My So-called Life (sorry for the novel) | ADHD Information

I recently came across a book called “out of the fog” I read it cover to
cover and it was unbelievable, every single scenario / cause / reaction in
the book I can describe in my life verbatim. I always thought ADD was a
copout. Or at least that it was over diagnosed, and that it was something
everyone had to some degree. But for the first time, I think I understand
that my brain works differently. It always has. My fourth grade teacher
wrote an essay for the class to correct. It was an essay about the member
of the class, and when it came to describe me, it said that I was staring
out the window at unicorns. I also remember in little league, I was an
outfielder, usually I would just space out for the entire game and a ball
would never come near me, but this one time they hit the ball right to me,
only I didn’t realize it until after it hit the ground and everyone was
yelling at me to pick it up . . . so yeah I think I’ve always had ADD. I had
some trouble in school, early on, I think I scored a 0 on my CAT test one
year, because I didn’t listen to a word the teacher said, so they threatened
to put me in sped, my parents took me to this woman . . I had no idea
why she made me arrange pieces and answer question. When I was done
my parents told me I had an very high IQ but that I had a learning
disability, and that I was going to have to work extra hard at school. I
think now that it has been ADD all along. I’ve done pretty well in school
and in college, but I’ve always felt this thing holding me back, erasing my
memory, presenting me from getting to the core of the thing I want to
understand . . . . .

I think my biggest problems are social. What makes the situation worse is
that I understand the things that are my bane, I understand the
characteristics I sometimes display, and I don’t blame people for taking
aim. Often I find my self judging those who are unable to say anything
interesting, or master themselves enough not to seem awkward. I read a
bit of banter on this board about finding new friends if you can’t relate to
a your current ones. While I do think everyone has to find their niche, I
love my friends. I think many of them are kind, caring, intelligent people,
never the less, they often give me sh^t for certain things I do, that I don’t
even realize I’m doing, and that triggers my insecurity and my temper,
weather it be directed inward or outward, anger has been something that
has f**ked up relationships again and again (I’ve never struck anyone but
I have put my fist though a wall or two) . . . It’s interesting though when
trying to determine if other peoples reaction to you is justified or not, I
read some excerpts from a budest text recently eluding to the fact that
sometimes, when judging someone else’s attitude toward you, you fail to
take into consideration how your attitude / demeanor set up the dynamic
in the first place. I think this is particularly telling for those with add,
because often we are not able to accurately judge just what vibe we are
giving off. I almost wish I didn’t understand it so well, that I was simply
and outcast with no clue.

