Ever feel like just giving up? | ADHD Information

I have mild adhd/ocd/and panix attacks. So I understand what you are going through. I too am in college but also have 5 children. The biggest thing for me is making sure that everything has it's spot...hence ocd. hehehe I have a label maker and have to stay on top of things. I also have a HUGE calender that I write EVERYTHING on. Dates bills are due and the amount, class schedule, kids schedules (everything they do in school, i.e. sharing days ect) all of it goes on this calender and I look at it everyday. This really helps me keep organzied. Then I sit down every morning and do everything I can on the calender whether it's writing checks, homework, cleaning. Pick one room everyday to clean. Also you can try www.flylady.com  it really helps with organizing and getting things in order. However, I would not subscribe to the emails unless you want 20 of them a day. I just go on everyday to see what the next thing is to organize. Good luck!Remember you are not the only one going through this and you will find your nitch that will work for you.

I love to learn. Most of the classes I've taken over the semesters weren't required. I just like learning stuff. And I've been told I'm pretty intelligent. By lots of people. In a way, I know I am, but that doesn't really matter. I can't do much with it.  I still can't think of a career I want to be in. And I won't settle for something I hate.

Yeah, my symptoms are pretty severe. Some people don't believe so, but they don't know what I go through every second. I can't even fake appearing normal. When something is difficult for me, they don't believe it. I have a hard time reading between the lines. When suggestions are made, If I know that it's something that's gonna send me into another panic attack, I'll ignore it. Nothing's worth a voluntary panic attack. :|

So there are many roadblocks. Many. I can't even write a proper list because I'll get confused in the middle and if I start over, I'll have nothing to write.  I write lists all the time, stuff to help me remember things. Nothign works. I have no motivators.

I have days of depression soemtimes, but others aren't so bad. And yeah, I know I beat myself up alot. I do the whole comparing thing. I look at where I am now and what I do (which is nothing) and what should be expected of the average 22 year old.

As for what I do well, I don't know. I don't do anything. 

I haven't read that book. Never heard of it. What's it about?

 

My brother and I were at the store a couple days ago at the checkout counter and he said that the cashier girl, or whatever you call them was giving me the bag with the stuff in it. He said that I was zoned out or something. I know I wasn't. I just didn't know I was supposed to take it. She slid it in front of me. She didn't hold it out to me in her hands or even said to take it, so how was I supposed to know? But I guess I was supposed to.

I thought that was pretty amusing. Because the most obvious things I'm supposed to get, I don't and I can quickly make the connections that most people won't even think of. It's funny. Especially my conversations. It's the only way I know how to have a conversation, but they always get thrown off. And I tend to overtalk, but I don't know when I'm annoying someone, so I periodically ask, "should I shut up now?" lol

I dunno, though. This thing gets worse and worse. Now to add Social Phobia, which is slightly getting better (Benzos!), it doesn't help.

I went with my brother to the store and I didn't freak out. I sat in the middle of the food court (it was packed) at the mall. I usually wouldn't do that. Actually, I'd avoid walking anywhere near the food court. So the meds were working. But when I thought I was ready for something else, it turns out I wasn't and that sent me into another state of depresion.

Teenagers terrify me. My peers terrify me.  Seriously.  If I go anywhere, I can't go by myself. So when I  think about that, it does get depressing.

I have an idea of what I want my career to be, but that means I have to finish school and I'm sucking at that. Seriously.  I'm taking online classes because classrooms confuse me. I would do good in it, but I just need someone to help me with the motivation t hing. I have a hard time t urning in assignments. I do the reading and stuff; the studying on my own. It's great. But its the assignments I have a hard tiem with, so I was dropped from one of the classes, which I actually wanted to stay in.

That sent me in another state of depression. lol. It's good when things are good, but it always seems that I fail at almost everything. It really does suck. But then again, I do have a mental disorder. A dysfunction. A neurochemical dysregulation plus years of no treatment for somethign that was already pretty bad. In a way, I'd day with all that happened, I've done pretty well. But I dunno.

ADD used to be called 'minimal brain dysfunction' which I think fit pretty well. It's more accurate than the current terminology, Attention Deficit (Hyperactivity (or Hyperkinetic)) Disorder. But hell, if they used that as a diagnosis, then the stigma would be worse, lol.

And the SSI thing, it would be good to have money, but if I get that, then I'll have money and that won't push me harder to try to get better so I could get a job. So its a good thought, getting money but I'll feel guilty for not working for it. And I I like the idea of getting a  job. I just need to get to that point of comfort...my doc said he'll up my benzos next month, though I don't know why. I already told him what I can do and can't. It's not something that builds up and you'll get better with time.  Grrr. and my psychologists wants to help with the social thing, and thats a good idea, but I have a different Idea.  I wanna work on the social skills thing, not the exposure thing.  If the meds are gonna make me more comfy with people, then why force the exposure if its not necessary. Exposure isn't social skills.  And that's what I need because I have none.

