I laughed when I read your post. Our boys could be the same child by what you describe.
It is frustrating though. I've found that you really have to change your expectations and accept that your kid need help doing things that other kids that age can do on their own. We now use checklists for everything. There is one for cleaning his room, one for the morning routine, one for the evening routine, one for the bathroom (although he still needs supervision there cause he's become soap-phobic). Everything is broken down into single steps. We've realized that he's not gonna be able to locate things and have scheduled extra time into everything for the missing shoes, toys, coats, etc. I actually took him to school with 2 different shoes on once.
My son also a sister two years younger and we've worried for several years that she's going to catch up to/pass him academically. She's already beyond him in the ability to follow multistep directions and organization (she's almost 6, he's 8). There's really not much you can do about it though, except make sure you don't compare them.
Has your son been formally diagnosed? If not that should be your first step, then you can decide on a plan to treat him. We use a combo of meds (ritalin la) and a reward system (see the thread on Ogram's Marble System- it works great). He has a student support plan at school that gives him classroom accomodations and he sees a developmental therapist every other week to deal with some "emotional reactivity" and anxiety.
You also mentioned that yelling seems to be the only thing that gets his attention. Kids with ADHD will often provoke the yelling because it is stimulating. You'll have to try to break that cycle though, cause once he realizes you're not going to yell anymore he'll stop trying to get you to yell (as much). Another great resource is a book called 123 Magic. It's a very simple behavioral program, easy to follow and we've had great success with it.
I'm happy to have found this board.[QUOTE=Martin Tando] I'm happy to have found this board.
Since I know everyone here understands the feelings and the frustrations which I am dealing with, I may be a little more frank here than I ordinarily would. Please understand that it's my frustration venting in what I hope is a safe place.
My relationship with my 8-year-old SS has always been a little rough. Some of that undoubtedly came from the dynamics of a new family and many horrific problems we were having with his bio-dad.
But things have continued to be rough, and even our most patient family members have been pushed by his behavior.
From what I have read here, he is far from being the worst case around. He is really a sweet, good-natured, and loving kid.
His Mom is a super Mom - super loving, super patient, and super quiet. Yet she loses her temper sometimes.
* He is a terrible listener - you can talk to him while he looks you right in the eye, and he'll suddenly say, "Uh, what?"
* You can tell him to turn off the light in his room, and he'll return 30 seconds later to tell you that he forgot what you asked him to do.
* If he is looking for a toy, he can be standing 6 inches away from its place on the floor and he will spend 10 swiveling his head around in circles looking for it.
* You can send him into his room and tell him to bring some specific thing back, and he will return 5 minutes later, telling you that he's looked everywhere and cannot find it. When you go to his room, the thing he was looking for is laying in the middle of the floor.
* He talks almost non-stop and has done so since he was about 2.5 years old.
* He interrupts conversations all day.
* Other kids at school think he's weird because he makes funny noises.
* He is having trouble at school because he can't sit still and he can't focus.
* It can take him 2 hours to do a 15-minute homework assignment because he has so much trouble checking his work. He will bring his homework in to me 5 separate times, each time saying that he has fixed all the errors. (And these are errors that he can catch himself when he pays attention.)
* He makes the same mistakes several times a day, every day: not flushing the toilet, leaving clothes all over the floor, leaving his jacket at school, leaving his lunchbox at school, leaving his homework at school, etc. etc. etc.
* He breaks almost all of his toys and loses their parts within hours of getting them.
* He sucks on his clothing, sometimes leaving his entire shirt front soaking wet.
It's been 5 years of frustration, and now that we are seeing him as having ADHD, I am having to suddenly, overnight, change all of my ways of disciplining, coping, etc. And it's really really difficult.
I find myself yelling at him everyday because it seems to be the only way to get his attention. No punishment or reward system seems to make much of a lasting impact on him.
My wife and I have had 2 dd's together and they are very sweet. Our 3-year old dd is more competent at some things than my 8-year-old ss. I am at my wit's end and don't know what to do from here...
Help.
[/QUOTE]
You mention my 9 year old son so many times in your post! YOu and your wife are very much not alone!! My son also sucks on his shirt, i think it soothes him, he also has sensory integration. You should be commended for seeking help for your DSS, you are a better parent for it! My son was diagnosed at the age of 5 ( I personally diagnosed him at 2!). We started medication at the age of 6 due to the social problems at school and the labeling, which he is still wearing due to the type of town I live in - they are in denial. I go to refill the prescription but the pharmacy has sold out so I need to leave my town and go the the next town for the refill, however, noone in my town acknowledges adhd. It is very difficult some days, however, they cannot control these actions. First and foremost you need to go to a child psychologist for a Complete evaluation, there maybe more than one thing going on, including learning disabilites, then you need to decide how you and your wife will handle the situation. Medication is very personal, however, having a husband fight me tooth and nail not to medicate is now the one giving it to my son in the morning. My DH realizes now that he needs the medication. My son is an A student, playing football for the second year, plays basketball, baseball, is a chess whiz, lego champ, and ADHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHD! With the structure and love, as well as medication, my son will be successful in life as well as whatever career he chooses.
Your wife and you are far from being alone! Just keep posting and reading the posts, you'll realize how not so bad your DSS is. Does he have any activities outside school for social interaction? My son has trouble understanding social cues, very common with adhd'ers, so I took him out of town to meet new kids. That worked until he really got involved with sports. No real friends yet though!
I hope this helps!
Best wishes,
Beth
don't feel bad about shouting at him,you are only human and sometimes we are not perfect.
now that you are on the path to understand him better,you'll find yourself shout less and less.(in theory anyway).
Welcome to the board.IF THERE IS A ASD THEN THAT IS THE MAIN ISSUE WHICH THERAPIES CAN HELP OUT WITH. HERE ARE WHAT OUR SON 10 HAS ALREADY DONE. OT NO LONGER QUALIFIES,ST,AIT,TOMAIS. ALL HAVE HELPED SOME. HE STILL IS 3 YRS BELOW AGE IN LANG. THOUGH.STARTED SERVICES AT AGE 1 NOW 10.5
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