All the things you mentioned, are they really that he WON"T do them, or just doesn't have the presence of mind to do them? Poor working memory is a common symptom of ADD and I haven't found the medications to help that. And from my experience, if your med is working 60-70%, that a good run.
Your son sounds just like my 11 year old. But I don't think of him as "Older" quite yet. . I don't expect my son to do these things on his own, yet. Maybe I am too easy on him and I should be more concerned? I dunno.... He loves sports as well and is doing good in school, he isn't Mr Popular but has many aquaintences and a few good friends. So I don't see much else wrong with him, besides the increasing effects of puberty. I have to do more for him. Thats it. It can be a disabling disorder. What else can we do? My other kids understand this too. They know he is different. They help him as well.
Remember, ADHD kids are usually immature for their age and those things you expect come with maturity I know how you feel, though, Sometimes I think he'll never brush his teeth, zip his fly, comb his hair, sit down and eat, come when I call, all without asking and reminding 5 times before its done. But it doesn't happen. Sometimes I worry that I am going to be supporting this kid well into his 40's! But I remember worrying that he was never going to read, or be able to tie his shoes or get out of diapers, or hold a pencil right. I was wrong about all of those things. So I am probably wrong with this too.
Hi all.
My son Christopher is now 11 years old and has been diagnosed with ADHD since 3rd grade. Although we were informed by his school in Kindergarten that he may have ADHD, we put off meds until the 3rd grade when his grades were starting to become affected by his inattentiveness. Our hopes were that he may eventually grow out of it as he got older.
Christopher is a nice, gentle, very caring young boy who loves sports. We always thought the sports like football, basketball, etc. would help him with his hyperactivity and it does. And for the most part his meds (Focalin and Chlonidine) help him during the day at school. Most days are good, some not so good, but we are able to work with him.
The problems we seem to be having recently have to do with motivation. How do other motivate their kids to realize the importance of responsibility? For example, every morning it is a constant battle to get this kid ready for school. He has a schedule on his door that tells him what time, how long, and what the task is. Things like getup, shower, eat breakfast, get dressed, etc. He can do them in any order if hw wishes, but every day we have to practically shower him ourselves, force feed him breakfast, send him back (sometimes several times) to change his clothes because his is dressed in dirty or inappropriate clothing. After 100+ times of showing him how to take a shower you would think he would get it by now. It's like he is awake in the morning, but his brain is not functioning at all.
I've started to wonder recently if he has some other kind of medical issues along with the ADHD. I'm thinking of taking him in to see the child Psych. for further testing. He has tried the majority of the ADHD medicine's and although we have the best combo for him, it still only works about 60-70 percent of the time.
We have 2 other children who wind up missing out on attention because we have to keep on Christopher so much. It's coming to a point to where we don't know what to do anymore. We've researched hours upon hours and ready many fourms just like this one, but this is the first time I've posted.
What are other people doing with ADHD kids as they get older? What has worked for situations similar to ours? We love Christopher so much, and it seems he gets more negative attention from us than positive. I feel like if he continues down this road, it's only going to get worse for him. We have tried so many different ways to discipline positive and negative, tried to structure his life, have pets to try and teach him responsibility, give rewards for completing chores, etc.
It goes on and on and on, but all I can really say is HELP!!
As far as the morning routine, I would try to do as much the night before, so that there isn't so much he needs to do in the morning - especially if that is a difficult time of the day for him.
He could shower the night before, lay out his clothes, have his school stuff all in order and by the door.
As far as motivation, have you tried the marble system - there is a whole thread on it. We just started it with our 5 year old.
Hi........ I have two sons, ages 13 and 12. My 13 yr old is dx'd ADHD Primary Inattentive with co-existing anxiety and mild depression. The 12 yr old has no issues.
Over the years, our mornings with our oldest son used to be like yours. It was like my son's brain circuits were just all jumbled up before his medication took effect, and it really impacted his ability to function in the morning. Here are a few things we did to help and it has really turned around:
1. Have ALL his clothes laid out ready to go B4 he gets up.
2. About 45 minutes BEFORE he wakes up, I give him his medication with a big glass of chocolate Ovaltine. I then let him go back to sleep. Having his medications early has been THE biggest help for us. It made a huge difference in his ability to function, get up, etc.
3. Have his backpack packed and ready by the door. Get HIM to do this with your support the night B4.
4. No TV, computers in the morning. Period. Some parents allow it as an incentive to get them to hurry up and get ready. Works for some, not others. In our household its just too distracting and my sons fight over channels.... so its not allowed, period.
