What she is doing is very damaging to your son. If she doesn't respond to consequences for this behavior, I would do the counseling.....and it wouldn't be her option. Figure out what her motivators are.... internet, cell phone, going out with friends, whatever, and tell her you don't see an attitude change on her part, there WILL be a consequence. It is very difficult being a sibling to an ADHD child, however, she must learn that what she is doing it not acceptable. Get her a copy of the book called "The Sibling Slam Book". It's a book filled with letters from kids who are siblings to kids who have disabilities of various sorts. She would identify with a lot of teens quoted in this book.
A good counselor would be able to help you both get to the bottom of why she is doing this. A counselor may be able to make her understand that what she is doing is not right, but that her feelings are normal. You can try explaining things to her until you're blue in the face, and she may not be open to it because you're Mom. A counselor would be an outside "neutral" party that she may better listen to. This is a common issue in families that have one child ADHD and the other children NT (neuro typical) or "normal".
Okiemom
okiemom38995.8039814815HA. Had a talk with dd today. Explained that we could do counseling if she felt like she needed it. Asked her if she was maybe feeling like her brother was getting more attention and maybe she was jealous. She said no, that she just hated him. The counselor option is open. I have hardly any problems with her otherwise. She is good at home and with chores. She just doesn't see how insecure her brother is. I tried to tell her that his insecurity was normal ith adhd but she just doesn't get it. She just has a hard time understanding his adhd just like we all do. She is way too big to spank. five foot five and about 120. I feel like I would be spanking myself.WHAT IS GOING TO ALSO WORK FOR A TEEN GIRL WHO WILL NOT DO THERE CHORES. I HATE TO SPANK SOMEONE THIS OLD. SHE COULD CARELESS WHEN ANYTHING IS TAKEN AWAY. SHE VALUES NOTHING.
Adolescent girls are nasty to their own friends much of the time and our current glorification of the "mean girl" culture in the media only eggs it on. These girls are made to look cool and smart and hip, as if by being a biyatch you are in the "in" crowd. It's entirely possible that she would be nasty to him even if he didn't have adhd. I have two sons, eight years apart. Disrespect is absolutely NOT allowed at our house, with some pretty social-life-crippling consequences for the offender. I tell my boys that later in life, they will need each other and can always count on each other to be there. After all, the sibling relationship is the only relationship that can't be legally dissolved. Therefore, we are all going to live by the "do unto others..." rule and they better get with the program. They do.OUR TEEN DAUGHTER IS JEALOUS CAUSE SHE HAS NEVER NEEDED EXTRA HELP WITH SCHOOL. SHE COULD READ AT AGE 4. 1 GM TAUGHT HER HOW. Is it posible that she resents any extra attention and accomodations that your son gets because he has ADHD? Counseling might be a good option for her.She probably is resentful. But, she gets a lot of attention for her good grades and band things. Plus, she is going to Wash DC in May. She does a lot more that he does. I guess I could see that. DD read at four also. She doesn't ever get help because she doesn't need it. I just wish that she could understand that ds listens to her and she makes his insecurity worse.She may also feel that it is harder for her to meet your (and maybe her own) expectations, especially if school has been easy and is getting harder as she gets older. You might want to get her talking to someone, especially with puberty and its issues looming.Could you use the marble system with her to reward her for being nice to her brother?
We are using the marble system with my ds, and one of the things that he will earn marbles for is if we see him playing nicely with his brother, helping his brother, etc.
Be sure that you get to spend quality time with her. I worry about my youngest son not getting enough attention, because right now so much of our time is spent parenting M, so I am trying to find fun things that he and I can do just the two of us - he is only almost-3, so I am thinking a trip to the library or something.
I do know that quality time is something I need to do. We don't get to do much of that. We don't have money to do the things she wants to do like shopping or movies. I tried to get her to let me paint her nails and she said she doesn't like polish anymore. Maybe the marble system will work. She has already hit the puberty HEIGHT about a year ago. I think with me she is confused. She wants to be a woman with me but still my child. With Brandon she doesn't want anything to do with him. He does get more attention wether it is positive or negative. Thanks for all the tips.I send my kids to there rooms when they are overly rude and obnoxious to each other, or for fighting. I ignore the mild name calling, and mild fighting. If I don't know who started the problem, because I didn't see it, they both go to their rooms. I think she needs to see that she's not permitted to act that way to her brother. My eldest is adhd, and youngest (13). When she was younger the eldest really did give her a hard time, but I stuck to my guns and timed out over and over until they both realized that they have to be civil. They still have good days and bad. What I noticed most is that they do get along better overall. They don't seem to have bad feelings for each other, and do love to gang up on me together once in while, which to me is a good sign. There fighting is there problem, rather than yours and should take responsibility for it. You can bet your son causes many problems too, and by his age has probably become quite skilled at quietly driving her nuts.I think my twelve year old dd is EVIL. DS will be nine in december, has moderate ADHD. My dd is very mean to him. She is a very mature young woman. Very smart. Lowest grade on her report card was a 95 in PE. She is generally a good kid. When it comes to her brother she is never ever nice. He loves her so much, and shares with her etc....Yes, sometimes he picks on her. She calls him freak, creep, she'll hit him, tell him to shutup etc. She doesn't share with him, when he wants to tell her something she ignores him. He is not allowed in her room but she can go in his. She is very ugly. She is one of his favorite people and she won't even tell him she loves him. I honestly don't know what to do with her. He is insecure enough without her helping. I have had discussions with her on this. Doesn't help. What is ironic is her best friend is ADD and I cannot stand her, can't believe my dd can. Her behavior is getting worse and my inlaws have even commented on it. I don't know what to do. Any tips?