nudity? | ADHD Information

Hi all. I'm sorry to shock you about the title but I could not think of anything else.

I love these forums because of everyones diverse opinions!

My new question/inquiry is this: my neice is 7, she lives with my in laws. We live in the apartment behind my inlaws house. She is always walking around in her underwear or without her shirt and it really bothers me because I think that she is getting too old to do that. However, no one else seems to think anything of it. She has even walked outside in her undewear and a shirt when her grandpa was talking with one of his business associates, which absolutely mortified me but I did not do anything.

Part of the reason why this bothers me is because my son has adhd and does not always think situations thru. I do not want him acting inappropiately because he thinks that it is okay because she does not wear her clothes.I do not want him to think this is normal. My inlaws kind of bother me in this way because they think it is okay for him to be in his underwear too. He is nine almost ten. Kids these days are growing up way too fast. I think he is starting to be too big to think this is normal.
One time, I found him outside (i just came home) once after he had played in the rain he was in his underwear running around in the front yard and when I told hom to put some clothes on (at least some shorts) my f-in law looked at me like what is the big deal.

I do not walk around my house naked or slightly naked. I am working on teaching him to stay on task so he can take a bath by himself.


I need some perspective on this issue! Am I making too much of this? I have stopped saying anything to my neice or my in laws but obviously it still bothers me. HELP anyone!!!In our house, both dds walk around naked after baths or in undies with no shirt.   They are not to do this when company is over, though.  And they are not allowed outside partially clothed.  I'm not really concerned about it though because at a certain age, they will become very modest and not want to walk around in their undies. My dd prefers to be naked or almost naked, and that is fine with me, as long as it is in her room. She knows she has to put clothes on to come out.

My son who is 8 and who has ADHD sleeps in his underwear and sometimes walks around the appartment in them, but luckily he knows that it is innapropriate when we have company and now that he has a baby sister I remind him that its best that he does not walk around in his underwear. I don't mind him sleeping that way because thats how he gets comfy to sleep but I understand how you feel about your niece.

I really don't know what to tell you because I never had that problem but maybe just try to reinforce some sort of a reward chart and explain to your son what is appropriate and not?

I hope things get resolved soon.

Hugs

Tracy

In the past when I've wanted to clarify and issue like this with my ds, I'd say "I know that Katie walks around in her underwear and her parents don't mind, but the rules in our house are that you wear clothes unless you're in the shower or in bed."  This way, I acknowledge what's going on but tell him that's not the way things are in this house. 

Another line that I use:  "If he jumps in the fire does that mean you jump in the fire?"

About your niece, someone should mention that social services might take a dim view of that.  They're just asking for trouble and it will eventually turn up.
First of all, I want to express my appreciation of everyones experience and opinions. Before I found this forum, I thought I was alone and my thoughts were random and crazy. This site makes me feel human again. It also helps because my husband does not (never did he before)do most of the day to day parenting. He had been doing soooo much better about being the discipliner because his son listens to him so much faster and better than he does for me.

I do believe that it is trouble that my neice walks around like that without a care of who is around to see her and nobody seems to openly discuss that with me at least. She is a little on the chubby side and if she is anything like my sister in law she will start developing breasts a very young age. To me it's stress that I can't handle because one part of me feels like it is none of my business and two why beat my head in the wall if nothing is going to ever change. When she does walk around like that, I very rarely say anything to her but I rush him home like it's no big deal. He never says anything to me to show that he is picking up on my reason for wanting to leave so quickly. Do you think that she sees her nudity as something sexual? If not, maybe your reaction to it has more to do with how you see nudity than how she intends it. I mean, my sister and I played in our yard in the rain in our underwear until we were about 8 and no one cared. Right now my family lives on the outskirts of a small town, and my 8 year old often runs outside in his undies to get something or even to jump on the trampoline for a few minutes on Saturday morning. It would be a shame to sexualize what is just normal childhood behavior, and chubby girls learn to cover it up soon enough.She does not see her nudity as sexual, it is normal and most comfortable for her. That is okay. EXCEPT, we do not live in a great neighborhood. We receive notices all the time for people who were convicted of sexual crimes that live in our neighborhood. I do think sometimes it is normal but am afraid it will go too far (i.e. something bad will happen to her).I don't tell my son anything about being partially naked being bad or anything. He does where his underwear or boxers to bed at home as long as we do not have company. Is there a certain age that he get that this stops or around what age should I stop it if it comes to that?

Thank you for all of your opinion-they really open my eyes.

I'm a naturist so perhaps I can help though it is a somewhat muddled affair these days.

You should be cautious of creating a taboo about body image.  That's where a lot of sexual dysfunction comes from - and it's rampant in North America especially.  Since we put such a puritanical view on the body (cover up! naughty!) the body has ceased to be simply physical but sexual.  Look at the culture and you'll see what is defined as sexual on the body changes.  In Victorian Europe/America the body was covered save for the neck/head and hands, therefore an ankle was deemed sexual and was a focus of lust and even fetish.  Once the social rules changed the ankle, the knee eventually and now everything but the bikini area has been changed from sexual to simply physical.  Even that changes - on the beach a modest bikini isn't seen as sexual but if you walked down a street in one it would be.  Very amorphic and confusing especially for children.

