Child’s outburst | ADHD Information

Pickles - My DS is 11 and ADHD and ODD.  He would lash out viciously and would scream, cry, yell that we didn't understand etc.  He takes no responsibility for his actions and believes the world owes him whatever he can think of.  I found that I need to show no emotion when he lashes out.  I simply tell him he must go to his room and calm down.  When he is ready to talk nicely he can come out of his room.  If I let any emotion show on my face or voice then I loose the battle.  There have been times where he would go to his room and trash it in anger.  There have been times that he has went to his room and slammed the door over 30 times in a row.  When he does that I tell him that if he breaks the door he will be without a door until he gets enough money to buy one - again NO emotion - just facts.  It has worked well - it took about 2 months of almost daily outbursts - and 1 door later  - but now the outburst are a lot less and not so volatile when they do occur.

As far as the world owing him and taking responsibility - well we are still working on that!

You know what, I'm turning 40 next month! If I couldn't controll my outbursts at 40 (cause I've been acting a lot like them) how should a child controll it? Since I started on meds 1 week ago I haven't lost my temper once, at least not like I used to! You should read Artemis post which describes why an ADHD is "fighting the world", maybe you'll understand them better, but how to cope with them? No idea, if I had I would have helped myself many years ago! It's written for and to adults, but I think it applyes to children as well, heres the link: http://www.adhdnews.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=21460&PN=1 &TPN=4 Good luck! http://www.adhdnews.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=21460&PN=1 &TPN=4Anteros39007.4225231481I'm goint thru the same thing with my 11 year old daugther it is an age thing, that's what everybode tells me, but I don't think so. I think you have to punish one in a while what do I make her do lines like write 100 times I will share with my sister or I need to write my homework everday on my agenda. What you are punishing her for. And for every time that she complains I add 25 more lines, one day she when up to 300 so you can imagine how bad it go.

My son is 11 and he gets the same way. The combination of impulsivity and reacting before they have taken the time to weigh everything, plus the tween hormone fluctuations is enough to drive any parent mad.

I don't let him get away with it. He may scream and rant but he knows it isn't going to change anything. Lately we have been telling him that if we were going to change our minds or give in to what he wanted, his tantrum blew it for him.

Sending them to their rooms is a good idea. My son comes out a few minutes later and its like nothing ever happened. Hopefully by sending them to their rooms, they are reflecting on the behavior and ways they should have handled the situation. Someday they will learn to think before they react most of the time. I am living for that day!

My 8 year old son gets easily upset when he doesn't get his own way.  He will hit himself in the head, scream, make faces, hit his sister,  etc.  It was worse when he was on Adderall..  I usually try to ignore these outbursts, but when you are in the middle of the store and your child is punching himself in the head, it is a little hard to ignore..  So we have been trying a reward system while at the store to try and control his outbursts, so far progress is slow.

 

Michelle

Thanks for sharing Chasesmom79.  Your story rings so true for my Daughter.  She acts the same way.  The simplest thing will upset her and she will sit for hours and sob and talk to herself.  She too thinks she is treated like a slave around the house.  The only responsibility that we give to her is to work hard in school and keep her room clean. (She will live like a pig if I let her go with it).  She gets extremely upset and shouts at the top of her lungs and sobs for hours.  Last night she had an outburst and acted out.  I did very well not to feed into her episode.  We tried to ride it out and let her calm herself.  This went well until she started to kick the walls with all her might.  I refuse to allow her to damage the house because she is having a bad day.  Two hours later she was completely fine as if nothing ever happen.  When she has these episodes she is so loud and screems as if someone is hurting her.  I am just waiting for the day that the officer comes to the door because he has had a report of someone screaming.  He will find her in her room all alone acting out too.  Don't get me wrong she has good days and bad.   The good days definately out number the bad.  But the bad ones are horrifing to say the least.

Pickles......this sounds 100% behavioral to me.  Sit down with a behavioral psychologist to get SPECIFIC advice on how to handle your daughter. The key here is consistency and firmness. You CANNOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE let her get to you with these manipulative tactics,.  All our kids use them.... whether or not they have ADHD. You have to remain calm and not overreact. Very very hard to do ... I know.  You have to have a pre-negotiated set of rules about respect and chores in the house....written up, signed by each child.  Consequences are laid out AHEAD of time so they know what will happen if they make certain behavioral choices.   AT age 10, you have time to turn this around if you act NOW and don't wait.  If you don't...... you life wll be a living hell when she's a teen.   At a minimum.... read the Jim Fay books Parenting with Love and Logic, and Parenting Teens with Love and Logic.  Also... Ross Greene's book called "The Explosive Child:Understanding and Parenting Chronically Inflexible Children."

