think they would, just based on the interraction with them, which is very caring and concerned about her welfare). 

In the interrum, we have a date for a meeting on Oct. 12 with the teachers involved, the school psychologist, etc, about a plan of action for Shelby to catch up!  Gads, only a month into school and she is sooo far behind!! 

Whew, so sorry about the rather long post!  I'm hoping that the assessment is on the right track,  that we get her help soon, and that she will begin to be successful in her progression of education.

One more thing that I'd like to mention is that, besides not being able to focus, daydreaming alot, and it being a total disruption of her progressing in her education, Shelby is friendly, courteous, outgoing, caring...I don't get it.!  I helped out in her classroom last Tuesday and I could definitely see her ADHD, a definite eye opener.

Well, I think I've rambled enough.  I am verrrrrry new to this, and I am reading everything I can see about this disability.  One thing I also want to say is that even though I just got my head out of the sand I am so proactive about this now!!  Okay, thanks again, love the forum!

Kelly

Hello and welcome.  Sorry you are feeling so bad for your son.  ADHD is not caused by bad parenting!   I also think that if his behavior is not improving, the dosage is wrong and/or the med is not the right one for him.  Yes, speak to your doctor about that.  Sometimes it takes a while to find the right med combo for the child.  It took us about 6 months.

And just know that in the initial stages of getting an ADHD diagnosis and trying to treat it that it is a huge emotional process for you the parents to go through.  I'm no psychologist, I'm just a mom, but from reading the posts here it seems like moms go through a process of shock and disbelief, anger, sadness, guilt, and acceptance after the initial diagnosis. 

Maybe a book on how to parent an ADHD child would be helpful.  Taking Charge of ADHD is a classic book.  They seem to respond more to positive behavior modification techniques such as Ogram's Marble System.  Pick a few behaviors to work on at a time.  Keep the rewards coming at relatively short intervals (daily and weekly).

HTH and keep us posted.

My son pretty much sounds like yours. He's the class clown also. The hyperactivity usually improves with age. Just the other day my son (7) said that one of the girls at school likes him now because he stopped being wild on the playground. He was quite pleased with this discovery . As for the rage, that is usually due to another condition (mis-diagnosis), a comorbid condition, or a response to medication. ADHD children don't usually rage.

As for the defiance, I had a bit of that also. The Marble System works well for that. So do Omega-3 supplements, because it improves the mood in general.

NoTellin38984.6258101852Hi there and welcome! I've learned so much from these msg boards.
Everyone is so helpful and full of information.

My 6 year old son was just diagnosed this past May. Since then, we're on
our 4th medication and I think we finally "hit the nail on the head". The
medication definately takes some guess work. We never used the
metadate, so I'm not very familiar with it. But, we started with Focalin XR.
Then moved to Straterra, which didn't do much of anything, but we tried
it because our psychologist really pushed us to. Then, we tried the
Daytrana patch, which worked great, but we had the skin irritation that
wouldn't go away after using for 5 weeks. Now, we are using Concerta,
36mg and it's been wonderful. It lasts long, and his symptoms have
pretty much disappeared. So, the medication is truly "trial and error".
Dont feel bad about trying something different.

The other thing I would suggest is to get some books and read, read,
read! I'm on my 3rd one, and I've learned so much. There's a ton of stuff
out there that is easy to read, relate to and understand. Some great
books on ideas from other parents too. I think you'll learn that this really
has nothing to do with your parenting. That was and still is one of the
hardest things to remember. One of the other things I've learned is that
it's okay to bend the rules and live a different way than I'm used to. Like,
allowing my son to have dinner when he wants; definately not letting the
little things escalate where it gets to the point of no return and he just
loses it; and bending some of the rules because we aren't the normal
"cookie cutter" type of family.

These are just a few things I've learned so far...as I'm new to this as well.
Hope this helps.

ADHD is all about the lack of concentration and "driven to distraction".  I know it might seem the end of the world, but really it's not.  Finding out is the first step to acceptance.  Now that you know, you can learn the skill to better support him/her.  The next few steps you take are going to be the most important in your child's life!  you have you be consistent in every area in your adhd child's life.  consistency is the key for adhd.  i'm going to be 35 tomorrow (25th) and i'm adhd, i'm raising a severe adhd son that is almost 9.  I can say, my husband has NO clue.  poor thing, he's normal.  lol  keep it simple and consistent at home and school.  keep the rules the same every where your child goes.  keep the punishment the same, keep the rewards the same.  kept he routine the same.  keep the schedule the same.  keep the amount of play time the same.  keep the dinner time the same.  ADHD children have to have every thing predictable to rely on it.  It's hard as parents to keep things consistent, we do get tired, but it's imperative to do this for our children.  They have to know and count on what we expect out of them.  Educate yourself on what the school can offer your child in the form of and IEP or a 504 plan (special education) and talk with your child's doctor and ask what kind of treatment you should use.  And don't be afraid to ask any questions here.  If you choose not to medicate, there is an alt med board here that is wonderful and there is a group on there that really know their supplements! 

 Welcome!!!

Gilda, My son is also non violent and does not rage.  He is hyper and impulsive.  As far as the Metadate goes you should see results right away so you either have the dose wrong or the wrong medication.  I suggest you call your doctor.   It took us about a half a year before we got the right medication.  My ds takes Adderall which is a stimulant medication but it is in a different family of meds as compared to Metadate, concerta, ritalin, focalin, the patch. I saw a big difference when he started the Adderall and he was able to focus and complete ALL of his school work independently.  Some kids respond great to this med and others have the opposite effect and get very grumpy/moody.  I guess it is all trial and error. The other meds slowed him down but the focus was not there.  He is still a bit impulisive but I can live with this. 

Also,  Our doctor gave us a form for the teacher to complete daily when we were trying to got the medication correct.  Perhaps your doc has something like this.  The daily feedback was quite  helpful. 

I am sorry you are having such a bad time. My daughter also has a terrible time in school. She became depressed and anxious and more defiant as the school year went on and the Fs added up. Ogram's marble system for behavior modification and reward for doing school work (even though it is hard and frustrating) has helped alot. She loses marbles for the things that really bug us like talking back, fighting with sister; and gains marbles for doing the things we expect of her. These are traded for extra tv or game time or later bedtime or money. We are currently working on medication because she cannot continure to feel like a failure and cannot afford to go back into the depression (scary stuff). Keep reading the experiences of others on this journey. We all have our paths.My 6year old son has recently been diagnosed with ADHD.  I can't begin to explain what I am feeling.  I have always know that something was not right with him but now that its "in the books" I am heart broken for him.  He is having such a hard time in school, the kids don't really want to play with him because he is so hyper.  I have been reading some of the posts and noticed that some parents discuss "rage".  My son is the sweatest, most loving child.  He just can't focus.  Could ne have been misdiagnosed?  He does not show any violent tendancies, no anger, no depression.  He has been placed on metadate cd.  He's been on it for about 3 weeks now, but I don't see any changed in his behavior at school.  His teacher calls him the class clown because he is always up and about, disrupting the class.  At home he does not mind my husband or myself and it is causing so much turmoil.  He is an only child and I feel as though we must have contributed to some of his defiance.  Any suggestions would be so appreciated.  I just want to help my beautiful boy.

Rages are not ADHD,they are more ASD.my 4 year old is also a very sweet boy,just hyper and very impulsive with no sense of danger and he does hit out at other children but not all the time.

you need an IEP.IT did wonders for our son but he is only in nursery

Welcome to the board Gilda and just finding out is hard.  I remember not believing it when i first heard it but signs were there and showed up later.  I hope all works out well for you.