time for people to wake up and realise! | ADHD Information

The other day I was standing at the meat counter of our local Kroger. My DS was walking in circles on his toes and talking non stop. He wasn't loud or getting in anyone's way. A couple of ladies (for lack of a better word) came up in line behind me. While waiting for my selection to wrapped I heard one of the ladies say to the other in a loud whisper "What is wrong with him? Why doesn't she get him under control??" I was so mad!! He wasn't hurting anyone! I got my chicken and said to my DS "Come on son, we need to get away from the idiots, we wouldn't want to catch their ignorance"

I really wish people had more compassion and understanding as well. In this day and age we should really be able to expect more from the human race. My DS lack of confidence stems from people like those two ladies - not from his disorders. Psychological disorders should be a required course of study starting in elementary school as far as I am concerned!!

I had an incident a couple of months ago after being in an amusement park all day we went to a family buffet for dinner and my daughter is very friendly and loves to say hello to people. We sat next to a family of 4 and she tried talking to the kids (she is outgoing) and the parents gave us a dirty look. Then I noticed they were glareing on and off at my child who was sitting on the edge of her seat and wiggling but trying. My child also did try to get their attention again so I moved her. A women with two kids teenagers were there and my girl bolted impulsively to the dessert table (what child does not) and I had to chase her while I was away my husband overheard the witch comment "I am glad none of you are like that ...that child needs her ass whipped". I am glad I was told that in the car otherwise I would have got into a fight to protect my child. Besides she was a little hyper but not overly.I think attitudes will only change when someone is exposed to the real life experience of dealing one on one, longterm, with an ADHD kid. Comebacks arent' going to do it, though I'd be tempted to retort "I'd be ashamed to be a stupid jacka$$ like you!" Remember too, that blanket generalizations, by definition, can't ever be right. I think the only thing you can do is shame people into keeping their opinions to themselves.

I'm sorry you're hurt. Here's some !
That ADHD is very real, im sick of reading articles written by people who have had no experience in adhd children, saying that its an excuse for bad behaviour.Even worse an excuse for bad parenting ( so how come so many families have adhd and *normal kids) To anyone who doubts it exists I will let them come live in my house for a week and see what they believe now.Newspaper reports claiming that as parents we are drugging our kids just to make them brighter ,i wish my son is nearly 7 and cant write his onw name.That diet is a big player and that we must feed our kids junk! My children eat very healthy food but we changed diet and it made no difference (though it may for some) Then you have the people who are out shopping giving a child dirty looks and saying the nastiest of things to them.I've had someone say why i was in the pharmacy oh he must be slow , id be ashamed to have a child like that.I gave up trying to explain his problems as people would say all kids have adhd these days! I wish there was more understanding and compasion for our children they are loving children just like anyone else's.I just wish there was more support and people would think before they open their mouths Im not sure what can be done to raise awarness but i wish i did! PARENT'S DON'T CAUSE DISORDERS ANYHOW. I THINK THE PUBLIC NEEDS EDUCATION ON ALL DISORDERS. I IGNORE THE UNEDUCATED PEOPLE ON DISORDERS. I LOVE OUR NP SHE IS GREAT SHE SAYS YOUR CHILD DEFINATELY HAS MORE THAN ADHD GOING ON. SEE HOW THE KEEP LOOKING HELPS OUT.

What scares me the most are the ignorant people who have an ADHD child and insist that they can whip the kid into shape.

Wouldn't it be great if there was a magic pill that everyone had to take when they turned 18 or 21 and it would give them ADHD for just a month? Teachers and others who work with kids, could be required to take a pill every summer so they didn't forget what it was like.

Unfortunately, it seems that people only develop compassion after experiencing ADHD or some other disability first-hand. People with absolutely no experience with disabilities have no compassion.

I wish there was more support for the families of persons with ADD. I for one am simply tired, depressed and completely discouraged. I'm tired of "picking up the pieces" after my two kids (one ADD & 14yrs., the other ADHD & 11yrs.) "mess it up". The last mess involved driving the car without permission and flipping it over and totaling it. I'm tired of teacher conferences, tired of trying to reason with kids who have the attention span and logical thinking skills of a 2 year old, tired of the homework battles, tired of the arguing, tired of being the brunt of their frustrations, tired of .................. the list just goes on and on. I tired of people saying, "Oh, all kids do that!" Well, they don't do it day after day after day after day. I feel like a fireman constanting running around putting out fires.

I can't remember the last time I had a good laugh. I don't enjoy my children and that in itself makes me feel guilty and depressed. I'd love to have just one half way thoughtful conversation with my kids - just something to give me hope they will someday be capable of some sort of higher thinking. I'm sitting here this morning typing this note and already dreading the hour they come home and it all starts again.

Hugs to you, Lahdedah!