I am currently working with a psychologist on these issues too.... and it has really turned my family around.  My husband and I control this household now.... not our children.  It wasn't  always like this.  I can't tell you how much better the family dynamics are when the kids aren't calling the shots.  Don't get me wrong... I'm not suggesting you use parenting "dictator" tactics and ground them for the rest of their lives. You you have to learn how to implement fair, consistent, but firm rules and consequences.

Good luck!   Okiemom

okiemom39019.2889930556ok,,,mine will not do her room,,,so i am going to take everything out of her room,,she will have her bed blankets,,pillows,,etc,,,,no books stuff animals ,,,toys,,nothing,,,,she has to earn it all back,,,,,she already has the door taken of her room,,,cause she would slam it,,,and slam it and slam it,,,,,so no door,,,the first day i took it off,,she had an attitude and went to slam it,,,but no door,,,she stomped to her bed and the biggest pout on her face,,,but it worked,,,,but now she goes to her brother's room and slams his,,,so i am getting  a handle with lock,,she won't like that,,,but he is not going to lose his door cause of her,,,,if i ask her to do her room,,,she yells aggressively,,,,NOOOOOOOOOOO and stomps,,,and yells and yells,,,,i have told her dr of this and she says let her sit in the middle of the floor yelling,,,but she loses all privileges until her room is done,,,so she has also lost tv,,,omg the world has ended and game cube,,,,now i live in hell,,,but i am not going to bend,,,,i really wonder if her dr knows what the parents and grandparents go thru,,,,she lost her tv in her room,,,sold it,,,omg you should have heard her,,,,the neighbors did,,,,they bought the tv,,,,,i am about to take the tv out of the frontroom and put it in my room,,,,maybe sell it,,,,i am tired,,,,lol,,,,any more ideas,,,let me knowget you the book 123 magic,,,,,,do not let a child run you,,,i am raising  2 special needy and this book helps,,,,,,,alot,,,your little one is bulling all of you and it is not good for you and the others,,,but mainly herself

My grandmother always says "Once a girl hits middle school, she turns into the possessed girl in The Exorcist.  Just hang on tight and try to defend yourself as much as you can.  She will love you again when she finds herself."

Pretty true from what I gather! 

I would also recommend "The Explosive Child".  It has a good method on dealing with outbursts/meltdowns.  I've tried it a few times with my son with good results.  Basically you have to figure out what the triggers are and help them negotiate a compromise/solution before the situation blows up.  It sounds easy on paper and trying to implement in real life is difficult - believe me I know.  Its not a long book and it has suggestions for both home and school life.  And I just keep telling myself that my son does not really want to act this way and would choose to be calm and rational all the time if he could but he just can't so I've got to help him.

Hope this helps.

 

My Child is not one to usually give me an outburst. He tends to sulk, and talk back. I feel like I am child when we are arguing Yes you are, No I am not, get the picture. I feel like I have to resort to being his age.

One of my biggest problems is with his impulse control. He has none. He has been dx with Severe ADHD with impulse control. Recently, my husband and I took the boys to Niagara Falls. We were looking at all the sites and walking near the falls when I turn around and he is no where to be found. Of course you can not scream your head and look like the fool that just lost their child in a state park. So, my oldest son and husband started walking back to where we came from and I started to walk to where we were going. Pretty soon my youngest son comes up behind me and said where is dad and Kenny - I said looking for you! He said Why I am not lost. It was a funny statement but I really wanted to spank him. He was gone for about 1/2 hour. For him this was not an issue so he would not understand why he was being punished. For me, I just imagined the worse: Some one took off with him, he fell into the falls, he is hurt and can not tell anyone. Believe you me I really wanted to just go home after he returned. I still have no idea to this day what he was doing. He says I was just looking around. My husband finally came back about as white as he could possibly be and was relieved that he was found. He too wanted to spank him.

Some of our problem is when he takes off on me in public I want to spank him for doing so but the other people look at you like you are a child beater. They have no idea what I go through on  daily basis with him.

 

Any suggestions.

My only suggestion is to find a good therapist or psychologist for a behavior plan to adress the areas of concern.  Our children mine included may have some difficulty controling some tempers but a diagnosis is no excuse it is something to be worked on.

  What I do is when my child whom is almost 7 is defiant or acts up the conseqences are loss of a favorite privilage and she has to earn it back by either doing a chore of my choice (this gives her some say like how long her punishment will last) or has to show me good behavior to earn it back when I decide so not for just one day.  Our psychologist works on the fact that you get yourself into a mess you need to own up to it and get yourself out.

