PLEASE don't spank your children.
http://www.apa.org/releases/spanking.html
There is general consensus that corporal punishment is effective in getting children to comply immediately while at the same time there is caution from child abuse researchers that corporal punishment by its nature can escalate into physical maltreatment.
The more often or more harshly a child was hit, the more likely they are to be aggressive or to have mental health problems. Furthermore, corporal punishment on its own does not teach children right from wrong. Secondly, although it makes children afraid to disobey when parents are present, when parents are not present to administer the punishment those same children will misbehave.
In commentary published along with the Gershoff study, George W. Holden, PhD, of the University of Texas at Austin, writes that Gershoff's findings "reflect the growing body of evidence indicating that corporal punishment does no good and may even cause harm." Holden submits that the psychological community should not be advocating spanking as a discipline tool for parents.
"Until researchers, clinicians, and parents can definitively demonstrate the presence of positive effects of corporal punishment, including effectiveness in halting future misbehavior, not just the absence of negative effects, we as psychologists can not responsibly recommend its use," Gershoff writes.
Let me ask you for some advice. I'm totally fine with my son's laid back ways. It's cool. He'll be fine.
Here's what I'm afraid of: activities he drops or avoids today (not that he does nothing, he just chooses less and wisely or drops things when near completion or doesn't get started)...will there come a time when he says to me: "why didn't you push me, Mom, I coulda done x, y, z but you let me off the hook."
Is it better to just leave it all up to him (which I prefer) or should I push him to do certain things (which I really don't want to do and it will cause friction) for a later payoff.
My son is 15, medicated ADD. I am mild ADD, I realize now. I like to work at my own speed and time frame (slow or fast) and don't like to be pushed. I imagine he is same way?
To make a long story short, I loose focus and it looks like I'm intentionally slacking off. There is no telling how many times I've been spanked, scolded, harrassed, made fun of, and punished for something I didn't even realize I was doing. I was labled lazy and still have a professor I see on a regular basis (outside the classroom) who doesn't belive I am ADD or that I'm anything other than just plain slack.
Perhaps your children are having similar problems?
I can't think of anything off the top of my head that might help. I don't know all the research for the psycological effects of spanking, but I know that it worked well for a while after it was administered. However, it's been many years since the last one and my focus hasn't improved one iota. I am, however, STILL AFRAID sometimes that my parents will catch me doing something I'm not supposed to be doing. Not silly stuff like wearing white shoes after labor day, but not leaving tip or forgetting certain things.
Who knows?