need advise | ADHD Information

I need some help.  My 7yr old was just diagnosed witj ADHD.  She is now on meds.  It is like day and night with her.  My problem is dealing with my family.  I get the whole thing about how she really doesn't have it.  Meds will make her into a zombi...  I don't know how to politley tell them to back off.  I know she needs the meds, but I don't know how to make the family realize that.  Help please..

 

Hi and welcome.  The thing about medicating ADHD children is:  you are either for it or against it.  There doesn't seem to be much middle ground on this topic.  So, you aren't going to be able to convince your family because their minds are already made up.  Just make the topic off-limits to them.  Refuse to discuss it any more.  It isn't their business, anyway.  This seems to happen a lot with members of this board.  We'll support you no matter what your decision!Hi merica1983,

Dang, Yes!   I always got that from my parents and inlaws.  Exactly!..."She really doesn't have it"  It makes me soooo angry (because I still get it even though my daughter is now 15 and has had all the professional testing/diagnoses available and has benefited so much from the meds!)    And my parents are retired teachers!

  There's always that underlying tension with the grandparents with them perhaps thinking that my husband and I are making a mistake with our daughter.  There's enough of that in the outside world and it shouldn't be within the family.

 My inlaws are from Europe and I can't begin to try to educate them, they're really stuck in their ways.  But I feel my parents should know better, and of course I have provided them with information.  No...as far as they're concerned, she's normal and shouldn't be on ("those dangerous") medications!

 My mother has even quoted Tom Cruise's thoughts on meds!  That was before he was shunned for being such a kook!  Now I joke with my mom and ask her "what's Dr. Tom Cruise saying lately?"  That's a bit of a payback! 

Just tell the family that you, as her parents, under the consultation of your daughter's well-respected specialist(s) know what's best for her, but that you certainly appreciate their concern.  Repeat as needed.   Lord knows, I've repeated that many time! 

  If needed, ask them (with a sweet smile on your face) exactly what are their qualifications are in the pediatric medical/psychiatric testing/treatment field.  u know what ur child needs the family is not the ones raising ur child and thats what i would tell them people dont think like bunch of people say on here until they go through it they have no say.

Has she started medication yet? If so, you should notice a BIG difference right away. And if she has been having difficulty for a long time, pretty soon the changes should be pretty obvious. Let that speak for itself.

My family was pretty supportive of medication. But I was also living with my parents for 4 years and in the midst of that, he was diagnosed ADHD..So they knew exactly what I had been dealing with and saw the changes immediately.

I hope things get better for you!

Me-single mom RN 35

dd age 9.5, ds 7.5 ADHD, ds 5.5, ds almost 4

We didn't tell anyone about our daughter's medication for the longest time, because we didn't want the meds to get the credit or the blame for anything she did.  My MIL flat out does not believe in ADD, even though 3 of her children and 7 of her grandchildren have been diagnosed with it.  My mom doesn't like to think about it because I am sure my sister had it, but my mom just believed she was lazy. 

When it finally came out that she was on medication, we refused to allow any discussion of it.  "Thank you for your concern, but we feel we know best" became our new mantra.  And really, if being polite doesn't work, just tell them to back off.  There are enough struggles with this disorder - I'm not going to waste time arguing over whether it's "real" or not.

Your story is very familiar to mine.  My family (mostly my son's grand parents) always argued that my son's behavior was a normal 6 years old behavior. I was a teacher before ( quit a year ago since I had a baby) and I was completely convinced that my son had adhd. So, What did I do? I took my son all by myself to the neurologist, I did all the medical and psychological tests he needed. Finally he was diagnosed. My husband and I gave the medication a try plus additional psychotherapies.  Guess what? Grandparents are amazed on how nice and pleasant the boy is behaving right now. They say:" Marcel has grown more mature, now we really enjoy being with him". I don't care whether they like or not the medication issue. He is my son and I am fighting for his happiness.

You don't have to tell them all decisions you take with your family. The idea is not to be mean. Many grandparents think adhd is a normal behavior for young kids. The fact is that it is very difficult to accept for them that you should medicate for behavior. At their time adhd wasn't a topic (period!!!).

Just don't talk about the issue anymore with them. We are always going to be here if you need support.

if i were you i would refuse to discuss the subject with them,it is not their business.when i started to take concerta my mum and sister went crazy,althought they accept my son has ADHD,they seem to think adults can't be ADD????.I WAS REALLY ENNOYED AS MY SISTER LEFT HOME 24 YEARS AGO AND MY MUM 18 YEARS AGO,I ALSO HAVE LIVED IN SCOTLAND FOR THE LAST 14 YEARS AND THEY ARE IN FRANCE.HOW WOULD THEY KNOW ?