Some days the crap and the clutter ... | ADHD Information

really get to me. 

Trying to pick the kitchen up at night, wading through the endless piles of 'artwork' and papers that the kids bring home from school, not to mention the endless notices etc. that the school sends home.  You look around the kitchen and you all of a sudden see the piles of sh*t laying around.  Funny they weren't there earlier.  Why is that crap in the kitchen? Why haven't I put it up? It doesn't belong there.  The bottles of essential oils that have been there for at least 3 months. The cds that really belong with the rest of the collection. Coupons!  The bag of freezer burned pecans that need to be given to the birds sitting on the counter.  Let's not even talk about the fruit rotting on the counter.  Or the jalepeno that is now a dried jalepeno cause it sat there so long. 

Then I come upstairs to tuck my kids in.  The horizontal surfaces are piled high.

AAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

It makes me want to clean house with a warehouse sized box of garbage sacks.  But I know damn well I'll start and get paralyzed in not being able to decide what to do with the crap or deal with the pleading of the kids to "not throw that away!"   (of course, now, they accuse me of throwing things away if they can't find them) 

I need help.  And by ADD standards the house is pretty picked up and uncluttered.  I just get sick of it.

 

 

 

Boy, do I hear you.

Some tips from a confirmed junk-a-holic.

I bought some large plastic storage containers and that is where I put all the kids papers, birthday cards and other memorabilia.   (I'm 46 and still have all the kids handprints from kindergarden but they are all in the tub)

Next get some boxes and the garbage bag.

Set aside One box for things that don't belong in this room.  When you're done cleaning take this box from room to room and put things away. 

Then put everything else that doesn't warrant throwing away into another box. 

Now you've got a cleanish room the barer the better.  Now start putting the things you really need back where they belong.  If you don't need it - leave it in the box.  Put the box out in the garage.  In 6 months it will be easier to deal (dispose of) with  because if you needed it you would have gone out to the box and gotten it.

It also helps to take some stuff out of "prime" real estate and put it somewhere else.  For example dishes or pans etc that you only use during holidays can be stored in a closet or garage instead of in the kitchen.  This gives you more room to deal with stuff that you use all the time.

I have found the "take everything out - put only those things needed back" method of cleaning is the only one that works for me.  Keeps things neat for a month or more at least!  And it does feel sooooo good to have conquered the mess - even if it is only temporary.

Susan

 

Hey- How did you get a key to my house and why haven't I seen you here before? - Are you hiding underneath a pile of my stuff?

Totally understand---I know how to clean but it just doesn't happen!! Actually my kitchen is OK, but my bedroom is a disaster. I think sometimes of what it would be like if I died and everyone had to come into my house to clear out my S**t! Yikes!!Everytime I decide to clean the Kid papers etc, I usually start going through them and then get frustrated -put them in paper bags and then place them in my bedroom out of sight, only now I just have a small path to walk to my bed. Oh yeah and you can't see the bags though because they are covered with my clothes that I haven't hung up!!

I have no advice but at least you are not alone!

If your kids don't want to throw it away,compromise and tell them it will be boxed up and stored till a certain date (print this date on the box). Maybe they can trade it then for another box of STUFF stored away.
Usually they don't even miss it. Tell them this is the deal or they will have to throw the stuff away. You are being fair by doing this. Maybe reward them with something small for doing this ? (not more junk of course )
How about suggesting to give the excess to underprivlidged children ?

I think kids are oversaturated with toys and junk these days. I see no benefits in it.
worldisround38988.9502083333I have a REALLY HARD time with cleaning up. ADHD is a beeotch!

I have to clean my car once or twice a week because so much garbage from eating and work seems to invade my car. When I try to clean my car sometimes I get really distracted, go somewhere, and forget to clean my car, then get embarrassed if someone sees the mess in my car!!!! ahhhh!!!!!!

My house was a disaster. I'd clean up only when the mess was really bad. And to make things worse, my ADD wife that had no job and stayed home would never clean the house, so the work was that much harder for me when I would get home after work. And because of the hyperactive side of my ADHD, I'd get angry at my wife instead of trying to help her, dammit!!!

I understand I've seen both sides of the situation.  Been there, got the dirty coffee mug.

Insane, is it that the house is dirty or more cluttered?  As I'm sure you are aware, your wife is probably absolutely paralyzed by the clutter. There's so much of it, no idea where to start, completely overwhelmed by the entire task. 

