Do not drop out, you will be able to find your "own" way of doing things. Keep trying youll be able to do it. Good luck.
oops. double postadhdme39001.6742013889well, i haven't gone through the full ADHD test yet (00 and a year longOn the contrary, I think academia is full of ADHD faculty, if my experience is any proof. The problem is most of them are not diagnosed, or really aware of what ADHD actually is.
From your last post, it sounds like you've got a lot to offer in grad school.
I understand the going off in the peripheries. I do it a lot, and it slows down my research and writing. I feel like I need to have the BIG picture and don't want to find out I've left out something important. For me, in the end, it really informs my writing and enables a lot of my insights. It doesn't mean I have to mention the extra research in my papers. It took me a while to get the hang of simply summarizing what I'd read and regurgitating it. (I'm in History, and we wrote a lot of book reviews. I think the point of it was to hone not only our writing skills, but also our critiquing skills and show we understood what we'd read on an appropriate level. I found it boring, at times, and a bit redundant, since someone had already written the book or article on the subject. Why did they need me to repeat it? Nonetheless, it's a path to early publishing, and the journals are full of book reviews. Don't know how this compares to philosophy. Your field sounds quite intriguing!)
If you verbalize your ideas well, how about recording yourself, then transcribing it? You could also make an outline to help you stick to the point. Or, you might try restricting your papers to a certain number of pages so that you have to edit out extraneous/tangential stuff to fit the required/expected length. If they're ideas you really like, you can save them in a separate document and use them in class discussion, or in future writing/research. I find that I have to have the assignment question posted on the wall in front of me as I write or read to help me stay on track with the assignment.
Don't know if that helps, or not. I'm actually a much better writer than speaker. I go off on tangents when I speak and often forget where I was wanting to go, originally. With writing, I'm slow, but I can go off on the tangents, then rein myself in when I go back and edit. I love word processing (I did my bachelors in the 80s; got a typewriter for h.s. graduation) b/c I can rearrange ideas that didn't originally come out in a logical order. This is what I like about email and posting on forums, too.
Is the 1-year wait list through your university?? Does your (student) insurance cover any of the testing cost? If you're already on Ritalin and you have a mental health professional to corroborate your symptoms, is there any way you can get support through disability services? You might be able to get some coaching help with your writing. Also, is there a more successful student whom you could ask to look over your papers for comment before you submit them? In a different vein, what about working out, or doing some brain exercises before you sit down to write so that your neurotransmitters are flowing more efficiently? (See latest Hallowell and Ratey book for the latter.)
Take Scatterbrain's advice, above, and find your own way of standing out and getting through it. If the subject matter interests you and you understand it, those are 2 very good reasons for you to be in grad school.
Good luck!
Soupie
If the digression is what makes it interesting for you, you might think about looking for a different program where your style fits the culture better. Of course, if the eventual rewards of having the degree outweigh the struggle, then go for it. There is an ADD tip that I read somewhere that I personally have found helpful: stay away from settings where your gifts are not appreciated. YMMV.[QUOTE=adhdme]
i tend to pick up a research topic/assigned texts, read it, understand it,
take it apart logically. quick summary and that's it. i'll throw in quotes
here and there. i also have a tendency to go off to the peripheries, which i
find important in order to understand the whole thing, and i make
speculations and get some pretty good conclusions....
but i can't write papers that only stick to the assigned text. i can't help
going off track, but when i go off track i come back and it makes so much
more sense. but they don't want t see that at all. they just want me to
summarise. it's very frustrating when you have all these interesting ideas
and you're not allowed to express them. and i know there are a handful of
students who are behind me because i can usually prove my point
verbally... but that doesn't make me feel better because my grades are
suffering because they don't like my method to thinking.
i just don't know whether i can handle this, whether grad school and me
will just never go together. there doesn't see to be many adhd
academics.... ? i feel like i don't have the profile for a good grad student
and i feel trapped. and i set myself up for this because it was me who
insisted on going to grad school. (i'm doing a MA in philo of religion.
you?)[/QUOTE]
Have you been employed between undergrad and grad school? I found that grad school was easier when I looked at it as a job, and to think of professors like bosses in a job.
It's mostly about what they want. After they got what they wanted and the way they wanted it, then I could be me and be creative in extra ways or ways outside their requests.
I can't agree more with Soupie. I think the things you are describing is what makes a good researcher. The ability to go explore other things than just the immediate assignment in front of you. I am surprised that they aren't enjoying that you are doing that. Think of it as being able to open your mind to a world that students who just summarize the paper never even touch. I am an engineering major myself so that is the experience I have seen. Imagine if you had a research job in your field, rarely if ever do you have your one clear cut task in front of you to accomplish, then you go home. The fun of research is exploring around in what other people have written, and combining them into a new idea that perhaps no one has had before. Sounds like your on that path. Perhaps they didn't like the fact that you did this cause it was a pain for the grader. Try to go to the prof and say, hey this is a cool path I'm on here, maybe this previous assignment wasn't as focused as I wanted it to be on the topic, but I found X, Y and Z other cool things. I promise the prof, if they are worth anything will just give you all the free reign in the world. If you are in the US you are likely entitled to "reasonable accommodations," which could take the form of editorial help with your papers, more time to complete assignments, and other things that the university disability services offices may be able to arrange. But is it that you don't want to write in the style they're demanding, or that you can't? Would giving them what they ask for feel like a success to you, or a too-painful compromise? "Reasonable accommodations" might help you conform to what they want, but unfortunately they're probably not going to change their mind about what that looks like. it's a bit of both. i'm trying to narrow the scope of my papers, but somehow