Thanks Tasmanian, 

I am so glad to know that I am not alone in my feelings to her outburst.  This past week has been a little better for us.  You're correct when you said we just take the good with the bad and focus on what is possitive.  She has been through alot the past few months so I am trying not to be to demanding but I don't want to baby her to much either.

I am so glad I have found this site it really helps to know that I am not alone with these occurances in my life.

 

 

 

 

My Daughter recently turned 10 and she has ADHD.  Her newest behavior is that she thinks the world owes her something. (for lack of a better term).  Example we just moved to a bigger house and my Husband and I were working on getting boxes unpacked.  We stopped for a few minutes to get dinner for everyone and we thought we would just do left overs to make it quick.  My oldest Daughter decided to eat the last Calzone in the freezer and my youngest decided she wanted something else.  When they sat down to eat and she found out her Sister had something different she lost it and screamed "Maybe I wanted that".  She proceeded to slide her plate across the table in anger.  She seems to fight me on every thing and anything lately. Does not matter what I say. Last week it was the Bus drivers turn and she lashed out at her.   I get so upset with her when she acts out like this.  I am not sure how to handle it anymore.  Sometimes I feel like if I punish her I am not doing the right thing because she can't control how she feels.  On  the other hand if I don't do something to teach her right from wrong then how will she act on the outside world.  Once things calm down and we are both feeling better about things I do talk to her and try to make her aware that this behavior is not appropriate.

If anyone has any suggestions on how to address this or even if they have experienced this in some way I would appreciate the feedback.  Somedays I feel like I am out there all alone in the world and have no clue how to parent anymore.  

 

I can totally relate though my daughter is only 6. If she doesnt get her way its an instant scream fest. If not a scream fest, then its miss grumpy watch out because a scream fest is around the corner if you cross me... The last couple weeks in the evenings have been awful. She thinks no one respects her or likes her when I have to tell her no about something. She definately feels entitled.

It gets so old. I finally broke on saturday and had a scream fest of my own. It can be so hard to keep it together when they act like that. I am supposed to be perfectly calm and ignore her or give her a time out, I try but sometimes I snap. Many times I feel at my wits end with what to do with her and her outbursts.  

Thankfully when she is medicated she is managable, more mature and more considerate, pleasant to be around etc., so I know there is hope. I am trying to enjoy the good times and keep the perspective that she can be as kind and thoughtful as she can be a total bear. Heres what I tell myself: Hang in there. Try to find a methodical way to deal with the outburst and stick with it. bite your tongue I have a hard time with yelling back) and know that you are doing your best.

COMMON WITH KIDS. KIDS THINK LIFE REVOVES AROUND THEM. THE ISSUE HEAR IS THE KIDS DOING CHORES REGARDLESS OF WHO IS HIME HOME MOM OR DAD. WE TELL THEM RULES ARE THE SAME REGARDLESS.

My oldest daughter now aged 26 was ADD and we never knew it so she was obviously unmedicated.  I can vivdly remember her at aged 3-5 or so being told to clean her room.  I hear her crying and upset in there so I go and have a listen...she is crying and talking to herself.."I don't know why mom hates me so much...I am just like Cinderella..I have to do everything around here..."  Now mind you this was an only child til she was almost 7, and NO ONE ELSE EVER PLAYED IN HER ROOM!!!!  We live in the country and have no neighbors to come and mess it up for her.  So SHE was the only one who had played there.  And the child never had to do any other housework for God's sake, except putting away her own clothes with me on laundry day. 

Then when she was old enough to drive, we gave her a used car...kinda old, but well running and not a clunker.  Well, you should have heard the complaints!  "Why can't I have a new car like so and so?"  Now mind you, WE have never had a new car, and so and so's parents are not self employed and work at the GM factory making like 25 bucks an hour!  That is on top of the endless complaints that our house is too old and she is embarassed to say she lives here, etc...

I do not subscribe to the fact that all teenaged girls go through this kind of attitude, because I have raised 2 of them.  In the same old house, and the 2nd daughter got the same car when she started driving 6 years later!!!  Granted, we had had to replace some body panels due to #1 daughter having a wreck in it and totaling the doghouse portion, but daughter #2 was totally happy with it, and just yesterday when complaining about the endless brake problems she is having with her current (much newer car) said she wished she still had it!!  This daughter is not ADD.

We always had to walk on eggshells around my oldest, never knowing what would set her off on a tangent.  When she married young and moved out, things became so peaceful around here, you would not believe it.  She was dx as an adult, took meds for a time, but did not like the side effects and then lost her insurance, so she is unmedicated now.  But she is aware of WHY she reacts the way that she does and that helps us all.