When I was not working outside the home I attempted to clean and keep the house picked up myself.  Besides, that should've been my job when I wasn't working, right?  I could do one or the other.  I could pick up or I could go into hyperfocus deep cleaning.  There was no doing both in the same month.  Usually when I would go to pick up the clutter, that sent me into hyperclean.  It ended up being an all day ordeal.  The result at the end of the day was that the house was spotless but I was a royal bitch if anyone dared drag anything out, leave something laying around, or gasp... get the floor dirty!  It was unpleasant for the entire family. Me included. 

I finally realized my limitations and called someone (won't do 'companies') to clean for me every two weeks. It's not done exactly to the detail that I would do if it were up to me. Sure, the grout lines are dirty in my bathroom.  The baseboards are dusty. I'm sure there are some cobwebs somewhere. But... the sheets are clean, the floors are vacuumed and mopped, surfaces are dusted, toilets and tubs are clean.  And it causes me to pick up and deal with the clutter at least once every two weeks.  Even my husband says that alone is worth the cost.

Maybe instead of thinking of it as working when you get home. Maybe try treating it as really crappy together time (I'm sure your wife would like/enjoy some adult conversation when you get home).  And if your wife is like me (inattentive type) if it's a 'social' activity with interesting conversation it isn't really work.  Maybe try a trial joint effort at cleaning the bathroom.  Divide and conquer type approach.  One of you tackles the tub/shower while the other one deals with the counters sinks and toilets.  Put music on and you've got a regular party!

 

More progress.  Today is tackle the kid's issues/clutter day. Today is cleaning lady day. I'm scurrying around the house picking up my crap and I look in their room.  There is no way the cleaning lady can do anything other than change sheets.  I explained to them on Sunday that the cleaning lady was coming Tuesday and they needed to do their chores (normally done on Saturday).  I have threatened to come in and clean with a garbage sack if it is not done. 

Well, today is Tuesday. And their areas are a pit.  I told my husband what I was doing.  He argued that if they don't do their chores they don't get their allowance.  Which they didn't.  It didn't bother them too much, in fact they were  :meh: .    I explained to husband that since I am paying the cleaning lady to clean and she is not able to clean their room due the amount of sh*t laying around, they are costing me money and time.

So I got two big boxes and I am cleaning with a sweep of the arm. Anything not in it's place is in the box.  They will be earning it back piece by piece with extra chores.  THe time limit to earn it back is 2 months.  After that the crap will be given to charity.

Does this sound fair?  I think it does.

I love natural consequences.

I am embarassed at how cluttered my house is...and it isnt nasty stuff...just piles of mail, paper, etc.  I don't want to have any guests over.

I am seriously thinking about hiring a maid service to come in every two weeks or so...
ADD&Proud, your post really made a lot of sense and put it into a different perspective. Put on some music, and make house cleaning and clutter pickup a fun activity and set aside time for it.

Too bad I discovered my ADHD and my wife's ADD and this forum after I decided to leave my wife. We also had other issues as well, but I will use this information as a benefit and if I decide to live with a woman again, I will look at it in a different way. Sometimes people need a wake up call, I sure did.ADHDinsane38996.2513773148

I've heard a lot of people (mostly women) who say they have a cleaning service come in and then they won't let them in until they've cleaned up (a bit in their words lol)!  What a crappy situation!

I can't see paying a lot of money to have to clean up yourself.  Heck if I ever got a service in I'd be tempted to smear the walls with pudding or something just to get my money's worth!  Well not that far but I'd want them to do a real job.  And if they told me it was too cluttered I'd see that as incompetence.  What a racket.

I'm learning to clean.  Too bad its at 39 but never too old to learn new tricks.  I even bought a brand new lamp for my bedside table so I can get rid of the yard sale junker I have.  I bought a floor runner rug to cover the landlord's poorly-chosen light rug where coffee stains hit often.  I'm getting downright martha sterwarty without the felony conviction! LOL!!

I'll never understand people completely - just have to accept that.

Clutter clearing gets you out of your rut. It shakes loose frozen aspects of your soul and allows them to journey into your heart where they belong and where you can listen to and act upon them.