Grrr. I need to go clean up my room. I did that 2 days ago, now it looks like a tornado's been in there. I don't even know how to organize properly. its weird. amusing. depressing. but it comes with the territory.  And I'm still talking....

Wow. This post is long. Blah. I'm typing too much.  My journal entries (whenever I decide to write them) are much, much longer and much more disorganized. It's fun. lol

Should I just shut up now? lol

Okies, I'm gone. Thanks for reading. I so meant to do stuff today, but its so hard to tear myself away from this thing. :|

Does anyone know of a program or whatever that can block computer usage during a certain time?  I can't tear myself away so easily on my own.

Ok...I'm still talking...lol.

Tata

Natoria

Are you seeing a therapist? If not I highly encourage you to find someone who really understands ADD. That is the single thing that has made the medication successfult for me. He helps me understand what in the heck is going on in my head and helps develop coping strategies.

Best of luck to you.

MaxDad
Man, do I feel for you... All I can say is whatever meds you are taking aren't working. I have felt thae exact same way- Actually I've been going through a similar funk here lately, I'm trying to get out of it but it's Damn hard. I was trying to explain it to my husband the other night that it truly feels as though you are drowning. I do find that understanding our disorder helps a little in that you perhaps can see that things aren't always this way but I know it's a really scarey place to be. Sometimes this board helps, just knowing you are not alone. Talk to your doctor about your meds and try to ride out this wave-- I wish you the best , Keep talking to us we'll try to help you through it, PM me if you want.

It sounds very much like you are depressed.  Especially the sleeping a lot.  You may need to go on anti-depressants.

I got through life not knowing that I had ADD.  Then when I finally learned I had it they said I was too successful to have ADD.  I did finally get someone to listen to me.

One of the things that helped me through school was that I was very interested in the stuff I was learning - I chose a field of study that was challenging to me - I actually did better in Calculus than addition/subtraction type math.  (my test scores were higher in English and "soft stuff").  I studied Computer Science because there is such a variety of ways that it can be used - you can be in computers in Health care, or Defense, or Science, or Business.  So you need to take a good look at how interesting what you are studying is to you.  Be sure you have picked a major that is going to lead to the type of job you can be good at.  Don't sell yourself short because of the ADD.  There are good traits as well as bad ones. 

Think good and long about that - you want to work in a field where there is a lot of variety in your tasks - If I had to sit in a cube and code all day I'd go crazy.  I work in a Police department and my tasks vary greatly day to day and month to month.

I went to school over a 10 year period - my ex was in the military and we moved a lot - so I went to 4 different colleges.  I also had 2 children at home and worked part of the time.  The first shrink I saw said no way I did all that and had ADD - but actually having all that to deal with made it a big challenge and interesting to figure out ways to juggle it all.  I never had a chance to get bored with anything.

It also helps if you can find smaller classes - I am also hearing impaired so I used to ask a lot of questions in class.  Now I realize that is one way I dealt with needing time to absorb the material.

Make some rules for yourself and stick with them - talk with your teacher if need be.  For example make a rule that as soon as you finish an assignment you turn it in right away.  That way you don't have to remember to turn it in later.  I had a tough time with online classes because I am a visual learner.  Need to see pictures on the board. 

Try some sort of masking device to help you drown out some of the background noise that distracts you.  (some devices can help you hear directionally - ie where your head is pointed)  Or televised classes.

Mostly I want to say don't sell yourself short or set your expectations or goals too low.  You set yourself up for failure because you need stimulous to motivate you to achieve.   You get frustrated because you have a tough time with the boring stuff and that leads you to lower self esteem.  Find something that you really love and go for it.

Susan

PS just read the second note.  It seems like your shrinks etc have set you up for failure - They've told you that you can't expect much so you don't.

(Lists are pretty useless - I can't find mine half the time)

http://www.adhdnews.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=21319& PN=0&TPN=2

Read the post from kelsi111 - to see what someone with very severe ADD can do.

I'm not organized enough to be any kind of coach for you but if you'd like to email me for an ear to care I'll try to figure out a way to exchange email addresses without us both getting spammed.

 

SWilkin67638987.2838541667

chjones said it well! Remember to do things for yourself. I just took a class called Art therapy. It was wonderful! It really has helped with my son. He has an art journal and he does whatever he wants. He knows what it means but know one else really does. There are other forms of art you can do with yourself. I loved the sand play, water play and others. If you would like more information I would be happy to share it with you or with others.

All the time. I want Se to see if my sons reading/La is brought up to level the rest will come easier. Now I just wish had Homeschool and didn't have to bother with this testing thing and all the other SE stuff.  and apart from all that good advice - on the flip side.  give yourself a break too.  do something that will please your addled side instead of constantly fighting it:

hike up a hill with a picnic and watch the butterflies and the bees for a day
go to an art gallery and sit in a room full of Rothkos or similar
go and throw yourself in a freezing lake with no clothes on
go to an opera

we spend all our time trying to suppress our addled side and constantly aiming for efficiency above all - but efficiency isn't the be all and end all either.

someone wrote and i think it is such a brilliant way to put it that when she goes to go to listen to an opera she feels like a goldfish that had been on land that had suddenly been put back in the water. 

that to me - is such a perfect way of describing it - it's like you can breathe again and it all makes sense.   but i think it is more that ones soul gets a chance to breathe.

people get that from all different aspects of the arts --- perhaps for you, maybe a book of poetry or something that re-connects you with other souls --- i do believe all the best arts are simply a language/communication of one soul to another avoiding the intellect entirely (thank goodness).  make some time for the positive parts of your ADD too!  we are blessed to have such great intuition and access to the soul - don't let the material things completely crush you.  take some time -

and THEN go and do all those efficient things!

just a thought! 

