Lots of great insight here. I'm new to the ADHD thing from a parent's perspective (see "Thinking of an evaluation" on the alternative's board). One thing I've run into in the brief few weeks of contemplating if my daughter has ADD is that friends and family sure do view it as a flaw in parenting!! I'd almost tend to tell them about the ADHD and the meds, and let them see firsthand how much of a difference medication makes in the behavior, to make it clear to them it's not "bad parenting".
Sounds like you came up with a good solution. My daughter has been doing sleepovers since kindergarten (she's in 3rd grade now). Now recently she doesn't want to do sleepovers. She had to come home late one night, then skipped the next sleepover entirely. I didn't push it, but had the friend over here instead. I'm sure she'll go again when she's ready.
Sorry, I have been busy and unable to reply. Thanks everyone for sharing your point of views.
Well, we cheated... a bit.. hehehe. I let my son stay over until around 10:00 pm... (I think other post gave this a name of sorts). Then I picked him up and brought him home. I told the parents he has never spent the night over at someone else house before (besides family, true fact) and I was concerned on how he would react once everyone is asleep. (I did not want to have to make a run to pick him up in the middle of the night.) After all he is only 6 yrs old. So, that is how it went down. I guess I chickened out on the whole "explain the ADHD' thing. Maybe I just wasn't ready to tackle that..... Maybe I felt these parents would not be understanding.... I'm not sure really. But it went over well and everyone was happy.
I have learned a lot from everyone's response... and, When faced with the "sleep over" crisis again, I hope I've learned enough to be able to handle the situation in an understanding and responsible way. Just do the right thing.
ptgally38993.6010532407I have always been an open person. My son has had a few invites 1 for a b-day party which I explained his condition and guess what? the childs brother is also ADHD which is likely why he tolerates my son so well anyhow the Mom is now a great support to me we attend a new ADHD support group in the area together! The second was a sleepover with another child and guess what? they have a child with severe autism and Mom is a second grade teacher so she wasn't phased either! although we opted to have the sleepover's here in fact we did one last weekend! lot's of kids have problems and I think the family would be better off knowing.I like the sleep under idea, we call them half sleep overs and the children go in pj's and do all the stuff except actually sleep...we stay till about 11:00.
I think 6 is a bit young, my ds is 7 and I think he would not make it all night unless it was at his cousins house.
Good luck you know you little guy best.
Well How did it go?
I guess it really depends on the maturity of the child. My 6 yo dd has hosted 3-4 sleepovers here (one child) and has gone on one sleepover(one child). My ADHD dd (7) has had 2 sleepovers here when she was 6. One time the child lasted until midnight and then had to go home(next door). She has never been invited to a sleepover yet. She doesn't really seem to care one way or another.
One thing families do in our neighborhood is have "sleep unders". They are like sleepovers only they last until 10 p.m. then the kids go home.
