Am I alone in feeling like this? | ADHD Information
Oh my! I can't get over how close your post came to expressing my feelings! I cried reading it!
My biggest wish is for others to see my son for who is really is ... a wonderful caring individual with heart of gold. ... all most see is the "bad boy" who can't sit still or listen to directions. He wants so bad to "be good"
"in a world that"couldn't careless,"we are to be people who couldn't care more"
You all have summed it up :)
It got so bad for our second grader that we are now homeschooling him. At first i was scared but now i find confort in this communtiy that has welcomed our family. Some have children with adhd and some don't but we all have one thing in common. We want the best for our kids
but am still just as confused as when I (we) started this journey. THIS
topic is the only one that has felt like it applied to me (my child).I
see a lot of my son in other postings and symptoms, but this is
EXACTLY how I've been feeling.
My 5 year old son is one of the most caring, giving, and sensitive
persons that I know.I've always known he was special and have
encouraged what I thought was his creative, energetic, sparkling
personality. Now he started kindergarten this month and I may be
over sensitive, but I feel like people look at him as if he is somehow
damaged. Don't get me wrong. I of all people know how frustrating
it is when he needs to focus on something, but can't sit still for even
2 minutes. And yes, I know he is ADHD. BUT to have the only option
pushed at me be to medicate him, and take risks with not only the
personality that I adore about him, but maybe even his life.... it's
tearing me to pieces.
The phrase I have been hearing over and over again is he needs to
"learn submission to authority". Everything he does is seen as an act
of defiance. Oppositional Disorder they are calling it.
What they don't seem to understand is they have taken a self-
assured little boy and made him question his special little mind. I am
now seeing my son smack his own head in frustration, and repeating
how "stupid" and "freakish" he is. I hold him and tell him we are
gonna get through this and that he is smart and fantastic, but I'm
just his mommy. I'm not the numerous teachers and doctors and
"authority" figures that are constantly pointing out what he "fails" at
and seeming to forget to praise his accomplishments.
I, myself, feel like I have been sucked into a tornado and I'm a grown
woman. I can't imagine what all this feels like to my little boy.
I still am unsure on medicating. I do know that what he has is a
bonafide disorder, but it sickens me that I may need to medicate my
son to make all of society happy and accepting of him. Though all
the fluff and positive postings about medicating are helpful it's
reassuring to know that someone else is actually FEELING like the
same way I do. Thanks
mom2IrishTwins,
Every person on this board has fretted and prayed and wrestled with their conscience about medicating their children. The "fluff" and positive postings about medicating are truly heartfelt, as are the posts about doubts. I realized that giving my son meds wasn't about making him acceptable to society, it was about giving him a tool to feel successful and confident about himself. All the research I have read suggests that adhd is a condition wherein a part of the brain isn't fully awake while the rest of the brain is. The medication wakes up that sleepy part and let's us see who he is at his fullest, most alert. I have a feeling that the people you say are looking at him as damaged are actually thinking, "That child needs some help to really be who he can be." My son is very verbal and opinionated and funny, none of which has changed on medication. But now he can also follow directions and consider his actions before he chooses to act, something that everyone who doesn't live on a desert island must do. Good luck with your journey. It's one that many, many people have taken and continue to struggle with every day.
THanks, everyone for all of your postings......
I was having such a horrible day yesterday!!!
Today is better....but the struggles are still the same.
It is so nice to know that there are other people going through the same things....THIS TOO SHALL PASS!
Hi,
I understand your frustration but that is the way society looks at children who are different. I have to say I don't feel meds have changed my son's personality, it has made it much better, he is much happier. The meds are not perfect, he doesn't sleep as well.
I don't know where you live but Waldorf schools tend to celebrate the differences in children and don't put labels on children. Waldorf isn't for me, I don't swallow all their kool aid, if you know what I mean, but it is a great alternative education for some children. My niece attends a Waldorf, she is not adhd her parents just like to stray away from anything mainstream and it's been great for her. I have other friends who send their children to public or charter Waldorf schools and they love it. Are Waldorf school in your area??
If my son is anything like me, he will go whole heartedly for whatever he wants.....I get something in my mind and I MAKE it work!
Steve Irwin was either ADHD or an adrenalin junkie!!!! LOL His passing caught alot of people off guard, many of us don't know why we are having a hard time dealing with his death, there are message boards and people all over the world that feel this way.....very strange! I think his soul traveled around and touched all the animal lovers in the world, I don't know. I'm sad everyday about it.
Our 6 year old was just diagnosed this past summer and we are still trying to swallow the fact that our son has it. When I think about the tough road my son has I just want to curl up and cry. I have spent at least one night awake, asking why through my tears....how many more will I have?
We have decided for the time being to not medicate. Like you, I just don't feel comfortable with it. I have tried to picture myself handing him a pill in the morning or how I will explain to him why he might be having bad side effects. Then I am supposed to tell him that we have to work through it, maybe try another drug to see if that pill works better or up the doseage? My son trusts me totally but I can't trust my own decisions at the moment because I don't know what is the right thing to do.
