i LOVE OUR VITAMINS YOU CAN DO 2 TIMES ADAY. OUR SON TAKES THESE 2 TIMES DAY. OUR SCHEDULE HEAR IS A HEALTHY SNACK,HW,,SHOWER, DINNER AND BED BEFORE 10 PM.
IF THERE IS A AFTER SCHOOL EVENT WE DO THE CHORES ON SAT.
CAR PROBLEM MAKE SURE THEY EACH HAVE SOMETHING TO DO IN THE CAR. SON PLAYS HIS VIDEO GAME THEN OR WE HAVE MUSIC ON. THIS HELPS KEEP THEM FROM BOTHERING EACH OTHER. iF LONGER THAN 30 MIN. DRIVES HAVE SNACKS ALSO. WORKS FOR US HERE.Thanks to you all.
Sorry, it is hard to list everything that I do. I am doing most of what you all suggested. This is a child who is not really affected by punishment. She is going to most likely do it again.
Yes, I do have a snack for her or we stop and get her something special (if she has gotten in the car nicely).
She is not on medicine at this time, so it is not rebound- yes, I have experienced that, too.
And, yes, she is told that meaness is not acceptable and she is punished when she does not stop when I ask her to do so. When we get home, she goes to her room alone (which she hates being upstairs by herself). She has stayed for the rest of the day before (eaten supper there, completed homework without any help, etc.) Or, a priviledge is taken away, etc. I am not just driving silently, letting her verbally abouse her brother. She is repremanded. However, as I am sure we all know, punishing does not mean that the ADD child is not going to do it again. That is what I am running into. Are there any punishments you have tried that get your ADD child not to repeat a behavior like this? Please, any humane suggestions!
I also do remind her of when she was young and for example, tried to sing with the music and could not. She was not treated in an ugly way and she needs to be accepting and give him the same respect.
Suzanne,
I agree with BPQW. She needs to realize that she is not the only one in the family, and you guys are not going to walk around on eggshells depending on her mood. It's hard I know, but you might have to get tough. Tell her she is not aloud to talk if she can't say something nice, or send her to room until she can. I had to take all my sons toys out of his room, there was nothing left but a bed, a chest, and some books. He is earning them back one at a time. He is learning very quickly that there are 3 other members in this family, and if can't participate in a respectable way, then he doesn't get to participate. Also, I don't know if she takes an afternoon dose of meds, but that has helped us also. Good Luck to you!
It sounds like she is having some rebound from the meds. Maybe she could get a fast acting boost in the afternoon?
As for the meanness, it is absolutely not tolerated in our house. Everyone feels crappy sometimes, but that is not a license to be hateful to other people. I tell my sons that if they can't be nice to each other or at least civil, then they just need to be quiet. If the younger wants to share with the older and he's crabby, he gets the "Be loving and giving because someday you're going to need it, too" speech. There are lots of reminders about what he was like when he was young, about how you need to be generous from your heart, and how it's not always easy to be a kid. If the younger one is being a sh** to the older one, he gets sent to his room "until you can be nice to your brother", with reminders that he wants his older brother to play with him and listen to him, but that won't happen if he can't be nice. We can certainly have sympathy for our children witrh adhd, but they have to learn that they are ultimately responsible for their behavior. Learning to listen to their own behavior is hard, but they can do it.
Can you give her a snack in the car? Sometimes they are just so hungry and grumpy because they did not eat much lunch. I have a cheese stick or goyougurt ready as soon as he gets in the car.Hey. I have another topic on which I would love input!
Every afternoon, when I pick my 9 year old ADD daughter up from school, she is so irritated and just flat out "mean" to my son (3) and me.
This is what happens almost everyday!
She gets in the car. I have learned not to ask specific questions about school until she is ready. I usually just ask her if she had fun at school. Many times her brother (who ADORES her) wants to tell her something he has done that day that he is proud of, and thinks she will be, too.
Well, she is not and usually says something like, "What is so great about that?" or something else sarcastic. Or, she will get in the car and be irritated and furious because he is trying to sing with the radio (trying to be like her), but he is more than anything just mumbling. She will say "J, STOP! Just stop, because you are just trying to sing and you don't know the words." She makes everyone MISERABLE!!!! after her little brother and I have had a calm good day.
I do understand that ADD'ers have to try so hard all day to "do the right thing" at school that by the time they get home, they are exhausted and just "let themselves down".
Yes, I have tried -just not even talking - just letting her start the conversation. - turning off the radio, when she is ugly to her brother. - making her sit in the front or 3rd seat, away from him. - just letting her go when we get home to do whatever she needs to relax and wind down. - try going somewhere before we go home to break the monotony. - telling her how much her brother loves and admires her and wants her to come home from the minute she goes to school. It seems everything I try backfires!
Do any of you have the same situation? What have you found helpful? Thanks for any suggestions and experiences you have to share!!
I can relate to what you are talking about, I deal with the same miserableness when Z comes home, acting all tough and cool, demanding etcetc. He wants to do what he wants to do and doesn't really care what anyone thinks or feels about it. He and his sister antagonize each other and he tends to bully his brother (twins).
I have been trying to be very consistant on the time outs, and no puter etc. It doesn't necessarily change his mood but he is more compliant in doing what you say.
Good luck
Hi Suzann. We too have had this problem. Afternoons have always been extra challenging. For us, after dd went on meds, the afternoons were even more miserable. I learned that the meds have a "rebound" effect so that dd was even worse than before meds. So I give her a "booster" dose after school. Afternoons are actually pleasant now and we don't have to walk on eggshells anymore. I don't know if this pertains to your situation in any way, but it really helped us here.My son started on Daytrana, a ritalin patch, about 6 weeks ago. It takes 2 hours to get into his system and two hours to wear off. The release all day is even, so there are no low spots and the come down in the afternoon is very gradual, instead of a dramatic drop. You don't say if she's like this in the morning or evening. Is this just a problem after school? we're book on stories and books on cds. everyone calms down. than at