Should I tell my long term Boyfriend???

Hi Christina-

First I have a question, why are you private about your add? My husband is the same way he wont tell a soul about it and I don't understand why, it's so common. He didn't even tell me until 3 years into our relationship. Therefor the first 3 years was pretty hard because I never understood why he was alwasy so hyper and snappy, impulsive always needed to be the center of attention, this caused us to brake up a few times. On the same page his high spirit and positive attitude is what attracted me to him. Sorry I didn't mean to make this about me.

I think you should tell him, he has the right to know. If he is someone you could see yourself married to then he definettely has the right to know. I don't have adhd, but let me tell you being with someone that has adhd is not easy, in your case you are getting tratment, I think that's wonderful. My husband is actually starting to take Strattera tonight for the first time. How is that working out for you? Any side effects yet? His adhd has gone untreated ever since we met.   What if this med doesn't work for you and you will have to try something diferent, that could couse mood swings, different side effects etc... Wouldn't you want him to know so he can support you? As far as the comment he made, I think sometimes we all say things w/o thinking, I don't think he is being ignorent I think maybe he just doesn't know, perfect oportunity for you to tell him a little about it. Maybe he will change his opinion and if he doesn't then do you really want to be with someone that doesn't support something that you are strugling with?

Well I wish you all the luck, what ever you do don't give up on your treatment. God Bless You!

~Sophie

No, don't tell him. I can see posts on this board that tell me know people are still prejudice about ADD. Many people think you should just be able to tough it out.

You can find a way to explain it without using that ADD label, which for most youngsters equals retard.

Hi! I just found this web site because I started on Straterra two days ago and was online researching it. My question is, should I tell my long term boyfriend about my ADD? I was officially diagnosed in college, after I told my family and they read the literature on it, my dad and my brother realized they have ADD too! anyway, I digress... I have never told my boyfriend because 8 months ago there was a commercial on tv about ADD and my boyfriend made negative comments that ADD was what children were diagnosed with when their parents would rather medicate them and have the tv be their babysitter than spend the time to raise their children the right way... or something along those lines. I realize he is just misinformed and doesnt know the truth, but my ADD is private to me. He is a mechanical engineer, very intelligent, and comes from the picture perfect white picket fence family that has no experience with learning disabilities or disorders. Right now he just thinks I'm quirky and eccentric  and loves my individuality. I like that! I don't want my ADD to be a "thing" in our relationship or how he views me. But I don't keep anything from him except this! It feels like I'm lying to him because I haven't shared this with him. What should I do! any advice out there???? - Christina

 Well, if this long term relationship is going to continue to grow it's probably a good idea to let him know about your ADD. Part of letting him know that you have ADD is to educate him about ADD. That's not always an easy thing to do but he may have a different view about ADD once he becomes educate about adult ADD.

 There are some books and wesbites out there that can help you educate him too.

This is an interesting post.... I'm actually afraid to tell my Soviet-era father (who doesnt take even medicine for pain! Imagine his surprise when he learns his highly-functioning daughter (who just has a hard time "controlling herself") is taking narcotics to be "normal"!

Sounds to me like you want to tell him... Give him a chance to respond instead of assuming how it's going to be. (Though I'm still nervous myself, so I understand). I'm actually relieved to tell my boyfriend (as soon as I found out) because a lot of the "quirky" things about me were affecting our relationship and driving him nuts. We literally had crying fights over things before--and now I know the "why" behind the action and can figure out how to control some of it.

He was very understanding, though he used to have a roommate with ADD who used it as an excuse to get away with everything (can we say "milked the cow dry!?") My boyfriend says he has a hard time focusing, too, and does seem to exhibit some of the signs but obviously I'm not about diagnose him or anything.

He even wrote a song about being distracted--here are some of the lyrics:

...When we're engaged in conversation
I just agree and nod my head
And what I hope you'll never know
I zoned out half an hour ago
I got distracted once again...

So when I'm driving you might find
I've gone and left my mind behind
Despite how bright the light might be
It never will occur to me
That it's been telling me stop!

When I'm telling you a story
I'll never make it to the end
I go in way too much detail
And watch my storyline derail
I've been distracted once again
I got distracted once again...

I get distracted, get distracted, get distracted, get dis--
I get distracted, get distracted, get distracted, get dis--
I get distracted!