I am probably babbling but in short, I totally understand your confusion and anger.
You know, if the purpose of the medication was to change his personality just to make him more palatable to other people, I would have a real problem with the meds, too. But I have explained to my son that the meds he takes are simply to wake up a part of his brain that wants to be asleep when the rest of him is awake. His own brain is trying to wake that part up by making him fidget and act out. If his meds were altering him so much that he wasn't himself any more, they would have to go and I would keep him home to homeschool. Yes! Yes! Yes! I can not believe someone else thinks the way I do. We are big fans of Steve Irwin and have really been struggling with his death. I don't know why, it's not like we know him we just watch him on tv. But the last few weeks watching all the specials on him, there is no doubt that man had ADHD. I think thats why I have been so upset about his passing, is that I see so much of my sons personality in him, and I related to him alot. It makes me fearful of my son not becoming his full potential by giving him meds. Look at Steve Irwin and see that zest for life and his animals. I heard Terri Irwin say last night that there was no 5-year plan with him. If he thought it, it had to be now. That is so much like my son, and other ADHDers. I hope as parents, myself included, we can find a way to help them explore and find there passion, and do it with their whole heart! Sorry, I need to calm down, I'm just rambling!
southernbelle38988.6620601852You said it so well! I too fell the same way. I have a feeling my son will end up doing something special with his life. I really don't care what others think of him, I know he is truley gifted, things others can't see. I do not want to medicate. If it comes down to him getting kicked out of school, or failing, or too much peer pressure, I will find another alternative if it means me selling my business and home schooling him. I would of course find activities where he would interact with others if that happened. It's a very tough decision. Others say their children are still the same child on meds, even better.......so if it came down to meds, I MIGHT try, if I felt he was not Dillon any longer, I would quit immediately.
Steve Irwin was ADHD......like you, I don't know for sure, but the signs are definately there! He was very passionate about what he did and it kills me everyday to think he is gone. I watched the Barbara Walters special last night interviewing Mrs. Irwin.....WOW, she is strong!
Wow, what you said sums up all the fears, worries, and outright disgust at the world, and systems that seem to work against our special children. If only things were different so they didn't feel so beaten down by everyone all the time. I know that they will and have a difficult life, but at least I try to make sure he is loved, accepted and forgiven at home where those relationships are really the most important.I wonder why it is that my son has to have such a hard time in life. He is such a dynamic jewel but, sadly, even he has a hard time seeing it. My son was changed by society. He was born an exhuberant and zestful spirit just bursting with life...the first four years were complete bliss for him and us. (parents) THEN, preschool...nightmare, "your son is certainly a handful!" and it went straight downhill from there.
Fast forward to 6th grade. "zero tolerance!", "you didn't follow directions," on and on.....
The changes in my son through out the years should be a crime. Other kids, teachers, society in general have robbed him of his right to feel accepted- normal..
We, (parents) have bowed to demands and put him on medication...I am positively sickened every morning when I give his little hands that pill....Don't get me wrong, I believe we all have to make our own choices and I fault no one for doing this...it just has never and doesn't now sit right with me.
Why am I the only one who can appreciate my son for all that he is? Why do you look at me as a failure if my child is too loud at the table? Do you think that we haven't tried every way we could to improve his table manners? More importantly, though he never realizes your stares, do you think he would like you to look at him that way? At least I consider it a blessing that he isn't aware of your judgmental leers....To his peers, do you think he knows that he is "in your space?" Do you think he wants you to reject him?
Has anyone ever correlated the late Steve Irwin with your child? The impulsivity that Mr. Irwin portrayed, the stories of his antics....the hyper-activity? Now, how about this, the absolute gentleness of his spirit.....the emotional connection with all living things, the percieved goodness of his soul......It would seem that he was able to overcome his situation and turn all of his energy towards something so good....even better than his self.....was able to channel it into the positive...a genuine success story...I am not saying that I know for certain that he had ADHD, but I can certainly see the signs....I fear my son will never be able to find his niche the way Mr. Irwin did. I see my son medicated and just getting by in life.....I keep striving for the top and help him to get there but in the back of my mind I truly wonder where he will end up.
To finish, (sorry this is so long!) this sums up my son........this morning we were in the bathroom just before school started and there was a daddy long legs in the sink......I made an eeek....because it startled me and my son, wanting to protect me, impulsively turned the water on.....then, just as quickly he turned it off. (he learned that the daddy long leg spiders have fangs and can bite so he is somewhat leary of them too) He did not want to kill that spider! However, he knew that I did not want that spider in the bathroom....arachnophobic. so he, screeching loudly as he was also afraid, took that spider in his hands and took it outside......the neighbors probably heard him screeching at that early hour and made their own assumptions, etc. but the truth is he was being my little soldier....the kindhearted gentle spirit that he is but is frequently overlooked because of that loud chaotic outer skin he was burdened with.