[QUOTE=susieb] Hugs to you, Lahdedah! [/QUOTE]

Thanks, I needed that!

quixote- I liked your story, and it's cute except probably not so cute when you're trying to get out of the house in the morning. Many years ago after relating a similar type of story to a friend, she kindly told me of her dh, a university professor, who forgot to put on his shoes one day and ended up lecturing in his bedroom slippers. Your dad's comment about "We all do that sometimes." Perhaps not the exact same thing, but we all have times when we forget what we are supposed to do...it just happens more frequently with ADDers and gets in the way of making life easy. the quality of being forgetful is a mixed blessing- if they would remember what they did, then they might not do it again...on the other forgetfulness can protect one from feeling bad about repeated errors

I have just begun my search for ADHD support and help... and am finding that I think I'll be in for a disappointment. BUT, I do have to say it's so nice to be on here and read others' thoughts and emotions... it's like I'm reading my own diary.

With my son's diagnosis last month at 5 1/2, I have dealt with nothing but roadblocks, especially with not having insurance. You reach out for help, and you get "He's just a 5 year old boy" or "He just needs this or that" or the school physchologist who said he was too young to be diagnosed as ADHD, or the school counselor who's initial reaction to his problems was "I'll just let him know he can come talk to me if he's angry", or one of the cops that I had to call one day "He needs structure and spanking" You just want to stand in the middle of them all and scream YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND... it's like everyone thinks that if they had control of your kid, THEY could fix it, because they are, of course PERFECT parents, especially the ones who don't even have kids. And the thing is, whatever it is that they try to tell you to do... you've done it! I've been there, we've tried that, it doesn't work because they aren't typical kids, and typical methods just don't cut it.

More specifically, and more hurtful, I have not spoken to my father since prior to my son's diagnosis, because, according to him, the problem is that I haven't disciplined my son. Of course, he hasn't seen my son, or spent any significant time with him since god knows when... because he can't stand to be around my son with the way he is... therefore he has no clue of the discipline methods I have tried.

I have found that the judgement is non-stop, and will probably never end... but that's ok.... because the best thing I can do is tell them to go take a flying leap and then forget about it...

[QUOTE=Jillette]I had an incident a couple of months ago after being in an amusement park all day we went to a family buffet for dinner and my daughter is very friendly and loves to say hello to people. We sat next to a family of 4 and she tried talking to the kids (she is outgoing) and the parents gave us a dirty look. Then I noticed they were glareing on and off at my child who was sitting on the edge of her seat and wiggling but trying. My child also did try to get their attention again so I moved her. A women with two kids teenagers were there and my girl bolted impulsively to the dessert table (what child does not) and I had to chase her while I was away my husband overheard the witch comment "I am glad none of you are like that ...that child needs her ass whipped". I am glad I was told that in the car otherwise I would have got into a fight to protect my child. Besides she was a little hyper but not overly.[/QUOTE]

I hear the "He just needs a good spanking" from my father all the time. he's an ex-marine and believes that anything can be solved by beating a child. Don't get me wrong I love and respect my father, but how do you deal with someone who doesn't believs a child even has a problem. My son went from a loving outgoing child too a moody depressed child who NEVER smiles. It all happened when he became school age, and now my father is FINALLY begining to realize that he might actually have a problem thet he needs specialized care for. It's one thing to hear stupid comments from a stranger, but it's a whole other barrel of fish when it's a close relative who should be understanding.
I totally agree with your point of view. Until you have spent a week with a child with ADD you have no idea what it is like. My Daughter is 10 now and she is doing well with her Concerta but there are good days and bad. The good days are great and the bad days can sometimes be your worst nightmare. It is an uphill battle and a constant learning experience. So people who sit on the side line and judge without knowing the facts have no clue what life is like on the other side.I have had so many of those comments over the past 2 years. It is unbelievable what people think they are entitled to say about your child, either directly to you, the child or to someone else completely. I have gotten to the point that I just nicely tell people that when they have taken the time to research ADHD and what it entails that they may then feel free to talk to me about my child's behaviors and my parenting decisions.

I can't believe how harsh people can be towards this. I honestly believe that the kids don't want to feel like this. My Daughter is doing very well and she works hard everyday. However, somedays things get the best of her and she has a bad day. I think every child has the right to play a sport and what happen to it being fun. These days it has become such a competition that unless you start your child when he/she is conceived it is not worth doing.

I'm sorry your friend was so rude with her opinions. People don't understand and when all they can see comes through rose color glasses everyone else is to blame. I am so happy I have found this site. The support has been a great release as well as a crutch for me.

longsally, your friend is incredibly insensitive. Who needs a friend like that?I know, This same girl claims to be very religious and goes to Catholic Mass all the time. I don't think her religion, however, entitles her to be rude. She has done a lot of surprising things lately. The latest was that she made friends with an ex-friend of mine who has made my life miserable. Her brother lives on my street and it has been so bad we have our home on the market!!!! She is now hanging out with this woman and her daughter and going on play dates. My other friends are horrified, stating that they would be nice and wave but that it would go no further due to what they saw happen to my family. We don't hang out too much anymore.