Eventually, you will find yourself turning to clutter clearing instead of aspirin or caffeine when you notice that you're not as clear-headed, focused or insightful as you'd like to be. If you're feeling lethargic and don't want to exercise, you'll know to examine whether you've allowed a zone of stagnation to creep in around the couch (where you are most likely to be having lazy thoughts in the first place). If you can't seem to decide on priorities for your business, you'll realize it's time to clear off the desk and catch up on paperwork. And if you're not eating as well as you should, you'll remember that clearing off the kitchen counter and cleaning out the fridge will help get your eating habits back on track.

What this all boils down to is that managing your clutter helps you feel like less of a victim and puts you back in control of your moods and your life. You have greater confidence in your abilities and decisions, so you feel more hopeful and optimistic about the future. You respect yourself more, and will probably find that other people treat you better as well. You feel less stressed, and have more courage to try and do new things. You stop turning to material objects to make you happy, because you are content with less.

Clearing out your clutter creates space for possibility. You may find yourself deciding to go back to school, change your career, start your own business, go out on a date, take up painting or singing or ballroom dancing, try out for a part in a play, or... what's your dream? (No wonder clutter clearing can be a little scary! Suddenly there are no more excuses for why you can't pursue that dream.)

Your friends will say you look terrific. They'll wonder where that sparkle in your eye came from, and how you manage to look both energized and serene at the same time. It's because you have released from your life everything that is no longer useful to you. You have let go of the past and are no longer hoarding for the future. You have made space for living freely in the present, where peace resides. worldisround38994.2078587963 I once had a maid come in (from Merry Maids or something like that) and she called her supervisor and then informed me that she wouldn't clean the house, because it was too cluttered.  It is painful to remember that -- I was like, omigod, I am a person who is such a slob that I have scared away a person whose job it is to clean.  But my place is relatively neat nowadays (neat for me, that is -- it's a very relative term). The secret of my success was that I moved to a place with more closet space.  I thought it was all about me, and I was a slob and a bad person.  It was a revelation to learn that having enough closet space went a long way to address this particular failing.  I also got a lot of Tupperware boxes in various random sizes -- if I have more than two of something, then it can get its own box and I will know where to put other things from the same category.  I find that clutter results when I don't know where something goes.  Essential oils would probably sit out on my counter, too, because there isn't an obvious place to put them "away."  Wordwoman38993.8436458333

I made some progress this weekend.  The corner in the kitchen that was collecting stuff, the essential oils, the cds, the 'artwork'. I went through and either put away or made a decision (very hard) and chunked it.  Some of the 'artwork' I literally had to ask my husband "is this worth keeping?"

Today, the other side of the counter.

I always say that my piles are like sponges- they can procreate on their own

Sorry I don't really have any useful advise.  What I usually do is not notice it until there is literally no other surface to set anything on and then I freak out and clean compulsively until all surfaces are cleared. 

 

I've finally taken a huge bite out of my terribly cluttered living space.  It was painful to do but frightfully simple when I got down to brass tacks.

1) simplify!  Especially with kids you must rid yourself of your material possessions! No I'm not saying go buddhist - but seriously I remember being a stepdad in collectible-land and do you honestly thing kids need 500 toys?!?  Cut back - make piles like on those stupid home reno shows - keep, throw away, sell - whatever.  If it has cracks, peeling, missing parts or isn't obviously being used throw them out!  I remember that the ex had heaps of single shoes/socks, games with two pieces left, games that had been in water and were bubbled and peeling.  But do you think that I - the packrat - could throw them out?!? NO!! She would eventually find extra pieces, go to a yardsale and finish it, etc. etc.

2) Out of sight - out of mind.  The average kid playing has the attention span of a hyper beagle.  Remove games and toys that are obviously not played with often.  Put them in opaque plastic containers in the closet.  Just don't do it in front of the kids or they'll freak and tell you that the toys are the best ones they have and honestly they play with them all the time!

3) Do a head count - be honest.  Do you need 20 dishes for a family of 5?  Was the last dinner you had with lots of guests when Clinton was on his 1st run in office? As governor?!?  Get rid of the big ceramic bowl with the chip out of it.  The teflon pan with no teflon left.  The heat-melted tupperware bowl that's more modern art than crisper-keeper.

I have no kids but had to go through my own "toys". I had to be realistic, bite my lip and throw out loads of stuff.  Not "I will hold a yard sale - someday" or "I may use that - someday".  Someday rarely comes.  I feel better and removed a walk-in closet literally full of junk.

Do cleaning when you have a full day alone.  Nobody knows - nobody cries.