(for me, when i feel depression sneaking up on me i try to have a cold shower at 6am every morning and then go running - even though i run like a duck and it's not at all natural to me! - i think it helps but i can't be entirely sure about that as this is a new strategy i have only just started trying.  perhaps i should say i believe it helps so far -)

Every feel like just giving up?

I do sometimes. I'll admit, sometimes I have my good days and then I have my bad days. I have ADD and it's not mild, either. I'm on 60mgs Adderall. That seems to work a bit. I also have Social Phobia, so I started Klonopin. For about a week or so I've been motivated. I actually had energy to do stuff, now, I dunno. It seems that the benzos bosted the Adderall. My ADD is pretty severe. Even my doctors said so.  My psychiatrist said that alot of people with ADD with the level taht I have don't even make it far. Well, that makes me feel better.

I'm 22 and I'm still in school, though, going nowhere. Classrooms confused me because I can't block out everyoen talking and just think, so I study and learn better by myself. And my SP got worse. So now I'm taking online classes. I thought that would work..but I got dropped from one for being "inactive." I've been active, I've been reading the texts and learning and blah blah whatever. I just haven't been turning in the stuff. The same thing happened when I was in classrooms. This way, I can concentrate better, but my motivation sucks and I have no idea what to do about it. This is almost 2007. I graduated Highschool in 2002. And I'm still nowhere. I can't even get a job yet. The benzos are working though, but just when I think its working well enough to handle soemthing, I find out that I can't and that sends me into a depressed state for the rest of the day. Yesterday when I found out I was dropped from the class, I got into another one. I slept for most of the day.

It just seems that nothing is working and when I think that something will, it doesn't work well enough. I'm doing the best I can. I try as hard as I can. I don't know what else to do.

For the past few weeks, I guess I'd say that I've been pretty, well.not happy happy, but I didnt think everything sucked as bad as it did, but those good days are my blind days. Sometimes, even the simplest things I just don't get. I can't read between the lines. I still get pretty anxious (though not as bad as before) and I feel like I'm going nowhere. Everything I do is a big dissapointment. I have no friends. I don't know anyone around here. I don't go anywhere. I can't. So I'm like a big leech and I hate it.

Social security disability's gonna take too long to get. I'm sucking at my classes. Not even next semester I'll be ready to go back on campus. I still like the idea of the online courses, I just need someone that would help me with the time management and motivation thing, but I don't have anyone who'll do that. I see a psychiatrist and a psychologist, but they can't help me with everything and I'm stuck. I have no idea what to do. If I quit school, then so insurance and no medication and without the Adderall, if I ever have days that I'm actually not a zombie, I'll be snapping at everyone and I hate the person I am when I'm on it.

So I don't know what to do. I mess everything  up, I waste everyone's time (and money). I don't do anything (I can't). I just hate everything now. Sometimes I just want to go to sleep and never wake up again. That way I won't have to feel anything (and I feel alot. And it's not good) and I won't have to dissapoint everyone over and over.

In a way, I wouldn't mind, if I was the type who did nothing and was quite content with that, but I'm not. I have no control over any aspect of my life. I don't go anywhere. I'm repeating myself again. and everything's just bad. I can't even describe how pathetically bad things are.  *sigh* I hate this. And it gets worse every year.

Well..that's my rant. If you read this much, thanks for reading. If you just looked at the last word or sentence so you didnt have to read the whole thi ng, thanks anyways. Blah.  I slept all day. I think I'll go back to sleep now.

 I'm so sorry you are having a rough time.

Are you just discounting SSI because it takes too long or did you already put in for it and meanwhile you have to get some other things done? If you haven't put in for it try to do that. At least you will have an income and once you have a little money that is empowering. 

I really don't have any good advise. I may be very mild ADD so I can't know what you are going through aside from reading many posts on this forum from people with similar stories.

I do know I hate that you are thinking things would be better if you didn't wake up but just by your post I KNOW you are a good person who wants to do well. So please, just try not to think you'd be better off not existing. Please. 

You always have friends or people to talk to here!!!    We don't judge each other too much.

What are some of the things you do well??  Sounds like you are pretty articulate and like to learn as a student.  If you have severe adhd symptoms and such that present roadblocks - sounds like your making a bad situation good.

Sounds like you are beating yourself up a lot.  Have you ever read the book, "Taming your Gremlins".  It might help!!!  Look forward to more posts from you.