I personally think that 6 yo is too young for a sleepover unless it is a very, very close family. I usually think of about 8-9 yo is a more responsible age for this. Has nothing to do with ADHD. Just my .02. What should i do when my child has been invited to a sleep over with some of his friends, and none of them (including the parents) know that he take meds for ADHD? My concerns are many. What will the parents think of his implusive behavior that kicks in around 7:00 pm?... and still going strong in the morning. ( I mean for my son it is hyper city in the am! ) Do i have to explain to the parent that MY child is ADHD and they might have trouble getting him to bed ... and he possibly will be unruley in morning, until his meds kick in? Shew.... then that means I will have to pack pills along with his sleeping bag! gezz! I honestly dont know how to handle this. I want him to be able to go. But I dont want (and I dont mean it to sound as bad as it sounds), be a burden on another parent.... You know what I mean? Any advise? Oh and he is 6 btw. ptgally38988.8681828704Who's house is he sleeping over? I'm guessing you know this family quite well (judging from my post you just replied to). No one else needs to know but I think you have to be honest with the parents who's house is having the sleep-over. Ask them if they would feel comfortable in admininstering meds and if so explain the behaviours he's likely to exibit. If they feel uncomfortable, well then that's their right. We can provide our children with a lot of opportunities - just not all of them. It doesn't mean if he can't go this time, he won't be able to go to the next.aaaah.. yeah that is true. But I dont want him to miss out on anything. ANYTHING!..... Because his is adhd. BUT I dont want to "burden" other parents either. But overall, your right.... Maybe this time, or maybe next time. I will have to figure out the best choice. ... (if it comes to that.. that is. ) Shew I get so worked up over things like this. I just want my child to be happy, and for everyone to see how good a boy his really is~!Don't look at it as if he's going to be a 'burden'. Think about the parents who are not skilled in working with a child with ADHD. Maybe in time they will learn the tricks but if you're going to keep it secret to everyone, no one is going to be able to adjust accordingly. Having said that, it should be a need-to-know basis. Our children come before their ADHD.I wouldn't say a word about it. You give him the meds in the morning, right? Then, wait for him to come home to give them to him. As far as his having a difficult time going to sleep, all the boys will because they are having fun. Ds would usually try to hold it together when he was at other kids houses when he was younger. He used to reserve special morning behavior for just his family. Weren't we lucky?[QUOTE=lillian]I wouldn't say a word about it. You give him the meds in the morning, right? Then, wait for him to come home to give them to him. As far as his having a difficult time going to sleep, all the boys will because they are having fun.[/QUOTE]
I don't know. If the parents are unaware of his ADHD and he acts out then they'll think he's being disrespectful. If they're aware, they'll be able to make sense to it and act accordingly. I agree, all of the kids will be wired but I'm thinking he may be even more over the top. It's your call.
Lillian & Inabox- To be honest... I can relate to both your opinions. It's a toss up... I'm torn. You know, maybe its the realtionship you have with the other parent..... if that parent has p'd you off before.. then make it a free for all, BUT if you like her, help her out with the facts! hehe (ok, its late... and was looking for a laugh at the moment) . Shew... thanks for the replies... I hope i make the right choice. well? do you like them? lolhehe... to be honest... they seem to act a bit as if they was a "bit better than most". If you catch my drift. A perfect family!!! With it all. I would hate for my 6 yr old to break a vase or anything! hehe. But over all, yes they are goodpeople. I just hope they would understand a child that act on impluse. Not because he wants to too, just b/c he can't control his "is this good or bad" thoughts yet... without the help of meds. I am the type who would probibly let the parents in so they know that is a tough one. Also kids are normally better for others than with mom and dad. Let us know how it pans out. My daughter is dying for her first sleep over.I have the same concerns as you do for your childs behavior. That's why my son does not stay many places except for family. I think that kids will have diffciliulty going to sleep regardless of the ADHD because of the situation. I also think that kids tend to be better for other families than their own parents. I think it would be a learning experience and based on how he does you can decide what to do next time, if you tell them later about the ADHD.I think that if I were the one inviting children over that I would want to know. I could be prepared and understand what was going on and not just hink he's an out of control kid who doesn't listen. If they don't know why he's behaving that way then they may just not invite him over at all after that.
That being said, if you don't want to tell the other parents you could always decline, but invite your son's friend over to your house for a sleepover a week or two later. I've personally done this when my son get's invited to someone's house who I know let them stay up until whenever they want cause if his sleep schedule gets screwed up too much it takes him up to 10 days to really get back to normal.
If it were my son, I would not send him. My neighbors are exactly the same way "the brady bunch" and everything they have and do is perfect. Although they are nice people, they have no tolerance for my son nor do most people that don't have experience with ADHD kids. Most opinions are he needs a beating or a punch in the mouth for being so disrespectful and if that were my kid I would .......
As much as I hate to do it, I try to keep my son segregrated from the neighbors kids as much as I can as I'm sick of hearing Michael did this or Michael did that. I try to take him to the playground and keep him in extracurricular activities.