I Get Distracted by "Mr. Blutarsky" (3rd song down)

If you listen to the entire song,  the very first lyric in the song is a joke, that did not happen ;-) The rest is totally him, though!

[QUOTE=addwife2001] Keeping things from him is like lying.[/QUOTE]

I really dont agree with this!  I am terrible at keeping secrets and therefore I dont have any from my hubby, for me it is here I am accept it or dont, but I cant do any better.  But I completely respect some people arent comfortable with telling their partner everything.  That is okay to me.  We are married partners in life, but we are also individuals, and are entitled to privacy.

One day, when the time is right, things can be said, but sometimes it can take years to build up enough trust.

And revealing ADD is not necessary it is not an STD.  But this is my opinion, not everyones.

If you plan to stay together, he will need to know sooner or later. Or should I say, he will find out sooner or later.

I used to have the same opinion about ADD that your boyfriend has (which is really something since I am ADD and never knew it). I just always considered myself eccentric and "artsy". This was fine until I was married for several years and had kids. I put them and my wife through hell by not knowing what was wrong with me.

I cannot imagine going through years of this and then having her find out that I KNEW all along and kept it a secret.

He will understand and will learn about ADD. If he is going to be insensitive and refuse to accept it, it is better now than five years and two kids from now.

It is really up to you!  If my b/f had said that, my lack of self control probably would have made me tell him to shove it right then and I would have told him then.  But you are obviously a lot more smarter than me .

It is so hard to know how people are going to respond to things, but if you want him to know - tell him!  If you dont want him to know - dont!.

When he knows, if he loves you, it should not be an issue.  But I really hate it when people say - oh she has PMT, so I would hate it more if my b/f said Its just your ADHD! during an arguement - grrrrrrrr - am I making any sense?

Hi Christina, I have to agree with Andorra. I never hid my add from hubby, simply b/c I didn't know! I am 47 and was DX'ed about a yr. and a half ago. We've been married 25 yrs, and is now in danger b/c of all the yrs. of not holding a job(other than the night job my Amazon Parrot & I have working at the beach). Even stuff I was good at, I lost interest in b/c I became bored. Also he is under alot of stress at his job, so coming home to a stressful home after leaving a stressful job, is making him really think. He says he loves me, but dosn't love what I've become.

You said your hubby comes from a perfect family and is very intelligent. Mine was forced to be a perfectionist as a child by abusive foster parents, sometimes to the extreeme! If I don't park my car in the center of the lines( and I swear to the inch ) he has a comment, but so do I GET A LIFE!.

When we first met, he told me I was intelligent, eccentric, and sometimes quirkey. I hid my anti-social behavier and b/c  he lived about 30 miles from me I could also hid my screw ups! I always knew something about me was different, and as have said before, I though it was b/c I was half Puerto Rican and white Irish mix, when you were either Black or White. I was neither and was raised by non-Hispanic mothers family. I just didn't fit in. Yup, that was it I thought

Wrong! It wasn't until I saw a talk show, and heard stories that I sat there and said OMG! That's ME! This is great, I thought, but on the other hand I knew I would have it for life and alot of pple didn't really think it was real. Sh*T! That was 10 yrs ago.

Since you said he responded in a negitive way to a commercial, try to "ease" him into it. I presume you are young and in a way, kinda of lucky, b/c ADD/ADHD is now a real disorder. I don't know how bad yours is, but after being married 25 yrs., things that they don't notice when dating, becomes real noticeable after all those yrs. Do you suffer from lack of cooridination, forgetfulness, anxiety, short attention span? If so, he may not notice now, but trust me, when you live with someone for maybe only a couple of yrs., all these things will be noticable When I said "ease" him into it, what I did was find books, and other material on it, most written by Docs. Let him know it has nothing to do with intelligence( I was in advanced classes, except math) I'm also Dyslexic.

OK, I'll stop rambling and get to the point. Please tell him as soon as possible. Just do it little by little. Sometimes my hubby says I can't have it b/c I did or said something that nobody else could figure out or do. Than I do something so scatterbrained it screems ADD! Maybe start out by letting your Doc explain. After all, he or she is the expert!GOOD LUCK, You may be suprised what an impact for the better it has on both of y'all! If he can be as opened minded as he is intelligent, he should learn to except it. But if not, you are taking a big chance.