All my relationships seem to run the same course, I developed quite a
shell, a persona that hides my defects very well. I usually come off rather
emotionally unavailable, which anyone who studies human behavior will
tell you tends to attracts people, but usually a certain kind of people.
When finally the person cracks the shell they find that I’m really caring
and quite sensitive, so for a time things are amazing . . . usually a very
short time. You see when someone is exposed to me constantly they start
to notice the flaws, they start to notice the stupid forgetful things I do,
they mistake my inconsideration for inconsideration, my spacyness for
lack of interest, and they start to see that in the myriad of things I am
interested in, I’ve only delved so deep, So they call me on it, and as soon
as they do, I explode. All my insecurities rush back and I can here the
voice of every girl that’s ever judged me. It’s so interesting how people
work, the only way I’ve found to keep people interested is to keep them
guessing. To keep them so fixated on trying to figure me out that they
fail to see the sh^t I do. But it’s exhausting, and sometimes it backfires. I
feel like “normal” people have to do this as well, but it’s so automatic for
them, and they find other ways to keep people occupied, by saying and
doing interesting things, by imparting knowledge or showing off a talent .
. .
thats quite a story but I held onto every word of it. We and have shared a very similar life in a social aspect. All my life I have been interrogated and made fun of because of the stupid things that I do. my friends are part of that group but we all get along very well. I think they have ADHD anyways. (I am ADD) but most of my life I have been treated a little differently and when people do that I hate it!! I like meeting new people because it gives me a chance to get a fresh start. it gives me a chance to have fun and be myself without the others questioning me about having ADD or not. I get a lot of crap from people but over the years I have learned to deal with it and just give them crap back. You just need to stay positive and DO NOT let anybody get to you. they say that us ADDers more intelligent then almost anybody else out there. people such as Einstein and Thomas Edison have been thought to have ADD. its all about controlling yourself. I am a very unorganized person yet can only perform well when things are organized. its a constant battle. Like at work for example I have to do things differently and sometimes it aggravates people because they think that it is just taking me too long to complete the task. well in the end I do my work faster and more efficiently then anybody else and I have been rewarded for it multiple times. You just need to make sure you do things your own way. Have you had any treatment yet? any meds? they where a life saver for me. I use to be very anti-med but once I realized how well they worked I accepted them. Also you said that you are emotionally unavailable. I have been that way for years and have always been known to be the quiet one. When it comes to women it takes the right kinda women to come along that I can get along with and socialize. If I don't see that one thing in common it normally turns into dead silence. I have forced myself to get better at this so I have been forcing myself to going out and meeting new people at bars and clubs..you have no idea how much of a stress reliever it can be. it gives yourself a much needed ego boost. I at one point I thought that I may also have depression (mainly caused by a crude and negative child hood) but it turns out that that wasn't the case and thats what drove me to just meet knew people and I think you need to do the same. You may seem like a fool at first but eventually you learn to not care what others think and 99% of the time you end up having a blast!!! so keep in there buddy!! get over the insecurity and learn to realize that EVERYBODY has flaws in there life's and that you are equal to others and even better then them in many ways.Thanks for your reply,
I found it interesting. I know what you mean about not letting people get
to you. Sometimes I’m on, so I know what it feels like to be well adjusted,
and then out of nowhere this retard will come and possess my body. I
suppose if I were really careful about the situation I put my self in . .
.company and context and such, and shelter myself from stress, I could
do much better, but there are far too many surprises and quick turns in
life for that to be a reality (particularly since I live in NYC). I used to work
at a restaurant, as a bartender, I started dating this girl that worked there
around the same time. For the most part, I feel as if it was the time when
my mind / body functioned at it’s most optimal level. I was always super
busy, able to remember
things, able to interact with people in a confident manner, and my
relationship wasn’t plagued with the normal drama it usually is. I think it
was just the nature of the job, it provided the right proportions of
stimulus, physical activity, chaos for me to operate. I work at an
advertising agency now. Which in many respects is perfect for my brain,
it’s fast pace and we have to come up with a tone of random ideas, off the
cuff but the social aspect of the job are tuff at times. I am friendly with
everyone there and some people I have a very good repoir with. But it’s
strange, we were all at this bar the other night, after work, and this girl
made a joke about me being weird and socially awkward, it’s funny . . .I
know she likes me . . . and I thought of all the people there she we be
the last to notice those things . . . she was completely joking, but It just
solidifies the fact, that I really have no idea how I portray my self to
people. Sorry for the rant, I have never been treated, it was only recently I
had the realization that this may be my problem, It feels kinda good to
know that perhaps there is a reason for all these things, all these issues
I’ve struggled with and tried to move past, but never to any avail. My
insurance will kick in soon, I think I’m going to try and see a therapist
(I’ve never gone before).
Everything you have posted makes sense. (at least to us ADHD'ers anyway)

I get all those same feelings and situations with others.

ADHD can be a real hassle! But don't give up, NEVER GIVE UP!

People as a whole are odd and confusing creatures that do things that don't make any sense. And to make things worse, people will judge YOU just because you may fail to understand their twisted logic, and/or because you don't conform to the things they do. That is what may get you labled as "weird" or "different". However, that does NOT make you a bad person, you just do things your own way and they just don't understand.

Also most people are narrowminded and only are able to see things from their own perspective, and regularly judge others negatively that think differently from them. Example: You don't like chocolate, and someone that loves chocolate may say something is wrong with you, because they are too ignorant to see that people are different and not everyone likes the same things or does things the same way.

However, DON'T FORGET that your goal in life is to be happy and get the most out of life before you die. Live to please yourself, not others. People are stupid, don't let them bring you down.

Also, use of meds may really help, because your energy, mood, and confidence may be better and you may find people a lot easier to deal with. I sure do, however not everyone is the same, so try a few things to see what works best for you.

Best of Luck
ADHDinsaneHa, this is almost comical,

so i found this message board, registered, posted, and the next day guise what . . . yes that's right I forgot my password, that's really ironic . . . Anyway, I feel a little silly complaining about my issues with the opposite sex.  I suppose if I settled on someone, that wouldn't crucify me for my flaws, I might be able to break the cycle. It's tough though, people who have a short attention span, require people who are fun, and dynamic, and intelligent to feel fulfilled . . . and in general those are the same people that  have a very low tolerance for awkward space cadets that can't seem to articulate them selfs properly . . . on the flip side, I know that it's an asset as well. Sometimes I come up with the most outlandish ideas. I think it' one of life's great ironies that many of the same people that have the most creative and outlandish ideas, have the hardest time turing them into realty . . .


P.S. I don't mean to sound pessimistic . . . I do think that there is some hope yet . .
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