I can SO relate to you all. my best friend, who was in the delivery room when my DS was born, has since had 2 children of her own. She knows everything about him and the ADHD and has said to me that she is glad she is not me and does not have my child as her son because she doesn't think she could take it!!!!

My feelings were more than hurt. By the way, her som played football last year and this year, her husband suggested I out my DS on the same team. I did and practice starts next week. She told me tonight that she is worried my son will distract her "perfect" child and it might be a mistake to put them together.

I feel like I ve found a home on these boards...

Today as I tried to do a store stop after cooping my youngest up in a ten by ten room for two hours for two different appointments, counsling and a medication discussion she was off the walls every where and I know by then its pointless to even try to slow her down, but just redirect her the best I could and ignored the stares...

Even still by the time I arrived home with her (ADHD) and her brother (ADD) I felt like I had run a marathon and hide on my porch to get a breather and defrag before finishing my night...

Dillonsmom, I know exactly what you mean. I would think to my pregnant
self, MY child will never be allowed to behave that way... Luckily, people
have been mostly kind and helpful with us. My son's meltdowns were very
"autistic" looking, non-verbal with lots of stims and rocking and odd
sounds, so mostly people would look away and turn their children's heads
away so they wouldn't stare. I would like to have a few on tape for those
moments when know-it-alls say that ADHD isn't real or isn't disabling.

jfla2, you are right. My dad is a retired Silicon Valley engineer... a special
breed of genius. Back home the electronics stores sold computer
components, plus snack foods, deoderant, and toothpaste, or else the
engineers wouldn't remember to eat or wash. And I fell for my son's dad
because he had such an optimistic attitude- he would wake up every
morning believing that everything was great and nothing bad could
happen. Now I know that he is just oblivious. I still wonder what that
would feel like... I can't STAND when people "give you that look" when your child is not behaving "perfectly". There are no words to decribe the feeling you get. I look at kids misbehaving in resteraunts, grocery stores, etc and just FEEL for the parents because I know how they feel. Before Dillon, I was "One of those" who made comments (to myself)......now I have lived it and regret I ever felt that way. I agree, when your family doesn't see the issues it is worse. My son is the
only grandchild, and he can do no wrong. All I have heard since the day
he was born is "sharp as a tack" and "he doesn't miss a thing!". He stays
with them sometimes and he is always a "perfect angel", and they are
exhausted from catering to him all day. They could not imagine what a
typical weekday is like.

My dad called me at work the other day and I told him of that morning's
escapade. I told my six-year-old to go tuck in his shirt, we were about to
leave the house. I was in the bathroom and heard singing, then a little
"uh-oh." I looked out the door and he was stark naked and had a
concerned look on his face. "I accidentally took off my clothes." (I was
speechless.)

My dad was quiet for a moment, then said "oh, all kids do that. Hell, we
all do that sometimes." Really? People need to be called on their casual insensitive remarks. As this thread repeatedly shows, often they really don't have a clue about special needs kids, and seem to speak whatever comes into their brain without thinking of the effects their words may have.

My daughter is of short stature and her entire childhood was met by insensitive comments from both adults and children when they would first meet her.

Many times I would call them on it and I can't help but recall one situation:

New to the neighborhood, we met a woman that couldn't get over her surprise at dd's short stature and continued to comment on it with dd standing there. Shocked myself we left but then I turned around and felt she needed to be called on her rude behavior. I politely told her that I thought it was inappropriate and insensitive to make personal remarks as she did. Realizing her error, she profusely apologized, and being the devout Catholic she was, spent hours praying at church. She later asked if she could give dd a painting that she would do as a measure of her regret. A month or so later she arrived at our house arms loaded with presents. A lovely framed painting of an angel, and games for the siblings.

As you can see she went through quite a process of prayer and contemplation. I feel sure that she ammended some of her careless ways. ...and hopefully she will spread what she learned so that others may benefit.

jfla239008.8136574074[QUOTE=LAHdedah]

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I know exactly how you feel. I have three children.. my oldest son is 13 and has adhd, my 10 yr. son has no problems, and my 6 yr daughter was diagnosed last year with adhd. My oldest was diagnosed in the third grade and things were going good until last year. Now I'm a bundle of nerves and I can only imagine how he feels sometimes. I see myself in your shoes.((hugs))

Well as I am often reminded "Everything Happens for a Reason" . The religious ones can be the worst. I suppose since they go do Church on Sunday they can do whatever they want during the rest of the week. Good luck to you on selling your house. Just remember there is good and bad in everyone and sometimes it just takes a little longer to figure it out.

I'm sorry it is so hard for you but I can relate. There are days I sit here feeling like I am on pins and needles waiting for the next outburst. My blood pressure is through the roof. Don't get me wrong lately there are more good days then bad but you can't help but to feel what will pull her trigger. I am a grown woman walking on egg shells and scared of my 10 yr old.

As for a support group for us. I have found a course that runs twice a year at the local college. I am not sure if this is an option in your area but it might be something to look into. I missed the fall session and in my search for another I found this message board. It has helped me some to know I am not alone.