Once my child's meds were effective in the morning, it became MUCH easier to use behavoral techniques to better smooth out the chaos of our morning. For example........ I now only remind my son twice to get up if I need to (and I usually don't need a 2nd time). I used to scream, plead, yell, beg, threaten to pour water on his face, etc. No more. Now I simply tell him to get up, then I say no more. (Were working on getting him to respond to an alarm clock, but we aren't there yet) If he doesn't get up and get ready by the time I leave with my other son.....he pays the consequence for being late to school, which is a pre-negotiated consequence. For us, it is loss of computer/TV, which are his main motivators right now. It changes over time.
I've known other parents using behavioral techniques that did various things like take their child to school with PJ's on, force them to call a cab to get to school... with the child paying for the cab using their OWN money, etc. You just have to fit the consequence to your circumstance and child. Most of all.... you sit down WITH the child and go over a whole consequence plan and lay out what they can expect to happen each morning and what will happen if they don't follow the plan. The child has input into choosing a consequence for non-compliance. This empowers both them and you (when you have to enforce it).
Of course......... the behavioral plan comes AFTER you've gotten a handle on the medication issue. I really do consider this "morning chaos" thing many of our kids have going on to be a brain chemical imbalance that they cannot help.
Another thing you might try is to in your mind, litterally break down every single step your son must take from the moment he gets out of bed, to the moment he is in the car on the way to school. Look at each step and think of any and all things you can do to make it easier for him. Ex. shower at night to cut out a step. I keep a set of toiletries by our kitchen sink in a nice decorative box that my son uses in the rush of the morning... toothpaste, deoderant, contact lens stuff, mouthwash etc. If your child is a cereal eater... put it in an easy pour container and set it out the night B4 with a bowl/spoon/napkin set out. Buy 1/2 gal milk containers to make pouring easier for them.
The goal here is not to do every thing for them and nag them. The goal is to take little baby steps towards letting them take more control and ownership of their morning routine. It will take years for them to be fully independent, but for an 11 yr old...... you need to be moving in that direction of them taking more control.
This is what worked for us. Okiemom
okiemom38990.3537847222
My son is also 11 and we did the exact same thing....we kept him off of meds until the end of 3rd grade and he has been taking them ever since. We do not medicate on weekends or holidays or over the summer....
He does exactly the same things in terms of showering, etc.....I have him a loofah for the shower and some liquid soap because that loofah really bubbles up tremendously and it is so easy for him to wash with it....sometimes he will still get out of the shower with the sides of his hair dirty....only having scrubbed the very top.....i bought a combo soap with conditioner in it because his hair really tangles badly and this really helped.
He lays out all of his clothing the night before and he showers the night before.(he will sometimes wet the bed, and if he does, he uses body wipes on his lower half to avoid the necessity of another shower) He used to put his cereal and bowl on the table the night before, but he no longer does this and it is no longer an issue in the morning...but, when there are time problems, every little bit really helps out. While he eats we set the timer on the microwave, he is allowed to read a book, but no TV time at all.......he can read while he eats but when the timer goes off, he has to stop eating, clear the table and brush his teeth......I keep my ear out for that timer as well, so I can shout across the house to remind him that the time is up and he needs to go and brush his teeth.
His backpack is totally packed up the night before, all his homework put away and all his books packed up....his lunchmoney is in his pack and his snack is also in there.....(i do the money and snack, he gathers his books) The backpack is put by the door next to his shoes......
Because he is an only child, it is easier for me than it is going to be for you, having two other children to deal with.....I had some terrible mornings before and as he has gotten older, it has gotten alot better because we have added things to help, or omitted steps that were no longer necessary, etc. I hope some of this helps with you.
Sometimes, if he does not get out of bed within a few minutes, then I make him go to bed early...(however many minutes he wasted in the bed...) telling him, well, it is apparent you did not get enough sleep last night becuase you could not get out of bed this morning, so tonight i'll put you to bed early and see how it goes....a few times of this and he is cured of that....i just remind him if he seems to be dawdling in bed that it looks like it might be an early bed time for him tonight, etc....and that gets him out of the bed in a hurry!!
I feel for you but I think if you continue to implement new things, trial and error, you will eventually find the system that works.
If it is really bad, maybe you or your spouse could devote their attention to following him around and making certain he is getting whatever it is he needs to get done, and you can concentrate on the other children and yourself, or vice versa.....there is also the option of having him eat his breakfast on the bus or in the car....my son has never rode on a bus and i am not sure if this is allowed, but there have been times i have had to nuke him a sausage hot pocket or some cocoa wheats in a cup and he's had to eat in in the car on the way to school.......though, thankfully, this isn't very often.