Son coming home from the hospital roday | ADHD Information

Hi everyone. I am very excited and very nervous. My son comes home from the hospital today after a week of evelation. We now see a phycrisit and a lady from sass. They said that my son was very good at the hospital. They had him on 36mgs of concerta and 5mgs of the mood elevator. At home i had him on 72mgs of concerta and he was out of control. I don't understand that. So they are sending him on 36mgs of concerta. I asked Dylan can you please behave at home like you did at the hospital. He says to me if you promise not to yell at me anymore. I said i wouldn't have to yell if you would listen. At the hospiyal they have a behavior chart with stickers. They have to earn privalges. I asked Dylan would you like to do that at home. He said yes. But he has to earn everything including tv programs. He gets so many stickers then he earns a privalage. They said that he has nothing except adhd. Why can he be good at the hospital and not for me? He is so out of control at home. No matter what i do. I hope he has learned a lot from the hospital. Only time will tell. Has anybody ever gone through this. Any advice from me. I pick my son up at 10am today. Thank you. Nerak

If the Psych Hospital has him on a mood stabilizer then he probably has a co-morbid mood disorder. Be careful, stimulants and mood disorders do not mix. That is probably why you were having the problems before, 72 mgs of Concerta in an unstable child is a time bomb waiting to go off.

I am curious as to what mood stabilizer they have him on? at 5mgs it sounds like Abilify.

The calmer and more rational you are, the easier it is for him to understand what you are trying to impart. When you yell at him, it automatically puts him in a defensive position and he can't understand what you are really trying to say. Its the fight or flight syndrome. All his brain is telling him is to either run or fight back, it automatically shuts down against the yelling, which includes the message.

You are on the right track with the reward system. I would also suggest that you praise and compliment him for everything you can. Don't make things up but look for things he does better or makes an effort to do better and tell him how pleased you are about that. Tell you you are proud of him, that you have faith in him and his abilities.

ADHD kids respond so much better to positive encouragement than to criticsm. They hear so much negative stuff that they believe it and tend to give up or think whats the use. When you find positive things, they realize they can be winners, that they aren't complete screw ups and that they do have control over much of their lives. They are encouraged to try more.

Look at Ogram's marble system for positive reinforcement behavoir modification. This can be done with marbles or stickers. It is best to start with the most 3-5 most important behaviors you want to change. Set up the behaviors and thier value, make sure he can earn more stickers/marbles for the positive behaviors than he can lose for the negative ones. Then set up what he can buy with the stickers/marbles. For my 10yo daughter (we have alot for her because we have added them with time); she gets a marble for brushing teeth, feed bird, watering dogs, completed homework assignment,  going to bed on time, staying in bed, 3 for every 1/2 hour of reading etc; she loses 2 for talking back, 10 for hitting, 10 for full tantrum (both use to be really bad but have pretty much disappeared). She gets rewarded for doing what we expect of her. She can buy tv and game time (over her 1hr a school day), she can even buy  1/2 hour later bed time. When she gets to 100 marbles she can trade them in for ( of which goes into her college savings fund). The thread is here:

http://www.adhdnews.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19898& PN=2

Yelling just seems to escalate things with a kid with ADHD (and the parent as well). THere is a great thread on this board about yelling:

http://www.adhdnews.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=21684& PN=9

Good luck, this is a tough journey.

 

nerak,

I think kids fulfill whatever prophecy we put out there for them. Maybe he feels like you think he won't be good for you, so he doesn't. If he's coming home from a hospital where he had a good experience, I certainly wouldn't start off asking him why he was good for them but not you.  That just sounds like you're reminding him what a screw up he was. I don't mean to be harsh, but sometimes it takes another perspective to give us a wake-up call. Give him a clean slate on which to be successful.

I am happy for you and i wonder if he was on too high of a dose before?  Good luck and stay firm that is what I have to do also.Sometimes it helps if we turn the negatives into poitives and voice them, keeping the negative to ourselves.  "I hear your behavior was very good at the hospital! wow that's great! I would like to use the same system here at home?"

Re: Yelling  

When ds was a toddler, I realized that the day or so before my period, I would end up losing it and yelling, later feeling that he didn't really deserve my response.  After I realized that, it was easier not to over react, take it easier and think things through.
I found yelling occurs when we get frustrated, emotions kick in, and we end up demonstrating us losing it.  Kids don't hear the words in yelling. mostly just the sound, emotion and expression.  Try to check yourself before yelling, breathe deep, count to ten and plan how you will deal with the situation.  

Good Luck!