One thing that is important is defining the idea you want to pass over.  You want to get the idea across that there is family rules and there are social rules.  There is nothing wrong with being naked - but there is a place and a time for it.  What is fine at one house isn't fine at another.  It's hard though if you go to visit - as if you truly feel this uncomfortable about less clothing in the family areas yet go there it gives a mixed signal.

Usually a boy or girl once they begin hormonal changes into puberty the body image changes and they begin to get a self-conscious realization that their body is different than others and begins to change how they dress in the presence of others.  Some begin to flaunt it - others cover it. 

I'm sure if you check out your local public health office they have pamphlets and books on body image and such things.  Perhaps speaking to a representative there will help you.

I would feel though if there is no obvious sexual overtones to less clothing then it's just comfort and if your own son isn't showing any sign of becoming curious in an inappropriate way then you probably will provoke problems by highlighting this incident rather than making it better.

 

MY DAD NEVER SAW MODESTY AS NECESSARY. HE SAYS BE PROUD OF YOUR BODY. STILL THINKS THIS WAY AT 70. RNFrankly, all the talk about body image and it's what's on the inside that counts works only in a perfect, controlled world.  This is not a perfect world and there are sexual predators out there.  Heck, there are sexual predators in congress!

Glen, do you go naked in your backyard where other people who are not naturists can see?  No.  That kind of nudity only works in a controlled environment, and that's fine, however, not a lot of 8yos live in a controlled environment.  Until she can understand the possible repercussions and consequences of what she's doing she needs to cover up.  Grandma and Grandpa aren't helping either by being so dense. 

I think by the time a child is beyond 6 (school age) it is time to teach them that although their body is nothing to be ashamed of, it is their's and theirs alone at this age and they need to be dressed if they want to be anywhere other than their room.  If they want to play in their room in their underwear, or sleep naked or something...fine.  But outside of their room they need to be clothed.  They aren't babies anymore, so it just isn't appropriate to run around naked.

There are just way to many wacko's in this world that DO see a naked child as sexual prey (Heck, they see the clothed ones that way too, but I'm sure if they are naked it's an even easier target). 

Once my DD was about age 4, I also asked my husband to not walk around in his underwear w/o a robe on.  I just don't feel it's appropriate.  Children grow up too quick anyway.  They don't need the added push of being exposed to/exposing their bodies to others

JMO!

MamaBear

I agree with you - I've never been a big fan of nudity and don't let my son walk around nude or in his underwear (nor do me or my husband).  I just don't think it's apprpriate.I am having a similar problem. Both my boys will get undressed downstairs.. Nate doesn't care who is there. They both come crashing in on me in time.(shower, bathroom, bedroom) I also have 4 neices who we are with all the time.. My kids are so close with them that they don't get it... We me and my sister are working on this.. she has a 10 year old who would be naked all the time.. but, is old enough to stay dressed... We had an issue yesterday. getting ready for karate.. Nate took off all his clothes to get dressed, a neighbor was over he goes with us. He is six and started having a bird that Nate was changing in the family room.. I had the privacy talk.. there is a bathroom use that.. Nate just blew me off continuing to watch power rangers.. I didn't care he was getting dressed.. I needed him to do that... Part of why it is bothering me it that my son is growing to be interested in girls. It's hard to believe at nine but I guess you can never be too careful. I don't believe that those sexual thoughts go through his head for his cousin but once he is in the throws of his hormones, quite frankly it worried me. A couple years ago when my SS was still living with his bio mother (who knows what he say there) we caught them in a wierd position and they were both acting strange about something so some thing was happening. Nothing has happened since. I do not let them play in a room with a closed door.

MY neice is sometimes self conscious about her weight. She weights as much as my 9 yr old does. She snacks all the time on the wrong things because that what her mom always did and still does. I think eventually she will want to cover up. I do not say anything to make her think her body image is "bad" I just leave the situation as soon as possible. THE ULTRA RELIGIOUS SAY COVER IT WE DON'T NEED TO SEE IT ALL. ALSO IF YOU ADVERTISEING IT HOW CAN YOU EXPECT OTHERS NOT TO LOOK. TO MUCH IS PUT ON HOW A PERSON LOOKS AT NOT WHAT IS ON THE INSIDE. Frankly oldtimer - I don't want to see your insides either [QUOTE=newstepmom]we do not live in a great neighborhood. We receive notices all the time for people who were convicted of sexual crimes that live in our neighborhood. I do think sometimes it is normal but am afraid it will go too far (i.e. something bad will happen to her).[/QUOTE]

A girl going naked in a backyard in this kind of neighborhood isn't a good idea.  If it was my daughter, I'd be more worried with getting her to adulthood alive and unmolested than I would her possible "body image" problems.